Passing The Time

I’m gonna have to start getting myself some multi-vitamins again or something… ‘cuz I’ve been feeling like ass the past few days. Didn’t sleep at all last night – more shitty dreams of course – and then when I fell asleep around dawn, off and on I ended up sleeping until 8pm this evening. 😳 Not ideal, since my schedule is now jacked, but thank God for some solid hours of sleep finally. I’m hoping this isn’t just what “old” is. πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

I’m in the middle of a long text conversation with Jim G at the moment, so that’s keeping me entertained and helping me wake up and summon some energy. πŸ™‚ He has been looking at the 360 videos I did of Lancaster, and when I told him about planning to do Millersport – he reminded me of a couple areas that I need to get but hadn’t planned out yet. I’ve already created the thumbnails though, including these two new areas, so I’ll be ready to go once I get the oomph to travel. πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘πŸ»

Didn’t get a single trick or treater this year, despite leaving out a tray full of decent-ish candy. It was cold and rainy, but they didn’t postpone, so maybe the kids and families all decided to make the most of their adventure and go to more condensed neighborhoods. At least now I’ve got plenty of Nerds and various gummy candies to keep me covered for weeks.

Other than that I’ve just been working on my investments and my “planning” stuff. Finally pulled the trigger and got started investing some of my money in a (hopefully) manner that’ll lead to some decent growth… but then of course a couple weeks later we get these few days of shit stock market performance, which isn’t a ton of fun to watch in real-time. πŸ€“πŸ˜£πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I’m pretty good at understanding that these investments are meant to grow over years, not weeks or months, so it’s all good.

And while I was researching and learning and working on all that, I decided to make some changes to my will and healthcare directives and such. The person that I had previously chosen… I dunno… let’s just say that I’m not completely confident in their way of thinking these days, so I went ahead and put Genesee in charge of everything. A little impractical, considering she’s 600 miles away, but she’s told me many times that if she’s ever needed for anything revolving around all that – she’ll be here without hesitation.

Enough about that, though… not exactly something I wanna sit here dwelling on. 😏 But once that’s all done and I’ve got witnesses and notary stamps, I can throw it back into the safe and hopefully not think about it for years and years. 🀞🏻 But yeah, if I manage to get some sleep tonight, tomorrow might not be bad for that trip to Millersport that I keep talking about. I’ll top off the battery in the camera just in case. It’s just that it’s been getting freezy cold here overnights, so pretty soon even the days might be a little too cold to be driving around with that cam… πŸ₯Ά just knowing that the battery will die a whole lot faster in the cold.

My Job Is Done Here

Not sure why I’m making an entry right now, since I didn’t do much today that I didn’t do yesterday… with the difference being that I actually woke up and stayed awake today, rather than getting temporarily sidelined by an unintentional nap. πŸ˜’ Can’t remember whatever my dreams were, but I know that I woke up like a normal person today, and it’s so much easier to face the day when it doesn’t start by being jolted awake, mid-panic attack, due to whatever usually decides to eff up my day.

The kitties are in a better mood today as well. 😺 They’ve got fleas… not like bad bad, but enough that they’ve been acting kinda twitchy. So I’ve been grabbing them throughout the day and brushing / combing them to try and help. πŸ™‚ The brush makes it easier to apply the spray without actually spraying them, and then the comb helps to collect the flea corpses along side the ones who try to escape. πŸ˜³πŸ˜„ Oddly enough, I typically only spot one or two each time that I mess with them, so maybe they’re acting a little twitchy for other reasons as well. I mean, I suppose kitties could get dry fall skin too. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

But yesterday they were grumpy as I tried to mess with them, yet today they’re both loving the attention. They don’t even mind sitting next to each other if I’m able to brush both of them at once. (I think there’s still some competition for attention going on here, but that’s okay… 😏) But it’s just now after dusk, and I must have done a good job today because both of them are currently peacefully snoozing in separate locations. 😊

End Around

I think I got a little too cocky about my dreams the other day, ‘cuz man did I have some shitty ones that woke me up after only a couple hours of sleep today. I couldn’t make myself go back to sleep, so while I’m low energy today as a result, it might help me get to sleep at a decent hour tonight.

Injecting things into your dream at the beginning of the night is one thing, but that doesn’t help when it comes to those dreams that arrive further on in.

