Inescapable

My brain and body have definitely been on pause today. Thursday night into Friday afternoon was a rough chunk of time… going over to say goodbye to my friend Christina with a ton of family around, then a couple hours sleep before heading to the hospital at 6.5a for the radioactive iodine treatment, and shortly after I got backΒ home I learned that Christina was gone. πŸ˜”

We knew it was coming, and we were all there the night before because we honestly thought it would happen that evening – but she held on for one more day. It was so nice to be around all the family, many of whom I hadn’t seen in a good while, and I even met her biological dad… who was a really kewl old d00d. We all tried to keep the vibe as positive as possible for each other, but of course it was still really sad. I wasn’t even going to go over, feeling like it wasn’t my place, but Bri reminded me that I’m just as good as family – and that of course I was welcome and wanted there.

Meh… I don’t really wanna talk about that anymore. My thing at the hospital took over two hours, although most of that was pre-treatment lab work, having three pages of precautions read to me, and of course the signing of all sorts of documents. Once they opened the lead-lined container and used tongs to get the pill out to hand it to me, it was literally a minute until they were shuffling me to the door. They really want you to just gtfo once you’ve got the radioactive vibe.

The lady that did it all, you could tell that she was used to it… because even before the pill was in the area, she would still do things like asking me to place my ID on the tray table so she could grab it, rather than me handing it directly to her and risking actually touching her. And boy, once that pill was out and in my hand, she backed across the room until I took it – and as she guided me to the quickest way out of the building she reminded me to stay at least six feet away from her. Good stuff, eh?

I didn’t have any nausea or sickness as side effects, but it did make me have a funny taste in my mouth… and I unintentionally fell asleep that afternoon from about 4p until midnight – but that was as much from the lack of sleep the night before as it was the medication. I have to stay on this low iodine diet for a few more days, I’m supposed to not be around kids or pregnant people at all for a week, and six feet away from anyone else… and poor Maven, when she wants to sit on me or lay next to me, I have to put her down on the floor at the base of the recliner – but I make her a little nest in the blanket and share the space heater with her, so she’s okay as long as she’s close to me. She hasn’t left my side since I got home… pretty sure she senses the “bleh” I’m giving off.

Just hoping I don’t irradiate her too much until it’s out of my system.

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Preparation

Yesterday was a strange day. 😐 I feel good, having completed a bunch of stuff that I felt neededΒ completing, but the nature of the stuff left me feeling a little uneasy – and definitely unable to fall asleep at a normal hour. πŸ˜• Despite that, I managed to have some awesome dreams. Awesome enough to have actually woken me up every hour or so – but of course I can’t remember a single detail at the moment. 😠 I’m just lucky that they weren’t about the topic at hand yesterday.

Of course I expect my upcoming surgery to go fine, but being the type of person that I am I’ve gone into “prepare” mode – just in case it doesn’t. 😳 As part of that preparation process, I spent a good amount of time typing out letters to my cousin Jim and my ex-wife Genesee, as they would be the ones handling everything in the event that things need to be handled. Those letters are just my way of easing them into the process. (Since I was the executor for my aunt, I learned a few tips and tricks.)

They won’t even get those letters unless the situation calls for it, so that allowed me to be a little more free with what I said… but for the most part it was just explaining my will, explaining my wishes when it came to my personal belongings, explaining a good deal about how the process will go, and what they will need to do to keep things moving along, hopefully without too many hiccups and at a reasonable pace. 😎 It’s a lot to ask of someone, so I also made sure that my appreciation was made super clear.

But between the several pages that I wrote for Mongo, and then the three pages that I wrote for Gen… I was just doing a whole lot of thinking about a topic that nobody wants to have to think about. It wasn’t all bad… in fact, a lot of the thinking that I did was about good memories, good times, good things with family and friends, etc. 😊 Oh, and I’m up to 19 separate audio recordings when it comes to the little archive of messages that I’m recording for people to have and listen to after I’m gone… which, like I said, I don’t anticipate happening for a good long while. πŸ™‚ I’m actually really enjoying doing that.

