As decent as I felt yesterday, that’s about how crappy I feel today. 😔 I’m not really sure why, either. I got a call a few hours ago from Aunt Sharon, asking me if I wanted to join them at Cenci Lake for a little Mother’s Day get-together tomorrow. I was already psyching myself up to go in town to see Mom and Dad, so I really dunno how that’s gonna go yet. 😐 I probably won’t know exactly what I’m gonna do until I’m in my car, backing out of my driveway. 🤷🏻♂️ Hopefully tomorrow feels better than today.
It seems that, for a change, I did exactly what I needed to do to get myself feeling better from yesterday. 😳 Before I even started The Walking Dead last night I raised shields, cut off communications, and let things remain that way until half way through the day today. I only slept about 6 hours, but walking up to the sun rising, as well as to a phone that I had no intention of checking… it’s like the minimal stress of wondering what my phone will want from me is sometimes enough to tip me to the bad side, where whatever I’m trying to shake will remain. 😐 More of my weirdness, I suppose.
And it’s not like I’m in high demand or something… but it just helped everything about how I was feeling yesterday, to not be beholden to my phone or anyone wanting me for anything through it. (Make sentences bad, structure coming good tonight is not. 😅) And as they day progressed, even though I used the laptop to dick around on Twitter, I started feeling better. 🙂 As I was watching Justice League I started straightening the living room. As I watched some news I went ahead and ran the vacuum. And then before I started some YouTube videos about scanner/radio frequencies, 🤓 I took all the baskets of dirty clothes down to the basement and started a couple loads. All of that before I even thought about looking at my phone. 😀
When I did, I was relieved to see that I only had a couple messages waiting for me, and nothing on my social media of any importance. The world went on just fine without me. SHIT. I do think I remember seeing a call notice though.
I guess I better check that now… 😅 ** pause while listening to voice mail **
Well I have absolutely no idea what the hell that was all about. Some fella left a message, and he knew my first name, saying that he was from Lowe’s installation and that he was calling about my “overnight cooktop” (I think) and wanted me to give him a call back to let him know if I’d be home. Heh… no idea. I guess I’ll find out tomorrow, but I can tell you right now the last thing I’m interested in is an overnight cooktop.
But anyway… all that’s left for me to do today is get these shirts onto hangers and up in the closet, and the towels onto the shelf into the bathroom and I’m golden. 😎 Just gonna take that for what it’s worth, and I’ll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow gets here. I’m just happy that I figured out what it took to get me through this day.
I’ve had a couple of days that were pretty good, or at least not bad… and yesterday ended with me feeling good enough that I thought for sure that I would wake up today and probably be able to make something of it. 🙂🤷🏻♂️ But nope, it wasn’t meant to be. 😒 Thankfully (I guess) today was more “normal” headache rather than something revolving around my neck and shoulder… but still… I feel like crap, but I wanted to take a minute to throw something out here so people would know that I’m still around. 🙇🏻♂️
I’m just not likely to be very social for the rest of the night and possibly tomorrow. (Shit, maybe even longer…) Gotta try to take care of myself, and sometimes that requires tuning the rest of the world out.
I’m gonna make an effort to feel Christmas this year. Without going into details, the past several years have thrown a lot of stuff at me, Mom, Dad… hell, most folks in the family, as well as many of my friends. It just seems like the past several years have gone out of their way to shit all over everyone. 😕 Whether it’s on Facebook or from what I see and hear during the rare personal appearances that I make with friends and family – life just has this gloomy film all over it, that even the best “fake happy” can’t camouflage.
I’m glad that most folks are better able to get through the gloomy times than I am. I mean, I’m glad for them… heh… that they aren’t like me. 😏 But some of my friends and acquaintances… some of them I really worry about. I’ve watched as a couple friends have essentially become alcoholics, a couple others who frantically cling to awful relationship partners, and some who have just stopped trying over the past couple of years. 🙁 Facebook is great for introverts like me, who don’t regularly “hang out” or whatever, but it sure gives you a window into people’s lives that even they might not realize they’re giving. (Yeah, I know… “… says the guy with the endlessly rambling personal blog.”)
