Weekend Ramble

Went over to Bri’s for a while the other day. Got to see all the work she has done on the apartment since moving in several months ago. She’s really got the place looking good, with the boys’ room having an Avengers theme – plus she’s getting ready to put up a bunch of glow in the dark stars to go with the blacklight. πŸ˜―πŸ˜ƒ I definitely see her mom’s decorating style in what she’s done… most people’s first apartments don’t start off as nice as she’s got hers so far. It’s nice to see her happy and proud of what she’s been able to accomplish.

Brantley was with his grandma, but he did make a FaceTime call to Bri while I was there. Now, when he was a newborn, baby, then toddler I was around him a lot. But when he went to live with his dad… I’m not sure how long it has been, but he’s in kindergarten now – and last time I had seen him, other than his birthday a few months ago, he still wasn’t even talking yet. But her phone was almost dead at that point, so I went to grab the charger so she didn’t have to get up, and Brantley caught what couldn’t have been more than a second or two of me in the background of the image, but he smiled and said “Hey, what’s Bobby doing there?” 😊

So that was pretty neat, especially since I’m not even used to him carrying on conversations quite yet – and since it’s been so long since I’ve been around him. So whether he remembered me mostly from the birthday party, or from his younger years of being around the house, it’s nice to know that I’ve got a somewhat-permanent spot in his little brain somehow. πŸ™‚ It’ll be nice once they get their custody stuff ironed out a little better, where we can all actually do stuff more regularly again, hopefully.

Like I’ve mentioned plenty of times, my energy is coming back – but I’ve still got a surplus of twitchy when it comes to my social energy. πŸ˜’ That’s not related to my thyroid, but more just how I’ve always been… or at least how I’ve become over the past several years. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ So even if she gets him a lot more often, and even though I love spending time with them, it still uses up my batteries a heck of a lot faster than if I was just at home by myself. 😏 Hey, what can I say, I’m just an old fart that’s getting more set in his ways… it happens.

So this weekend I’m gonna take it easy for the most part. I’ve got plenty of NASCAR stuff to watch, gonna do a little of this and that like usual, and then Monday I think Cassi and her new possible-boyfriend are gonna come down for a bit. He’s already gotta be in town for something, so I figured between the two of them they can get the heavy-ass old mirror out of my bathroom closet and up to her place to hang in the hallway. It’s the one that was in my living room forever, but I took it down months ago when I thought I was getting close to being ready to have the place painted. Heh… that didn’t happen, but that’s okay – it doesn’t bother me, really, and I’ll get to it at some point – and meanwhile that mirror can live on and be appreciated and actually used.

I like when I can gift something (that has meaning / history) to someone that actually knows the history, understands the relative importance, etc… whether it’s Bri’s bed, which was actually Grandpa’s bed… or like with Genesee, her and Sarah have a nicely decorated home, including a nice curio cabinet where they stick “special” or particularly “pretty” stuff. So about a month ago, before my scan, I actually sent her “The Candy Dish” to be added to the cabinet. It’s funny… to anyone else it’s just a regular glass candy dish with a lid.

But it’s definitely a “Batina thing” because it’s been around since I was little, and the whole “thing” was that you weren’t allowed to take a piece of candy from it unless you could lift and replace the glass lid without it making any clinking noise whatsoever. 😁 Now, once her nieces and nephews are old enough, she’s going to carry on that tradition / game with them… and that makes me happy, versus it just sitting here and not living its full purpose anymore.

So yeah, gonna try to keep my weekend light… a few doctor appointments coming up next week, along with whatever other stuff that I didn’t accomplish this past week, so it actually makes sense to treat the weekend like an actual weekend in this case. Might try to do something fun / hobby related… like, I still have fireworks from a couple of years ago that I’ve wanted to shoot in slow motion – might try to do something like that. Or I might do nothin’…Β  who knows. πŸ˜‹πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

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Anxious

I’m not sure how I feel about the weekend falling right before New Year’s Eve. 😟 I think it’s actually going to work out better for me this way, since I’ve already got a January’s worth of medical appointments on my mind, but I can’t even really go about changing my insurance information or anything like that until after the first of the year when the new plan kicks in. 🀨 So I’ll have at least a couple of days to start planning who I need to contact and when, and I might even get a couple days after that since some places might be closed on Monday and/or Tuesday. I’ve just got a lot of upcoming shit… I wanna hit the ground running.

