Youth: Wasted On The Young

Lemme tell ya… ๐Ÿ˜ once I write something, I swear it’s like I’ve invoked the spirits to deliver exactly the opposite. Talking about the awesome weather a few days ago? How I was feeling pretty darn good? ๐Ÿ˜… So of course that meant today the sun rose over a crunchy, icy, snow covered everything. (I know. I was there.) It was pretty, but it’s just that I didn’t catch any forecasts – because I somehow managed to invert my days and nights again, and I’ve ended up feeling a bit off due to it. ๐Ÿค” Or I felt a bit off and that messed up my sleep. Meh… nothing serious, it’s just frustrating (convenience-wise) when I slip from the humans’ schedule.

I think it’s gonna sort itself out tonight though. Woke up before noon yesterday, ended up staying awake all night, then all of today… and now the sun has set, and I think I still have enough oomph to stay up for at least a few more hours. Sounds like a recipe for a good night’s sleep, no? ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป

Maven has been trying to help… by not helping. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜„ She sticks to me like glue if she senses that my energy is off, so any time I’d try to sleep – whether kicked back in the recliner, on the floor by the heater, or hiding under the covers in bed… as soon as I’d almost nod off, she’d deftly plop down somewhere inconvenient or just directly on me. ๐Ÿ˜ฟ๐Ÿคจ Can’t be mad though… her intentions are good. ๐Ÿ˜บ

So bear with me if I go radio silent for another day or two, or if you’re not able to get me on the phone or via messages. Just getting everything back on track so I can continue this slightly-good streak. ๐Ÿ˜Ž Monthly WC doc appointment is coming up on Monday though, which is always followed by the lengthy, fun approval process (or not) at the pharmacy. ๐Ÿ˜ (I’ll push that to the back of my thoughts for the weekend.) Plus, for after my appointment, I’m gonna make my version of tuna fish sammiches for me and Dad (even though nothing can top Mom’s vacation sammiches ๐Ÿ˜Œ) so that visit will also help to take my mind off of any BS for the duration.

I shall return.

Lengthy Grumpy Ramble

I’m glad that I don’t have anything on the agenda for the rest of the week, since that allows me to take the things that I wanted to do today and move them to tomorrow. I must have slept funny or rough last night, because man did I wake up feeling beat up today. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ It looks like I’m going to have to actually go in to the pharmacy to deal with two of my WC prescriptions, since I’m gonna have to get some printouts proving that they’re unwilling to pay this month. ๐Ÿ˜’ But with my knees and neck acting up today – tomorrow just seems like the better option. (Stress can add to my physical pain, so I don’t need the BS at the pharmacy to pile on today…)

The insurance crap that I was gonna work on… that didn’t go anywhere today, since they needed all kinds of specific info that I didn’t have handy when I made the call. I figured since a bunch of paperwork had already been sent in, giving them the account number along with my name would have been enough. But nope, gotta get into my files and dig out the little notebook with a few dates and some other specifics that I need.

So I dunno… I guess the little bits that I accomplished today will serve as the “getting ready” for tomorrow, when I’ll hopefully conclude things with both of those situations. ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป My mood is shit today anyway, so waiting until tomorrow will probably help me when it comes to not barking at the people who are trying to help me, since they aren’t the folks who are making things difficult. ๐Ÿ˜ Those call center / customer service jobs must be awful, since most folks aren’t as considerate to their lack of power or responsibility when it comes to any given account or situation. ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ“ž๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

Oh, speaking of crappy jobs… I guess Jim felt like he wasn’t gonna be able to cut it at the Whirlpool factory where he recently started working. ๐Ÿ˜• He’s worked in stocking type positions most of his life, sometimes also driving a forklift – sometimes not, so when he’s basically worked one type of job for most of his adult life – you could imagine how his first taste of assembly line work would feel intimidating. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

The difference between his job and my former job… the line at Whirlpool is controlled by the machines, where my line was controlled by the people. Plus, even though we worked at a ridiculous pace (that did end up eventually damaging me) we didn’t have parts that weighed upwards of 40 pounds to deal with. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ It’s also concerning when he tells me that he hurt his neck, and that it also caused his shoulder and arm to hurt… ‘cuz that sounds way too familiar. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿค•

It just sucks that after years of being able to switch stores and jobs if he wanted to, and having an excellent employee / work record, he’s hit a phase where nobody wants him for those positions now. I mean, he didn’t “job hop” a lot, so I don’t think it’s that… so I’m wondering if it comes down to employers seeing his age on the applications. Glowing work histories don’t help if you can’t get past the HR people who see “47” and throw his application on the “nope” pile.

