So Sad, So Kewl

Lots of good Hamvention memories there with Dad, and then by myself… but now it’s just another abandoned building. Well, not just another building… because it’s rather impressive inside, with all of its nooks and crannies, but it’s amazing to see how quickly it fell into disrepair after they closed the doors for the last time. I could snoop all day.

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I Wish I Could Shake This

A free piece of advice. If you care about someone, don’t ever make them feel like they aren’t good enough. Because if they care about you as well, even if that person is doing the best that they can – there’s a good chance that you’re gonna make that person believe that they aren’t good enough… and that feeling could last a long, long time. And honestly, it could affect them in ways that you probably can’t even imagine.

I couldn’t make it to Jim’s mom’s funeral, but I tried, I explained why I couldn’t, and Jim understood. He knew I wasn’t just fucking off. And if I had been dead tired or maybe even still asleep when Genesee arrived, she would have understood when I’d explain why I had gotten nearly zero sleep the night before. (Because I was trying so hard to be good enough when I was needed!) She would know that it wasn’t because I didn’t care about her arrival.

Because if you make someone feel like they aren’t good enough, even despite their best efforts or desire… whenever anything else goes wrong in other situations, or with other friends, or with other family members – that person is still probably going to feel like “whatever” was their fault, because they weren’t good enough. That’s a shit thing to do to someone.

They’ll likely forgive you, but that feeling is hard to shake, so don’t be surprised when they eventually reach a point where they won’t allow you any more opportunities to make them feel awful about themselves. But the damage will have been done.

Wait, There’s More

The reason for the lack of sleep last night was because Genesee was coming to town for a funeral as well, and I knew I had to get sleep so I’d be able to be awake to puppy-sit for her the next day. 😳 Which of course meant that the more that I tried to make myself go to sleep, the more it would just keep me awake. 😣 Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much I want to do something, how hard I try… sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Luckily most people understand, rather than assuming that I don’t give a shit or wasn’t trying. But anyway…

It turns out it didn’t matter. Genesee was actually supposed to arrive yesterday, but her car broke down along the way and she had to get towed and stay at a motel overnight until someone could look at her car. 😟 When I went to sleep this morning it was late enough that they were actually working on it already, but when I woke up a few hours later she had sent a text saying that she was going back – not wanting to risk getting stranded nearly ten hours from home.

So, she got to have the same experience as me… totally wanting and trying to be there for her friend, to attend her brother’s funeral service – but with fate having other plans, causing it not to happen, which also made her feel like shit. But Tracie, just like Jim, understood that sometimes things don’t go how we’d like, despite it of course being a disappointment. I mean, I’m disappointed too… because if there’s ever been a time when I could use a pop-in visit from her, it would be now. 😔

Because Of Course

It’s been quite the rough patch, this past week or so here. 😟 I have to admit though, it’s times like these when I realize how fortunate I really am, that I’m not required to show up and human at a job anymore. But then again, it’s one of those things that I’ll never know… maybe if I hadn’t gotten hurt, maybe if I had continued working straight through from then until now, maybe I’d never have turned into whatever it is that I am now.

My best friend, his mom finally passed away from cancer. 😢 My anxiety and depression was already popping the day before her service, because I knew I had to be there. I mean, I wanted to be there, but that’s also what best friends are supposed to do. But wouldn’t you know it, that same night I had another effing kidney stone attack. 😣 So, anxiety, crippling kidney pain… I couldn’t even move, let alone go to a funeral service.

I felt horrible, and apologized several times. Thankfully he understands anxiety, so with that and a kidney stone on top of it, he totally understood and made sure I knew that I didn’t have to feel bad. He even drove by and dropped off a Funco Pop Elton John figure that he had gotten me at some point prior. 🙂 I couldn’t even move to come to the door, but he knew that, and just left it on the porch for me anyway. It’s so nice when someone just “gets it” and doesn’t make you feel even worse.

