Alright Then

Ended up staying up for most of the night last night, so after seven hours of sleep it was well into the afternoon before I woke up today. But at least I woke up feeling decent. I’m responsible for screwing up my sleep schedule this time, but I’m gonna try to fix it by going to bed early tonight to stop the bleeding before my days and nights are completely inverted.

Gonna start doing some work around here in a little bit, but I’m also gonna try to use today as a jump point for getting my shit together a little better again in general. Things aren’t bad, but I just need to find a flow again, and find some purpose again, to keep my mood pointed in the right direction. That’s why I sometimes like having a significant backlog of “to-do list” stuff that I can tackle at any given moment, because sometimes I need a handful of those smaller things that I can actually accomplish and then feel decent because I “did something” that day.

The only real plan plan that I’ve yet to make for this week is when I’m gonna go over and visit with Mom and Dad. I hate going when my mood is crap, because I feel like my “meh” about things and myself will be obvious and contagious, so I’m mentally gonna aim for Friday – with today and tomorrow going towards helping me feel a little more human. But I’m gonna hop off here and see how today goes… not gonna pin myself down with a bunch of “YOU MUST GET THIS DONE!” stuff, but yeah… heh

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Woozy

I’m glad when the weather is crappy on the days that I feel crappy. Today was one of those days, for both things. πŸ˜• It’s hotter than shit outside, but there was even a little bit of hail for a couple of minutes earlier. But I don’t know if it was something I ate or what, but yesterday afternoon through today… bleh… 🀒 Thankfully it never got to the point where I was kneeling at the porcelain throne, and I think that by the time I wake up tomorrow I’ll be alright. 🀞🏻 Might try to eat some soup later. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Even though I don’t accomplish a lot each day, being sorta laid up for an entire day is making me twitchy. I’ve got all these little things in my mind that I’d like to work on around here, some of which wouldn’t involve much more than sitting here at the laptop, so I’m hoping to maybe at least get some of that stuff done this evening – while being careful not to do anything to provoke the gurgle… heh

Maybe it was all those frozen taquitos the other day. πŸ€”

Self-Inflicted

The past several days have been remarkably the same for me, so I’ve actually gotten into a flow… albeit an annoying one, since my body is still giving me a hard time. πŸ˜’ But I’ve been able to build up the energy to do a limited amount of “whatever” each day, but I also completely crash after I finish whatever it is that I was doing. So I just kinda have to go into each “thing” with that in mind…

It’s embarrassing being this worn down all the time. 😞 It’s not being lazy, but it sure looks like being lazy. As I’ve described to others, it’s like I wake up each day with only 10% – 15% in my battery, and once I use it up it’s just gone. That leads to unintentionally falling asleep for several hours during the day, and then only being able to sleep about that same amount that night – effectively splitting one 24 period into what feels like two “days” for me, with the second “day” consisting of me not being worth a shit.

But I’ve chosen my projects wisely over the past couple of weeks… getting all my laundry done and put away, the kitchen, living room, and bathroom all cleaned, I did a huge grocery shopping session today and put it all away, plus several other things that I needed to do like changing light bulbs in several ceiling fixtures. πŸ˜– And let me tell you, having only one arm that I can raise above my head… removing heavy glass light covers and screwing in several bulbs was the most difficult (painful) thing I’ve done in a long time. With my ill-advised Memorial Day Walmart shopping trip being a close second. 😏

I actually went to Logan instead of the one in Lancaster, because I feel like I “fit” more with the Logan people at the moment. Heh… that sounds bad, but it’s accurate… I’ve never seen so many grumpy looking average shlubs in a store at one time. It actually made it easier to shop… looking around at all these people who looked like they were significantly more annoyed than me to have to be there. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Working The Kinks Out

It seems that, for a change, I did exactly what I needed to do to get myself feeling better from yesterday. 😳 Before I even started The Walking Dead last night I raised shields, cut off communications, and let things remain that way until half way through the day today. I only slept about 6 hours, but walking up to the sun rising, as well as to a phone that I had no intention of checking… it’s like the minimal stress of wondering what my phone will want from me is sometimes enough to tip me to the bad side, where whatever I’m trying to shake will remain. 😐 More of my weirdness, I suppose.

And it’s not like I’m in high demand or something… but it just helped everything about how I was feeling yesterday, to not be beholden to my phone or anyone wanting me for anything through it. (Make sentences bad, structure coming good tonight is not. πŸ˜…) And as they day progressed, even though I used the laptop to dick around on Twitter, I started feeling better. πŸ™‚ As I was watching Justice League I started straightening the living room. As I watched some news I went ahead and ran the vacuum. And then before I started some YouTube videos about scanner/radio frequencies, πŸ€“ I took all the baskets of dirty clothes down to the basement and started a couple loads. All of that before I even thought about looking at my phone. πŸ˜€

When I did, I was relieved to see that I only had a couple messages waiting for me, and nothing on my social media of any importance. The world went on just fine without me. SHIT. I do think I remember seeing a call notice though.

I guess I better check that now… πŸ˜…Β  Β ** pause while listening to voice mail **

Well I have absolutely no idea what the hell that was all about. Some fella left a message, and he knew my first name, saying that he was from Lowe’s installation and that he was calling about my “overnight cooktop” (I think) and wanted me to give him a call back to let him know if I’d be home. Heh… no idea. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow, but I can tell you right now the last thing I’m interested in is an overnight cooktop.

But anyway… all that’s left for me to do today is get these shirts onto hangers and up in the closet, and the towels onto the shelf into the bathroom and I’m golden. 😎 Just gonna take that for what it’s worth, and I’ll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. I’m just happy that I figured out what it took to get me through this day.

Catching Up (More Later?)

