Let’s Not Do That Again

I’ve been kinda sidelined today. Heh… that stretching trick that I mentioned yesterday? Yeah, probably not a great idea. I did actually sleep pretty good somehow, but when I woke up it felt like (and has continued to feel like) someone was driving a set of keys into my back right under my left scapula. 😣 Now, it may be a situation where if I continue to do stretches each day, it could become where the “after” result isn’t as tight and painful… but until I can talk to my doctor and let him know about all this, I think I’m just gonna let it be. 😐 No sense in playing around with it, when I can just “accept” the normal pain and tightness that I’m familiar with and have managed to get by with. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜Ÿ (Also, I’m not blaming my doctor… it was my idea to ask and try something new… only way to know…)

The way I look at it, even though this definitely shows that my condition is getting worse, at least it’s in a way that isn’t noticeable unless I really try to do something that changes how that shoulder feels or use it more than I know I should. And speaking of my condition, I haven’t even sorted out everything regarding all the paperwork I’ve already gotten… yet today I got another big envelope full of stuff along with a normal sized one for good measure. πŸ™„πŸ˜‘ Haven’t opened them up yet, ‘cuz I can’t really do anything with it all until I huddle with my attorneys.

It’s frustrating that they have to work from home, ‘cuz it’s not as easy as going to the conference room in the main office and sitting down to look at everything, to make sure we’ve both gotten all the same stuff, and then figuring out what they need to do / what I need to do. πŸ˜³πŸ—ƒοΈπŸ—ƒοΈπŸ—ƒοΈπŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸ’ΌπŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ’» I’m not anxious to do much of it by e-mail either, since it’s not secure… so I’ll have to check their site and see if they have a portal for submitting documents if there’s anything that they need to see but haven’t gotten yet. πŸ˜’ But of course when I’ve got the mental and emotional energy to deal with the stuff, something else is effing it up. It’s fine though, I’m gonna make sure that it starts to get addressed tomorrow. Not gonna let this be heavy on my mind over the weekend… 😠

Don’t mind me… just a little grumpy today due to feeling like ass when I woke up, not really getting much better throughout the day, more shitty mail coming that I can’t immediately do anything about, and then not knowing exactly how I will get a pow-wow with the attorneys to get shit taken care of. 😠 I hope the whole system is aware that there’s gonna be some delays in things due to the current COVID situation. ‘Cuz it would sure be like the legal / WC system to find some shitty little loophole to somehow kick me out just because some of the documentation is moving slowly. πŸ˜’

Okay… deep breath… gonna try to make this evening less sucky. Wish me luck.

Prepare to Launch

Surprisingly, all of that mail that I was dreading… it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. πŸ€¨πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I can’t say yet if any of it is actually good, but the information that came in over the past week or so was of a type that at least keeps me optimistic and motivated, and that’s something that I really need in order to keep fighting the never-ending WC game. 😟 Like I told Dad, even if a lot of it ends up falling through, at least it’s helping to keep me going right now.

My attorneys are still working from home for the most part, so I don’t think all of this information has trickled out to the ones that need it yet. πŸ€”πŸ˜’ So tomorrow I’ll be calling in again to see if I can find someone to talk to before my doctor appointment and possible stop by the Social Security office. 😞 With all of this stuff going on, of course SS is gonna perk its ears up and wanna know what’s going on (Like a cat that hears the cat food bag crinkle, or a dog that hears when his squeak toy get stepped on… 😏) so I just wanna make sure they’ve got all of the information they need as well.

And ironically, my neck has been extra janky today, so I’m hoping that my condition doesn’t improve before my appointment tomorrow. 🀨 It doesn’t usually work out where my “worst moments” coincide with the time and date of my appointments, but it’s nice when the doctor can actually see the true extent of the suck. I think it’s because I was folding so much laundry over the past couple days, along with several other small chores that I forced myself to do while the energy was there. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Meh.

