Lazy Sunday

Wasn’t able to fall asleep until about 5am this morning, but my alarms woke me up at 11am to see that Genesee had made it home safely without any further airline incidents. πŸ™‚ I’m glad that it’s sunny out, ‘cuz man did I wake up feeling like crap. In this case, I’ll take the nice view out the front window, even though I’m not gonna be going out to do anything in it. 😏 Same old story… a few days where I was doing more stuff than usual, so today everything gets to hurt more than usual – at least for a while. It’s fine though… nothing important on the agenda today, and I’ll gladly pay the “price of admission” (the pain, for the slow folks) whenever she wants to come for a visit. 😊 I’m really glad I don’t have to do anything today though. πŸ˜…πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Meds should slowly make things better in that regard, then there’s the race in Texas to watch in the afternoon, and while that’s going on I’ll probably dig through some old blankets and sheets in the basement to get the cat house done and put outside. I don’t really want an outside cat, but if he insists on hanging around, I figure that’s the least I can do for him. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜Ί Somewhat unrelated, I had another one of those weird, split-second thoughts about Mom when I was waking up earlier. I’m not sure what triggered it, but it just popped into my head that I needed to e-mail Mom to tell her about Gen’s visit. 😟 A thought so brief that you realize the problem with it, before that thought even has the chance to be completed…

I only mention it today because when I told Genesee about it, she said she had a similar thing happen when she was out with her friend and the horses. The natural thought of her wanting to stop by and tell her dad about the horses and show him the pictures when they were done. πŸ§πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸŽ It’s strange how that still happens, and makes me wonder if it will always happen… those instinctive thoughts that pop into your brain and stay only long enough to make you sad. πŸ˜• Not sad sad… because I’m confident that Paul had already been watching her mini-adventure, and that Mom has been happy about Genesee coming to visit from the moment I picked her up at the airport… but you know what I mean. πŸ˜‡ It’s a weird feeling.

But I’m gonna hop off here, tidy the living room, and then try to take it easy for the rest of the day – saving the “returning to my normal routine / responsibilities” stuff for tomorrow. 🀘🏻😎

Some Today, Some Tomorrow

Woke up to my neck feeling all janky today… either from sleeping on it wrong, or just from the building stress of the last few days. But I still dragged my ass out of bed with intention today, determined to get some of the stuff on my mental to-do list done. It wasn’t until I was getting ready to leave the house that I realized it was 92 effing degrees outside today. The heat still takes a little more toll on me than it used to, and along with the neck / headache shit – I ended up scaling back my goals just a bit.

First stop was gassing up the Fusion and topping off the air in the tires, then to the bank, then to the post office – to mail out that report for my attorneys. I wish I could snap my fingers and it would just be there, but I’ll have to be okay with them getting it tomorrow and then finally actually looking at it at the start of next week. I’m gonna give Jim a call though and leave him a message, letting him know that it’s coming.

And then since my car has gone from “change oil soon” to “oil change required”, I figured I should go ahead and get that done while I was out today. It was like I suspected though… and why I like these new guys that I go to for service… he said the synthetic blend that I got last time could have actually lasted me many more miles, and the car was only crying because I forgot to inform it that it got synthetic this last time, and didn’t increase the mileage interval before it starts squawking at me. But yeah, for an oil change place to say 7,500 miles on synthetic is cake, and even 10,000 wouldn’t be that bad… that shows some honesty that you wouldn’t always expect.

But by the time the oil change was finished, the base of my skull was thumping and I was feeling pretty meh due to hanging around in the heat as I waited, so I decided that was enough “on the go” chores for the day. Hoping I’ll bounce back overnight tonight, so I can finally go get my hair cut and schedule an eye appointment tomorrow.

Ugh… I hate that the workers comp crap is still in the back of my mind though. Today is a good example of something that would be used against me. “Look! He admits to working on his car!” (Because they’d count putting air into my tires as work.) And if I didn’t specifically state that I took my car somewhere for an oil change, they’d probably claim that I didΒ that myself as well. And of course, regardless of whether I mention any levels of pain or not, there’s this strange “Robert admits to performing multiple chores, including multiple stops at various locations throughout his day.” kind of stuff that’s obviously intended to imply something…

I guess I just thought that I was past the point of having to justify doing things that I simply have to do, or pointing out every time that something causes me difficulty or pain each time I do it. It hurts to do certain things, such as folding laundry, standing and doing dishes, etc… but of course I still have to do those things. I’m not sure how pointing out that I’m still managing to get by, despite my disability and pain, somehow makes me the bad guy. Meh… but anyway… I’m okay with what I was able to accomplish today.

