Be Flat

I tried to get moving today but it just didn’t happen. When I woke up and started working on information for appointments and doctor stuff or whatever… I realized that this Wednesday, when I intended to go to the walk-in clinic, I’ve actually already got my monthly appointment with my neck doctor. πŸ˜’ And it can’t be missed.

So after my regular visit, I’ll then have to make my way across town, an hour later than everyone else has already gotten there to the walk-in clinic… so I’m probably gonna be sitting there for hours, if I’m able to be seen at all. πŸ˜‘ I think if that all fails, I’ll probably have to go to urgent care and (first) ask nicely for the tests I need, and if that doesn’t work (second) I’ll make it very clear that someone needs to order the tests that I need.

So rather than lie around like a blob today, I dragged the big-ass keyboard out of the extra bedroom and tried to teach myself a couple of new songs. Both of them feature chords, one of them with four-finger chords… heh… I don’t know what the actual term is. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Nor do I know what a “B flat chord” is by just reading it. It’s all effing trial and error… but at least I eventually manage to bang out something that sounds close to what I’m trying to emulate.

Interestingly, I notice that I rarely use my middle fingers to hit any keys… which I’m sure isn’t how it is supposed to be done. 😳 And my left hand is just stupid in general, and almost always refuses to do what I want it to – so I end up sticking with “banged out” chords without anything much fancier.

And because each of these songs push my brain and fingers a little further than they’re actually able to go, I can guarantee that I won’t remember how to play either of these songs in a few days. And one of them is just a teeny part of a song. But I like when I can do something that makes it almost sound like I know what I’m doing, and those are two examples. πŸ™‚

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TCB

The Moose Out Front

I swear… life is testing me right now.

Monday:

  • Called my doctor to make an appointment about my thyroid. They said the earliest they could get me in was the end of June. The end of fucking June. 😠
  • Looked around and learned that the FMC-linked clinics in town have “Walk-In Wednesdays” for new patients, people that don’t have an appointment, etc. πŸ™‚
  • Oh, and despite being nowhere around poison ivy when I worked in the yard the other day, I now have a bit of poison ivy on both of my hands. πŸ˜‘ Awesome.

Tuesday:

  • Went to the MRI place to have them print out my results for me. Sat for almost an hour before they were able to get that done. πŸ˜’Β (New computers or something.)
  • Now that I’ve been able to read them myself, they aren’t good, but they aren’t necessarily bad bad quite yet. πŸ˜• A little more urgency for the Wed appt now.
  • Received the determination from my Franklin Co Court workers comp case, which is 21 pages long and full of case law and obscene amounts of legal-ese. πŸ€”
  • The results were in my favor, which is awesome, but my mind is still focused on getting up early to make sure I’m at the walk-in clinic on Wednesday when they open. 🀨

Wednesday:

  • Slept about 4 hours (the same as most nights lately)Β then woke up at 4am and waited until close to noon to head in town and get in line at the doctor’s office.
  • Arrived 15 minutes early to an empty parking lot and a sign on the door that said all of the offices were closed today for employee training. πŸ˜πŸ˜‘πŸ˜£πŸ˜‘πŸ€¬πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ
  • Sat in the parking lot, debating if I should drive around town looking for someone to run down, but decided to go visit Dad instead. (I’ll leave it up to the reader to decide my level of joking on that last comment… heh)

Keep in mind… I’m already twitchy about phone calls and appointments and such, I’m already feeling physically miserable lately, plus I’ve got workers comp shit on my mind. Plus plus I now know what the results of my MRI are, and it’s rather important that a few additional tests are needed sooner than later. 😳

I’m glad that I went out to see Dad though. I had already psyched myself up and found the energy to potentially endure a long, long wait at the doctor’s office – so hanging out for a few hours with Dad, talking, was definitely a better way to spend that time. So I do have those couple of silver linings… the win in court (which, unfortunately, can still be appealed to the Ohio State Supreme Court) and the visit.

I’m taking the rest of the day off now. I’m not gonna think about any of this negative shit for the rest of the day, so that way when I get up tomorrow I can hopefully make some phone calls regarding insurance, cards, workers comp shit, etc. 🀞🏻

At Least I Tried

Well I didn’t do that yardwork after I made the post about it a week ago, but I managed to do it today. Barely. It’s ridiculous, the lack of energy that I have right now. 😟 Just today, though, I remembered that Mom had a period inΒ her life (quite a while back) where she was going through exactly what I’m going through right now. I don’t know if it’s related, but the anxiety, depression, and severe lack of energy that I’ve been experiencing certainly fits the bill for what she went through back then.

And I know, I do a lot of bitching for as little as I seem to be doing about it… but when you go through something like this, your first reaction is always gonna be to just force your way through to the other side, where you’re feeling “fine” again. Because most of the time that’s how it goes for people. So, I think anyone would wanna keep giving that a shot as long as possible before they’d start letting doctors get too pokey and prescribey.

But I’m making an appointment tomorrow, because “waiting for it to pass” isn’t working. Something is definitely feels wrong, so I have to get my thyroid checked I guess. 😞 (Neck MRI tech recommended that a few months ago.)Β But all I was doing today was sitting on the ground, snipping handfuls of old dead flowers and invasive baby trees that wanted to take root where the flowers are. It should have taken almost no energy, with my main focus being on using my left arm as little as possible, but instead the task kicked my ass.

Two minutes and then a break. Two more minutes and another break. Rinse and repeat… and that was for each place where I sat to do the snipping. By the time I dragged the trash buggy to the back yard and stopped and picked up each pile, I could barely pull it back around to the front. πŸ™‡πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ When I was done I sat on the back porch, huffing and puffing, thinking about how beautiful the yard used to be when my grandparents tended to it, while also realizing there’s simply no way I can manage it on my own. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ (At least not right now.) And admitting when I can’t do something, and have to have someone else do it… it’s something that I still haven’t gotten very good at. πŸ˜•

Oh, and that was several hours ago… and now my shoulder fucking hurts too.