Oh, and regarding my attorneys… there’s a good chance that I am gonna have to go to the main office to either give them copies of what I’ve gotten, or perhaps start signing some different things if they did get these same papers and have already begun working on them. πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸ’ΌπŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ’ΌπŸ€“ But their office is located downtown, and that hasn’t been the most car-friendly area over the past couple of weeks. 😯 I’ll have to check the different news sites tonight and see what they say about protests / areas, and maybe start looking for a “back way” into the nearby parking garage so I can sneak in and out if needed.

I’m not looking forward to tomorrow though. πŸ˜• Basically all of the things that are great at stealing my energy… that’s the stuff I’ll be doing all day. Visit with my doctor, impromptu SocSec office stop, phone calls with my attorneys (w/possible trip up to Columbus), stopping by my insurance agent’s office for some things, etc. 😐 But it’s my choice to glom all of this shit together this time, because I’d rather do it, have it hurt and/or drain me, but then have it all (hopefully) out of the way for a little while.

Calling it a day early though. 😴 Gonna go dark, find a movie to watch, and hopefully sack out soon. πŸ‘πŸ»

Meh…

Haven’t blogged for a while, but also haven’t really done anything for a while. I did get out of the house yesterday, but it ended up being just a supply run rather than the “go for a ride” or whatever that I was trying to psych myself up for when I woke up. I suppose the trade off was worth it, since I now have six different entrees from Olive Garden and a few salads to work on during the next several days, but the trip out – and then having a full belly – used up any spare energy that I had yesterday.

It was gray, rainy, and miserable though… much like today… so it’s not like I missed out on much by skipping the aimless driving. Having said that, it’s a little after 9a right now and again I’m trying to psych myself up to get out of the house for a bit. My experience yesterday proves that I need to do that more. Just getting out in the world, among the people, even if still in my car and not really among the people.

I think I’ve mentioned it before, how even before the pandemic it’s not like I was doing great when it came to getting out and mixing it up with the humans, and now during – and likely after – it all, I can already tell that it’s going to be harder for me to get back to some kind of “normal” than I think it will be for most folks. Even if the final results end up being not nearly as bad as predicted or feared, the caution and concern is already burned into my brain and it’s gonna be hard to switch that part off eventually.

I’ve got appointments at the end of the week, so I’ll be out of the house whether I like it or not – so I’m gonna try to make those trips dual purpose, like picking up a pizza to drop off for Dad on my way to or from my WC doctor appointment. I’ve been able to avoid any trips to my attorneys’ office in the near future thanks to phone calls and doing some document stuff digitally, so at least that might not be a concern for a while.

Oh, I finally stopped getting the runaround (via phone/email) regarding a different claim I’ve been working on, so after another week and a half of that crap – getting a call the other day to let me know that everything should be wrapping up with that was a weight off as well. I won’t hold my breath until the mail gets here though, ‘cuz it’s not the first time that all of this particular adventure sounded like it was finished.

So yeah, nothing really that good or that bad lately, just kinda sitting here in idle like half the people in the country right about now. Shoulder kinda comes and goes, again, nothing that good or bad, and my sleep has been pretty screwy lately. But for whatever reason it isn’t stressing me out like it normally would, despite it being annoying when it comes to keeping a human schedule for calls or appointments or whatever.

The only big bummer is the upcoming weekend… since it’s the weekend that Cassi and I were supposed to be going to see BTS perform at MetLife Stadium in NJ. I’ve still technically got tickets, but the rescheduled date is yet to be announced… and to be honest, I think at this point I’d rather it just be cancelled so I can get a refund. Wouldn’t be surprised to see that happen if they can’t decide on a replacement date that still falls within the current year.

Glad It Was Just My Shoulder

Just woke up, and I’m having an interesting after-effect to my dream. I’m pretty sure it was because yesterday evening I was watching an episode of Doctor Who with Genesee, and it was the one where Martha was walking the earth, avoiding capture, after it had been taken over by some alien race… so in the show there was lots of ducking and running and hiding and all that.

