Humdrum

I took a couple of nights to myself after Genesee left the other day, and then apparently after subconsciously getting used to having someone here at the house – I decided to reach out to Cassi to see if she wanted to come stay for a night. (It actually ended up being two nights.) It had been a while since she had even been down here for a visit, let alone an overnighter, so she was more than happy to come on down.

The first day and night were just lazy. 😏 Catching up with each other’s stuff, watching Netflix, and then her current passion/hobby is doing nails – so she brought all of her nail shit along with her to practice doing styles and designs as we sat there doing nothing. πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ–πŸ»πŸ€šπŸ» She even convinced me to give it a try myself, so I obliged and did the best that I could with my artwork. πŸ™„πŸ˜… (Shut up… I ain’t even embarrassed, but man was it tedious… lol) My “designs” even gave her some inspiration to work off of, so yay me. πŸ˜‹

Like Genesee, Cassi is one of very few people that I can tolerate (and actually like having around) for extended periods of time, for whatever reason. Day two featured a quick run into town to get some pop and dinner, and we also stopped off at the thrift to grab a bag of clothes during their $5.00 sale. 😎 Day three, on the way to take Cassi back home, we had a short detour to go pick up Desiree and take her to the auto parts place. Someone put new brakes on her car but forgot a couple of bolts, so her car took a shit earlier that morning, requiring her to make a run for pieces parts. πŸ˜§πŸ˜• (I talked to her today though, and she said that it’s all better.)

Even after hitting a couple more thrift stores in Columbus, I really didn’t come home with much of anything. A few shirts, some batteries, umm… πŸ€” see… I can’t even remember if I got anything else, so it was obviously an unimpressive trip in that regard. I did get the new Samantha Fox autobiography, Forever, in the mail today when I woke up though, so I guess that’s my goody of the moment. (And proof that I eventuallyΒ intend to make myself an effing book reader. πŸ˜„)

So there ya have it. Basically a whole lot of nothin’ going on, but over the course of a few days there was just enough piddly shit that it seemed worthy of a blog entry. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

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I’m Still Here

Let’s see if I remember how to do this. (I know I’ve said this before, but…) I feel like I might be starting to crawl out of this incredibly crappy funk that I’ve been in for what feels like forever. Main influence this time is my damn neck and shoulders. Stuff has been hurting at pre-surgery levels, which would be enough, I think, to make anyone concerned – considering the location and nature of my original injury. I had my first visit with my doctor in a while, where I was actually dying before, during, and after my appointment.

I didn’t have a chance to tell him, since it happened after my appointment… but on my way to check out I had one of those *ZAP* moments in my neck, and then walking out through the waiting room I had another one – bad enough that it stopped me in my tracks as I fought to not throw up. 😳 Good times, eh? 😟 I’m going to ask for some sort of updated scan of that area at my next visit, especially since I’m right in the middle of preparing to either settle my claim or go to court over it, and whether for my own well-being or for my case – updated info would obviously be a good idea.

Enough of that. πŸ˜’ Toni gets credit for getting me up, around, and doing something this time. She only gave me a couple hours notice, which normally would have gotten an instant “no” response, but she was asking if I wanted to come join her, Wendi, and Anna at the “Freedom’s Never Free” thing at the fairgrounds. Specifically, for the ceremony where they place the flags – since Uncle Rick has had one for a couple years now, and this year they got one for Grandpa Shepherd as well. I’m glad I went, but I was also glad to get back home since my doc appointment was the next day. Hell, it could have been the stress of unexpected “human-ing” the day before that allowed Dr Walter to see how bad I can get. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Okay, that’s about all I’ve got today… pics from the ceremony are up in my Flickr.

Yup

Some days can surprise you and end up being better than tolerable, and then some days you have to literally expect absolutely nothing from yourself if you intend to survive the day. If people can’t understand that, or at least be politely sympathetic towards that struggle, it’s their problem – not yours.

