Anxious

I’m not sure how I feel about the weekend falling right before New Year’s Eve. 😟 I think it’s actually going to work out better for me this way, since I’ve already got a January’s worth of medical appointments on my mind, but I can’t even really go about changing my insurance information or anything like that until after the first of the year when the new plan kicks in. 🀨 So I’ll have at least a couple of days to start planning who I need to contact and when, and I might even get a couple days after that since some places might be closed on Monday and/or Tuesday. I’ve just got a lot of upcoming shit… I wanna hit the ground running.

I think I’m gonna have Cassi down for the night tomorrow. She can’t stay on New Year’s Eve since she has to be at work early early, but it would still be nice for her to stay – since not only has it been a little while since she has, but also because it might also be a little while until the next chance – depending on how my month goes and how I’m feeling during any given stretch. πŸ˜”

I’ve also decided that I’m going to let her take my Wii and games back up home with her to give to Junior. I can’t remember the last time that I sat down and played any of my games, let alone any of the games on that system that’s almost a decade old now. I could sell it I guess, but I’d hardly get anything for the lot of it… might as well brighten up a kid’s day a bit, eh? πŸ™‚ I’ll probably wait until she’s here to start finding all the bits and bagging it up… with the way I’ve moved stuff about since I last played, it’s hard to say what’s where.

But like I’ve described regarding my friends before… sometimes it’s just nice to have the company, because not only does it provide time to chill and (hopefully) clear the mind of “the now” for a while – something that’s always needed – but it also helps to encourage a little more productivity, since we’re both essentially able to pat each other on the back for our respective jobs well done. 😏

I’m certainly not looking forward to 2019, so a couple more days of “nothing” and some company to distract is probably exactly what I need. So I guess I do know how I’m feeling about it.

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Christmas Day

Oh hell… I completely forgot to come back here and update this entry to reflect the crap that I did on Christmas day. πŸ™„ And now that it’s not all fresh in my memory, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to paint a very vivid picture of how things went. πŸ€” Let’s see…

Went up to Columbus fairly early, and Cassi and I threw together our “exclusively microwaved” Christmas dinner for me, her, her mom, and her little cousin. This was also his first “good” Christmas where he had a bunch of packages to open, so it was nice to vibe off of his excitement and enthusiasm. πŸ™‚ And since he knew that I got him a couple things as well, he made sure to have Cassi take him to the dollar store so he could buy me a few little gifts of his own choosing. 😊

Didn’t get back home until late, and like I’ve done in previous years – I saved the gifts that Genesee had gotten me for opening once my day was essentially done and I was settled back in at home. Lots of neat “baby game console” keychains, ranging from a tiny Atari 2600 to a tiny Sony PlayStation. A View-Master viewer with a couple reels of custom photos that she picked from my huge archive of pics from my past… so I’ll probably be able to use my 3D camera for making actual 3D reels for the thing. πŸ˜„ Lots of new candy and wrappers, a big ol’ heavy handmade throw blanket… just lots of unexpected goodies that put a nice cap on a day that was already pretty good.

I’m having deja vu right now… 🀨 really feeling like I’ve already written an entry like this for the day, but I’m guessing it’s probably just familiar typing – since I texted with a few different people as well and told them about how my day went. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ The only real glitch was the amount of time I had to spend up in Columbus. I mean, I didn’t have to… I wanted to… but after our lunch-time dinner my brain decided to go into protection mode, with Cassi and I both actually taking a nap for a few hours.

That’s about all I’ve got. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it really was a better day than I had been expecting, for this reason and that. Okay, now I’m all “worded out” so I don’t know if I’m gonna make that “pre-NYE” entry that I actually came here to make… before realizing that I hadn’t even gotten this one done yet. 😐 I should probably avoid any optimistic “coming soon” promises in the future. 😏

Christmas Eve

I don’t think I’ve ever had a Christmas Eve that felt so much unlike one than this one. I didn’t come here to lament that though. Well, sort of, but not really. I came to try to make it feel a little bit different while I’ve got a few hours left. A lot of things have plotted to keep this from feeling like Christmas. I’m not even going to talk about the personal things, since I’ve spoken on many of them several times before, but really just the incidental things that were the icing on the cake.