There were several people in my house, making a mess of things, tearing the holes out of my shower curtain where the rings go… and one of those people was frantically waking me up because I had to go to school and I was going to be late. I kept telling them that I didn’t need to go, since I had already graduated, but they were intent on making sure that I went to my 4th grade classes in two different school districts.

Everything about that dream was geared towards anxiety. People freaking out as they woke me up, me freaking out because of being late and not knowing where I needed to go, people effing up my house, and then at the end of the dream one of the people in the house called the cops on me – and they had just showed up when I finally awoke.

Because all these people kept pushing me towards the shower, pushing me to get dressed, pushing me towards the door… eventually I just freaked out and started smashing clay flower pots on several of their heads, trying to do whatever I could to get them away from me. And since the cops were called, I’m guessing that one or more of them didn’t take kindly to my actions.

But fuck, man… what a shitty way to wake up. Trying to catch my breath, heart beating a million miles an hour, still half-thinking that there were cops outside my house that wanted to take me away… I made a brief attempt at going back to sleep, but I could tell that it just wasn’t happening. (Still kinda hoping for a nap soon.)

So, meh… this’ll be kind of a day off, ‘cuz I feel like ass… heh

Dream Manipulation

I’ve been dealing with weeks and weeks of nightmares. 😟 Not every night, but pretty damn close. It has effed with my sleep in a serious way, so I figured I should start trying some things that might change how things go during the hours that I’m asleep. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Last night definitely counts as a success. You know that cloudy time when you’re not quite asleep but not really awake? I’ve been working to inject things into my thoughts at that time, basically hoping to “seed” my dreams with things that don’t suck. And I say “inject” but honestly it’s about pulling good things out as much as trying to stick them in. Like conscious thoughts acting as a key to unlock the more detailed subconscious ones.

Doing that, I was able to re-remember four different locations that I have already visited in my dreams years and years ago. πŸ˜ƒ One of the locations had to be from well over a decade ago… but once it popped into my head, it was instantly familiar, like I was just there the night before. 😯 And prior to last night, I can’t imagine that there would have been anything that someone could have said or done that would have brought these locations back as regular memories of past dreams. πŸ™‚ They were buried.

It’s not that complicated, or at least it wasn’t last night. πŸ€” I just set my mind to think of thrift stores, or similar small shops, and somehow they just all came to me one at a time. First one was a dirty old “hole in the wall” type store accented by glow-in-the-dark paint and black lights, with the front room having a bunch of magic supplies and huge dirty mirrors on the walls, and the back room (through a small hallway) having lots of fish tanks with neon tetras glowing along with the painted accents of the store. 😊

The next store location even came with some “outside area” with wildly curving freeways heading to it, like a grown up “Hot Wheels” track. 🏎️😁 Those roads, exactly like years ago, took the very same route to a mall which had the same identifiable stores that I had interacted with before. A candy store that you have to go through to even get into the mall, then the 70s themed record store, and once you went up to the second floor there was a retro video game store… πŸ€“πŸ•ΉοΈ appearing exactly as it was all those years ago.

It’s so strange to experience, because they weren’t quite dreams, and not quite memories… because as I was recalling each of these locations, I wasn’t “dreaming” anything with other people or a plot or anything like that. It was more like I was operating as a floating camera that could just go wherever I wanted in that world in order to examine things. 😴😊

Third location was a little more vague, but it’s always been that way. It also had a long, flat stretch of road to reach it, located at a somewhat desolate intersection where another long road met it at an almost parallel angle. πŸͺ🌡 I’ve never seen what’s inside this store, but the outside has always remained the same. And like last night, it usually just serves as a stop before going to the final location that also came to me.

That last location was a regular thrift store. Nothing that remarkable, other than never having seen the location or any buildings like it in real life, but having visited it repeatedly in my dreams. 🀨 It’s located next to some strip malls, although it is set back in an odd way which makes it difficult to see from the road. The inside of the store is actually based on something in the real world though. There used to be a store called “Hecks” on the edge of town, and the inside of this thrift store is nearly identical to what I remember Hecks looking like. And as I went through the automatic doors and through the entryway, it even had the same vending machines there as it did the other times it was featured in my dreams.