I think I’m gonna have Cassi down for the night tomorrow. She can’t stay on New Year’s Eve since she has to be at work early early, but it would still be nice for her to stay – since not only has it been a little while since she has, but also because it might also be a little while until the next chance – depending on how my month goes and how I’m feeling during any given stretch. πŸ˜”

I’ve also decided that I’m going to let her take my Wii and games back up home with her to give to Junior. I can’t remember the last time that I sat down and played any of my games, let alone any of the games on that system that’s almost a decade old now. I could sell it I guess, but I’d hardly get anything for the lot of it… might as well brighten up a kid’s day a bit, eh? πŸ™‚ I’ll probably wait until she’s here to start finding all the bits and bagging it up… with the way I’ve moved stuff about since I last played, it’s hard to say what’s where.

But like I’ve described regarding my friends before… sometimes it’s just nice to have the company, because not only does it provide time to chill and (hopefully) clear the mind of “the now” for a while – something that’s always needed – but it also helps to encourage a little more productivity, since we’re both essentially able to pat each other on the back for our respective jobs well done. 😏

I’m certainly not looking forward to 2019, so a couple more days of “nothing” and some company to distract is probably exactly what I need. So I guess I do know how I’m feeling about it.

The Calm

Tomorrow (if I stick to my current self-imposed schedule)Β is shaping up to be a doctor/test heavy day, so I spent today in a way where I mostly didn’t have to think or talk about all of that. Nothing out of the ordinary… saw a couple of friends, went to a couple of thrift stores, grabbed some food… keeping myself distracted with the good-yet-mundane. 😏

Since the holiday weekend is coming to an end tonight, I can no longer put off dealing with the stack of mail and bills from the past week and a half. πŸ˜’ I’m sure you can understand my logic… didn’t do it FridayΒ ‘cuz it was almost the weekend, didn’t do it Saturday since banking stuff wouldn’t go through on a Sunday, and didn’t do it on Sunday because today is Labor Day. 😁 I’m all out of procrastinator tricks, so here I am at the laptop. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Oh, and the thrift… I actually picked up a few things. πŸ™‚ There’s an obscure-ish British comedy show that I like called The Mighty Boosh, and I actually found a big ol’ hardback book that focuses on it. I can’t even imagine how or why it even got created, but yay me. πŸ™ŒπŸ» The second thing was a Roland EP-3 digital piano. (Because four keyboards in the house just wasn’t enough… heh) I haven’t tested it yet, but it looks solid, and was only $9.99. 😯 How could I not, eh? The third thing is actually pretty silly, but also not…

When I was a baby, one of my relatives (I believe it was my Uncle (?) Frank) got me a stuffed panda bear as a gift. I kept that thing with me when I slept for years… long enough that I have actual memories of it and not just from photos – not to mention that I still have the well-worn, one-eye-less guy still sitting in a box here in my house as evidence. πŸ˜…

Here’s where the silly comes in. Walking past the toys and stuffed things, I caught a panda bear in my peripheral vision – and when I actually looked over at it, I immediately thought about my own old bear, the family back then, not to mention all of the aforementioned pictures that I’ve seen of me and that bear. πŸ™„πŸΌ Heh… and at that point, my bear and that bear were suddenly, unintentionally, and officially connected through all of the feels that I was having at that moment – so I had to get him. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜„

He’s obviously quite a bit healthier looking than my well-loved teddy, so it won’t creep me out if I put him on my “no explanation” bookshelf of crap in the bedroom, which is probably what I’ll end up doing. I texted Genesee about it, so I could sort of laugh at myself as she laughed with me, and ponder over what unknown history that bear has… and explained to her why I couldn’t leave him there on the shelf with the rest of the low-rent stuffies. 😏

Silly, but not…

I Am The Eye In The Sky

Had a bit of a setback with my back yesterday. πŸ˜₯ The pain woke me up around 4am, and a quick trip to the bathroom made me realize that the strength/ability in my right leg wasn’t really there. I probably just slept on something wrong, but rather than dwell on it and get upset about it, I decided to devote the first half of the day to staying in bed, watching movies, and eating a few boxes of that ready-to-make chicken salad and crackers. πŸ– I could still find certain ways to lay that would alleviate the pain, so I just did that and totally plucked myself from what would have been my “normal” routine, and plopped myself into this “being a potato in bed” zone that was outside of my normal timeline. πŸ§™πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ My weird way of trying to explain it anyway… but it worked… that half day of removing myself from everything but Netflix and the cat actually helped – and I was able to get up and around by the early afternoon.

