How Could I Not?

Here I’ve been, telling my friends “Nah, I’m not going out for Black Friday. I can’t even think of anything I need, and especially if I have to be out among the sea of people.”ย and I thought I was telling them the truth. ๐Ÿ˜ Actually, most of those two sentences are still true… because no wayย would I consider going out to fight with the thousands of other assholes at the crack of dawn come this Friday – but it turns out that I did need something, and I didn’t even realize it until a just few minutes ago. (Deja vu… heh)

I’ll go ahead and describe the item, then I’ll get to the “deal” part of it. I already have a Playstation 4, and about a year ago Sony came out with a virtual reality headset for it which has been selling for $299. Also known as way too friggin’ much. Well, now that they’re preparing to come out with an updated version of the headset soon, prices in some places are dropping to $199 for the current model. Still expensive, but much more reasonable.

For me, any VR gaming that I end up doing will just be a bonus. Because, to be honest, I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve played a game on that system. ๐Ÿ˜• Things over the past couple of years have warped my brain, taking away the desire to do many of the things I used to find fun… but anyway…

I had actually given the PSVR system a brief look when it originally came out, but mainlyย  because of the photo and video applications. I have a 3D television, but I’ll now be able to watch 3D movies or videos on the headset. Same thing with 360ยฐ virtual realityย videos. ๐Ÿ˜Ž Does anything start to sound familiar? ๐Ÿค” At this price point, this thing sounds perfect for me since I’ve got a cheap 3D video recorder and a camera that can shoot 360ยฐย photos and videos. Honestly, the thing is made for me to own.

But it wasn’t even floating around in my brain as recently as 15 minutes ago, that is, until I saw a post from Cheap Ass Gamer that showed the system available at Kohl’s for $199 – plus for every $50 that you spent, you’d earn $15 in Kohl’s Cash which can be used for in-store purchases later. So I hit the site, put the PSVR in my cart, added a $1.00 foaming face mask (to push the total to just over $200) and boom… $60 in Kohl’s Cash, effectively making the final price only $140. ๐Ÿค“ Giddyup.

This should really encourage my shooting in those alternative mediums.

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Written Word

Let me start by saying that yeah, I’m pretty messed up right now. ๐Ÿ˜ž My methods of dealing with my depression and anxiety might not be the greatest, but I’m doing what I can – and so far I’m hangin’ in there. Also, there was a point in time not too awful long ago that I wasn’t like this at all. ๐Ÿ˜ณ Having said that, logic might say that since there was a time when I wasn’t this way in the past – there’s a pretty good chance that there will come a time in the future when I’m no longer like this. ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคž I just wanted to put that out here for folks that don’t really know me, and who might be assuming that I’ve just been a mess since birth or something. ๐Ÿ˜ Not so.

Today was actually decent, helped in great part by the 15 hours of sleep that I got last night. ๐Ÿ˜ง My body finally won, fighting against my brain – which for some reason thinks that it doesn’t require any sleep at all to function. ๐Ÿ˜ตย So catching up on sleep was step one, beautiful weather was step two, and then adding some frivolous stops while I was out doing my required errands was the third step that made “facing the humans” more tolerable today than I expected. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

Ollie’s has now been in our town long enough that I could actually take a leisurely look around the place without a thousand people and their carts getting in my way. Lots of stuff for home improvement… painting stuff, carpeting stuff… a thought which has been bouncing around in the back of my mind since I moved in here. ๐Ÿค” Decent prices there, which makes the idea of perhaps doing something in that arena less painful.

When I walked down the “office stuff” aisle though… there was a section with a bunch of little hard-cover spiral-bound notebooks that immediately shouted out to me. It’s probably been a couple of years since I’ve kept a proper journal, something which has been proven to help with my sanity, so I grabbed two of them – being optimistic that I could force myself back into the habit, just as I’ve done with this blog.

But I bought the stuff that I needed to buy, and then I picked up a few extra things like those notebooks just to add some “not meh” stuff to all my bags. And yeah, this probably sounds like the most non-interesting shopping trip / day in the world to most folks, but for me to just have a day that didn’t feel heavy… to me it was worth making an entry here. ๐Ÿ˜

We’ve now reached the point where I’m hesitating to wrap it up here, because I’m looking over at a week-and-a-half’s worth of mail that is sitting on my couch that I absolutely have to get to tonight… and I just have a feeling that there’s gonna be one or two things in there that will try to remove my internal smile and kill my mood. ๐Ÿคจ Oh, and regarding (perhaps)ย resuming my journal writing… if that ends up happening, at least y’all won’t have to put up with seemingly-pointless entries like this anymore, since they’ll be going in the book instead of up here. It was just a thought, for better or worse.

