Because Of Course

It’s been quite the rough patch, this past week or so here. 😟 I have to admit though, it’s times like these when I realize how fortunate I really am, that I’m not required to show up and human at a job anymore. But then again, it’s one of those things that I’ll never know… maybe if I hadn’t gotten hurt, maybe if I had continued working straight through from then until now, maybe I’d never have turned into whatever it is that I am now.

My best friend, his mom finally passed away from cancer. 😢 My anxiety and depression was already popping the day before her service, because I knew I had to be there. I mean, I wanted to be there, but that’s also what best friends are supposed to do. But wouldn’t you know it, that same night I had another effing kidney stone attack. 😣 So, anxiety, crippling kidney pain… I couldn’t even move, let alone go to a funeral service.

I felt horrible, and apologized several times. Thankfully he understands anxiety, so with that and a kidney stone on top of it, he totally understood and made sure I knew that I didn’t have to feel bad. He even drove by and dropped off a Funco Pop Elton John figure that he had gotten me at some point prior. 🙂 I couldn’t even move to come to the door, but he knew that, and just left it on the porch for me anyway. It’s so nice when someone just “gets it” and doesn’t make you feel even worse.

It’s hard to describe to someone exactly how horrible a kidney stone feels… but I dealt with this one for a little bit over 24 hours this time. 🤮 I played the odds and hoped that I could just suffer my way through it like usual, and things would eventually work themselves out. Some of the longest hours I’ve ever experienced though… and I was this close to giving up and calling a squad, but that would mean crawling to the front door or having them break in to come and get me – neither of which were viable options, so I just played the hand as it was dealt. 🙇🏻‍♂️

That was a few days ago, but I still haven’t gotten my sleep back on track. During, I was sleeping maybe a couple hours at a time at the most, and then last night I ended up staying awake until 9am, sleeping about three hours, and I’ve been up since then – and it’s nearly 11pm now. 🤦🏻‍♂️ Everything about right now sucks… I’m so fucking tired.

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