Terminate Background Process?

I feel almost silly for realizing this only just now, but I’ve figured out why my sleep got screwed up… why I have been feeling a little off. With as “aware” as I am regarding my struggles with anxiety, you’d think that any new potential issues would be immediately apparent. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Nope. ๐Ÿคจ For whatever reason, I typically don’t recognize an inciting moment until it’s already had enough time to have an effect. Like walking out of your house into a rain storm and then wondering an hour later why you’re soaked.

Not wanting to bury the lede any further, I’m pretty sure that ordering concert tickets the other day was what put me a bit out of whack. So you can maybe see why I wouldn’t have suspected that as the cause. Since, on its face, that concert is something that I obviously think will be fun, something that I want to do, something that I’m choosing to do. ๐Ÿ™‚ So the anticipation of waiting to see if I’d even be able to get tickets, and then managing to get really decent seats – all of the “Yay! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ of that masked the subconscious concerns that I always have when it comes to attending a concert these days.

I’ll make a separate post about the show, but yeah… when just this past year I skipped a Skillet concert that was less than 30 miles away because it was a general admission show, and I didn’t want to risk how beat up I’d feel afterwards – committing to a much, much bigger concert, and one that will require hours of travel time just to get there, it’s kind of a big deal for me. ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿฅด

So, without me even realizing it, I think my brain was running a background process that was contemplating all of the various issues that could pop up. ๐Ÿง โ€ผ๏ธ The main concern, obviously, is how I’m going to physically feel… before, during, and after. The long drive, the masses of people, trying not to “bop around” too much during the show… ๐Ÿ˜ and then the long drive back home, which will likely feel even longer than the drive there. When I can’t predict how broken I’m going to feel on a day to day basis here at home… it’s just giving quite a bit up to faith that it’ll all work out okay. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ

Now, despite all that I’ve typed here… I’m not sweating it as much as it probably sounds. ๐Ÿ˜ I’m still excited about it, still glad that I have something to look forward to, and planning it all out will even be fun. Figuring out the best travel routes, of course staying over the night before and the night after, checking everything out on Google Earth, and then the concert itself… I really am looking forward to it. I’d say I’m like 90% “Yay! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ and only 10% “Ugh… this could be a nightmare ๐Ÿ˜ณ

More details soon… ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐ŸŽŸ๏ธ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŽŸ๏ธ ย  ๐ŸŽตย ๐ŸŽค๐Ÿง๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿคโ€๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‘ฌ๐Ÿป๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿคโ€๐Ÿง‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท ๐ŸŽต

Depth Perception

I’m not feeling too great, so I’m gonna keep this post short. Today was the day that Jim and his brother were going to the county fair, and he also wanted to drop off the Phil Collins concert ticket that he got me – so I just saved him the extra driving and time and met them at the fair. I wasn’t much fun for the Sweet Corn Festival, and I’m not sure I was a whole lot more fun today, but I did make an appearance. Plus I wanted to get some longer “real-world” footage with the 360 camera and take some “portrait mode” iPhone shots to see what Facebook’s new “3D” algorithm could do with them.

(Wow… vertical video shows up bigger than I expected. Click to make it “screen sized” at bottom of vid.)

It’s a neat little trick that they’ve come up with… something that I wish the phone could do natively… but it’s also something that once everyone and their brother learns how to do it, the motion sickness that it may cause will probably be enough that the peanut gallery starts demanding a button to disable this nerdy new trick entirely. But I’m feeling a little too “off” to fuss with that 360 video right now… not sure when I’ll get around to it, but don’t be surprised if it sits on the back burner for a while.

Birthday Eve

The stars aligned yesterday and I woke up feeling good and was able to go in to visit with Mom and Dad like I had planned a few days earlier. ๐Ÿ™‚ Everyone knows that when it comes to planning things, my brain often won’t cooperate when the day actually comes – so that’s why it was nice to wake up yesterday feeling decent and ready to go. It’s actually Dad’s birthday today, but rather than showing up with decorations and hats and horns I just came with several bags full of goodies and junk food – and some Sonic double burgers that seemed especially good that day. ๐Ÿคค๐Ÿ”๐ŸŸ

Mom was extra talkative, and seemed to be in a pretty good mood, although she did say that she was tired of the CD that always plays in her radio – so I told her that I’d bring her some Elton John music next time I visited. ๐Ÿคฉ๐ŸŽน I stayed a couple of hours, and was considering doing a couple of other things on my way home, but when I got in my car my brain decided that it was just time to go straight home.

I think I overdid it with my arm throughout the day somehow, because by the time I was supposed to be going to sleep I had a pulsing headache at the base of my skull from the muscles being all meh. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ That kept me awake a couple hours longer than planned, so I decided last night that I’d put today’s planned activities on delay… and now that half the day is gone, I’ve actually just pushed everything off until tomorrow. ๐Ÿ™„โฐ Nothing is urgent, other than dealing with the BS surrounding my medication approvals, and I actually dealt with that on my way in to see Dad yesterday… so today, for the most part, will be a nothing day so I can have a little more recovery time for my oush and brain.

I’ve gotta keep reminding myself that the schedule that I sometimes feel compelled to keep (for my “responsibility/adulting” stuff) … it’s just an arbitrary timeline that I’ve pulled out of my ass. ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ So it’s not so much that I really have to do this or that by a certain time or day, but it’s more that I just trick myself into thinking that those things are mandatory and unchangeable… which often isn’t the case. I gotta quit stressing myself out with dumb shit like that.