Apprehensive Anticipation

It’s funny… I’m literally sitting here cautiously. ๐Ÿ˜ Realizing that I’ve accomplished quite a bit over this past week, and that if I play my cards right – my weekend might actually be my weekend – and I’m not even feeling that bad right now, physically. ๐Ÿ™‚ I just mean that I don’t have much to do other than some laundry, a little picking up, and a bit more paperwork, so I shouldย be able to make myself relax and just do nothing… or something. Who knows.

And when I say that I’m being cautious, it’s because I know how easy it is for stuff to just spring up, whether being “stuff to do” or with how I’m feeling… so I’m in this “tiptoe” mode, as if being that way will prevent whatever unexpected thing that might come. ๐Ÿ˜

I’ve gotta pick up my other batch of meds tomorrow and do a couple of things at the post office, so that could give me an excuse to do some other shit while I’m in town… hell… I don’t even know what the weather’s supposed to be like, nor do I have any idea of what I might even want to do. Heh… guess I probably shouldn’t overthink it… so everyone just wish me luck towards getting a couple good days to myself.

 

Home Stretch

I’m writing this particular entry at 6:00a because yesterday kicked my ass, and I ended up falling asleep around 8:00p last night… which, honestly, I don’t even remember happening. ๐Ÿ˜ I guess that serves as proof (?) of how I have a limited battery when it comes to certain types of activities.

Yesterday afternoon was my appointment with the estate attorney, which I hope will be one of the last times that I have to see him. He was nice as usual, and it seemed that his lack of focus on my particular needs was based more on his full plate rather than anything intentional. I’m not excusing it, the way my calls went unanswered, but I’ve made my share of mistakes or slight delays in the process as well, so it just is what it is.

Everything is going to wind down now, finally, and with the exception of a little paperwork and an appearance before the court (for Steve, not me) there’s not much else that I’m likely going to have to do. I only have to wait a few days to make sure the figures that I’ve got are kosher, and then that’ll pretty much be that.

But yesterday… heh… I thought I was gonna be able to go in there and wrap things up in like ten minutes, but of course things are never that simple when lawyers and courts are involved. ๐Ÿ™„ I didn’t think I’d have to bring all of the shit I’ve compiled over the past year and a half, so I had to also run over to the bank, run back home for some stuff, and then back there to drop off the remaining paperwork. A little more work at home, preparing some paperwork and stuff I have to mail out, and *ploop*ย … I was out. ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ด

But It’ll Be Fun

Feeling pretty miserable today. ๐Ÿ˜ž Christina’s cancer fund-raiser is this evening, but I just can’t make myself go. They’re doing it as a “bar crawl” since she used to be a bartender, and therefore has a ton of friends/acquaintances that would be likely to come out in that fashion… but me, with my twitchy social anxiety and introversion, it’s just not my scene anymore.

I feel bad, because I’d really like to be able to go and show my support, but there’s not really anything that I can do about it. I sent a message to Chelsea a bit ago, explaining why I wouldn’t be there, and I think she’ll understand for the most part. The shirts they had made for the event… it marks the third “cancer support” t-shirt that I’ve bought this summer in regards to a friend who’s fighting that battle, and that’s three shirts too many. (And that’s only my cancer-fightin’ friends who are doing that sort of fund raising.)

But like I told her, I’m not doing very good at accepting “bad” these days, and when there’s an option of being reminded of that “bad” vs. hopefully just being able to avoid the thought of that “bad” altogether and acting like it’s not real… heh… well, I think you know which option my brain chooses for me. I mean, I know they’re gonna have fun and that it will be hopeful, goofy, optimistic, etc… but right now everything just feels too heavy and I can’t be there. (And yet here I am, still feeling “bleh” about it since my brain won’t let me go. ๐Ÿ˜’ It can be frustrating being me sometimes.)

Wait, How Much?

The other day I did some investigating in regards to the monthly cost of the various medications that I’m prescribed, for the injury/disability that is currently covered by my workers comp claim. It’s been quite a while since I’ve given it much thought, but man… now that I see the numbers… damn. ๐Ÿ˜ง These are the prices that I would pay if I had no insurance, and was paying for my prescriptions with cash.

  • Medication #1” – Brand Name: $284.99 / Generic: $73.59
  • Medication #2” – Brand Name: $1314.99 / Generic: $535.99
  • Medication #3” – Brand Name: $996.99 / Generic: (N/A)

So with those figures… add in the monthly office appointments, the potential tests or procedures that I might need to have in the future… and you can see how I’d be a bigger financial burden to my WC insurer than one might originally think. (And it sure makes these settlement negotiations feel a whole lot more significant to my future.)