EDIT: After I finished this entry, I remembered something else that annoyed me enough to come back to add this. Weeks ago I learned that Skillet was having a concert at the end of September in Columbus. However, I’m not going to that concert… a concert by one of my most favorite bands… because it’s a general admission show, and it would simply hurt too much to stand and be bumped around for that hour and a half. I’ve fought with myself, trying to make myself go, but I chose not to because I don’t want to hurt. I think I even made an entry where I wondered about “disabled seating” for folks like me… but in the end, despite it being a show I’d desperately love to see, I’m not going. My life is a constant balancing act because of my disability and pain… sometimes I have to do things that hurt (like chores) that I don’t want to do, but I have to. Sometimes I choose to do something fun, despite knowing that fun thing will likely cause me pain… and I think that’s okay too. But then there are examples like this – where I really wanna do something, but I’m not willing to pay the pain-equivalent of “the price of admission” to do it, because I’m that concerned with avoiding extra pain. Yet the legitimacy of my disability and pain is still being questioned, year after year after year…Β  fml.

Comb, Goo, Powder, & Spray

Several days ago I went around the inside and outside of the house, spraying the porches and squirting down “poison barriers” at all the doorways, to kill and/or keep out the spiders, ants, bees, silverfish, etc… and while that seems to have actually worked pretty well, one of the potential pests that I hadn’tΒ thought of managed to make their way into the house somehow. πŸ˜’

I noticed Bubba scratching a little more than usual, but I figured it was just from it being so hot and her fur starting to get kinda long again. But nope… took a closer look yesterday evening when she came and plopped down on me, and somehow she’s managed to get fleas. 😞 Well… fleas are managing to get her. 😿 I didn’t see too many, and with her being mostly white they’re usually easy to spot, so hopefully I caught it somewhat at the beginning. πŸ₯ΊπŸ€žπŸ» And we do go outside for a few minutes at a time now and then, but always with her lazily & happily slung over my shoulder – cuz she’s a priss and doesn’t really care to touch the grass. πŸ™„πŸ™‚

Luckily I still had one dose of that “between the shoulder blades” goo treatment that Genesee suggested, from last year when I had to give her (and the house) the treatment. So I went ahead and completely combed her out, applied the goo while she was distracted with lovins, and then immediately got online to order flea powder for the carpet and flea spray for the other areas and soft furniture. Surprisingly (and I did google it extensively) this type can not only be used on “stuff” but it can be used directly on your critter as well. πŸ˜³πŸ€”

Rather than spraying it on her, which she would of course hate, I’ll probably spray it on one of her favorite brushes – doing the “Don’t worry, nothing going on, nothing to see here…” routine while I squirt and brush, squirt and brush. πŸ™€πŸšΏπŸ§Β And honestly, with the flea goo already applied, once I get the carpet and furniture treated I might not even have to do anything more than get the dead ones and their dirt off of her with the fine-toothed comb that she also already likes. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Poor kitty. πŸ˜• She can be old and grumpy like me. 😾 Last thing she needs is this annoyance. It’ll be handled.

Why Do I Make Plans?

(Alternate / Extended Title:Β  Haven’t You Learned By Now? You Should Know Better…)

Another day, another disappointment. Not forΒ me… well, yeah, actually for me too… but the night before last I was feeling pretty good, planned on having a productive day yesterday, maybe even go grab Bri and take her somewhere so she could get groceries… but nope. πŸ˜’ I just haven’t found the “trick” when it comes to sleeping and my knee in its current state. One night it’ll be fine, next night… fucked. 😠 Last thing I really wanna do is have another round of xrays and scans, fearing that they’ll all “look fine” like with my lower back recently… but yeah, definitely gonna request xrays when I see the doc at the beginning of next week. 😣 Hopefully it’ll be something where a steroid injection will help, because I’m much more inclined to let them do that to my knee than to let them do it in my spine at the base of my neck. 😳

