Some Today, Some Tomorrow

Woke up to my neck feeling all janky today… either from sleeping on it wrong, or just from the building stress of the last few days. But I still dragged my ass out of bed with intention today, determined to get some of the stuff on my mental to-do list done. It wasn’t until I was getting ready to leave the house that I realized it was 92 effing degrees outside today. The heat still takes a little more toll on me than it used to, and along with the neck / headache shit – I ended up scaling back my goals just a bit.

First stop was gassing up the Fusion and topping off the air in the tires, then to the bank, then to the post office – to mail out that report for my attorneys. I wish I could snap my fingers and it would just be there, but I’ll have to be okay with them getting it tomorrow and then finally actually looking at it at the start of next week. I’m gonna give Jim a call though and leave him a message, letting him know that it’s coming.

And then since my car has gone from “change oil soon” to “oil change required”, I figured I should go ahead and get that done while I was out today. It was like I suspected though… and why I like these new guys that I go to for service… he said the synthetic blend that I got last time could have actually lasted me many more miles, and the car was only crying because I forgot to inform it that it got synthetic this last time, and didn’t increase the mileage interval before it starts squawking at me. But yeah, for an oil change place to say 7,500 miles on synthetic is cake, and even 10,000 wouldn’t be that bad… that shows some honesty that you wouldn’t always expect.

But by the time the oil change was finished, the base of my skull was thumping and I was feeling pretty meh due to hanging around in the heat as I waited, so I decided that was enough “on the go” chores for the day. Hoping I’ll bounce back overnight tonight, so I can finally go get my hair cut and schedule an eye appointment tomorrow.

Ugh… I hate that the workers comp crap is still in the back of my mind though. Today is a good example of something that would be used against me. “Look! He admits to working on his car!” (Because they’d count putting air into my tires as work.) And if I didn’t specifically state that I took my car somewhere for an oil change, they’d probably claim that I didΒ that myself as well. And of course, regardless of whether I mention any levels of pain or not, there’s this strange “Robert admits to performing multiple chores, including multiple stops at various locations throughout his day.” kind of stuff that’s obviously intended to imply something…

I guess I just thought that I was past the point of having to justify doing things that I simply have to do, or pointing out every time that something causes me difficulty or pain each time I do it. It hurts to do certain things, such as folding laundry, standing and doing dishes, etc… but of course I still have to do those things. I’m not sure how pointing out that I’m still managing to get by, despite my disability and pain, somehow makes me the bad guy. Meh… but anyway… I’m okay with what I was able to accomplish today.

EDIT: After I finished this entry, I remembered something else that annoyed me enough to come back to add this. Weeks ago I learned that Skillet was having a concert at the end of September in Columbus. However, I’m not going to that concert… a concert by one of my most favorite bands… because it’s a general admission show, and it would simply hurt too much to stand and be bumped around for that hour and a half. I’ve fought with myself, trying to make myself go, but I chose not to because I don’t want to hurt. I think I even made an entry where I wondered about “disabled seating” for folks like me… but in the end, despite it being a show I’d desperately love to see, I’m not going. My life is a constant balancing act because of my disability and pain… sometimes I have to do things that hurt (like chores) that I don’t want to do, but I have to. Sometimes I choose to do something fun, despite knowing that fun thing will likely cause me pain… and I think that’s okay too. But then there are examples like this – where I really wanna do something, but I’m not willing to pay the pain-equivalent of “the price of admission” to do it, because I’m that concerned with avoiding extra pain. Yet the legitimacy of my disability and pain is still being questioned, year after year after year…Β  fml.

Advertisements

See, I’ll Still Ramble…

I had a good day out of the house yesterday. Well, afternoon anyway… did some “chore” running that I had to do, stopped off at a couple thrift stores, and then went out to visit with Dad for an hour or so before heading back home. πŸ™‚ Did quite a bit, relative to the same time several weeks ago, and it didn’t take too much out of me… but I did fall asleep way too damn early yesterday. πŸ™„πŸ˜ It wasn’t that “drained” type of sleep… I just went back to the bedroom early, figuring I’d watch a couple movies before I sacked out, but I ended up actually falling asleep around 7pm. 😴

Woke back up at midnight, watched the 2nd and 3rd Matrix movies (since I watched the first one again a couple days ago), then fell asleep near the end of the last one and didn’t wake up until around 10am this morning. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ So it’s 11pm now, I’m in bed, and I’m tired – but not sleepy – so I really have no idea when I’m gonna fall asleep or when I’ll wake up. πŸ€ͺ Luckily the only thing on my agenda tomorrow is going out to see Bri at some point. She’s one of my friends that I didn’t want to see me in as bad of condition as I was for those several weeks, especially considering that she lost her mom to cancer last year. 😟

