Youth: Wasted On The Young

Lemme tell ya… ๐Ÿ˜ once I write something, I swear it’s like I’ve invoked the spirits to deliver exactly the opposite. Talking about the awesome weather a few days ago? How I was feeling pretty darn good? ๐Ÿ˜… So of course that meant today the sun rose over a crunchy, icy, snow covered everything. (I know. I was there.) It was pretty, but it’s just that I didn’t catch any forecasts – because I somehow managed to invert my days and nights again, and I’ve ended up feeling a bit off due to it. ๐Ÿค” Or I felt a bit off and that messed up my sleep. Meh… nothing serious, it’s just frustrating (convenience-wise) when I slip from the humans’ schedule.

I think it’s gonna sort itself out tonight though. Woke up before noon yesterday, ended up staying awake all night, then all of today… and now the sun has set, and I think I still have enough oomph to stay up for at least a few more hours. Sounds like a recipe for a good night’s sleep, no? ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป

Maven has been trying to help… by not helping. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜„ She sticks to me like glue if she senses that my energy is off, so any time I’d try to sleep – whether kicked back in the recliner, on the floor by the heater, or hiding under the covers in bed… as soon as I’d almost nod off, she’d deftly plop down somewhere inconvenient or just directly on me. ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿคจ Can’t be mad though… her intentions are good. ๐Ÿ˜บ

So bear with me if I go radio silent for another day or two, or if you’re not able to get me on the phone or via messages. Just getting everything back on track so I can continue this slightly-good streak. ๐Ÿ˜Ž Monthly WC doc appointment is coming up on Monday though, which is always followed by the lengthy, fun approval process (or not) at the pharmacy. ๐Ÿ˜ (I’ll push that to the back of my thoughts for the weekend.) Plus, for after my appointment, I’m gonna make my version of tuna fish sammiches for me and Dad (even though nothing can top Mom’s vacation sammiches ๐Ÿ˜Œ) so that visit will also help to take my mind off of any BS for the duration.

I shall return.

Turn A Corner

I’m always cautious when I start to feel like things are “letting up” a bit, like to the point where I might be able to start returning some “normal” consistency into my daily life again… mainly because I know how quickly things can change. ๐Ÿ˜ But at the same time, I don’t want to miss a chance just because I’m nervously awaiting the next “thing” that’s gonna come down the pike.

But I’ve found myself with a little gap here, where my appointments, obligations, phone calls, etc are almost none. ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป So for the weekend, and maybeย a bit longer, I’m hoping that I can work around my pain and kinda act like everything else is fine. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚ You have to understand that I’m almost always in “react” mode, rather than doing whatever it is that I might actually want to be doing, because my brain is usually full of all of the other stuff that often demands my time and attention.

My medical issues obviously aren’t going away, and the workers comp “back and forth” also seems indefinite for now. So unless I want to live in a constant state of pain, worry, uncertainty, and anxiousness – I really need to do a better job of grabbing these chunks of time. Moments of less urgency and fuss (re: everything… not just my health, my disability, and the WC stuff) where I can try to make that time count. ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

Being optimistic doesn’t come easily for me these days, so I suppose that I made this post today because I am actually feeling a hint of optimism at the moment. ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป Plus, just like when I talk about it with certain friends or family, talking about it here also helps to somewhat reinforce that feeling. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ So just send me your positive juju, if you would. I don’t even have “plans” for what I want to make of the next several days. It’s more like a vague “new year’s resolution” type of feeling where you just know you want things to be different.

Got My Stuff Done

Well, that seems to work. If I don’t promise myself or anyone else that I’m gonna do something on a particular day, for some reason that makes it easier for me to do those things… even if it’s on that particular day. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ˜

(Don’t ask… I don’t get it either.)

My knee, shoulders, and neck are extra fucked today, but I guess the best way I can describe getting ready for today was how a diver psyches themselves up and takes the deepest breath possible before sinking into the water. ๐Ÿ˜š That’s kinda what I mentally do when I have to go out and do a bunch of stuff when I’m not feeling great. Heh… actually, any time that I have to go out and deal with the humans for too long. ๐Ÿ˜

It was a productive few hours though. Stopped by the pharmacy and managed to get my money back (finally) from one of the more expensive meds that WC was giving me trouble with… then I picked up my new glasses and a few other things from Walmart, dodging all the trashy looking people as best as I could. ๐Ÿ˜’ I mean, I try not to judge, but my gosh… the things that some of these people wear when they go to Walmart. I think it must be some sort of ironic thing that they do on purpose these days.