It’s hard to describe to someone exactly how horrible a kidney stone feels… but I dealt with this one for a little bit over 24 hours this time. 🤮 I played the odds and hoped that I could just suffer my way through it like usual, and things would eventually work themselves out. Some of the longest hours I’ve ever experienced though… and I was this close to giving up and calling a squad, but that would mean crawling to the front door or having them break in to come and get me – neither of which were viable options, so I just played the hand as it was dealt. 🙇🏻‍♂️

That was a few days ago, but I still haven’t gotten my sleep back on track. During, I was sleeping maybe a couple hours at a time at the most, and then last night I ended up staying awake until 9am, sleeping about three hours, and I’ve been up since then – and it’s nearly 11pm now. 🤦🏻‍♂️ Everything about right now sucks… I’m so fucking tired.

You’re Not Supposed To Do That

I needed something like this to occupy my brain, to get my mind off of many of the things that have been weighing heavy on me lately – where I could just let my nerd flag fly and dig in to this project to see what I could figure out. 🤓 It all started when I was preparing to update the OS in my car, which got me to thinking…

I moved the entire contents of my car’s “brain” over to my laptop, originally because I just wanted to locate any default images or videos that the system uses – in case I ever decide that I want to replace those images or videos with ones of my own. But as I went through the various directories I began to see that many of the files were saved in ASCII format, no encryption, no hex code… and easily viewable with Notepad. 😧

I found things regarding navigation, flash files that make up components of the UI, buttloads of icons for the nav system (which my car doesn’t even have (yet?)), a library of text-to-speech phrases… I mean, you can see in the screenshots above. All sorts of files like that, and in multiple languages as well.

But not only does changing the default images and videos interest me, but now that I’ve found the default phrases that the system uses for various things… it’s got me wondering if it’s as simple as changing those phrases in the text file to get her to say whatever I want. 😄 Of course I haven’t changed any of it yet, and honestly I’m not likely to… not unless I talk to someone who’s discovered the same things as me, and has done it successfully.

There are a few really short animations that are displayed when opening the doors, starting the ignition, and then turning the car off. They’re just regular logo videos with a little bit of movement, but I’ve already started mucking around with ideas for replacement videos that I could use to create new, brief personalized animations for me. 😀 I used some free service, so I’d have to crop out their watermark, but the resolution on the car’s videos are so low that it shouldn’t be a problem to crop yet retain enough detail in the video. So… still debating what to do next… 😏

Well, That Was Strange

I’m only writing about this now because I think I can feel it ending. 😳 But this past week, this has been one of the better weeks in recent memory, when it comes to my mood and my ability to human and all that. 🤷🏻‍♂️ I’ve done quite a bit more socializing on Facebook and through messages than usual, and for some reason it didn’t cause me to get twitchy like it often can. So that was a nice gift from my brain.

I suppose it was allowed out of a bit of necessity though… I mean, that’s how my brain may have been looking at it… because, at least visually, I’ve been snowed in here at the house for the past few days. 😬 The same d00d that mows my lawn drove by, saw that my front yard showed not even a hint of a driveway, and messaged me to see if I wanted him to plow a way out for me and I happily accepted. 🤗 So of course it then snowed again today, although not enough to really make a difference when it comes to getting my car in and out. 🤔 At least I don’t think it is… I haven’t actually tried it yet. 🚗⛄

Oh, speaking of my car… I’m getting ready to install an upgrade to the current version of my car’s OS. 🤓 It is a package that technically hasn’t been released to the public, but after reading the reviews of everyone that have done it themselves – there seems to be almost zero problems when it comes to installation or use. So I’m gonna do that here in a bit, and I’m also going to attempt to customize some of the different screen backgrounds, just to have a different look than what I’ve been staring at for the past couple of years. 😵 Wish me luck.

Physically? I’ve been feeling miserable. With some moments that were on par with the pain that I was experiencing before I even had my surgery. 😖😢 Thankfully it still comes and goes, so I just have to deal with it until it goes. And speaking of that disability… I finally received a date and time for the upcoming workers comp trial. 👨🏻‍⚖️ It’s still a month away, so that leaves time to huddle with the lawyers, or for them to get a continuance yet again for whatever reason they come up with this time.

So yeah, just wanted to pop in here real quick and report back that this has been one of the most “normal” feeling weeks for me in a long time. 🙂 But like I said, I do feel something changing… not sure if it’s because the 3-day weekend is ending or what, but I’ve been feeling increasingly bleh as the hours click off today. 😕 Gonna try to do some stuff around the house this evening so I feel somewhat productive, since that usually helps.