I think I’ve got it through my head now that “feeling better” on one day doesn’t mean it’s actually getting better. It’s not like I’m even pushing myself, but yeah, when I have a slightly better day – I do slightly more stuff… but that’s not working this time. So I’ve been in a shit mood, kinda disappeared from people for a couple of days, haven’t done most of the stuff that I had on my mental “maybe” list, but today – even though it hasn’t been quite as bad – I still haven’t pushed it, and I’m not feeling too bad. πŸ˜’ So that’ll keep my mental mood good enough to finally get through the bills (that I skipped the other night due to an instant headache) and probably check and respond to e-mails and messages. 🀞🏻 I think it being the weekend actually helps too, even though that’s sorta dumb when I don’t really keep a normal M-F human schedule except when appointments dictate.

But yeah, I’m around… and I’ll get around to the stuff that I need to get around to, whenever I end up getting around to it. 😏 It’s funny, when you’re young and healthy… and someone older tells you to enjoy it while you can, and tells you about all the random aches and pains and whatever… when you’re young, your brain just won’t allow that idea to register. (And therefore I don’t think anyone is really prepared for it, or accepts it gracefully.)Β Your brain doesn’t realize that you’ll eventually be the one with all the defective pieces, telling someone younger than you that this is what they’ve got to look forward to. πŸ™„ Heh… see… this is why it’s better that I just avoid people when I’m like this. Not exactly a ray of sunshine right now.

And say what ya’ want… but I still don’t think I’m old enough to feel this consistently beat up. πŸ˜•Β </whining>

Ugh… Why, Cat?

My cat meows, but she doesn’t. Her mouth does the movement, but no sound comes out. If she comes up to me for whatever reason and does one or two of her silent meows, I’ll often joke back at her “What? I can’t hear you… try again.” or some similar bullshit. Of course then I’ll pet her or go check her food and water or try to figure out what she wants…. I mean, I’m not an asshole… but for some reason, when it comes to her stupid little toys, somehow she manages to find her voice.

She likes to pay me back in the mornings sometimes, and this was one of those mornings. I haven’t slept worth a shit for days and days, but her dumb ass decided that this morning around 8a she would start finding all of her random toys to bring down the hallway towards the bedroom, all the while squawking like she was some sort of obnoxious squeeze toy that someone was repeatedly stepping on.

So now I’m wide awake and she’s curled up on the living room floor next to me, sound asleep. Asshole.

Tedious Ramblin’

Doing my typical weekend thing, being half-productive / half-bum. 😐 Last week wasn’t too bad… got a few of my “must do” things done, while adding in a couple new things on the fly – and whatever wasn’t accomplished last week will just be added to the list of stuff for the upcoming week.Β πŸ€·β€β™‚οΈ I guess I got just enough of last week’s stuff done that it’s not really stressing me out today like it normally might.

Dealing with the misc “bill stuff” last week was tedious.Β πŸ˜’ My check for an bill that I had gotten was returned to me, with a note that said no balance was due. That same day, I got a second bill for that same amount… and it took talking to someone in person to get them to acknowledge that I was handing them a check for the amount due, at least according to their file. 😠 Not a big deal, just annoying.

Then I got a bill from one of Dad’s nurses or doctors, for an “at home visit” which I obviously don’t get here at my own home. I called and explained that our names are similar but not identical, but she still couldn’t tell me why the bill came to me, in my name. 🀨 She assured me that she fixed it in the system and that I won’t have to worry about it. It was for only ten bucks, but still… annoying.

Tried to call the hospital about some additional bill stuff on Friday afternoon, but even though it wasn’t that late in the day – apparently everyone with any authority had already left the building for the weekend. In theory, the financial assistance should absorb some bills as they’re generated, so there’s a good chance that the ones I’m calling about will have already been affected (or perhaps eliminated) by the time I actually speak to someone about them.

Everything that I ordered for Maven finally came in. There were issues because of the package being damaged in transit, then automatically refunded, then the order was automatically re-orderedΒ – despite me doing that same thing manually… just nonsense that had to be worked out before everything was good.Β πŸ™„ But she’s feeling better, isΒ mostly flea-free… so basically I’m handling a few things at the same time with her, like I’ve been doing appointments with myself for a few months now.