I was trying to think of what to say to him to keep his optimism up and his twichy-ness down, but it’s difficult when life seems to constantly bag tag a person. ๐Ÿ˜ It sucks that he lives so far north of Columbus now, because I have a friend that could probably get him into Jiffy Lube almost immediately. But after I described the job to Jim, pointing out the ways it would be so much easier than a factory, he just replied that he doesn’t know how to work on cars, so the job wouldn’t be for him. ๐Ÿ˜’๐Ÿค”

It’s frustrating, because he’s almost always good at whatever job he’s working at… and you don’t have to know how to “work on cars” to work at a Jiffy Lube. Not to mention the fact that they’ll obviously train you before letting you loose on customer cars. ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿ”ง๐Ÿš˜ For example, if he started off working in the pit, under the floor, he wouldn’t have to do much more than locate the oil plug, drain the oil, plug it back up, and perhaps change some oil filters on the cars that have them more easily accessed from the bottom.

I hate to see him not working and struggling, but I think the anxiety from all of the things that have happened… it’s got him to a point where he’s questioning his own abilities, and thinking that he’s not good enough for even basic “some skill required” type jobs. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ And I get not being a “car guy” but employee training will give a person the skillz required for any given position. ๐Ÿ˜ž๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Meh… he’s a good d00d, and he’s done a lot of good things for other people who were struggling at various points in his life, so it just sucks watching life doing its best to chew up yet another friend who doesn’t deserve it.

Improving

Went out and did actual grocery shopping yesterday. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone anywhere other than Dollar General or a quicky mart to just stock up on little random amounts of this or that to keep me going. But being run down for a couple of weeks and not making those little trips… I finally burned through pretty much everything in the fridge and cupboards. That’s good, I guess – I mean, that’s what some of the food was… shit that I could eat when I ran out of stuff that I wanted to eat. Well, that’s not exactly right, but you know what I mean. “Four cans of beets? Okay, I guess I’m going to be eating some beets today.”ย ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

It did take some energy out of me, but not like it would have done a week ago, or two weeks ago… so that’s one positive thing, that I’m definitely getting some of my energy back. Shopping is one of my least favorite things to do, so I ended up spending about $250… hopefully getting stuff that will last me a long damn time, other than stopping off for bread or pop or the other stuff that you always need to replenish before “the next shopping trip” wherever.

What’s funny though, is that when Gen and I were messaging last night, she asked me what all I got – and I legit had no idea. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜ Granted, I was already in bed, so my brain wasn’t trying that hard to remember… but I really think my brain put up a firewall while I was shopping. ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆย ย โž–๐Ÿ›’๐Ÿ˜โž–ย ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘งย  ย Knowing that I was already running on much lower energy, doing something that already causes annoyingly inexplicable anxiety at times, I couldn’t tell you what a single person looked like or did as I passed them in the aisle. No, wait, I remember some lady in the frozen section yelling at her kids for wanting to get the ready-made frozen lasagna – because she had already loaded her cart with all the things to make it from scratch. Oh, and I don’t remember my cashier, but the bagger chick was lightning fast… with all my shit bagged, back in the cart, and her moving on to the next station before my receipt even finished printing. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

I finally ran out of juice once I got home and unloaded, but I did get all the cold shit put away – which means I have a kitchen floor full of bags waiting for me once I drag my ass out of the bedroom today. ๐Ÿ˜’ But it was just being worn out… not that “Oops I fell asleep for three hours” shit that was happening far too often a couple weeks prior. That’s really the only reason I’m posting about what 95% of people don’t even have to think about… a typical “big” shopping trip… because it hasn’t been that long since just walking out into the back yard to spray some weeds would put me out of commission. Just glad to know the thyroid meds are pushing me back in the right direction… and hoping that my uncharacteristic optimism here doesn’t jinx me for my appointment tomorrow. Also, plans for today are very limited… not falling for that “Ahh, I’m better!” shit and then ending up wiping myself out anyway after yesterday’s progress. ๐Ÿ˜ย Basically gonna take this as another “day off” after I get the rest of the shit put away and the laundry started…

Comb, Goo, Powder, & Spray

Several days ago I went around the inside and outside of the house, spraying the porches and squirting down “poison barriers” at all the doorways, to kill and/or keep out the spiders, ants, bees, silverfish, etc… and while that seems to have actually worked pretty well, one of the potential pests that I hadn’tย thought of managed to make their way into the house somehow. ๐Ÿ˜’

