Some of you may know that I’ve got an issue with being able to check my email. I had to deal with quite a few “unpleasant” things through email, so apparently my brain just had enough and now it won’t let me use it. Despite that, I’ve recently (begrudgingly, with difficulty) been checking my messages out of necessity, but last night I had another setback when I checked my junk folder for a message that I’m waiting for, but instead saw an email that was allegedly from my mom. 😐 Now, Mom is quite sick, has no computer access, and even if she did – she wouldn’t be capable of sending anyone any email messages.
Even though I haven’t used email in ages, long ago I set up filters that would automatically trash any messages from people who I thought might damage my calm. 😒 But since I knew that Mom wouldn’t be sending any messages I had no reason to add her name to the filter. (She wouldn’t damage my calm, I’ve just excluded all family from my inbox.) So I don’t know if someone hacked her old account, or if it was a fake header just based on data-mined information about me… but I deleted it and added her to the filter. 😣 Can’t explain how depressing it is to see something like that, when there was a time that we did often exchange a bunch of messages… but knowing that those times are long gone now. 😕
More sad news… I’ve got to go up to Columbus tomorrow to be with Cassi when she takes Lily in to be put to sleep. 😟 She’s had kidney problems for months now, but it’s gotten to the point where even though she’s still lovey, she’s visibly sick all the time, can’t control her potty stuff, can’t really eat or drink… of course it’s the “still lovey” thing that makes it so hard. (Not that it’s ever easy to lose a pet.) She tried doing weekly injections to jump-start kidney function, but eventually that stopped working. The vet agrees that it’s time, so yeah… ugh. 😢 To try and find some good cat news, at least Z is happy, doing good, and isn’t obese like she used to be. 🤷🏻♂️ So there’s that.
And here’s some bonus awfulness. One of my good friends, his mom has been fighting cancer for a while now – and it turns out the doctor recently told her that she should expect to live for only three more months, give or take a bit. So she’ll make it through the holiday season, which is a blessing, but once the new year gets here things are gonna start to get bad for her and him. 😞 One of my other friends, she just got done with her final round of chemo and will be going in for her “final” scans at the end of the month. 😬 And I have to admit that I haven’t checked on Rick for a while to see how his leukemia battle is going… it’s just all so overwhelming when you think about it all at once, on top of life’s normal suck.
I swear, if I sat here and listed off every single thing that I have a legitimate reason to be upset or depressed about, people would max out their data plans just trying to read it all. Almost all of it is beyond my control, so it’s hard for me to come to terms with. I’m one of those people that always tells friends that sometimes they have to accept the suck in their lives, and that they shouldn’t expect every day to be full of friends, fun, excitement, happiness… but fuck… I’d like a break please.