Damn…

If I were in the market, which I’m not sure if I am or not… this lady sure makes a pretty good case for the 2020 Soul GT-Line Turbo. It’s amazing how much more advanced it is, only a handful of years after having owned one myself. It still doesn’t look quite the way I’d like it to, but the more I look at the tech and the speed and the design, the more I think that I could get used to it. Hmm…

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Why I Don’t Need YouTube TV

Can’t believe they put this up only one day after the race, for free on YouTube…

(They should really leave the spoiler out of the video’s title though… sorry.)

Variety Week

I actually thought about making an entry over the weekend, but the prior few days were pretty eventful, and I knew today could be as well… so yeah, I basically actually just treated my weekend as a weekend, other than finally cleaning the kitchen and doing up all my bills.

Bri had her baby on Wednesday. 😊 I didn’t make it in there at 6am like she had to do, but I was there a few hours later and stayed several more hours… taking a break to go home, since I could tell it was gonna take a while. And in that time I was able to help Dad get his car back from the repair shop after getting the AC serviced. (Hmm… AC serviced… we’ll come back to that.) As I was ready to head back to my house after that, Bri messaged me that she finally had him (9 hours of labor… yikes…) and she wanted me to come back to the hospital.

Of course I went back in the next day as well to visit them… and as you may know, whenever I do an extensive amount of “stuff” sometimes my body’s like “Okay, that’s enough out of you” and I kind of crap out. 😏 And that’s pretty much what happened. But it didn’t end there. Later in the evening, Cassi called in a mild freak-out, because her cat was getting ready to deliver her kittens and seemed to be having trouble and was making all kinds of awful sounding noises – so she wanted me to come up, just in case we had to take her to an emergency vet.

You know, they may have actually been Friday. πŸ€” That’s how frazzled my brain was. I dunno, it was late in the evening and it was on a day where the last thing I wanted to do was to “do anything” at that point. Hence taking the weekend off for the most part. But I slept well last night, had a comforting dream… which of course I remember zero details from… but woke up feeling good enough to go out and use the hand trimmer to clear up the tiny branches growing out of the trunks of my crabapple (I think)Β trees so the mowers aren’t at risk of losing an eye around them… along with cutting out some other “trying to grow” baby trees popping up in weird places in the yard.

That wasn’t an intended part of the day though, so I’m just taking that as a bonus, because today was when the AC repair guys came to check out the furnace and AC. 😐 Long story short, I went ahead and opted to have a new one installed. 😣 The current unit is about 20 years old, any replacement parts (the compressor, specifically) would have to be a used part, the refrigerant used isn’t available anymore… just lots of things that made replacement the smarter (yet more expensive) decision. Whether I live here until I die, or if I sell the house in a year and move into an apartment or whatever… it’s just the better, yet painful choice. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

He gave me the estimate, but is gonna officially type it all up and send me an itemized version later this afternoon for me to sign. So I’m a little twitchy right now, but really, I’m not even paying for it. πŸ™‚ When Mom passed, her and Dad made sure that she left me some money, so technically Mom is going to be buying a new central AC system for me. That makes it a heck of a lot easier to think about. Okay… I need to give my head a break for a bit, but should be checking emails later this evening.

Kinda Creepy, Kinda Kewl

“Someone very old is the last living individual to have known some person or cluster of people. When that person dies, the whole cluster dies, too, vanishes from the living memory. I wonder who that person will be for me. Whose death will make me truly dead?” 

― Irvin D. Yalom

Saws and Claws

Finally got a decent night of sleep last night. It helped that right before dark the guy that owns the company that handles my mowing stopped by and we came up with some plans for some of the other things in the yard. It’s one thing when I was younger and just didn’t like doing yard work, but it’s a different thing now that I own a house with a half-acre of stuff growing on it that I just can’t physically tackle myself. My grandparents always made the place look so beautiful too, which makes it feel a bit heavier to me that I can’t keep the place up like they used to.

So it just helped me rest easier last night, knowing that everything will be taken care of… including bigger projects like removing a couple of unused clothesline poles, across-the-board weed whacking of everything once a month, and most importantly – the removal of an entire line of spirea bushes along the back of the property. They’ve grown out of control over the past many years, and having them trimmed up at the end of the season is an expensive all-day project in itself.