Don’t take this the wrong way. 🀨 All of this preparation is just being done out of necessity, and it’s something that any responsible person would want to do before a major surgery. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ‘¨πŸ»β€βš•οΈ It can just really mess with your head when you end up dwelling on the topic for too long. I’m still good though, and I know everyone that loves me has my back. 😏 I’m still optimistic about this surgery, I’m gonna get through it, and then whatever is next is next. One step at a time.

Expropriated Cycles

This proves that I should always make “after the fact” posts, because despite being all geared up with my medical and workers comp projects, I ended up having Cassi come down and stay over last night… which was actually just the mental break that I needed from all of that stuff. πŸ™‚ I mean, I did keepΒ working on it as she was here, but with her as a distraction it kept it all from consuming my brain and occupying 100% of my thought cycles as I worked. 😳

But while she was here (among other progress) I got names, numbers, and addresses for everyΒ local doctor that may be accepting new patients, everyΒ local urgent care that appears to offer services greater than the “I skinned my knee” or “My butthole really itches” type stuff, and every oral surgeon in the area so I can get more serious about getting my remaining wisdom teefs cut out. 😬 I also got new info from BWC and my BWC Rx provider, so that stuff is in much better shape as well. And the pharmacy was also updated, so my meds might possibly, hopefully, maybe get filled in a more timely fashion. πŸ€¨πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€βš•οΈ

Now that I think about it, I probably got more done with her here than if she wasn’t. 🀨 And without getting twitchy. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ She worked on several things that she needed to do as well, taking advantage of the relative peace and quiet here compared to her house full of family. 😌 Of course she gave her brain a break as well (the main point of her staying) by making and painting some picture frames, and catching up on the last few episodes of NCIS that she still had to watch on Netflix. πŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ“Ί I think Maven was even happy for the unexpected visit, ‘cuz she made up to Cassi way more than usual this time. 😸

We talked quite a bit about what’s going on with my health at the moment, along with all kinds of random thoughts that come along with that topic… so it was nice to be able to talk some of that stuff out with her. πŸ‘¦πŸ»πŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™€οΈ I’m not exactly sure what the plan will be for tomorrow and Friday. 😐 Now that I’ve got all this info compiled I imagine I’ll start calling someone… meh… I’ll figure it out when that time gets here. I’m gonna stay in chill mode for the rest of the evening if possible.

A Post-Break Break

Had a nice visit with Cassi here recently. It had been a little while since she last stayed, so with that – and her birthday falling on one of the days – I decided to go up and grab her for a few nights. We didn’t plan or do anything special, like usual, but instead just enjoyed having company and a change of scenery to clear our thoughts for a couple of days. She actually brought a bunch of her crafting supplies with her this time, so she worked on that stuff while I worked on redoing the zip ties on all my PC wiring, after replacing my old keyboard with a new mechanical one that I recently picked up.

We considered going for a drive to see if we could spot any abandoned houses on the country roads around here, but it’s too easy to just get comfy in the living room and watch TV all day long, so that’s what we ended up mostly doing. I took her home yesterday, but in my books today didn’t really count. I mean, the Daytona 500 was today (don’t get me started… heh) so I didn’t plan for anything other than that… so tomorrow will be my first “back to business” days as far as I’m concerned.

I started work on some things around the house that I want to continue, so the first couple of days of the week will be for kicking around the house and doing that sort of thing. I’m gonna save my in-town running for the middle of the week, when I’ll probably also try to make myself stop by the doctor’s office to schedule that appointment that I’ve continued to put off. Oh, and the steroid injection… I’m not sure if it’s just because I’ve been in a better mood due to having some company, but I do think that I’m noticing some improvement. Not huge… but noticeable. I don’t want to jinx myself though, and I’m certainly not saying anything definitive based on a few days of “maybe slightly better.”

Okay, But You Gotta Go Now

Now that Cassi lives farther away from me, we’re probably not going to be hanging out as much. 😐 I mean, we didn’t see each other a whole hell of a lot in the first place, but having that extra distance between us now will change how we do things a bit. Like, I just took her back home yesterday after having her stay for a couple nights… sort of glomming what would have been “a few little visits” together into one big visit, something we’ll probably do once or twice a month at the most. πŸ€” Especially when the weather is cold and shitty.

