Your Warranty Has Expired

I wish that I felt more capable of adjusting to whatever illness or injury that might be affecting me at any given time. πŸ˜’ I don’t usually complain directly to anyone about such things, instead saving it for shouting into the void here, so I dunno… maybe everyone else has just as hard of a time adjusting to certain things like I do. But for example, the better part of the last couple of weeks have been really good – and then out of nowhere my knee just decides that it’s going to hurt. Hurt hurt. 😣 And my past couple of days have been mentally, physically, and socially fucked up because of it.

It makes sense that physical pain, along with losing some ability and motion, would also trigger my twitchy… I just hate that I don’t have any more control over it than what I do. 😠 But after a few days of hobbling around, and a few nights of long but often-interrupted sleep due to feeling the pain throughout the night, I wish I could just say “Well, I guess I’ll just take it easy and stay off my feet today.” but instead I let it fuck up my day, being irritated about being so irritated about it.

One problem, almost all of my friends (for a long time now) tend to be younger than me. It keeps my mind young, but my body doesn’t get that memo. So I’m not surrounded by similarly aged people with similar aches and pains. 😏 Another problem, with my work injury happening to me as young as I was, I’ve been dealing with that pain / disability for over a decade now… and it is pain that I feel like I didn’t really earn. πŸ˜•

I’ve joked with my cousin Matt and Dad about how “At least I was never in great shape when I was young…” compared to Matt, who loves / loved playing basketball, and Dad who is a Marine and served during Vietnam. In a way it’s a joke, but you’d also like to think it would be true… if you were never in great shape when you were young, it should be less of a deal when parts start to get defective when you get older. That’s turning out not to be the case. Now it’s more like “Dammit, I didn’t use myself up when I was young, so I shouldn’t be breaking down like this already.” πŸ™„

And I’m not making this entry to complain… it’s actually something I’ve thought about as I’ve faced various things, and it has also made me wonder how I’m gonna handle things when it inevitably gets worse as I get older. πŸ€” Like my Aunt Carol, she was in all kinds of awful shape, but she didn’t bitch about it or let it slow her down – let alone stop her. πŸ™‚ I just hope I can eventually become more like that. Everybody gets old, everybody sooner or later starts feeling worse and worse, and I just don’t want to end up a grouchy old recluse because I’m still struggling to handle the changes that every other human just seems to handle.

One thing I’ve noticed though, even my younger friends don’t give me shit about it – when either my neck and shoulder are extra screwed, or when my back or knee just randomly decides to go to shit for a while. I think it’s that insecurity of (in most ways)Β being on the same page as someone regardless of our ages, and worrying that if I have to hobble around or use a cane for a few days that they’re gonna look at me like “Oh my gosh… I forgot how old he is.” Heh… but so far that’s not been an issue, and if anything it just ends up being something that we joke about rather than it being some eye-opening revelation… heh… as if they don’t know my age until a physical sign appears. πŸ™„πŸ˜„

Meh… it’s just a gimpy knee, it’s not gonna be permanent, I’m gonna be fine, and I’ll surely have plenty of otherΒ “fun” new things like this to deal with in the future. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Gotta figure out how to just start sucking it up.

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A Couple Days Off

It’s not that I took a couple days off, but more that I took care of stuff that needed taken care of – and sorta dropped off the map when it came to answering messages or keeping in touch with anyone those days. πŸ˜• I just didn’t get much sleep before the early morning when the AC guys got here, and they spent all morning and a bit of the afternoon in and out of the house, making noise, getting shit done… and I’m not complaining, because they did a quick and awesome job, but it just threw my brain off for the day which triggered an unintentional nap and then 12 hours of sleep that night. 😳 Not complaining about that either.

The following day was reserved for doctor appointments, and a possible haircut… which didn’t end up happening… my knee was feeling more fucked than the day before, and the day before that, so just driving across town to Riverview was enough to put and keep a scowl on my face from the pain. 😣 Like the day before, I hit the bedroom (and night time meds) early, and sacked out just after the sun went down. Didn’t evenΒ think about checking messages, calls, or e-mails… just felt shitty and wanted the day to end. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Today seems like it could be slightly better. No appointments today or tomorrow, my knee actually feels a little bit better… which is always comforting, thinking that whatever it is may “heal” itself without any extra action by me or a doctor or surgeon, but like I said – it’s only slightly better, so I’m not holding my breath. πŸ˜’ But I did make a trip into town to pick up the meds from yesterday’s appointments, and it wasn’t too bad. I think it helped that the sun was out at the time, earlier this morning, even though it looks like the gloomy is starting to roll in along with the afternoon.

My mood hasn’t quite improved enough for me to start tackling all of the message notifications, but I’m hoping by later this afternoon or evening I’ll have shaken this mood and will get to all of the things that need my attention. Bri might be spending her first full night in her apartment tonight, so it’s possible that I’ll try to stop over there and drop off a few of the Amazon boxes of housewarming gifts that Gen had shipped here, for me to give to her. 😏 I dunno… playing this day by ear, still not exactly sure how it’s all gonna go.