So yeah, I’d say that was some pretty remarkable results considering that I was just thinking “thrift store, thrift store, thrift store…” as I started zoning out. 😏 It makes me wonder if I’ll be able to do it again, and as well, with different locations or set pieces. It would sure make it a nicer experience, preparing to go to sleep each night. Hell, if I get really good at it I could see where being asleep is genuinely a better prospect than being awake. πŸ˜… That sounds bad, I know… but being able to have some control over your dreams… it’s like virtual reality without the big helmet, and way more real.

“Working”

Same kind of sleep last night, from about 4am until a bit after noon… and so far so good. I’m currently sitting in the middle of a semi-circle of mail, bills, and other misc paperwork. Everything has been taken care of, it just needs to be filed or thrown out.

Starting the process of trying to get reimbursed for a few months of meds, although I’m not super optimistic about how that will go. I’ve got my medical insurance company’s address, and I just crafted a pretty persuasive one-page letter explaining what’s going on… so once I get all these receipts and shit copied and send it all out, we’ll just have to see what happens.

I had some pretty neat dream stuff going on last night as I was falling asleep. And I know, listening to other people talk about their dreams… or even worse, reading about it… not the most exciting thing in the world to do with your time. But still, this was neat enough that I think I’ll be making a separate entry about it sometime today if I find the time.

Different Even From The Norm

It’s gonna be a long day. I’m not grumpy, just grumping… couldn’t manage to finish off my day yesterday with a decent night’s sleep, once again because of a mix of weird dreams and nightmares. Just makes it tough to get out from behind the eight-ball when you’re asleep for two, awake for two, asleep for two, etc.

The worst one from last night featured me and a few unknown traveling companions. We had just gotten off of our plane and were trying to find the area in this little abandoned airport, where we were supposed to go in the middle of the night. Nobody there but us… no staff, no other travelers, so we were on our own.

I wasn’t aware of it at the time, but apparently they used guard dogs to protect the airport during the night time hours when people weren’t expected to be there. And not just typical, big, angry guard dogs. There was something wrong with them too. Weird faces, way too many sharp teeth sticking out of all their mouths…

It’s making my chest tighten again, just thinking about this dream, so I don’t think I’ll go into a ton of detail. But I got separated from the group, and each time I’d escape one set of dogs in a hallway, it would be because I went into rooms that had their own dogs in them, and all of them were fast, biting, barking, attacking. I kept the other people safe, but only because they saw what was happening to me, how I was attracting all the dogs, so they were able to be more sneaky and avoid their attention.

But yeah, I got tore up all over… stomach, neck, face, arms, ear… and no matter where I’d turn, there was no getting away from them. Definitely not the type of dream where, once you’ve been woken up, where you can just easily fall back to sleep again. I might have to try switching my sleeping routine, and rather than letting the TV play maybe I should try peaceful music or something, ‘cuz this shit is wearing me out.

I’d Like To Unsubscribe

Normally I’m appreciative of the fact that I dream almost every time I fall asleep, and that usually they are quite elaborate… sometimes taking place in the same setting, or “starring” the same people, as dreams I had since I was a kid. Every now and then I even am aware enough that I’m dreaming, that it gives me a slight influence over what happens during them. 🀨😯

Lately though, my brain seems determined to run through a laundry list of ways that I should die. 😟 It doesn’t get to the point where it actually happens, so I don’t know if that “means anything” when it comes to dream analysis, but the lead up to being startled awake is still pretty craptacular.

  • I was in an abandoned city, everything looked damaged by earthquakes, fire, random destruction… and I found a hotel that looked somewhat like the old Continental Motel we used to stay at in Atlantic City. A few stories tall, inner courtyard, all of the windows busted out and curtains blowing in the wind, everything covered with a layer of dust. I think I was just looking for a place to camp, but someone snuck up on me and fired two long chains with knives on the ends at me, both of which hit and went through both of my forearms. Once that happened, I was essentially attached to the chains, and the unseen person began dragging me along the walkway through the broken glass, down the stairs, and eventually over the guardrail and onto the ground below.
  • I was exploring the old house we used to live in out in the country, looking for Mom and Dad, late at night… opening the rear door and walking into the foyer, the doors slammed shut and all of the lights went out. I shouted to see if either of them could hear me, but no sound was coming from my mouth as the house began shaking and all the air was sucked out of it. I was thrown into the ceiling where I was stuck in place by some unseen force, unable to make it back to the door where I’d be able to breathe.
  • I was in another abandoned city, late evening, similar scene of destruction as if some sort of battle had gone through the area. I was moving along the outer side of a long brick building, trying to gather up my friends so we could get out of there. I found my friend Jim, but two patrol guards showed up and caught our other two unnamed friends and shot them. We began running away from the building and the guards, into a large field full of weeds, and the guards were firing on us the whole time. Jim got shot first, and was unable to walk, so I had to drag him along as bullets were whizzing by my head and striking the ground all around me. Eventually, even though we were probably 50 yards away, a bullet hit me in the lower back and I dropped to the ground, also unable to walk or get away.