Okay, I’ll put some effort into this entry. Things have been rough lately. Cassi and her family moved to a new apartment, and I was asked to help out where I could – and that’s all I could do, help out where I could. But basically what you had was a rag tag crew of broken people, trying to move an entire apartment’s worth of stuff as quickly as possible. 😬 I didn’t do much more than move boxes from the basement, up the stairs, and into the kitchen (what feels like 100 times) and then I did help Cassi with the actual packing of her room and taking those boxes downstairs too. πŸ˜₯ So even though what I was doing was mostly lifting dead weight, which doesn’t kill my neck and shoulder when done in moderation – of course I’m still dying today just due to the scale of what we were trying to do. (I wasn’t there for unloading day, handled by Cassi, Athena, and Athena’s new d00d.)

But anyway, I’ve done enough bitching on Twitter. We did have some other help for the bigger items, so everything that needed to get done got done. Of course we all wish we didn’t have to kill ourselves like we did, but it had to be done. One good thing though is that I’m pretty sure I’m still going to feel horrible by the time I get my MRI done tomorrow. Yes, thankfully it seems the scan has been approved – although now I’m remembering that I have a voice mail on my phone from the risk management company associated with my claim, so I can’t guarantee anything until I check that later. 😠 But the extra pain that I’ve been having, the random seizing that my neck is doing, the “different” noises it makes – I’m just really concerned that something is going bad in there. And I’m torn, because I want them to tell me that yes, it’s worse, and that it’s not just a coincidence… but of course I don’t want it to be something so bad that they start talking about another surgery. 😳

Oh, and in order to not stress Z out while they were getting ready to move, I decided to be cat-sitter again. 😺 I had her for several days, which was long enough this time for her to really start taking to me. No more hiding when I’d go down to the basement to see her – which was probably due in part to the liberal sharing of catnip and the regular “paper wad flipping” sessions. 😊 It’s nice to see that she hasn’t lost her excitement for that game.

So with all of that out of the way, after I get done with my MRI on Wednesday and hopefully get over to Aunt Sharon’s sometime today to help with her computer – then my life can maybe start going back to its normal boring-ness for a few days, and I can put my new vacuum together to see how she works… and do my laundry… and dishes… and bills… and continue packing away “get rid of” stuff… etc… 😏 I’m sure I’ll still pop up to Cassi’s a couple times in the near future to help her unpack things here and there, but thank God all of the ass-busting work has been done.

Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?

While I was cleaning this afternoon I came across my Windows 10 tablet, which I hadn’t used in many months. So I figured I’d plug it in, charge it up, and then download whatever updates it asked for. πŸ€“ It was a solid plan on paper, but within a few minutes of connecting the power I began to smell the familiar aroma of burning electronic components. 😳 I’m glad that what I was working on kept me in the same room, otherwise it’s hard to tell what might have happened.

I’m pleased with the amount of stuff that I got done today though. The living room is clean, the last little bit of laundry is clean and waiting for me to fold it, and then I sorted through some more stuff and added to the “sale/auction” boxes stacked in the extra bedroom. 😎 I did it all at a very “cautious” pace though… ‘cuz my brain is still being unpredictable, and I didn’t wanna push my luck too much. 😐

The accidental hour-long nap that I took this afternoon is gonna fuck me though. πŸ˜’ Not that I had a healthy/normal sleep schedule going on yet anyway, but yeah… I know I’ve got a few hours before I’m gonna evenΒ possibly feel sleepy. Guess that means I won’t have an excuse to not fold all these clothes before I sack out, eh?

Okay, Maybe That Was A Bit Bleak

It’s utterly miserable outside today… and I’m so glad. 😏 I think I may have explained this before, but when I know that I’m not going to be able to leave the house (for whatever reason) I’d much rather it be gloomy and awful out than sunny and 70 degrees – because the day doesn’t seem nearly as wasted that way.Β  The clouds are so dramatic looking that I considered doing some sort of time-lapse video, but it’s also been raining pretty heavily – and I can’t be arsed to get soaked just to make another time-lapse that looks like half-a-dozen of the other videos that I’ve made over the years.

But I just wanted to come back in here today to make a lighter post, to balance the somewhat heavy feel of the one that I made last night. (ie: even when everything is horrible, everything isn’t horrible.)

Even though this past week has been challenging, I did still complete some more work towards sorting through shit here in the house that can be sold via yard sale or auction or whatever. It’s hard to explain how an excess of inconsequential “stuff” can feel overwhelming at times, but it does. And it’s not just my own stuff that I’ve compiled over the years, but also all of the stuff that was already in this house when I moved in. 😐 But yeah, I filled up another big ol’ U-Haul moving box full of random goods, which felt like (and was) a nice small accomplishment.

Another non-bleh thing from the past few days was that I volunteered to watch the fur babies again for a couple of days while their house was being fogged for silverfish. πŸ™„ It is a πŸ‘πŸ» huge πŸ‘πŸ» friggin‘ πŸ‘πŸ» painΒ inΒ the πŸ‘πŸ» ass –Β getting them here, housing them, and then getting them back home… heh… but as y’all know, I try to help out friends when I can, plus it was nice to see Dad’s kitties again. Lily is really starting to show her age, but she is soooo lovey when she sees me now. 😊 Maybe she knows that I’m responsible for her getting soft food while the others get dry.

And then this year’s county fair came and went this week. I can’t remember if I already mentioned it… but meh… it’s something where I could honestly take it or leave it right now. I know some of my friends went, and I’m sure that there’d be plenty of other people there that I’d know as well – but honestly I just didn’t have the oomph to deal with any of them.Β  That sounds so awful, I know… but introverted people with anxiety issues are like “Dude. I know exactly what you mean.”Β I’m just bringing it up here because it makes the empath in me smile to see many of my normally-unhappy friends making happy posts from the fair on their FB walls and such.