After that I grabbed some things that Genesee requested, along with some Chinese take-out for me and Dad, and then I headed over there for a visit for a couple of hours. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ll say one thing… it’s good that Dad and I share almost identical views on how things are going with our government at the moment. Heh… the conversations would go a lot different otherwise. I also got to explain a little more about what’s going on with my WC case, even though I’m still basically in the dark regarding the half that’s going through the actual Ohio court system, or at least soon will be. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

He asked if I ever wondered if WC people every tried to watch me. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ”ญย And the more that I think about it, man do I wish that they would. Because 90% of the time they’d be paying someone to sit somewhere in my neighborhood to document that my ass rarely leaves the house. ๐Ÿ˜„ There’s an easy job for someone, eh? But I don’t know, I suppose anyone that wanted to find fault in something that an injured / disabled person was doing – they could probably find it.

I don’t mow my own grass anymore, but I once did. (On a riding mower) It caused my shoulder to be all jacked up that night and the next day, which is the reason I stopped and started paying someone to do it, but anyone that saw me would have been able to “Look, he’s mowing his grass!” me. ๐Ÿ˜•

One of the few “extra” things that I indulge in every now and then are concerts with friends. And while the disability in my neck / shoulder doesn’t have anything to do with whether I can physically “attend” a concert or not, let it be known that those concerts are never without their own unique form of punishment afterwards. Even that rather limited physical activity screws me up for days. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Hell, I didn’t even go to the Skillet concert a few months ago when they were in town… basically because I didn’t want to feel beat up afterwards.

But like I told him, I don’t worry about it too much because everything about my case is real. I don’t try to exaggerate anything, and I don’t make it a secret that I sometimes do things that end up causing me extra pain in the affected areas. ๐Ÿค•๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ I’d wager that my doctor’s notes have quite a few remarks from where I’ve told him about things like, I dunno, going to the fair, walking around, taking pictures of the day… because the days following that sort of thing cause me added pain, which is something I want him to know.

So it just is what it is. ๐Ÿ˜ Most of my time is spent avoiding things that cause me additional pain, but sometimes I do things that I have to do that cause me pain – and sometimes I do things that I want to do that also cause me pain. I’d hope that anyone who was genuinely, fairly judging me wouldn’t hold it against me that every now and then I wanna pretend like I’m not as damaged as I am, whether it’s a random task I have to do myself or if it’s an occasion where I just wanna do something fun for a change.

I just do me. If anyone decides to follow and takes notes, I don’t have anything to hide. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚

Ready For Tomorrow

Not gonna go out and do any of my running today… and when I say “running” I obviously mean in terms of going around and handling my shit… but between my knee being sorta fucked and today being a holiday, I’ve decided to wait until tomorrow to go out.

My final prescription is ready to be picked up, but like my other one – workers comp didn’t cover it, so I’ll be paying for that out of pocket. (I’m starting to get a little anxious for the damn IC hearing to get rescheduled, so we can get this bullshit sorted out.) But I couldn’t wait and fight them any longer, hoping that they’d eventually give in and pay, since that script ran out today and I’ll actually need it tomorrow.

Also just got a call from Walmart, letting me know that my glasses came in today. This could end up being an interesting process, getting used to this new pair… since not only will it be my first time with bi-focals, but they’re no-line bi-focals and apparently have three distinct correction levels in each lens. I tend to look through the top of my glasses most of the time anyway, so I think that at least the distance vision won’t feel dramatically different. But I see some headaches in my future, literally, as I get used to them.

Gen’s still having a good time in Florida, sending me photos and videos of them on the beach, walking in the water, hanging out with an amazingly chill flock of seagulls, etc. (Much unlike the crazy birds in Atlantic City) Then there’s Jim, who’s still getting fuck-all when it comes to responses to his job applications. All these different places, with rejection e-mails that sound nearly identical… it makes a person wonder if a human even sees the applications, or if an AI just sorts folks into the “nope” pile before firing off an impersonal email.

But since I’ve got the laptop open (to do bills) I’m gonna putz around and see if I can find any job openings around him that he may have missed, or ones that he may not have initially believed he could do. Oh, and while I’ve posted various unlisted videos to YouTube lately for sharing with friends or family, last night I actually made and uploaded a public video. Not sure if it’ll get any views, but it was something easy to do with Google Earth and folks that used to live here when they were kids but have since moved away… it might be something they’d be interested in.

Okay, time to start a movie, get the bills done, and try to take it easy for a bit.

EDIT: Oh, and tonight… try to catch it…
If you time it right, at around 8:20pm you’ll be able to witness 20:20:20 on Jan 20, 2020. ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿ˜

Rambling Catch-Up

I’ve seen a few more articles recently saying that Ohio’s flu season is now “widespread” based on whatever numbers they use. I’ve gotta wait a couple days until I consider getting mine though, because I’ve got a bit of a chest cold right now. ๐Ÿ˜ท I don’t feel that bad, but I spent yesterday afternoon throwing up every other time that I’d cough up a bunch of “yuck” and it would get stuck in the back of my throat. ๐Ÿคฎ So I just took a nighttime cold med in the early evening and slept all the way through the night, thankfully.