My dream was similar, except it all took place in some sort of abandoned village, where there was a gang of people who were “in charge” of it (even though it wasn’t theirs) and me and a few others were running from building to building, house to house, and I eventually found one place where I was able to go in and lock the door, giving me a moment to rest and catch my breath before moving on.

One of the women in the gang found the shack where I was hiding though, and although she couldn’t get in – she stood outside with a big knife, taunting me that I wouldn’t be able to get out and that her friends were coming. But then she picked up a brick and threw it through the window in the door, smashing the glass, and allowing her to reach inside and unlock it. Before she could make her way in, I picked up that same brick, threw it, and hit her in the head.

It took her a second to get back up, but she grabbed the brick again and threw it at me, hitting me in the right shoulder. And since she was now inside the shack and still had that knife, me and a couple other people ran to the back door and escaped into the woods. I woke up at that point, but for the first five minutes of being awake I couldn’t lift my right arm. 😳 And it’s about 20 minutes later now, and my right shoulder still friggin’ hurts. I’ve got some “Nightmare on Elm Street” shit goin’ on… heh 😏

Perfect Storm

Three things:

  • I didn’t get my nap today, so I’ve been awake since 3a… and it is currently 11p.
  • Despite that, I still made it in town to meet up with my friends for dinner.
  • I had a good time… but my shoulder is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked. πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Note, this isn’t a complaining post, even though it’ll sound like it. ‘Cuz my shoulder is frozen in the “up” position, but thankfully isn’t throwing a fit anymore. πŸ™„ Good lord, I haven’t had it shake this much in a long time. I’ve also got that familiar tilt of the head to the left. πŸ€• Yeah, tomorrow is going to royally suck.

This was one of those “price of entry” situations I’ve mentioned before. Where a combination of normally trivial things combine to flip the switch, even though it was something I wanted to do. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Not quite enough sleep, sitting up against the wall in an uncomfortable booth, not being able to fidget around as needed, loads of noisy people all around, using “social energy” I didn’t really have, an unfamiliar place, and then going from the warm to the cold as we finally gave up our seats and took it outside to finish talking. 😏

But it was Jim, Adam, and Brad, and we all went to The Pink Cricket. Haven’t stepped inside that place since I was barely a teenager, when me and my cousin Jim went in because they had a new (at the time) Ms Pacman machine. Ironically, they still have three arcade machines, and they’re all vintage. πŸ€“πŸ‘πŸ» Adam is a bit of a foodie, so I was happy to go there – since us getting together these days technically qualifies as “an event.”

The only time we weren’t talking was when we were cramming food in our mouths, but at a little over an hour my shoulder really started twitching. 😳 We had finished eating and were just taking up space, so I asked if they’d mind going outside so I could move around a bit. Well, we ended up standing outside for another 45 minutes, and all the little triggers came together and I ended up putting on a pretty good show. πŸ€•πŸ˜ Just meaning that my shoulder wouldn’t stop, and it’s probably the worst that they’ve seen it.

We covered a lot of topics but of course eventually it turned to my shoulder, then workers comp stuff, then all of our various aches and pains that we now bitch about… 😏 typical fare for four d00ds who are approaching “old fart” territory a little quicker than we’d like. But they had to drop off Brad before Adam could head back to Columbus, and then Jim up to Marion, so we broke it up and headed out around 10:30p.

Fun fact… I started this entry around 11p when I got home, but I’ve had to take so many breaks that it’s now after midnight. 😳 That’s the stuff that people don’t see. Spending an hour leaning against the space heater, typing a couple sentences here and there, and doing my best to make the “ugh” go away. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ At least my shoulder’s down and my head’s back in a normal position now. But yeah, still glad that I went.

(But ask me tomorrow when I wake up. 😏 It’s time for bed.)

Got My Stuff Done

Well, that seems to work. If I don’t promise myself or anyone else that I’m gonna do something on a particular day, for some reason that makes it easier for me to do those things… even if it’s on that particular day. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜

(Don’t ask… I don’t get it either.)

My knee, shoulders, and neck are extra fucked today, but I guess the best way I can describe getting ready for today was how a diver psyches themselves up and takes the deepest breath possible before sinking into the water. 😚 That’s kinda what I mentally do when I have to go out and do a bunch of stuff when I’m not feeling great. Heh… actually, any time that I have to go out and deal with the humans for too long. 😏

It was a productive few hours though. Stopped by the pharmacy and managed to get my money back (finally) from one of the more expensive meds that WC was giving me trouble with… then I picked up my new glasses and a few other things from Walmart, dodging all the trashy looking people as best as I could. πŸ˜’ I mean, I try not to judge, but my gosh… the things that some of these people wear when they go to Walmart. I think it must be some sort of ironic thing that they do on purpose these days.

After that I grabbed some things that Genesee requested, along with some Chinese take-out for me and Dad, and then I headed over there for a visit for a couple of hours. πŸ™‚ I’ll say one thing… it’s good that Dad and I share almost identical views on how things are going with our government at the moment. Heh… the conversations would go a lot different otherwise. I also got to explain a little more about what’s going on with my WC case, even though I’m still basically in the dark regarding the half that’s going through the actual Ohio court system, or at least soon will be. πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

He asked if I ever wondered if WC people every tried to watch me. πŸ€”πŸ”­Β And the more that I think about it, man do I wish that they would. Because 90% of the time they’d be paying someone to sit somewhere in my neighborhood to document that my ass rarely leaves the house. πŸ˜„ There’s an easy job for someone, eh? But I don’t know, I suppose anyone that wanted to find fault in something that an injured / disabled person was doing – they could probably find it.

I don’t mow my own grass anymore, but I once did. (On a riding mower) It caused my shoulder to be all jacked up that night and the next day, which is the reason I stopped and started paying someone to do it, but anyone that saw me would have been able to “Look, he’s mowing his grass!” me. πŸ˜•

One of the few “extra” things that I indulge in every now and then are concerts with friends. And while the disability in my neck / shoulder doesn’t have anything to do with whether I can physically “attend” a concert or not, let it be known that those concerts are never without their own unique form of punishment afterwards. Even that rather limited physical activity screws me up for days. 😟 Hell, I didn’t even go to the Skillet concert a few months ago when they were in town… basically because I didn’t want to feel beat up afterwards.

But like I told him, I don’t worry about it too much because everything about my case is real. I don’t try to exaggerate anything, and I don’t make it a secret that I sometimes do things that end up causing me extra pain in the affected areas. πŸ€•πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I’d wager that my doctor’s notes have quite a few remarks from where I’ve told him about things like, I dunno, going to the fair, walking around, taking pictures of the day… because the days following that sort of thing cause me added pain, which is something I want him to know.

So it just is what it is. 😐 Most of my time is spent avoiding things that cause me additional pain, but sometimes I do things that I have to do that cause me pain – and sometimes I do things that I want to do that also cause me pain. I’d hope that anyone who was genuinely, fairly judging me wouldn’t hold it against me that every now and then I wanna pretend like I’m not as damaged as I am, whether it’s a random task I have to do myself or if it’s an occasion where I just wanna do something fun for a change.

I just do me. If anyone decides to follow and takes notes, I don’t have anything to hide. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚

This Is How I Do… Unfortunately

Kinda overdid it yesterday, so I paid for it last night and today. 😟 Had a little boost of energy or motivation so I tried to make the most of it. First stop was Tim’s for some coffee, but then I headed over to Great Clips so Toni could cut my hair. She had several people that requested her before me, so I ended up waiting well over an hour. I had her do something a little different this time, but I’m not sure I like it… 50/50 odds that I’ll end up shaving my head before the week is over. 😏

After that I went over to Walmart to get a new pair of shoes and some other crap. My old ones were actually worn through on the bottom, and since I prefer the look of boots – I did end up getting a steel-toed version. Of course that will set off the metal detectors at the IC place, and I’ll inevitably get the side-eye from someone about why I need steel-toed boots if I’m not working. πŸ™„ They’ll have to just take my word… they’re cheap, they last a long time, they look good, and they’re actually comfortable. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ What else can I say?