I don’t think he even remembered that that project was on my potential to-do list, but it worked out nicely because over the winter his company had purchased a new tractor with attachments for just such things. And since it isn’t something they’ll have to do completely manually now, it helps to make the cost of it more reasonable. Hoping to have it done within the next couple of weeks.

New Rule

I have to stop letting how I feel when I wake up each day be an indicator of how I’m going to feel for the rest of the day. 🀨 Especially since I usually have the luxury of waiting it out… taking my morning meds, giving it a little time, and eventually feeling at least somewhat better. And yeah, I know that this is such a “Yeah, no shit.” thing for normal people, so of course my brain just instinctively resists the idea. πŸ™„

I’m gonna be so bad at getting older and more broken if I don’t keep trying to recognize my flawed ways of thinking and trying to change them. πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸ¦³ The other thing that I have to work on is learning to accept that some of the physical things just aren’t going to get better. What’s that Garth Brooks song? Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old) 😏 Heh… I really hate that my blog is like 90% “bitching about things” these days though… like today, it was only four hours of sleep, waking up because I could feel my pulse in my friggin’ jaw, and then (when I got up to go to the bathroom)Β discovering that my back is trying to re-fuck itself.

I swear, there’s an invisible hat in my house somewhere, filled with bits of paper listing all of my various potential ailments or irritants for the day, and some unseen force just grabs three or four of them at random and there ya go. πŸ€•πŸ€’πŸ˜–πŸ˜·πŸ˜ŸπŸ€’πŸ˜“β™Ώ The unending uncertainty of each day is such shit… so waking up depressed or mad is understandable, but I gotta stop letting it stick… especially if that’s the only thing that seems to be triggering it on that particular day.

But it’s been a few hours now since I woke up, my meds are kicking in, things are sucking a bit less, but I’m still gonna take it easy today. I’ve got another appointment tomorrow, plus I need to build up some positive juju because I wanna get back in to see Dad again next week, Bri is gonna be induced and have her baby next week as well – starting at 6 friggin’ AM, then on Saturday Jim’s going to Buckeye Lake to meet up with his dad, brother, and Adam at Pizza Cottage and I’ve also been invited. I’ve missed the last couple of hang-outs with them, so I really wanna try to make it this time. πŸ˜”πŸ€žπŸ»

And that leads me back to the new rule. Well, let’s call it a guideline, since I know that I’m going to fail at it at least as often as I succeed…. but without being able to “shake off” how I feel when I wake up, none of that fun stuff on my potential to-do list will be possible. History has proven that more times than I’d like to admit. πŸ˜’ Trying to adjust my attitude each day will let me hopefully be less flakey to my friends and family, and being less flakey to my friends and family in itself will help keep my mood going in the right direction. I just have to hope that my meds decide to start pulling their weight again soon too.

Five? Damn. Okay…

My apologies to anyone that’s had to deal with me, tried to deal with me, or wanted to deal with me over the past few days but couldn’t… I was kinda going through a thing. 😟 Pretty sure I’m still going through a thing – but tonight I’m feeling slightly better, or at least good enough to bang out a quick blog entry.

My first appointment this morning… when I made the appointment, I was sure feeling a whole lot better than the past few days – but I had already cancelled it once a few months ago, so I had to just suck it up and get it done. 🀨 Getting me out of the house to blow some stink off and interact with the humans was just a beneficial side effect. But yeah, this morning was reserved for my dentist. 😳 This would be “step three” of a four step plan that we came up with many months ago.

So what type of fun stuff was included in step three? Four injections of novacaine to numb the entire top half of my mouf, two hours in the chair, and five of my teefs drilled and filled. πŸ‘©πŸ»β€βš•οΈπŸ˜¬ Yeah, not the ideal appointment when you’re already anxious about shit. The first four were what people would consider “normal cavities” and were filled with the typical nasty tasting filling material. 🀒 The fifth one though, it was actually on the front of the toof at the gum line. 🦷 But just like the one last year, they were able to match the color and smooth it out in a way where you’d never even know that it was there. 😁

I’ve explained it like this before, but I look at these dentist appointments the same way as I’d look at taking an old car into the shop for maintenance. πŸ€” It’s less about trying to get things looking “beautiful” or “perfect” again, and more about “Hey, let’s just try to keep this thing running as long as possible, okay?” πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ But the extra care that they show doesn’t go unnoticed. There really is an “art” to much of what they do, and you can tell that they’re justifiably proud of that.