Oh, and then the “on the fly” thing that I mentioned having to make room for last week… it was an intake appointment that my PCP had made for me, to start seeing a therapist and psychiatrist.Β πŸ˜³πŸ‘©β€βš•οΈ The last two PCP appointments I mentioned that I’d like to do that eventually, but that I wasn’t ready to throw it in with all of the rest of the things I’m dealing with quite yet… but my PCP apparently (and accurately) figured that I really did want to get started with the psych side of things, and that I just needed the nudge of having an appointment straight-up scheduled without any input from me. 😏

The first person I saw (and the only person, until next week) was the therapist lady, and I think I’m going to like her. 🧐 I got the typical hour-long intake visit with generic questions to start sizing me up… and I think I’ll like her not only because we share political and social views (it came up while talking about insurance and pre-existing conditions), but also because I think she’s aware that I’m relatively smart – and she seems pretty sharp herself. I always like therapy better when there seems to be a “fun” but somewhat adversarial type relationship – where we each know that what we both say will likely have merit.

Not much talk about meds yet, since that will fall under the umbrella of what the actual psychiatrist will be handling for me… so, I dunno, it may seem weird but I’ve always liked counseling for some reason. Even if it’s just because I can rant to a disconnected party for almost an hour and then just go home.Β πŸ™‚ I don’t have to consider any “solutions” that they think might make me “better” compared to what I usually am. I mean, I’m open to suggestions… but do I have any specific goals or methods that I’m particularly interested in? Not really. Hey… I’m not the one who actually made this appointment.

I Think They Wait For Me To Come Out

I was trying to avoid it, but I had to go in town today to hit the bank, the post office, and then the pharmacy… where I was able to pick up only one of my two meds. πŸ˜’ I’ve still got a few days before I’ll have to start worrying, so whatever, it should be alright. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ But today… despite it being absolutely gorgeous outside… boy were the assholes out in force.

βŒβž–Β Idiot children riding their bikes on Old Logan Rd, and purposely swerving into traffic to make cars have to hit their breaks or swerve themselves.

βŒβž–Β Rubbernecking dipshits downtown, watching medics treat someone who had apparently passed out along the sidewalk, while pulling into and clogging the intersection when the traffic lights changed, due to everyone forgetting how to drive. πŸ™„

βŒβž–Β At the pharmacy there was a mother standing in the same line as me, and she was letting her little boy run wild. 😠 Of course he eventually knocked over anΒ entire display of reading glasses – then cried and screamed as she just stood there, telling him to pick them all up as he kept telling her “no.”

βŒβž–Β As I was shopping there, an extra-large woman was blocking the aisle with her cart and her body, yet she let out an audible sigh when I said “Excuse me” as I waited to move my own cart past her. She could have just moved out of the way on her own, but I’m convinced that she wanted me to say something so she could then be mad about it. 😏

βŒβž–Β A couple aisles later I encountered the same lady, continuing to use her fatness to block the entire aisle again, but she looked up and saw me coming – and she scowled as she got out of the way on her own before I reached her again.

βŒβž–Β At the intersection of Ewing and Sugar Grove Rd there was a woman who had the “yield” sign didn’t but didn’t yield, but when she realized that she had made a mistake she just stopped in the middle of the damn road.Β πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Right in everyone’s way, forcing people to swing extremely wide just to get around her until she finally moved again.

βŒβž–Β Then on the way home, despite traveling 60 MPH myself, some jackass decided to zip around me so he could then ride the ass of another car farther in front of me, when he found himself stuck in a no-passing zone. πŸŽπŸ’¨ It didn’t bother me, but it was a dick move towards the car in front of me.

The lady who waited on me at the pharmacy was great, the guy that served me through the window at Rax was nice, and the cute girl at the drive-thru was friendly as well. I happened to be listening to Metallica when I pulled in, as was she there in the building, so she smiled and pointed out that she knows how to pick good music too. 😏

So, even though I listed all of those assholes and their asshole things, the trip in town was actually fine. I didn’t have to be anywhere urgently, none of what was happening was really affecting me, nor did I care to let it… but if it had been any other day, when I’d normally start off gritting my teefs before I even got in my car, then it may have been a different story. πŸ™‚