As I was lying there though, I started pondering my various aches, pains, and disabilities… wondering which ones will get better, if any of them are starting to just stayΒ with me, and how I’m gonna be as I get older and have to deal with compounding issues like this. 😟 Like I told Dad, I ended up coming to the conclusion that I’m only complaining as much as I have been because I still feel like I can recover or at least improve. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ If the “bleh” feels temporary, it’s easy to bitch about it when it’s slow going… but honestly, and my neck is proof of this, I can learn to live with pain and disability – to the point where eventually it’s “just there”, sucking, but something I can compartmentalize for the most part. 😐 For the most part… ‘cuz there’s always super painful exceptions. Summarized, my bitching will eventually slow. 😏

In the evening I went in town to deliver those two Yi security cameras to my cousin. I’m obviously more excited about any kind of A/V tech than they would be, but I could still tell that she was having fun playing around with the one as she went through the setup process. πŸ“ΉπŸ‘©πŸ» Matt’s already running through the possible installation locations, so as soon as they get a couple little memory cards they’ll be ready to roll. It’s crazy how even just five or ten years ago, creating any kind of home video security system was expensive and a pain in the ass. There’s no way that Yi makes any money off of these cameras. 🀨 I’m guessing they’re banking on people like me to sign up for the monthly cloud storage fee – which I don’t mind doing at all.

So anyway, despite feeling pretty rotten for the first half, it actually wasn’t that bad of a day overall – and it definitely made me happy to gift those cameras to Toni and Matt. ☺ I really hope that they never have any bad reason that they’ll need any of the footage that they record… but I’m glad that they’ll have those cameras just in case they do.

Slipped My Mind

When Toni and Matt were getting ready to move into their new place, Matt had gotten in touch with me and asked if I had any security cameras that he could use until everything was moved and they were totally settled in there. Now, at that time they didn’t have the internet activated, so there really wasn’t much I could provide that would be helpful. I had one small camera that could record to a microSD card, but it wasn’t meant for 24/7 monitoring – and besides, if someone broke in, they’d just take the camera along with whatever else they wanted, and nobody would be the wiser. 😏

Well, they’ve been living there for months now… but for some reason, after that one time of me and Matt trying to figure something out for security cameras, the whole idea of it had completely left my thoughts. 😐 Even after I set up my own house with multiple cameras, and after I got a camera for Genesee, I still didn’t think until just earlier tonight that Matt and Toni are probably the two people that need cameras like that the most. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I wouldn’t say that their area of town is that much more sketchy than any otherΒ neighborhood you might pick on a map, but it’s an area that’s definitely more activeΒ – with random assholes on the street, on the sidewalks, in the back alleys… 😯

I don’t need to justify it, but Toni really does a lot for me, Mom, and Dad, and she’s always been that way. A “helper” like her mother. πŸ™‚ And that is just the excuse that I need to get her and Matt a couple of the security cameras like I use here at my house. If I was a good cousin I would have thought to do this for them months ago, because Toni works hard for her stuff, Matt works hard for his stuff – and neither of them should ever have to deal with any of their stuff going missing… at least not without video to show them who did it. πŸ“ΉπŸ˜―

I’m still amazed at the features of these “Yi” branded cameras, which you can still get for about $20. They’re the older models, and only 720p resolution, but they’re still absolutely fine for basic security needs like theirs. And like I told Toni, when she said she’d pay me back… I told her that I was happy to get them a couple of the cameras so they could play around with them and see what they thought – and then rather than paying me back, I told her to just take that money and put it towards a couple more cameras if they end up becoming fans and wanna expand their web of surveillance. 😎

Incremental Progress

It’s been a while since I’ve had to work… but all of these doctors, specialists, tests, and referrals that I’m dealing with right now – I can’t imagine how someone with a job would be able to do hardly any of it. Since last Friday, there’s only been one weekday where I didn’t have to be out and doing something related to my current medical situation. πŸ˜’

Like I told my dad though… I know that this is just what people have to do to keep their motors running, but I’m just having a hard time adjusting to needing all of the maintenance. I mean, my neck and shoulder have been fucked for a decade, yeah, but other than that I’ve been mostly healthy and capable. 😐 So suddenly dealing with multiple new medical things, plus adding dentist stuff on top of it… having it consume so much time on so many days… it’s just hard for me to get used to it when I’m feeling miserable, considering that my schedule essentially used to be blank prior to all this.