But it’s nice – a mini-vacation for her, and essentially the same for me… since while she’s here it lets all of the other stuff that I’d normally be thinking about stay buried in the back of my brain, un-accessed during the time that I’ve got company. ☺ But getting her back home yesterday was necessary due to the winter storm that was due to blow in. 😯 And boy did it. We got nearly a half-foot of snow overnight in some areas around here.

I’m already stocked up on supplies, so I don’t have any real reason to leave the house for the next several days – but there’s still a bit of twitchiness that comes when I look out the front window and can’t see even a hint of a driveway. 😬 I don’t wanna go anywhere, but I want to be able to if I want to. πŸ˜… Like I was telling Amy a bit ago, if some shmuck comes to my door today, offering plow service, I’d probably take him or her up on it. β˜ƒ I think the result would be better than my “put it in reverse, gun it, and hope for the best” method of backing out of the driveway would be.

 

Humdrum

I took a couple of nights to myself after Genesee left the other day, and then apparently after subconsciously getting used to having someone here at the house – I decided to reach out to Cassi to see if she wanted to come stay for a night. (It actually ended up being two nights.) It had been a while since she had even been down here for a visit, let alone an overnighter, so she was more than happy to come on down.

The first day and night were just lazy. 😏 Catching up with each other’s stuff, watching Netflix, and then her current passion/hobby is doing nails – so she brought all of her nail shit along with her to practice doing styles and designs as we sat there doing nothing. πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ–πŸ»πŸ€šπŸ» She even convinced me to give it a try myself, so I obliged and did the best that I could with my artwork. πŸ™„πŸ˜… (Shut up… I ain’t even embarrassed, but man was it tedious… lol) My “designs” even gave her some inspiration to work off of, so yay me. πŸ˜‹

Like Genesee, Cassi is one of very few people that I can tolerate (and actually like having around) for extended periods of time, for whatever reason. Day two featured a quick run into town to get some pop and dinner, and we also stopped off at the thrift to grab a bag of clothes during their $5.00 sale. 😎 Day three, on the way to take Cassi back home, we had a short detour to go pick up Desiree and take her to the auto parts place. Someone put new brakes on her car but forgot a couple of bolts, so her car took a shit earlier that morning, requiring her to make a run for pieces parts. πŸ˜§πŸ˜• (I talked to her today though, and she said that it’s all better.)

Even after hitting a couple more thrift stores in Columbus, I really didn’t come home with much of anything. A few shirts, some batteries, umm… πŸ€” see… I can’t even remember if I got anything else, so it was obviously an unimpressive trip in that regard. I did get the new Samantha Fox autobiography, Forever, in the mail today when I woke up though, so I guess that’s my goody of the moment. (And proof that I eventuallyΒ intend to make myself an effing book reader. πŸ˜„)

So there ya have it. Basically a whole lot of nothin’ going on, but over the course of a few days there was just enough piddly shit that it seemed worthy of a blog entry. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

But It’ll Be Fun

Feeling pretty miserable today. 😞 Christina’s cancer fund-raiser is this evening, but I just can’t make myself go. They’re doing it as a “bar crawl” since she used to be a bartender, and therefore has a ton of friends/acquaintances that would be likely to come out in that fashion… but me, with my twitchy social anxiety and introversion, it’s just not my scene anymore.

I feel bad, because I’d really like to be able to go and show my support, but there’s not really anything that I can do about it. I sent a message to Chelsea a bit ago, explaining why I wouldn’t be there, and I think she’ll understand for the most part. The shirts they had made for the event… it marks the third “cancer support” t-shirt that I’ve bought this summer in regards to a friend who’s fighting that battle, and that’s three shirts too many. (And that’s only my cancer-fightin’ friends who are doing that sort of fund raising.)

But like I told her, I’m not doing very good at accepting “bad” these days, and when there’s an option of being reminded of that “bad” vs. hopefully just being able to avoid the thought of that “bad” altogether and acting like it’s not real… heh… well, I think you know which option my brain chooses for me. I mean, I know they’re gonna have fun and that it will be hopeful, goofy, optimistic, etc… but right now everything just feels too heavy and I can’t be there. (And yet here I am, still feeling “bleh” about it since my brain won’t let me go. πŸ˜’ It can be frustrating being me sometimes.)