It’s hard to get geared up for all of the early-January stuff I’ve got coming when I feel like this, so I’ll stick to soup and drink a bunch of water today and hopefully that’ll help. But I’ve got a doctor appointment coming up, a service date for the recall notices on my Fusion, paperwork yet to finish up for the Industrial Commission hearing, then continued work when it comes to the Supreme Court stuff. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Bleh. ๐Ÿ˜ Plus I definitely need to get a haircut before the IC hearing so that I’ll be looking my best.

I wasn’t on my phone after yesterday morning, due to feeling like ass, so this morning after that long sleep I woke up to messages from two different people thinking that I was upset at them for something. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ It’s a problem of the current era’s “always connected” assumptions. Most of the time it’s true… folks are rarely separated from their phones… so the times when people do turn off or set aside their phone, you can see why people might think that they’re being ignored for whatever reason. But nah, I’m just trying to handle my things that need handled, and giving my body a break while I fight this congestion.

But as for the hearing, my attorneys should have everything that they need. There have been some recent changes in the medications that my doctor has prescribed for me, so I actually went up to Columbus and dropped off all that new information in person. It’s crazy… I started off my WC “fight” years ago with a single attorney in one of their satellite offices here in town, and now I’m visiting their entire floor of attorneys in downtown Columbus, since those are the folks who are now doing the heavy lifting. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ƒ I can’t even imagine what rent would be on the entire 10th floor of a building downtown.

And when I’m at the Ford dealership for the recall repairs, I’m gonna talk to them about the way the transmission is acting up. ๐Ÿ˜  I know how to reset the PCM/TCM to let the adaptive learning essentially start from scratch, learning the best idle point, shift points, etc… but I also know that they have the ability to flash the TCM with the most updated firmware, so I do wanna find out if there’s an updated version available for my car – and how much of a deal they’d cut me on that service if I also get my transmission fluid flushed / changed at their service department. ๐Ÿ˜

But the most recent hearing / court related mail that I’ve received, in their numbered list of notable “stuff” on the back, one of them specifically says that they do want to hear from the injured worker in their own words, and how that testimony is taken into consideration just as seriously as any other fact evidence that is presented. ๐Ÿคจ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป I’ve already got a good start on the single-paged letter for the hearing, although I need to go through and remove anything that repeats itself or is “more emotion” than fact based… but when it comes to the Supreme Court, I’ve yet to get much instruction on what I may or may not have to do. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ It could very well be that the evidence will speak for itself, much like when it was going through Franklin county’s court system. (You should see the organized piles of papers for this shit on my couch… heh)

It kinda sucks… I know that most folks around me don’t have any idea about all of the stuff that I’m doing “behind the scenes” with all of this various crap, and many of them probably think all of my time is just free time – because why wouldn’t they? They know I’m not working, they know I’m not in a relationship that would be taking up my time, they know I’m rarely out visiting any friends, etc… but yeah, it ends up being a problem sometimes. ๐Ÿ˜• People are so used to me being almost instantly accessible, or able to help them with whatever “thing” they need help with… but like this week, I’ve had to keep one of my cousins on pause all week while I handle my own stuff, and while I hate to do it (he wants me to help him with a resume) my stuff has to take priority. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ But at least he’s already aware how a lot of my crap has settled in to the first half of January, so he probably understands.

So yeah, if people can’t reach me right away, or don’t hear from me as often or as quickly as they think they should… I hope they can keep it in the back of their mind that it’s probably because something else is taking up my time, and not because I’m just sitting here ghosting everyone “just because.” I swear, this is probably half the reason I keep as few close friends as I do, just because I know I don’t always have the time or energy to devote to them (in communication or in person) as they’d deserve or expect. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

I disappoint the least amount of people this way. ๐Ÿ˜ Okay, unfortunately I’ve got some shit to do…

You Don’t Wanna Know

Not sure if we’ll have a White Christmas this year… they feel like they’ve been pretty rare, but I could be wrong… but we did get our first good snow of the season over the past couple of days. ๐ŸŒจ๏ธโ˜ƒ๏ธ๐ŸŒจ๏ธ The garage got finished just in time, or my car would have been sitting out there getting covered. Snow the first day, freezing drizzle on the second. I didn’t know it was coming, so it was a pretty thing to just wake up to.