I noticed Bubba scratching a little more than usual, but I figured it was just from it being so hot and her fur starting to get kinda long again. But nope… took a closer look yesterday evening when she came and plopped down on me, and somehow she’s managed to get fleas. ๐Ÿ˜ž Well… fleas are managing to get her. ๐Ÿ˜ฟย I didn’t see too many, and with her being mostly white they’re usually easy to spot, so hopefully I caught it somewhat at the beginning. ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป And we do go outside for a few minutes at a time now and then, but always with her lazily & happily slung over my shoulder – cuz she’s a priss and doesn’t really care to touch the grass. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™‚

Luckily I still had one dose of that “between the shoulder blades” goo treatment that Genesee suggested, from last year when I had to give her (and the house) the treatment. So I went ahead and completely combed her out, applied the goo while she was distracted with lovins, and then immediately got online to order flea powder for the carpet and flea spray for the other areas and soft furniture. Surprisingly (and I did google it extensively) this type can not only be used on “stuff” but it can be used directly on your critter as well. ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿค”

Rather than spraying it on her, which she would of course hate, I’ll probably spray it on one of her favorite brushes – doing the “Don’t worry, nothing going on, nothing to see here…” routine while I squirt and brush, squirt and brush. ๐Ÿ™€๐Ÿšฟ๐Ÿงย And honestly, with the flea goo already applied, once I get the carpet and furniture treated I might not even have to do anything more than get the dead ones and their dirt off of her with the fine-toothed comb that she also already likes. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Poor kitty. ๐Ÿ˜• She can be old and grumpy like me. ๐Ÿ˜พ Last thing she needs is this annoyance. It’ll be handled.

Ready For The Weekend Again

I’m hoping to do a whole lot of nothin‘ on Saturday. ๐Ÿฅด It’s not that I’ve personally been busting much ass, but there’s just been various stuff going on, stuff I’ve been trying to help with, or at least stuff Iย helped to get help with… heh… and I know that doesn’t make immediate sense. ๐Ÿ˜ But yeah, after signing her lease on Wednesday (I think?) Bri was determined to get most of her stuff moved into her new apartment on Thursday – so it was just a matter of getting this person or that person, at various points during the day, with the proper muscles and vehicles for the task, to not only move all of her stuff from Chelsea’s, but to also grab the furniture from here that I had donated to the cause. ๐Ÿ˜งย Then I was able to follow in my car with all the smaller stuffs.

By the end of the day almost everything had been moved, minus the mattresses which are on hold at a friend’s house until the landlord can inspect them before she moves them in. But you know how it is when you move without any guaranteed labor, guaranteed vehicles, or guaranteed weather… heh… so even just helping with the planning and “figuring out” can make a person tired after a while. I’m glad that all of the things that she’s been dealing with have really been positives, because that’s kept her mood, motivation, and energy always headed in the right direction.

Then, as planned, today she had to be up at Grant for a surgery that had been on hold until she was no longer pregnant. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ I had to be up in Columbus a little later in the afternoon as well, so I just left early and took her with me and got her checked in. That way Chelsea didn’t have to sit at the hospital with a newborn Bryson (and possibly her own kids) for several hours, waiting for Bri’s surgery to get done – and instead was just able to go up once the nurse called to let her know the procedure was done and that Bri was in recovery and would soon be able to go back home. ๐Ÿ™‚ So despite feeling a little shitty about just leaving her there at the hospital, at least I was able to help out in that way as I moved on to the other stuff I had to do. (But she’s not kiddin’ when she remarks about how many “big moments” in her life that I’ve been involved with in one way or another. ๐Ÿ˜Š )

Then I spent a good part of the rest of the day with Cassi. ๐Ÿ™‚ She’s been working a lot, so she hasn’t been able to come down here much – nor have I been up there to really just visit either. But today was all about multi-tasking, so we went out for a bit, hit a couple thrift stores, then chilled as the sketchy evening clouds threatened to pour down on the city. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ It actually did get bad at times, but it was really hit or miss, and luckily it was mostly “miss” wherever I happened to be at any given moment. Columbus drivers do seem to instantly lose about 40 IQ points whenever it rains though… cripes… ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

So yeah, it’s been an off-and-on busy week, including a couple-hour visit with Dad the other day that I might have forgotten to mention, along with all the other stuff that I have mentioned, and plenty that I’veย neglected to- topped off with today’s 10am to 10pm “out and about” schedule… so yeah, as much as I’ve been happy to do all the stuff I’ve done this week, I’m sure looking forward to a day of nothing tomorrow. ๐Ÿ˜