It really is all headed in the right direction though. And I appreciate that my doctor’s office calls me quite often, nudging me to do whatever it is that they’ve wanted me to do, making sure I’m making the appointments with the specialists. 😏 I actually need that, since my fucked back has been the only thing constantly in my brain for a while now.

Cassi came down yesterday to help me out, which I really appreciated. Sitting here in the messy house was twitching me out, so she came down and picked up the living room, vacuumed, took the trash buggy out to the curb, did some laundry… just stuff to make my brain a little happier, and so I didn’t have to push myself too hard too soon. I was also able to see Dez the other day, by stopping by her job after my ultrasound and hoping that she might be getting off work… that way I wouldn’t have to try and walk inside. (And I probably wouldn’t have, because it’s embarrassing, the way I have to move in order to not hurt.)

We sat in the parking lot and talked for almost a half hour, and I gave her her birthday/graduation present along with a letter that I had written her in case we didn’t get to talk when I dropped it off. 😊 She told me all about the past couple of months, and she was so happy with her present. I think it wasn’t even so much about what it was, but more that even though I’ve been kinda “gone” lately – I was still thinking about her, being proud of what she’s accomplished, and wanted to give her something nice to hopefully brighten her day. πŸ™‚ But yeah… it was nice seeing her again… she’s a great kid.

So, I Went Out

Yesterday was an all around recipe for failure. πŸ˜’ I was still dealing with the pharmacy issues andΒ already feeling like shit, but I had made a promise to a friend and I was determined to not be a disappointment again. 😞 For her birthday, a couple of months ago I bought Cassi two tickets to a concert she wanted to see at the Newport, and that show was last night. It was never my intention to go with her, as I just can’t do it right now (I didn’t even go see Skillet at Winter Jam) but I wanted her to be able to take a friend or her sister to share the fun with.

Unfortunately they didn’t have a ride to get to the show, so I went up there, picked them up, took them to the show, dropped ’em off, and then I had to find something to do until the show was over and I could pick them up again, take them home, and then make my way back home myself. πŸ€” I didn’t mind doing that at all… it was part of the gift. But I was already in bad shape before I left, and the sea of humans and traffic on campus only made things worse. 😬 I was gonna just find some thrift stores or something to kill time, but there were just too many people so I needed to go elsewhere.

That lead to one of the high points of my evening at least, after deciding to go over to Hollywood Casino. I hadn’t been there since maybe last summer, and I remembered that being in a casino often masks my pain… but not so much last night. 😐 It was fun, but not fun, if that makes sense. 😏 Too much time in the car, too much sitting in uncomfortable chairs… and it just kept getting worse. The one saving grace is that I kept losing and winning at a rate that had me only slightly down from when I walked in – and then right when I was leaving, I hit on a machine that Jim always says I should play. πŸ˜ƒπŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ This makes the second time he’s picked a winner for me.

But anyway, by the time I got home around 11pm… omg… worst neck pain that I’ve had in months. πŸ˜“ I’m not yet going to assume that the steroid injection is wearing off, since there were other factors, but yeah… it took exhaustion to finally make me sleep, because there wasn’t a single position that I could turn to that would make it go away. That sort of pain that makes a person go, “Oh shit… I’m really screwed if it just stays like this.” But like I said, thankfully, today the pain was down probably 90% from yesterday.

I guess I should wrap this up. 😏 Waking up feeling somewhat okay today… it’s allowed me to sit and plan my way towards the weekend in a way that I might be functional and okay. Don’t get me wrong, I hate that have to do any of this, and I hate that I have these days where I know I should do absolutely nothing, before baby-stepping my way out of it… but despite how it makes me look or how it may affect others, I have to start figuring out how to not be physically miserable and emotionally fucked because of it. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