Sooner Than You Think

I actually ended up taking Brianna to her OB appointment today. 😯 Unfortunately it was one of the “not really fun” ones, not one of the ones where they do an ultrasound… but it still ended up being an exciting visit, for lack of a better term. Exciting, because they’ve actually decided that they are going to induce her and they scheduled the day. 😊 Our circles don’t really intersect, so it’s not that any of her friends would learn about it here, but I’m still not going to mention the day… just in case.

Somewhat like me, she’s got her own “other medical stuff” going on… and some of those things can’t be addressed as effectively when there’s a baby in her belly, so between it being “almost time” already, and her doctors wanting to be able to treat her other problems, the decision was made. But it was nice to be able to put my own “stuff” out of my head for a few hours, and just be with her and see her being all excited about her soon-to-be-arriving baby, with both of us noting how much more “real” it makes it feel when you know the moment that it’s going to happen. πŸ™‚

Like I’ve been with most everyone else lately, I haven’t really spent much time with her… so after her appointment we went and got some ice cream and went to the park and did some people watching and talked about all of the changes that are coming up for her very soon. Her baby shower is actually coming up this weekend, so we hit a couple of thrift stores looking for an outfit that she could wear, but nothing really jumped out at her. But it was still a nice way for us to kill some time together.

Rather than getting her something for her shower, I decided to order some of the decorations that will be used. I’ll probably get those over to Chelsea by Thursday so they can figure out exactly what they wanna do with them and what kind of games they wanna come up with. She wants me there too, but what the hell do I know about baby showers? πŸ˜„ Actually, if Dez or Bub goes I’ll be fine… I just need a person to kinda glom onto a bit, since I won’t know most anyone else there, nor they me. 😐 (A couple of years ago I’d probably have seen this as “an opportunity” 😁 lol … these days, not so much)

I dunno… it was just a nice way to spend part of the day. Lots of “happy” and “anticipation” and the like. 😌 Not something that I get to see or experience a lot of these days. I just hope everything goes to plan, that the people who say they are coming will actually show up, and that she gets all the “goody” out of her day that she deserves. πŸ™‚ But I’m back home now, gonna take a short break, then collect all the numbers and questions for the people that I need to call tomorrow morning, and will hopefully get into my email before the night is over so I can get caught up on my messages. Gonna try to ride the wave of this decent day…

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Birthday Eve

The stars aligned yesterday and I woke up feeling good and was able to go in to visit with Mom and Dad like I had planned a few days earlier. πŸ™‚ Everyone knows that when it comes to planning things, my brain often won’t cooperate when the day actually comes – so that’s why it was nice to wake up yesterday feeling decent and ready to go. It’s actually Dad’s birthday today, but rather than showing up with decorations and hats and horns I just came with several bags full of goodies and junk food – and some Sonic double burgers that seemed especially good that day. πŸ€€πŸ”πŸŸ

Mom was extra talkative, and seemed to be in a pretty good mood, although she did say that she was tired of the CD that always plays in her radio – so I told her that I’d bring her some Elton John music next time I visited. 🀩🎹 I stayed a couple of hours, and was considering doing a couple of other things on my way home, but when I got in my car my brain decided that it was just time to go straight home.

I think I overdid it with my arm throughout the day somehow, because by the time I was supposed to be going to sleep I had a pulsing headache at the base of my skull from the muscles being all meh. 😣 That kept me awake a couple hours longer than planned, so I decided last night that I’d put today’s planned activities on delay… and now that half the day is gone, I’ve actually just pushed everything off until tomorrow. πŸ™„β° Nothing is urgent, other than dealing with the BS surrounding my medication approvals, and I actually dealt with that on my way in to see Dad yesterday… so today, for the most part, will be a nothing day so I can have a little more recovery time for my oush and brain.

I’ve gotta keep reminding myself that the schedule that I sometimes feel compelled to keep (for my “responsibility/adulting” stuff) … it’s just an arbitrary timeline that I’ve pulled out of my ass. 😳😁 So it’s not so much that I really have to do this or that by a certain time or day, but it’s more that I just trick myself into thinking that those things are mandatory and unchangeable… which often isn’t the case. I gotta quit stressing myself out with dumb shit like that.

Then and Now

I’m gonna make an effort to feel Christmas this year. Without going into details, the past several years have thrown a lot of stuff at me, Mom, Dad… hell, most folks in the family, as well as many of my friends. It just seems like the past several years have gone out of their way to shit all over everyone. πŸ˜• Whether it’s on Facebook or from what I see and hear during the rare personal appearances that I make with friends and family – life just has this gloomy film all over it, that even the best “fake happy” can’t camouflage.

I’m glad that most folks are better able to get through the gloomy times than I am. I mean, I’m glad for them… heh… that they aren’t like me. 😏 But some of my friends and acquaintances… some of them I really worry about. I’ve watched as a couple friends have essentially become alcoholics, a couple others who frantically cling to awful relationship partners, and some who have just stopped trying over the past couple of years. πŸ™ Facebook is great for introverts like me, who don’t regularly “hang out” or whatever, but it sure gives you a window into people’s lives that even they might not realize they’re giving. (Yeah, I know… “… says the guy with the endlessly rambling personal blog.”)

Anyway, my point is that the more “bleh” a person is exposed to, the more difficult it is to be resistant to it. (Obviously)Β I don’t want to completely miss Christmas again this year though, so once I get my medication situation taken care of I’m gonna focus my efforts on that. I don’t think I even put up any decorations last year… I’m not even sure I still have a tree, as strange as that sounds.

It helps that recently I was going through some old family boxes and found a bunch of Christmas decorations and stuff from when I was little. Each significant ornament or decoration has some sort of good memory attached to it, and I need to keep reminding myself that just because things are “how they are” now – I can’t let that stop me from thinking back to all of the better times. Just because me and a lot of other people have countless reasons to feel miserable, it doesn’t mean that we can’t allow ourselves to feel good about the things that are worth feeling good about. πŸ€”πŸ™‚

Granted, this is something that non-screwed-up people already know and do… but right now it just doesn’t come naturally to me, hence the constant reminders to myself. 😏 I’m sure that in the 19 days between my birthday and Christmas there will be plenty of things that will challenge my efforts, so I just hope that they’ll be mild.

I want this Christmas to feel like Christmas.