Nobody seems to put up Christmas lights anymore. The three houses just down the street from me, who seem to have lights to match every holiday, decorated beautifully as always… but when I’ve been in town, it’s almost like everyone has forgotten the holiday is coming. I guess I can’t talk, since I don’t even have a tree up in my own house – let alone Christmas decorations or lights on the outside.

It’s barely been cold on most days, never mind any snow on the ground, and since I rarely watch traditional TV anymore I haven’t “accidentally” run into any of the old Christmas specials I used to watch as a kid – nor did I seek them out, I guess… also my own fault. And in the same way that I don’t watch TV anymore, I don’t listen to the radio either… instead, just sticking to my normal playlist of a few thousand songs – which up until a few days ago, when I added Step Into Christmas, didn’t exactly have any holiday music in it.

I probably subliminally avoided all of it, since it’s hard for me to listen to any song or see any show that reminds me of back then. Because “then” was so good, and “now” is so not. But I need to take the advice that I’m happy to give out to others, and make sure that I appreciate how much good I’ve had back then and throughout my life, rather than focusing on how shit things seem now in the current time.

It’s strange to think about it now, how the time when “Santa” was delivering gifts was really only a few limited years, but somehow it also feels like it lasted forever. Probably because Mom and Dad did such a good job of making it real for me… and then even as I grew up, Christmas still came with almost all of the feeling as when Santa himself was involved. And I’ve got friends who never even got the Santa experience at all… and I can’t help but feel awful for them, knowing what a huge thing it was each year for me, and how I held on to that feeling for a long, long time.

It’s late now… so I don’t think that I’m going to try to seek out any of the old Christmas music, or search for any of the old Christmas specials… it’s a little late for that. But I am gonna try to go to sleep being appreciative of all the amazing Christmases that I’ve had in my past.

And before anyone thinks that tomorrow is going to be a bleh-fest for me, it’s not really like that. I’ve got plans with Cassi and her family again, just like on most holidays over the past few years… and I’m appreciative of that. So Christmas is going to be fine… I just miss when I felt it for the entire month of December, rather than for one single day. I guess we all just miss “the way things used to be”, especially for those of us who don’t necessarily have a family of our own to replace or continue that feeling. Meh… it’ll be fine.

I still know I’m lucky.

Short North Adventure

As is typical any time that I go out and do something fun, the first half of the day was spent dreading the idea… the waiting, the getting ready… but once it was in progress it was exactly the distraction that I needed for the evening. This “hang out” was even a little more significant than usual, since not only was it me, Jim, and Adam… but Brad came along this time, and so did Rick. I’ve been the missing component, but it’s been a long time since all four of us hung out together. It’s nice still having friendships today (even if the communications are a bit less) that were formed decades ago.

Brad’s currently living in a group home near Bremen, so I went and got him before I headed up to Columbus. Jim already has a long way to drive just to get to Columbus, and there was no sense in him going all that rest of the way to get his brother. He seems to be doing really good there, and that makes me so happy to see. Brad’s been through some shit, most of which is his business alone… but it was good to see him doing well, and the drive to and from was actually nice thanks to the conversation.

The main “spot” for the evening was a store called Big Fun in Columbus’ Short North. Adam had been there a time or two before, and he wanted us to see it – so that was where we met up. Man what a store. I don’t think there was a horizontal or vertical surface in that store that didn’t have some sort of kewl vintage toy, doll, or game on it – and that’s not even counting all of the different retro spaceships hanging from the ceiling. You could spend an entire day in that store, looking through the glass cases, digging through the tubs and drawers of vintage toys and goodies – and you’d still probably not have seen everything.