Two totally different kinds, so any symptoms shouldn’t be compared at all – but I just know that if people saw me during the really bad week or two, they could definitely get the wrong idea about how good or bad I was doing. 😳 But anyway, I’m feeling “better enough” now that I don’t think I come off as “concerning” anymore… at least no more than usual. 😏 So I’m 99% sure I’ll still end up seeing her tomorrow, it’ll probably just be later in the day than I was thinking when I talked to her earlier. She’s great though… and a little frustrated with me at the moment… because like she repeatedly tells me – she’s been through the worst of the worst with her mom, so she doesn’t want me to feel like I have to hide anything from her for her sake. πŸ˜ŠπŸ’•

But my little thrifting trip… it was productive as well. I got a couple shirts, picked up some cheap stereo speakers for Cassi’s receiver that she got, and then found this strange, lone drinking glass with the silhouette of just a woman’s black hair and old-school glasses. 🧐😯 It immediately reminded me of Mom… from a few of her photos when she was really young… and when I showed it to Dad, unprompted, he immediately saw the same thing that I did. 😊 So that was kinda neat, and such a random thing for me to have spotted on a shelf where I normally wouldn’t have even been looking. I’ll have to take a better photo of that glass and then find one or two of the pictures of Mom that it resembles. πŸ™‚

Even more random, Genesee was heading back home from a trip she had taken with her family over the long weekend – and at the same time that I spotted that glass, she sent me a photo of an exit sign that they had just passed under, showing that they were only a couple of miles from the Atlantic City Expressway. 😊🎰 So, yeah… even though I think about her every day, it seems like Mom wanted to make sureΒ that she definitely got our attention that day. πŸ™‚Β And it worked…

I Think They Wait For Me To Come Out

I was trying to avoid it, but I had to go in town today to hit the bank, the post office, and then the pharmacy… where I was able to pick up only one of my two meds. πŸ˜’ I’ve still got a few days before I’ll have to start worrying, so whatever, it should be alright. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ But today… despite it being absolutely gorgeous outside… boy were the assholes out in force.

βŒβž–Β Idiot children riding their bikes on Old Logan Rd, and purposely swerving into traffic to make cars have to hit their breaks or swerve themselves.

βŒβž–Β Rubbernecking dipshits downtown, watching medics treat someone who had apparently passed out along the sidewalk, while pulling into and clogging the intersection when the traffic lights changed, due to everyone forgetting how to drive. πŸ™„

βŒβž–Β At the pharmacy there was a mother standing in the same line as me, and she was letting her little boy run wild. 😠 Of course he eventually knocked over anΒ entire display of reading glasses – then cried and screamed as she just stood there, telling him to pick them all up as he kept telling her “no.”

βŒβž–Β As I was shopping there, an extra-large woman was blocking the aisle with her cart and her body, yet she let out an audible sigh when I said “Excuse me” as I waited to move my own cart past her. She could have just moved out of the way on her own, but I’m convinced that she wanted me to say something so she could then be mad about it. 😏

βŒβž–Β A couple aisles later I encountered the same lady, continuing to use her fatness to block the entire aisle again, but she looked up and saw me coming – and she scowled as she got out of the way on her own before I reached her again.

βŒβž–Β At the intersection of Ewing and Sugar Grove Rd there was a woman who had the “yield” sign didn’t but didn’t yield, but when she realized that she had made a mistake she just stopped in the middle of the damn road.Β πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Right in everyone’s way, forcing people to swing extremely wide just to get around her until she finally moved again.

βŒβž–Β Then on the way home, despite traveling 60 MPH myself, some jackass decided to zip around me so he could then ride the ass of another car farther in front of me, when he found himself stuck in a no-passing zone. πŸŽπŸ’¨ It didn’t bother me, but it was a dick move towards the car in front of me.

The lady who waited on me at the pharmacy was great, the guy that served me through the window at Rax was nice, and the cute girl at the drive-thru was friendly as well. I happened to be listening to Metallica when I pulled in, as was she there in the building, so she smiled and pointed out that she knows how to pick good music too. 😏

So, even though I listed all of those assholes and their asshole things, the trip in town was actually fine. I didn’t have to be anywhere urgently, none of what was happening was really affecting me, nor did I care to let it… but if it had been any other day, when I’d normally start off gritting my teefs before I even got in my car, then it may have been a different story. πŸ™‚