Paused

I’m trying to make myself write a new entry… trying to make myself do anything. Just having an extremely bad stretch of days here, with paralyzing depression – but without sadness. It’s weird. I’m not sitting here dwelling on any one specific thing, I’m just kind of existing… waiting for this latest blast of “meh” to pass. I mean, I’ve got some stuff to talk about, but right now I just can’t. (Which, I know, seems odd since I’m able to sit here and produce the words that you’re reading right now.) Wish me luck. Hopefully I’ll feel better later this evening. It’s the weekend… everybody feels good on the weekend, right? πŸ˜’

Unpredictable

It’s been a pretty bleh weekend so far. Had trouble sleeping during the week, getting 3-5 hours on average each day/night, then on Friday night I slept for 16 hours. 😳 Sounds great in theory, but then I ended up staying awake until almost dawn today… and to top it off, I was gifted with horrible, horrible nightmares. 😞 Not “boogeyman” type dreams, but more of the “family-based” variety. So I woke up a bit after 12p today with the energy of a boiled potato.

But yesterday, even though I had enough sleep where I could have done it, I just couldn’t make myself go to the Sweet Corn Festival to do the traditional “walkin’ around” with Jim and other friends. The cool weather and constant drizzle didn’t help, but I just didn’t have it in me anyway – so maybe the crap weather was a blessing. πŸ˜’

I’m probably going to drop even further off the radar today than I usually am, so I can hopefully shake off the crappy residual feeling from my dreams by watching the NASCAR double-header… and by possibly doing some random chores around the house during the commercial breaks. πŸ€” It would be nice to start the week a little bit ahead of the game, especially since I never know how my sleep will go anymore.

For the record, there were some good moments over the past several days, and I’ll probably get around to mentioning them at some point… but now is not that time.

Heavy

I’ve been basically worthless this week. I’m fortunate that nothing really required my attention, but that also made the prospect of being a potato far too easy. Not exactly sure what got me this time, other than the normal combination of things that I sometimes can’t process in a way that isn’t self-destructive.

  • One friend’s father died just the other day
  • Another friend’s mom has cancer that’s no longer responding to treatment
  • Another friend… she was just given a 50/50 chance of making it another year
  • And then a buddy of mine from school has leukemia and isn’t doing great.

People dying, friends struggling, so many folks I know that are deeply unhappy… and I wasn’t able to avoid absorbing too much of the feelings that go along with the knowledge of all of these things, combined with everything I already carry. A couple friends wanted to do something on the weekend, but despite kinda wanting to get out and do something as well – depression won, and I stayed in.

Mutate The Hobby

I was talking with one of my friends the other day and mentioned how I’ve pretty much lost interest in photography at the moment, as well as many of my other hobbies as well. He said that after his own battles with depression, that he had to eventually just find a way to “take his fun back” from it… and I like the phrase that he used. Mutate the hobby. πŸ€” Meaning that even if you can’t find the fun in what you used to do, you could try to make some previously-unconsidered changes in the way you approach a hobby to see if it’ll light the fires again. Telling someone to “mutate the hobby” just sounds better than suggesting that they simply try something slightly different.

So when it comes to my photography, I’m gonna try to steer away from the humans for a while… at least when it comes to my primary subject. I’m not sure yet what I’ll replace them with, but I’m just burned out on trying to come up with something fresh with people pics. I suppose I could even try shooting some video with the dSLR, which has its own distinct look compared to phone or even camcorder video.

And then of course I still have the 3D and 360-degree cameras, although both of them are somewhat lacking in quality when it comes to the resulting images and video… but despite having those cameras for quite a while now, I’ve still never really explored their potential any further than basically just testing them out. πŸ€“ The waterproof action cam that I took to Lake Hope was a nice change, and with a few weeks of summer left I suppose I could still try to make use of it in water that is actually clear… meh… but yeah, at least there’s plenty of options when it comes to mutation should I ever feel close to motivated.