Hurt, Heal, Push, Hurt, Heal, Push…

Yesterday evening ended up being bad. Normally you do some sort of physical activity, it’ll work up your muscles a bit, then as the day and night progresses – the pain or stiffness gradually goes away. Not last night. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜  I left PT feeling awful and it continued to get worse all the way until I somehow fell asleep despite it. And even today, as soon as I effing woke up – neck is stiff, head and eyeballs are pounding with a headache still… heh… I really wasn’t anticipating it being this bad, considering the relatively limited movement that I allowed my bad arm and shoulder yesterday. ๐Ÿ˜’ Even being actively aware of and discussing it as I was going through exercises with the physical therapist, I still allowed myself to get this effed up. ๐Ÿคฌ

I got wrapped up in that “authority figure” syndrome thing. ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿซ๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿปโ€โš–๏ธ Where you’re talking to a cop or doctor or teacher or whatever… and because you see them as an authority figure, you’re more likely to just do what they say, or give their words more weight than compared to a “normal” person. ๐Ÿ™„ I wanted to do the exercises that they have determined should help me, and in “trying to do my best” (like always) I really messed myself up. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ But anyway – I’ve already decided that I’m barely going to do any of that shit during the next visit – or at home, where I’m also supposed to continue the exercises.

I’m not gonna give up on trying to get my back to heal properly and train it for a little more endurance, but I’m not gonna be able to do it the way a completely functional human would. ๐Ÿค• Tomorrow is supposed to be my last appointment with them anyway, so it’ll be up to me to make the choices about how I’m gonna keep things moving in the right direction. Heh… I can’t explain how angry this pain makes me… it’s a combination of the actual pain, the resentment regarding the original injury that has made me this fragile, feeling like “taking the initiative” to push myself to heal just results in punishment, spending every other day hurting and recovering… meh… I’m just gonna basically drop the extensive PT and do what I can, because prior to this I was actually healing and feeling pretty good.

It’s just one of those days where as soon as I woke up I was already done with this day. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Gonna try to make this headache go away and hopefully do something that can flip my mood. Apologies to anyone who has messaged me or sent e-mails and haven’t gotten a reply yet. I’m gonna try to get at all that before the afternoon is over. It’s hard to put on “happy, socializing face” when I’m feeling like this…

And I’m gonna find something positive to post about later too. Tired of being miserable.

Incremental Progress

It’s been a while since I’ve had to work… but all of these doctors, specialists, tests, and referrals that I’m dealing with right now – I can’t imagine how someone with a job would be able to do hardly any of it. Since last Friday, there’s only been one weekday where I didn’t have to be out and doing something related to my current medical situation. ๐Ÿ˜’

Like I told my dad though… I know that this is just what people have to do to keep their motors running, but I’m just having a hard time adjusting to needing all of the maintenance. I mean, my neck and shoulder have been fucked for a decade, yeah, but other than that I’ve been mostly healthy and capable. ๐Ÿ˜ So suddenly dealing with multiple new medical things, plus adding dentist stuff on top of it… having it consume so much time on so many days… it’s just hard for me to get used to it when I’m feeling miserable, considering that my schedule essentially used to be blank prior to all this.

It really is all headed in the right direction though. And I appreciate that my doctor’s office calls me quite often, nudging me to do whatever it is that they’ve wanted me to do, making sure I’m making the appointments with the specialists. ๐Ÿ˜ I actually need that, since my fucked back has been the only thing constantly in my brain for a while now.

Cassi came down yesterday to help me out, which I really appreciated. Sitting here in the messy house was twitching me out, so she came down and picked up the living room, vacuumed, took the trash buggy out to the curb, did some laundry… just stuff to make my brain a little happier, and so I didn’t have to push myself too hard too soon. I was also able to see Dez the other day, by stopping by her job after my ultrasound and hoping that she might be getting off work… that way I wouldn’t have to try and walk inside. (And I probably wouldn’t have, because it’s embarrassing, the way I have to move in order to not hurt.)

We sat in the parking lot and talked for almost a half hour, and I gave her her birthday/graduation present along with a letter that I had written her in case we didn’t get to talk when I dropped it off. ๐Ÿ˜Š She told me all about the past couple of months, and she was so happy with her present. I think it wasn’t even so much about what it was, but more that even though I’ve been kinda “gone” lately – I was still thinking about her, being proud of what she’s accomplished, and wanted to give her something nice to hopefully brighten her day. ๐Ÿ™‚ But yeah… it was nice seeing her again… she’s a great kid.