I Guess It’s My Turn

My sleep’s been a bit affected over the past couple of nights. I did have two or three decent days where I was able to get out and do some small things that I needed to do, but all the driving tweaked my knee enough again that the pain’s got my sleep just a bit screwed. 😴 Not here to complain about that though. I’m starting to get used to it and make concessions the same way I have to do with my left shoulder.

But today, sleep was on and off all night, so I didn’t end up getting up and around until after noon. Before my brain even had a chance to give me a hint about how it was gonna feel about today, I heard knocking on the front door. 😳 Checked the cams to discover that it was some of my lawn guys. 😏 They were here today to trim all the hedges around the house, and then Jason came by a little bit later to lock down the details and prices for the spirea removal and other misc.

And with the bushes around the house all trimmed back, it’s even more obvious that I really need to stop putting it off and have the siding and sidewalk power washed. He gave me a good deal on the trimming today, which made it easier to just apply that savings towards getting all the green, bugs, webs, and bird poop washed off of the house. But yeah, there wasn’t much new to what we discussed (except for that) so it was just a matter of reconfirming everything now that my name’s apparently up on the “next job” list.

Gotta admit, waking up and having to immediately “human” started my day off a little twitchy. πŸ˜•Β I didn’t expect to even be seeing any people, let alone interacting with them… but I’m feeling better now that plans and prices are set, things should start soon, evening is coming, and things are cooling off outside. I mean, just walking around the yard with everyone, pointing out this and that, using my cane and trying not to dick up my knee any more… I was sweating just from that. πŸ˜“ Good on them for being able to work in the heat like they did today. It sure saves lazy and/or broken people such as myself. πŸ™‚

Just hoping to get some good sleep tonight so I can be a little more productive tomorrow. Bills, e-mail, laundry, vacuuming… just little shit… but I’ve had to stay on pause for a couple days, and I’ve learned that if I don’t turn it around quickly it could end up sticking. But hey, like I said, I’ve gotten out of the house to handle a few things and even make it to an appointment up in Columbus – so things are still basically moving in the right direction. Just really looking forward to the couple of doctor appointments for my neck and knee once June gets here… ‘cuz this shit is getting old. Like me, I guess… πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

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Paying For Yesterday

I’m right in the middle of a “spell” with my lower back. πŸ™ It happens a couple times a year, and I’ve even been to the ER once (several years ago) while it was happening – and the scan or x-ray or whatever that they did, it didn’t reveal any damage or specific thing that could be causing it. (Because of course it didn’t. 😠) So, even though I woke up today essentially unable to walk or take steps due to the unpredictable random jolts of pain – I’m still planning on waiting it out, and then theΒ next time that I feel this coming on I’ll make plans to go to the ER again to see if I can get some answers.

It’s hard to describe the pain and that effect that it has if you haven’t experienced something similar. Cautiously and slowly taking each step, being unable to predict what movement is going to cause a jolt of pain that would knock me over if I didn’t have a wall to grab on to. 😳😒 Even just getting out of bed required five minutes of rolling, twisting, sliding, bending – all to find the one way that allowed me to sit up. And I do mean allowed. Because no matter how much pain that I was determined to accept, there’s a point where pain dictates what the body does, and when it doesn’t wanna allow you to put your weight on one leg, it’ll be happy to let you fall to the ground to avoid it. πŸ˜”

But anyway, today is the price that I’m paying for yesterday’s activities. I went up to Columbus to take Cassi to her doctor appointment, and it was actually helpful to spend so much time sitting in my comfortable car seat with the heating elements set to max. β™¨πŸ˜‹ I think that’s actually what allowed me to function as well as I was during the moments when we were out of the car. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I also gritted my teefs and made a bunch of phone calls to handle appointments and things that I’ve been needing to take care of. πŸ“žπŸ˜¬

I had $80 in free slot play, and $30 in dining credit, so after her appointment we went over to Hollywood Casino. By the time we got there we were both starving, so we opted for the buffet and absolutely poofed ourselves before we played. πŸ§‘πŸ»πŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ•πŸ—πŸ₯™πŸ”πŸ₯©πŸ₯“πŸŸπŸ₯—πŸ– I let her play on my free money, and I took the same amount in cash to play along side of her. By the time we left she had won over $240, and I was ableΒ to (again)Β walk away with the same amount that I took, which is absolutely fine with me. 😁 So that “Meh… why not?” side trip ended up being a good experience for both of us.

We then went to the huge thrift store across the way from the casino, and she picked up a handful of new black pants for use with her work uniform, along with some extra shorts and tops thanks to the unexpected winnings. πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ I found a couple of shirts that I liked, but no jeans. πŸ˜’ I’ve finally started looking for jeans that have a waistband that’s one size up from the ones that I’ve been wearing for the past many years… not something I’m too excited about… and I’m hoping there’s still a medical explanation that can eventually be fixed so I can stick with my normal “almost fat” sized pants.

So yeah, even though I felt miserable, and feel even more miserable today, I wouldn’t have done anything differently. πŸ™‚ I like when I can do something fun with a friend and it ends up actually really helping them out at just the right time. And when I got home… I was still hurting, but no worse than I had throughout the day… so I certainly wasn’t expecting this when I woke up today. πŸ€”πŸ€¨ I’m going to be taking it super, super easy for the next couple of days though, so I can give it some time to hopefully recover a bit. πŸ§˜πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™πŸ» I mean, I know I’ll get better – because I always have – but it’s still scary when your ability to walk becomes questionable at best.

This Is Not Where I Belong

I guess my cousin Shannon and her hubby are hosting an extended family reunion out at their place this afternoon. She’s texted me about it a couple times in the past few days, as has Toni, but I’m afraid I that have to disappoint yet again by letting them know that I won’t be going. 😞 Being depressed enough as it is, going out there and seeing everyone that I haven’t seen in forever would unfortunately and unintentionally just make it worse.

Think about it. Every interaction that I’d get involved in, it would likely start with “Hey, how have you been?” “What have you been up to?” “How’s your mom and dad doin?” or some other friendly inquiry to which I don’t have a positive answer. 😟 And I lack the ability at the moment to just “fake it” and reply with a convincingΒ “Pretty good, how ’bout you?” “Ahh, not much. Not much.”Β or “You know how it is, about as good as can be expected.”

I can just see a situation where if I wasn’t careful, I could end up being an absolute buzzkill to the get-together by blurting out detailed truthful answers –Β and that’s no good for anyone. Β (Plus, when people ask how you’ve been, they usually don’t really wanna know how you’ve actually been.)Β So the best choice is to send my apologies, thank her for inviting me anyway, and just stay away so they can have their happy gathering.