Transformers, GoBots, HeMan, SheRa, Thundercats, Voltron, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Star Trek, My Little Pony, Smurfs, MUSCLE, Care Bears, GI Joe, Batman, Superman, etc. Loose things, boxed things, NIB things, pieces for things, things with all their pieces… there’s just no way a few paragraphs or a few dozen pictures can even start to do that place justice. So yeah, Adam was definitely right… that place is truly amazing. (I’m even considering offloading a bunch of my own shit to that place, should they make the right offer. Better than eBay’ing one piece at a time…)

After that we walked up to the Short North Food Hall. What a bizarre place that ended up being. 😳 We knew it was a restaurant. Actually, it was several restaurants, all cooking out of the same kitchen… multiple burgers, dogs, philly steaks, fries, tots, pizza, nachos, subs, varieties of tacos. But when we walked in there was club music playing, and we could see that a huge bar occupied the center of the interior. Okay, great. But then in the seating areas all around the bar… children. And lots of ’em. Parents, drinking at the bar, while their children wandered around inside. 😧 Granted, most of the kids were with family that were just eating… but what the actual eff? Ohio law allows a big-ass bar to have probably two dozen children just hanging out, eating, wandering around, sometimes looking lost? πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

We all ordered different stuff. My tacos arrived in about 10 minutes. Adam’s burger and mac and cheese took 30 minutes. Jim’s burger and tacos… well, at least his burger… 45 minutes. And Rick and Brad’s food took nearly an hour. 😠 It was completely inexcusable. Oh, and they forgot Jim’s tacos, so he had to wait even longer for those. Adam finally gave the manager a piece of his mind, and she just replied about how many people were there, and how most people come here and chill before they plan to eat.” 😐 So, see, we were doing it wrong. πŸ™„ Thinking we could order food and receive it in a timely manner – or at least at similar times for our party of five. Heh… Adam was livid, and plans to contact a higher up tomorrow… I think he felt sort of bad, since that’s the joint he originally chose.

But it was all fine… “adventure” as I said, a couple times on our way back to our cars. The toy store was amazing, walking around the Short North or campus is always interesting, and despite the clusterfuck with the food – it was all really good. We had to hustle back to Adam’s car, since his meter had run out a half hour before we even got out of the “food hall” but luckily no ticket. So we parted ways, I got Brad back home, and got my happy ass back home as quickly as possible. The whole evening probably passed my brain’s tolerance point by about an hour, so I was ready to be home when we had only just gotten to my car to leave. 😬 But I’m home… home is good… mmm… home.

Grumble

I had Bri around for a few days. I hadn’t been able to spend much time with her since Christina passed, partly due to schedules, partly due to my radiation stuff still going on… but yeah, the last few days have been nice with her around. I don’t need to entertain her, there was plenty of Netflix, Plex, and YouTube, and we were both probably more productive with whatever stuff we needed to work on than had we not been each other’s company. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚

Had to wake up before the sun rose this morning, to make sure I’d make it to my 8-o-fucking-clock doctor appointment, and I’m still in a shit mood about it. 😠 I’ve never been excited about any type of mental health care… heh… and I suppose it shows sometimes, but yeah, this was my first real session with a shrink shrink, and getting medications that he thinks will help me be less twitchy. Meh… I’m trying to not even think about it much right now and I’m gonna just see how it goes.

I can’t be bothered with all that stuff right now though because, yet again, I’m doing the monthly fight to get my workers comp medications. 🀬 You know, the same medication that I’m apparently being accused of not getting filled and not picking up like I should. Is that what they’re trying to use against me? That they force me to completely run out and sometimes have to wait days before the next prescription is finally approved? Are they holding that “delay” against me? Yeah, I don’t feel like talking about that right now. πŸ˜’

I swear though, next month’s calendar is already peppered with doctor and other appointments. Half of them are actually still related to the thyroid cancer treatment, but now there’s PCP appt, workers comp doc appt, thyroid stuff, talky shrink, pill shrink… bleh… it’s making me tired just looking at it. Gonna try to continue to make some changes at my next WC appointment as well, which might not go easily… I’m just tired of going to a pain management place while still being in pain each day. πŸ˜– Something obviously isn’t working quite right and I deserve to have it changed in order to improve my treatment and my condition.