Meh… there are more, but I know that dreams are only really interesting to the person that had them, since there’s no way to effectively convey the look and feeling of everything. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ž I wish I was a better artist, because I’d love to sketch out a storyboard for any of these dreams that feel a little too real. Hell, I might try sometime… I actually had a thick dream journal once where I sometimes did sketches. πŸ€”

But it’s no wonder my sleep schedule is a nightmare, pun intended, since there’s no way to get a good amount of solid sleep when shit like that is filling my unconscious thoughts. 😣 So I’ve just been resorting to sleeping whenever my body decides it needs it. A couple hours at night, a couple hours early in the day, a couple hours in the evening… not as if I can really keep it steady like that though, obviously. πŸ˜’

It doesn’t bother me that much anymore, other than causing my interactions with people to take a hit due to my availability being so random, not to mention I have days like today where I’m just too exhausted to even look at my phone. 😡 But now it’s midnight, I did get a little more sleep, so now I’ve got enough energy to probably keep me up all night, for better or worse. πŸ™„ I guess I’ll finish up the laundry and see what other chores I can knock out… make myself useful while I can. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ‘πŸ»

I’m Ready

It’s approaching midnight on Friday, and I think that I’m finally ready to face this week. So, these next couple of hours better watch out, because I’m not feeling too bad at the moment. 😏 Heh… but seriously, this week has felt more “challenging” than usual. Although, as I’m sitting here trying to explain why, I can’t even really think of anything specific that should have made it feel that way. πŸ€”πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I dunno… I think all the “get ready, we’re opening” talk / news has just made my brain tired and my sleep shitty, which made every other small or “normal” thing feel that much more laborious. (I still got some chores done and got out of the house once or twice.)

But I’m not gonna sit here and try to remember all of the things from the past week that made it suck, ‘cuz I might end up damaging my calm. But yeah, this week… it definitely took me the entire week to be ready for whatever comes – and for the most part, nothing came. πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ So now that the weekend is here I’m much more prepared for it than I was the current week. πŸ€“ Hopefully that makes sense.

Ahh, I do know one thing that has improved my mood over the week… getting my two cats to tolerate each other. 😏 Yeah, I’ve officially adopted Maggie – a cat that I was formerly just babysitting – so it’s been a week of anxiously hoping that her and Maven didn’t feel the need to murder each other. πŸ˜ΎπŸ˜…πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜Ύ Thankfully, possibly because they’re both too old to be bothered with such things, they don’t seem to have any desire to fight or be a pain in each other’s asses. (Although Maven does grump at her every now and then.)

They’re not even close to being buddy buddy, but they at least tolerate each other. In fact, I think they both actually like that there’s one “other critter” around, even if they don’t necessarily want to interact with that other critter. 😏 I have a short video of them simply sitting upright next to each other, no more than a foot apart, but neither one of them wanting to look at or acknowledge the other… 😁 … but both of them seeming to enjoy the moment in some way. (Purposely “ignoring” each other while making sure the other noticed.)

It would be too much to explain here in the blog, how I ended up with Maggie, but basically I was watching her while her previous owner was moving – but with things not going as planned there, the environment wouldn’t have been great for a kitty who’s already anxious and nervous all of the time. 😳😬 On her first day upstairs she went around the house looking for her former roommates, but once she realized they weren’t here – it’s almost like she felt relieved, because she started actually acting like a cat again rather than just hiding all the time and trying to avoid anything and anyone. πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜Š

Maven and I lead a pretty tame life here in the house, and that’s exactly the kind of life that Maggie needs right now… so it just made sense for me to adopt her officially. It all depended on Maven being okay with it though, and since she hasn’t really done anything to indicate that she objects – it looks like this is a done deal. πŸ™‚ See, just typing about the situation has made me smile… so hopefully I’ll hang on to that feeling through the weekend too. (As long as these two buttholes continue to play nice.)