Anyway, my point is that the more “bleh” a person is exposed to, the more difficult it is to be resistant to it. (Obviously) I don’t want to completely miss Christmas again this year though, so once I get my medication situation taken care of I’m gonna focus my efforts on that. I don’t think I even put up any decorations last year… I’m not even sure I still have a tree, as strange as that sounds.
It helps that recently I was going through some old family boxes and found a bunch of Christmas decorations and stuff from when I was little. Each significant ornament or decoration has some sort of good memory attached to it, and I need to keep reminding myself that just because things are “how they are” now – I can’t let that stop me from thinking back to all of the better times. Just because me and a lot of other people have countless reasons to feel miserable, it doesn’t mean that we can’t allow ourselves to feel good about the things that are worth feeling good about. 🤔🙂
Granted, this is something that non-screwed-up people already know and do… but right now it just doesn’t come naturally to me, hence the constant reminders to myself. 😏 I’m sure that in the 19 days between my birthday and Christmas there will be plenty of things that will challenge my efforts, so I just hope that they’ll be mild.
I want this Christmas to feel like Christmas.
I only got about three hours of sleep this afternoon before my brain decided that it was time to wake up and “do something” unspecified. 😒 It’s the weekend though, so for the most part I’ve been able to avoid feeling obligated to be too productive… and instead I’ve just been sitting here with the laptop and the new Roku (free w/DirecTV Now sign-up) hooked to the living room TV, downloading a crapload of channels/apps.
The DirecTV Now service currently doesn’t have a DVR function. So that means that if I want to watch any specific show, I need to have my ass planted in front of the television at the time that the show is actually airing otherwise I’ll miss it. 😳 A novel concept, right? Watching a program when it’s scheduled to be broadcast… heh
But that’s also why I’m doing all of the channel/app acquisition that I’m doing right now… because many of these individual network channels for the Roku are loaded with “on demand” programs or shows that have just recently aired. Not quite as good as a DVR, since only certain networks offer Roku channels that work with the DirecTV Now subscriber information, but it’s an acceptable substitute – at least until they get the whole “cloud DVR” thing figured out and released to the masses.
Now I have to cross my fingers and hope that once I’ve selected and activated all of these channels on the main TV, that the TV in the bedroom will sync with that information and automatically download and install all of the same channels on its own.
Went to bed early last night, woke up a little before 8am feeling pretty damn good. A startling feeling, for sure, but I intend to roll with it today. 😏 It’s something that’s difficult to explain, and I know it sounds a bit weird, but over the past several days I’ve made it widely known among friends and acquaintances that I should be considered out of rotation for the moment. 🤔 It’s just that I hate having to tell friends “no” when they text me out of the blue, maybe wanting to do this or that… so it was essentially a preemptive thing.
But waking up without much pain, knowing that my schedule is essentially clear for a while… at least when it comes to socializing… I think it just (more quickly than I expected) took a weight off of my mind. So I decided that I was gonna spend the morning being a potato, and then this afternoon I’m gonna tackle all my bills and paperwork and tend to the random things around the house that need my attention.
Laundry is all done, folded, or hung… I don’t have any dishes, so it really is just random stuff that’s waiting for my focus in the different rooms of the house. This probably feels like a frivolous thing to make a blog entry about, but you don’t know how much it sets my mind at ease to have no social obligations, not a whole lot of pain in my neck and shoulder, and a house that isn’t a mess. 🙂 I know that at any moment one of my attorneys could call me and I’d have to go into work mode for a bit, but so far so good. (I’m actually gonna give them both a call tomorrow if I don’t hear from them, just so I feel like I’m still on top of things.) 🤓☝🏻