Yeah… already done with today, man…

Miserable

What an awful night… and I’m not sure if it’s over yet. I don’t know if it was something specific that I ate, or a combination of the different things that I ate… but yeah, spending every couple of hours in the bathroom yacking was not how I anticipated last night going. And this is a little gross, but the main taste coming back up was the sauce from the meatballs… so I don’t think I’ll be able to eat any more of those.

And of course it had to start right after I decided to message some lady last night on Facebook about a camera that she had listed for sale. I told her I’d come in town as soon as I was up and around the next day, and now I’m all barfy and bleh. 🀒 I think I’ve entered a window of a couple hours where I should be okay again though, so the deal is still on. (My throat feels really effed up now, though… I’m hoping that what I’m feeling isn’t serious or permanent damage around my thyroid surgery area. 😧)

Hopefully it actually works like it’s supposed to… because I’ll probably use it as a camera that I just keep in my car for moments when I need a “better than my cell phone” camera but didn’t realize it until that moment. It’s a Canon SX210, which came out in 2010, but it’s 14MP and it’s got a 14x zoom lens – which is pretty good for a little point and shoot. Can’t beat the price of twenty bucks, though… which is low enough that it outweighs my aversion to interacting with the camera’s human former-owner to get it. 😏

Amish Country

So, the very next day after all of that dumb shit happened around my doctor appointment, that was the day that we had already set aside for going up to the “Amish Country” up in NE Ohio. 😐 The entire evening before, I was still livid – so I already knew what my plan was… stay up all damn light, do as much research and “planning” regarding my WC stuff as possible, and then as soon as the sun came up (as long as Genesee woke up early)Β we could be on our way. πŸ™‚ And that’s actually pretty much how it went, thankfully.

I’m not sure how I did it… all of it… but the trip was a success, we had a good time, I kept my mind fairly free of the previous day’s drama, and I also didn’t feel myself falling asleep until we were about a half-hour from home. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Despite it being off-season, and rather gray and plain up there, we still made it a “full sized” trip – leaving home around 8a and getting back somewhere around 7p. 😧 And I even made myself to stay awake for several more hours, which allowed me to force my sleep schedule back on a “normal” track. Honestly though, I give all of the credit for anything “good” like that from the day to Genesee. (Actually, she gets the credit for that for the entire duration of her trip here. 😏)

I drove, so we did the official Batina path and itinerary – as if we were traveling with Aunt Carol. πŸ™‚ I’m not gonna spell check any of this… but we started by going up through Charm, then to the Guggisberg Cheese place – where I got some gummy bears and meat sticks, over to Miller’s Bakery – where we stocked up on cheese crowns, followed by a short drive to Hershberger’s farm store – where there were unfortunately no flowers or critters, but I did get some Amish sweet pickles, and then it was off to Berlin for a stop at an antique/craft mall and thrift store, along with the mandatory stop at Heini’s Cheese – where we taste tested all sorts of weird cheese and fudge, and I left with some co-jack and green onion varieties… 😳 and then the last stop was at Wendell August… the place where they create every type of carved and stamped metal “thing” that you could imagine. 😊

Dinner was also at the traditional Aunt Carol place… a huge pretty-much-Amish-style restaurant / buffet – where we both poofed ourselves on potatoes, noodles, stuffing, shredded chicken, rolls, misc salad goodness, etc. 😁 It was too cold to sit out on their long wrap-around porch to un-poof a bit before hitting the road again, and we were starting to lose the light anyway – so we decided to just keep moving. (We took 77 south to 70, and even stopped off at Gabriel’s in Zanesville… and I’ve got no idea how I summoned the energy for that.) Then we took 22 to Lancaster from Zanesville, basically cutting a south-western path that saved us quite a few miles compared to taking the freeway over to Millersport and down. πŸ€”

It wasn’t an ideal trip on paper… off season, cold, no sleep, having already been busy all week… but it ended up being perfect. ☺ Got all the goodies that we wanted, kept myself distracted from anything that might have made me angry, had quite a few flashback memories from different trips with Aunt Carol and my grandparents, and the “goody” from the trip lasted through the evening, even after I was home and Gen was off to her next stop. πŸ™‚