I was actually planning on going to Walmart to schedule that eye appointment and grab a new pair of boots and some numbers for my new mailbox… but it wasn’t the weather that stopped me. ๐Ÿ˜ณ It was the new medication that I got at my recent doctor appointment. The one that I had been taking to keep the shoulder tremors at bay… it hadn’t been working as well as it once was, so my doctor suggested an alternate that we could try and I agreed – but I’m about ready to throw in the towel.

I’ve never had a medication so instantly and effectively clog me up. ๐Ÿ˜“ I know, TMI, but yeah… ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ and this is taking only one at bedtime – and I’m supposed to slowly ramp up to where I’m taking three of them each night. ๐Ÿ˜ง Umm… no thanks. I’m 90% sure that I’m not going to take any more of them at all after tonight. But I did want to give it a fair chance. I’m a little nervous that I’m gonna end up dealing with a more-shaky-than-usual arm until I get this sorted, but that’s better than feeling how I’ve felt the past several days.

It’s been about a week, so I’m gonna give the office a call tomorrow and see what he wants to do. I imagine he’ll just call in a script for the most recent med, even though it wasn’t perfect, because it sure didn’t have any unpleasant side effects like this one. This is just how it goes though… gotta work around what WC is willing to pay for, what sorta works, what might work better, etc… basically trial and error. And it’s not great timing, with a hearing eventually coming up, because I need to know which meds I need to fight for. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ Sounds like a good opportunity to try and get my Lyrica back. Tried and true.

Maven can tell I’m not feeling well though… heh… poor kitty. ๐Ÿ˜ฟ I mean, she tends to always want to be around me anyway – but when I’m just lying around because of how crappy I feel (no pun intended) I feel kinda bad for her, ‘cuz I’m her only real source of entertainment if she wants to play or fight or whatever… and boy am I not very entertaining right now. I’m sure it’ll pass though… (and yes, pun intended there… heh)

Where’d The Weekend Go?

It’s been a busy few days again. Typical stuff with my workers comp doctor appointment at the end of last week. I mean, no problems there… but when it came to getting my prescriptions. A couple days of pain in the ass there, but it all appears to have been sorted out. Then as I was getting home from handling all that, that’s when Rick arrived to install the new garage door.

Not complaining about that… it was planned… but after dealing with the WC stress, coming home to immediate noise and commotion in the garage wasn’t exactly calming. Not just the constant sound of impact wrenches as they worked, but then also I’m too much of an empath – so I’m also sitting inside the house, cringing about what might go wrong as they work, making their job harder than it should be.

And of course, that’s what ended up happening. I joked with Dad that I “willed” it to happen, by stressing about it, but yeah… they got the door installed, it went up and down nice and smoothly, and it’s light enough that I can even open it with just my one good arm. But when they tried it with the new garage door opener, it immediately murdered itself. ๐Ÿ˜ณ The opener, that is.

It’s obviously defective, because there’s no way that a product like this should be designed so that it’s allowed to do what it did. ๐Ÿคจ He set the open and close points where the motor was supposed to stop – but upon the second test of raising the door, it just didn’t stop “raising” and it pulled the “puller” piece directly into the motor without stopping, without slowing down – with a crunch, spark, and puff of smoke. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ฏ Awesome.

So I’ll be returning that one to Amazon here soon, probably having to drag it to the local UPS office, but that meant that Rick had to go to Menards early this morning to get a different opener, take down the first new one, and then put up the second new one before the whole shpeal worked at it should. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ So if it wasn’t for the suicidal first opener, he would have been done last night – but I’ll look at the positive, which is that I no longer needed a heavy-duty opener anyway, and the one that he picked up was considerably cheaper than the one I’ll be getting my money back for. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Oh, and he swapped out my old mailbox for the new one without me even asking. ๐Ÿ˜… (The saga ends… heh)

You can see why I wasn’t anxious to do any Black Friday shopping this year though, eh? ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Between new tires for the car, a big ol’ capacitor and intake fan for the old furnace, new garage door, new garage door opener… and of course all the labor costs for that stuff… plus having to pay for my WC meds first in order to get them this month, now having to return the defective first opener, still needing to make an eye appointment and get new glasses, blah blah blah…

I mean, it’s fine… yeah, I’m bitching, but nothing was overpriced… it just feels like a whole bunch of shit all at once, and being the tight ass that I am – it’s just not a lot of fun writing all these checks. ๐Ÿ˜ Gotta remind myself that I now have a happy furnace, a happy car, and a place to put that happy car again… not to mention being able to unload groceries directly into the kitchen without killin’ myself by dragging them through the house via the front door. But it’s my blog, and I felt like whining a little bit. ๐Ÿ˜‹ (Even though I’m already planning a few more small home improvement projects with Rick after the holidays are over… ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚)