Just Rambling

It ain’t over ’til it’s over… that should be the motto of my life when it comes to all of the workers comp garbage. πŸ™„πŸ˜ I think there’s an R&B song from the early 90s with something close to that title. πŸ€” Meh… anyway… it’s been a day full of working on that stuff, reading mail, working on new forms as much as I can – without any of my attorneys being across the table to help me. 😬 But much like everything else that I’ve had to fight for, there’s still some fighting left to be done before the medical portion is gonna be settled.

It’s a bit before midnight now, so I’ve lost most of the emotional energy that was powering me through it all, so I don’t even have the oomph to really rant about any of it tonight. 😐 I mean, things should be fine eventually… it’s just the typical “Surprise, this isn’t gonna go how you thought it was gonna go.” stuff that plagues every person in the system and keeps things progressing at a snail’s pace. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸŒ But my attorney says we should remain optimistic, and he’s good at selling me on that idea… 😏 so, that’s what I shall do.

But man, even today I’m feeling the effects of how the whole thing has changed me. It simply sucks the energy out of me when I have to work on stressful stuff and make phone calls regarding it all. πŸ˜’πŸ˜£ I mean, that’s what started my “phone anxiety” back in the beginning of the process. All calls seemed to be doctors, lawyers, social security, etc… and all of them were stressful. 😠 I hate using the word “trigger” but that’s what a ringing phone became to me, and then the same for picking up and trying to make a call. It’s embarrassing.

But just like back then, today I felt that effect… not in a super bad way, and I wasn’t even feeling overly stressed or upset or anything… but that still didn’t stop it from sucking away my energy and sending me into a couple unplanned naps. 😏😴 Heh… they’re hard to describe. They usually start with, “Ugh, this sucks… I need to take 10 minutes to rest my eyes and brain.” and then I wake up a couple hours later. πŸ˜…πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Granted, my sleep has already been screwed up because of my neck and an awful 24 hour headache, but working on this shit didn’t help. πŸ˜› (And I doubt that I’d be anything like this if I hadn’t gotten hurt and stopped working… but meh, who knows, I could have ended up worse. Que sera, sera. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚ )

But it was kind of nice to do this mid-week rather than waiting until the weekend like I usually do with most of the mail. I mean, there’s no getting around their business hours when it comes to needing to actually get in touch with folks at the office. But yeah… a big chunk of “bleh” was at least handled and pushed off to the side until probably the start of next week. 😊 A little bit of uncertainty is still gonna be creeping around in my thoughts until this is truly settled, but there’s nothin’ new about that.

Out With The Old

Haven’t been sleeping great… a couple hours here, a couple hours there, but I did manage to wake up at a normal time today and get some of my errands done. Not sure if my attorney will be calling tomorrow or not, but at least all of that stuff is in motion and more work will be done on it soon. Was gonna stop in and see Dad on my way home, but it was a little too warm today for a visit outside, so hopefully we’ll find a cooler, nicer day sometime this week. I’m actually looking forward to when we can take a ride up to Millersport to check out all the old haunts. But yeah, over 90 degrees is not anyone’s idea of a good time for sittin’ out talking.

So I headed home and decided to go ahead and start the process of setting up my new phone. I got a normal iPhone 11… the new SE is just too small, plus I wanted to get something decent at a decent price instead of being tempted by the iPhone 12 Pro Max with it’s LIDAR camera setup. πŸ˜―πŸ˜ƒ Want? Yes. Need? No. 😏 I barely leave the house these days, let alone do anything that resembles photography, so no sense in blowing money on a fancy camera phone that I’d probably only use to scan dumb shit around my house. πŸ™„πŸ˜’

But I think I’m gonna be happy with this phone. It’s basically like my old one, just with a bigger screen, better dual cameras, faster everything… and even though I could have just had the battery replaced on my old one, they’re only gonna update iOS on those old models for so long. With this one I’ll be set for another four years or so. The more that I think about it, I actually did pretty good in keeping the old one as long as I did. πŸ™‚

But that’s when the afternoon turned tedious. The race got rained out… or at least it got rained on for long enough that I forgot to even check back in to see if they got going… but part of that was because I was dealing with customer support from Boost for the better part of two hours. 😣 The phones themselvesthey knew what was up… the new phone asked for the old phone to be placed next to it, then the old phone started sending over all my apps and data – so the new phone looks almost exactly the same as the old one. That process went fine… but the new phone still wasn’t working as a phone.

I tried to use the portal on their site to “swap phones” as they put it… and, at least on the dashboard, it looked like it worked. Had the exact model number, serial number, etc… even a picture of the phone… but calls no longer worked on either phone. πŸ˜’ After chatting with three different support techs, the last one finally realized that the previous two were entering the wrong sim card information into the system… something that he handled in about three minutes. πŸ™„πŸ˜‘ You know how you get when something is supposed to just work, but then you spend hours effing with it? Yeah… it was one of those evenings.

But it’s all good now. There’s still gonna be lots of little “this and that” that I’ll need to do to make it just like the old phone, but it’s more the fun type of fiddling. I’ve already got all 1600+ of my “liked” songs on Spotify downloaded for offline play, and tomorrow I’ll get to carefully attempt to put the tempered glass screen protector on and get it seated in its case so I don’t feel like I’m gonna snap it in half every time I handle it. 😏 Meh… I’m just rambling now since it got me all wound up… I’m happy. New phone, new stuff to play with, so I’ve got nothing to complain about. Just wish I felt even a little bit sleepy… πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Oh, and I’m finally catching up with Dad… heh… he’s been using online ordering for a couple months now when it comes to grocery shopping. And tonight I finally finished setting up my own account so I can avoid all the dirty asses in the grocery store as well. πŸ˜… Will probably place my first order tomorrow. πŸ‘πŸ»

The “Anxiety Light” Version

Legal Eagle spells it out much better than I could… and with 99% less emotional exhaustion. πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Another Person’s Dream. Yay.

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve got a decades-old blog, somewhere, where I used to regularly keep track of my weird ass dreams. But sometimes they’re interesting enough to merit a spot in the regular blog. Last night’s dream was a single, long, awful, hyper-realistic “action” nightmare. 😳 (And when it comes to what I may have seen, heard, or done during the prior day to cause any of it… who knows.) The cast, for whatever reason, was mostly people that I went to high school with. πŸ€” Not necessarily even the “closer” of my friends.

It started off with Chris Woolard and Rich Nagel showing me their raptor pen, where yes… they had a real baby raptor, probably the size of a human toddler. They said I could go in and play with it, but that they didn’t advise it. 😧 I did anyway, though. It immediately knocked me down to my hands and knees and then proceeded to bite and attack my right shoulder. (Why my right? My left one is the one that’s damaged. Maybe fear of losing use of my remaining good arm?)

It chomped into me several times, finally just locking its teeth deep into my shoulder. πŸ˜–πŸ˜« I fell even closer to the ground, blood pouring into a puddle on the floor around me. I stayed as still as I could, which caused it to finally stop biting into me – and I was then face down on the floor, unintentionally blowing bubbles in my own blood as I tried to keep my breathing shallow enough that it would leave me alone. 😯

Brian White then pulled me up from the floor and helped me out of the pen, and had someone bandage up my shoulder. πŸ€• As soon as that was done, I started looking for my phone so that I could leave… but it wasn’t in my pocket, wasn’t on my desk, wasn’t anywhere that it should have been. 😳 So I began to frantically look for it, with the panic of knowing that whoever had it would have access to my entire life…

As I walked up and down this dark auditorium, looking all around the chairs, desks, and people – eventually Matt McKinster motioned me towards a huge “home improvement store” area just outside the room we were currently in. πŸ€” As soon as I got out there, I saw Jamie Faught carrying light posts for a customer… but he was about 20 feet tall, and they were like street light light posts. 😧 He nodded and smiled at me, but as I drew his attention away from what he was doing – the posts he was carrying smashed into dozens of giant ceiling fans that were above us all.

(If you’re still here and reading… well done. Other people’s dreams are so not-interesting… heh)

Everyone in the store, who were all regular sized like me… we all started running and screaming, because Jamie was falling, the posts were falling, and the smashed ceiling fans were falling – all in our direction. 😯😫 Some of the fans were still spinning like airplane propellers, which resulted in several violent “glass tornados” from which we all had to escape. ☹️ Luckily I spotted a big metal glove on the floor near me… 🀨

I put the glove on and shielded some people behind me as the glass shards began hitting us. The glove was able to deflect most of the debris, but we were still getting sliced and gashed by the stray pieces of glass as they flew by. πŸ˜–πŸ˜­πŸ€• I was able to save five or six people before a different glass tornado attacked us from above, rather than straight on like the others had done. πŸ‘†πŸ»πŸ˜³ It rained down on us so hard that it broke through the floor underneath us, sending us all falling into a darkened pit below.

At that point the wind stopped, the glass stopped flying around, the screaming people stopped screaming… and those of us that survived falling into the pit realized that we needed to climb our way out, over piles of busted glass and even more busted people. 😟☹️ When I made it to the edge at the top, thankfully my friend Desiree was there to take my hand and successfully pull me to safety. πŸ˜ƒ

She was crying and acting so sorry that she wasn’t there to protect me when it all started, but told me that even though she was late – that I can always rely on her to be there for me eventually, when it really counts. 😊 There was other little stuff after that, which I can’t really remember, and then I woke up. And I was friggin’ tired, man. 😞 I mean, I know all of this shit just comes off as bizarre – but imagine experiencing it all as vividly as you’re experiencing things in the room around you right now as you read this blog entry. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜

Crazy shit. I’ll definitely take a pass on any dreams tonight if they’re gonna be anything like that again. πŸ˜“

Tripped My Breaker

Everything caught up with me in a bad way today. 😞 First time in a week and a half that (for no apparent reason) I woke up with my neck frozen – combined with a splitting headache at the base of my skull. 😣

That’s never fun, but today it was apparently my tipping point. With the mental stress of all the various things getting ready to happen (as well as currently going on) with my workers comp situation, all the work I’ve been doing on it, plus still nervously waiting for my attorneys to call regarding setting up a meeting… waking up feeling utterly miserable along with all of that just flipped a switch. πŸ₯Ί

My anxiety about all of it had turned to irritation, anger, and determination over the past couple of days – but that’s when I wasn’t physically suffering at the same time. 😟 So while I’m not thrilled that I lost the entire day today – after taking my morning meds, letting the hot shower rain on the back of my head, and waiting to see if the pain was going to let up… I nodded back off and ended up sleeping the entire day away. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜•

I would have heard my phone if my attorneys reached out… but, again, the call didn’t come. A couple people texted me, but it’s late now – and I’m honestly in no condition to act like I’m “okay enough” to return messages and hold a conversation. I hate ghosting people, but today has been a bad, bad day. 😞 I’ve taken my evening meds though, so I’m hoping that’ll do something… but it’s hard to say if I’ll be back out in an hour or if I’ll end up awake all night due to sleeping all night and day. πŸ˜’ That’s just how it goes sometimes…

And when I mention this next thing, I’m not looking to be medicated… but when an injured workers is put through the ringer like I’ve been – it should honestly be a requirement that the coverage includes the option of talking to a counselor or therapist. 🀨 It’s obvious that mental and emotional stress can affect a person’s physical health, so it would truly be in everyone’s best interest. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ (This blog is usually my therapy.)

Yeah, I’m thinking about my situation, but I’m also thinking about the tens of thousands of other people who’ve been in the fight for years that might not handle it as well as I have, which isn’t always that great. 😟 It should help once I get the call and the meeting is scheduled, and it’ll help even more once that’s done… no matter how it seems to go. It’s the “unknown” and the waiting that’s really tweaking me right now. 😠 If this stuff’s gonna take a different course here soon, I’d like to get the show on the road.

So today went straight into the trash, but I’ve got something to look forward to tomorrow. Map of The Soul: Seven (by BTS) is being released, it’ll be available on Spotify, so I’ll have a whole album of new music to listen to and hopefully be distracted by. πŸ™‚πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Here’s hoping for a better tomorrow.

Refresh

My neck and shoulder are finally calmed down (mostly) after a long “recovery” day, so I think I better go ahead and make a “good” entry tonight in case my mood changes and I’m not feelin’ it tomorrow. 😏

Over the past month or so I’ve ordered three different cosmetic upgrades for my car. The first one was an OEM-looking spoiler, already painted in “Magnetic Metallic” with clear coat, so it is ready to install straight out of the box. πŸ™‚ It was about $100 and came from California, I believe.

The second one was a gloss black splitter / lip (or whatever you wanna call it) for the bottom of the front bumper. Now, this one came from whatever Asian area that all cheap reproduction goods seem to come from these days, so not only did it take a while to get here – but it arrived without the 3M adhesive tape and the screws to attach it to the car, so I’ll have to pick those up elsewhere. πŸ˜’ No big deal, since it was around $30.

Those two things… I had watched a few YouTube videos and convinced myself that I’d be able to do them myself, albeit with the help of a friend with tools and two functioning arms. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ The spoiler and splitter both require only minimal prep and effort compared to the third thing.

Also right around $100, a few days ago I ordered a gloss black honeycomb grill similar to what you’d see on the Fusion Sport, Mustang, and a bunch of other cars these days. My Fusion is a 2016 SE, so it came with the straight line “chrome” plastic grill… and while it obviously doesn’t look bad, I just think it’ll look better with this new one. (Plus I can sell the old one.) But this upgrade, there’s no way I’d be able to do it on my own, since it requires removing the nose of the car in order to pop out the old grill and snap the new one in. 😯

It hasn’t arrived yet, but it shouldn’t be too much longer since it’s also coming from CA. But when I made the decision to pull the trigger on the grill, that’s when I also resigned myself to the idea that it would be better to let someone else install all this crap in one shot. 😏 Especially since the splitter will go on much more easily when the nose is already off the car for the grill swap.

