Some Today, Some Tomorrow

Woke up to my neck feeling all janky today… either from sleeping on it wrong, or just from the building stress of the last few days. But I still dragged my ass out of bed with intention today, determined to get some of the stuff on my mental to-do list done. It wasn’t until I was getting ready to leave the house that I realized it was 92 effing degrees outside today. The heat still takes a little more toll on me than it used to, and along with the neck / headache shit – I ended up scaling back my goals just a bit.

First stop was gassing up the Fusion and topping off the air in the tires, then to the bank, then to the post office – to mail out that report for my attorneys. I wish I could snap my fingers and it would just be there, but I’ll have to be okay with them getting it tomorrow and then finally actually looking at it at the start of next week. I’m gonna give Jim a call though and leave him a message, letting him know that it’s coming.

And then since my car has gone from “change oil soon” to “oil change required”, I figured I should go ahead and get that done while I was out today. It was like I suspected though… and why I like these new guys that I go to for service… he said the synthetic blend that I got last time could have actually lasted me many more miles, and the car was only crying because I forgot to inform it that it got synthetic this last time, and didn’t increase the mileage interval before it starts squawking at me. But yeah, for an oil change place to say 7,500 miles on synthetic is cake, and even 10,000 wouldn’t be that bad… that shows some honesty that you wouldn’t always expect.

But by the time the oil change was finished, the base of my skull was thumping and I was feeling pretty meh due to hanging around in the heat as I waited, so I decided that was enough “on the go” chores for the day. Hoping I’ll bounce back overnight tonight, so I can finally go get my hair cut and schedule an eye appointment tomorrow.

Ugh… I hate that the workers comp crap is still in the back of my mind though. Today is a good example of something that would be used against me. “Look! He admits to working on his car!” (Because they’d count putting air into my tires as work.) And if I didn’t specifically state that I took my car somewhere for an oil change, they’d probably claim that I did that myself as well. And of course, regardless of whether I mention any levels of pain or not, there’s this strange “Robert admits to performing multiple chores, including multiple stops at various locations throughout his day.” kind of stuff that’s obviously intended to imply something…

I guess I just thought that I was past the point of having to justify doing things that I simply have to do, or pointing out every time that something causes me difficulty or pain each time I do it. It hurts to do certain things, such as folding laundry, standing and doing dishes, etc… but of course I still have to do those things. I’m not sure how pointing out that I’m still managing to get by, despite my disability and pain, somehow makes me the bad guy. Meh… but anyway… I’m okay with what I was able to accomplish today.

EDIT: After I finished this entry, I remembered something else that annoyed me enough to come back to add this. Weeks ago I learned that Skillet was having a concert at the end of September in Columbus. However, I’m not going to that concert… a concert by one of my most favorite bands… because it’s a general admission show, and it would simply hurt too much to stand and be bumped around for that hour and a half. I’ve fought with myself, trying to make myself go, but I chose not to because I don’t want to hurt. I think I even made an entry where I wondered about “disabled seating” for folks like me… but in the end, despite it being a show I’d desperately love to see, I’m not going. My life is a constant balancing act because of my disability and pain… sometimes I have to do things that hurt (like chores) that I don’t want to do, but I have to. Sometimes I choose to do something fun, despite knowing that fun thing will likely cause me pain… and I think that’s okay too. But then there are examples like this – where I really wanna do something, but I’m not willing to pay the pain-equivalent of “the price of admission” to do it, because I’m that concerned with avoiding extra pain. Yet the legitimacy of my disability and pain is still being questioned, year after year after year…  fml.

Batina/Bu Tae-nam/부태남/富怠男

Okay, so when someone says or writes their full name in Korean, their family (last) name is the first part, followed by their given names. Names are almost always three syllables long, and many, many families seem to share the same surname because when people were permitted to have and use a last name, many of them selected a name that is associated with a former leader or emperor or whatever… to distance themselves from what they felt would be seen as a family name belonging to a commoner or slave. That’s why you have so many Kims, Parks, Gangs, Kwans, etc.

So, the last name is typically one syllable and the given names have two. There’s no direct translation for “Robert” in Korean, so I’m going a different route and am attempting to use my last name of “Batina” as my full Korean name, which conveniently has three syllables already. So I chose a legitimate family name of “Bu”, and then a given name of Taenam (or Tae-nam) because those are also legitimate Korean given names that sound the most like my last name when spoken together phonetically. Batina. Bu Tae-nam,

Granted, not perfect, but there are just certain sounds that aren’t in the Korean language that would allow something to have an exact phonetic translation. Plus, like I said, Bu is an actual family name – although not terribly common – and the given name of Tae is a masculine name, although I don’t think it typically has “nam” (which often means “south”) following it. You’d type all three Hangul characters together for the Hangul Korean version: 부태남 … but if you put a space after the second character, the American translation would be “booty” of all things.

So, that’s Bu Tae-nam in Hangul: 부태남. However, it’s not that simple. Korean names are also written in Hanja Korean, which use Chinese characters recognized by the SK government, to give meaning to each syllable. So, in Hanja I’ve chosen these three characters, which are still pronounced very close to “boo-tay-nam” if you wanted to speak the Hanja, But I believe people pronounce their names from the Hangul and only use the Hanja when they write it or have a name seal produced. But my Hanja characters are: 富怠男 which allegedly mean “Rich Man” when used together. But for example, the name Tae… there are about 20 different recognized Chinese symbols that you can choose from, and each one gives the “Tae” name a different meaning. I chose my symbols not because I’m bragging or think that I’m rich, but because they form the least ridiculous Hanja/Hangul translation that sounds phonetically similar to Batina.

Interestingly enough, it was coming across a random Japanese video about “name seals” that got me interested in choosing a Korean name. It seems that across many parts of Asia, name seals are actually recorded with the government and used in place of an actual signature. So when you have your name seal created, you can have it done in Hangul or Hanja, and the more stylized the design the better – as it can be made to look completely different than someone else’s with the same or very similar name. And having a larger than normal affinity for stationary and office product type stuff, it just all came together to make me curious enough to look into it as far as I did.

But like I said… this is only what I think is the proper way for choosing not only a Korean name, but as for how to write it in either Hangul or choose the Hanja characters for the Hangul which give each name its on meaning. I’m absolutely sure there’s plenty I’m just skipping past here, but that’s the basic idea of it. But in order to feel fully confident in choosing and using Bu Tae-nam as my Korean name, I’d really want to run it past a few authentic Korean citizens to see what they’re reaction to it would be. I wouldn’t want to have a bizarre Korean name, the same way we’d react if a Korean person moved here and picked out Johnny Whizbang McPuffinstuff as their name – just because there was a similarity somewhere along the way when it came to the phonetics.

So yeah, for now I’m still gonna say that I’m tentatively gonna call myself 부태남.

(Sorry, no emojis and little bold or italics or whatever – took all my brain reserves for tonight just to punch up this explanation and process as I’m familiar with it. And yeah, I’m definitely going to get a name seal at some point… obviously not registered anywhere… because it also reminds me of the sealing wax stamps that Mom used to have, which featured our family initials or monogram. It’s just something neat and unusual. Maybe more on this later… maybe not… carry on.)