While I was there I finally stopped by the vision center and made my eye appointment. I’m tired of having a hard time driving at night because of my shitty old backup glasses with an Rx from years and years ago. 😠 That adds another appointment to my already busy first-half of January, but I did have one thing fall off the calendar unexpectedly.

I’m not sure if it was a request from my attorneys, their attorneys, or something the IC just decided itself – but it looks like my hearing has been continued, with a rescheduled date yet to be determined. πŸ€¨πŸ˜• I’m not sure if it has something to do with the concurrent court case… meh… I suppose I should be glad that there’s a little more time before it goes down, but I don’t really need any more time. I wanna get things settled.

But the last thing yesterday… Bri was in town at her cousin’s place, so I stopped by there and dropped off her Christmas present that I got a little bit late. I also picked up a pack of Bertie Botts jelly beans for Brantley and me to try at random – and hope that we didn’t get the gross ones. 😏 Out of four, the only good one I got was banana… and while he got a bunch of gross ones as well, he’d only bite them in half and then wanted me to eat the rest. πŸ˜„ I’m glad I picked that up at the last moment though, he had a ball with ’em.

Got home and realized that not only did I use up all of my social juice, but my neck was killing me as well. 😣 Went to bed early but woke up at 2:30 with my neck frozen. Took my morning meds a little early to fight that, and it ended up knocking me out around 10am until 2pm… so not only is my sleep screwed up, but my neck is still bad. 😠 Gonna take a hot shower in a bit and then put a Salonpas patch on… that’s about all I can do.

Luckily no appointments tomorrow, so we’ll see how things go tonight.

A Taste Of What’s To Come

We got our first hint of winter today. Well, at least where I was. It may not have been the same here at home, but up on the north side of Columbus it was a couple hours of rain, sleet, and snow.Β Nothing was sticking, but it was sure making the driving unpleasant. πŸ˜• But Cassi recently cracked a toof 😣 and this particular dentist was the only one that could get her in anytime soon. Having experienced that myself, I couldn’t let her miss that appointment and just “deal with it” until whenever the next chance would have been.

My tire pressure light came on during the drive up there, so rather than waiting in the parking lot until she got done, I went to the closest gas station to air up my tires. Then to the next closest one… and the next closest one after that… 😠 I had to go to four different places before I found one with a working air machine. To be honest, it’s probably time to get some new shoes for my car anyway – since two of my tires have predictable, slow leaks, and the tread is getting worn enough where I at least think that I feel a difference when I’m driving on wet or otherwise slick roads. πŸ€¨πŸ€”

It was a couple weeks ago, right after it had rained, but I was taking a circular type exit ramp (at a normal speed) and I could feel her pushing just a little bit as I was taking the turn. It may have just been that another vehicle had put down some fluid that my car was reacting to, but at 60k miles… it’s probably better to be safe than sorry. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Especially since “snow or not” I’m still gonna have regular doctor appointments and workers comp crap that I won’t be able to avoid all through this winter, and I don’t wanna have to make each of those trips with my butt in a constant state of pucker. πŸ˜―πŸ˜…

But yeah, considering that all of this was unplanned, it wasn’t that bad of a day. They’re gonna need to do a root canal and crown on her damaged toof, but at least they were able to provide a temporary fix so she’s not miserable until then. 😟 But I’m gonna take my evening meds and try to sack out early tonight, ‘cuz I can still feel today’s drive in my shoulder – and I really don’t wanna wake up tomorrow morning feeling the same way.