I know a few people who work on cars for a living, including a couple who do restorations and body work, so at some point I’ll probably hit one of them up and see if they’d be willing to handle my little project. Just because I think I could install the spoiler and splitter… it doesn’t mean that I should. 😟😞 There’s no doubt that it would take me 10x longer than anyone else, plus it would almost certainly tweak my neck and shoulder in some way. πŸ˜’ This is no time for my proud-but-stupid “I don’t need help” side to be stubborn.

But yeah, I’m looking forward to seeing how she’ll look with her new gear. πŸ™‚

Youth: Wasted On The Young

Lemme tell ya… 😏 once I write something, I swear it’s like I’ve invoked the spirits to deliver exactly the opposite. Talking about the awesome weather a few days ago? How I was feeling pretty darn good? πŸ˜… So of course that meant today the sun rose over a crunchy, icy, snow covered everything. (I know. I was there.) It was pretty, but it’s just that I didn’t catch any forecasts – because I somehow managed to invert my days and nights again, and I’ve ended up feeling a bit off due to it. πŸ€” Or I felt a bit off and that messed up my sleep. Meh… nothing serious, it’s just frustrating (convenience-wise) when I slip from the humans’ schedule.

I think it’s gonna sort itself out tonight though. Woke up before noon yesterday, ended up staying awake all night, then all of today… and now the sun has set, and I think I still have enough oomph to stay up for at least a few more hours. Sounds like a recipe for a good night’s sleep, no? πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚πŸ€žπŸ»

Maven has been trying to help… by not helping. πŸ™„πŸ˜„ She sticks to me like glue if she senses that my energy is off, so any time I’d try to sleep – whether kicked back in the recliner, on the floor by the heater, or hiding under the covers in bed… as soon as I’d almost nod off, she’d deftly plop down somewhere inconvenient or just directly on me. 😿🀨 Can’t be mad though… her intentions are good. 😺

So bear with me if I go radio silent for another day or two, or if you’re not able to get me on the phone or via messages. Just getting everything back on track so I can continue this slightly-good streak. 😎 Monthly WC doc appointment is coming up on Monday though, which is always followed by the lengthy, fun approval process (or not) at the pharmacy. 😐 (I’ll push that to the back of my thoughts for the weekend.) Plus, for after my appointment, I’m gonna make my version of tuna fish sammiches for me and Dad (even though nothing can top Mom’s vacation sammiches 😌) so that visit will also help to take my mind off of any BS for the duration.

I shall return.

Above and Beyond

Lemme take back a couple of the things I said in my most recent entry. 😏 I figured that Cassi (et al) would be completely wrapped up in everything surrounding their move, and that I probably wouldn’t hear from them or see them until it was all over, since she knows I can’t really help with anything heavier than a couple of pounds, plus I didn’t wanna absorb any stress if “stress” was the vibe of the day. πŸ˜πŸ€” Well…

I ended up going up there today to provide some help after all. πŸ™„πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ Not much stress, and nothing strenuous… but Steven had to work during most of the day today, and with no car at the house – that left Cassi feeling (correctly) like it would be a precious day wasted if they weren’t able to continue moving stuff over to the new place. πŸ˜• And considering the deadline, I definitely agreed.

Since I honestly had nothing planned (well, other than lying around the house, enjoying a total day off 😏) and since I can relate to the feeling of wanting to “get shit done” but having something outside of your control stopping you, I couldn’t really say no when she asked. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Yeah, it ended up totally sucking the air out of my day off, but that would be a lame reason to not help a friend in need. πŸ™„ (Moving sucks. Especially the older we all get, the more stuff we all accumulate… yeah, it just sucks.)

I don’t know if the Soul would have been better equipped, size-wise, for the trips back and forth that we made, but we still ended up getting quite a bit of stuff over to the new place. πŸ™‚ Lots of little bitty things and boxes, since that was the easiest stuff… then once Steven got home he was gonna recruit some relatives to continue the work with the bigger stuff tonight and tomorrow. πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘πŸ» But yeah, still better to have moved the shit that we did, rather than having that time completely wasted.

And while I’m glad to have gotten back home, kicked off my shoes, and gave the kitty some attention since she was excited to see me… 😌 in the back of my head I’m thinking about all of the work that they’re still gonna have to do tonight and tomorrow. 😟 I don’t blame them for wanting out of that shitty neighborhood, but I also don’t envy them for all the aches and pains they’re gonna have once the job is done. 😳