Hurt, Heal, Push, Hurt, Heal, Push…

Yesterday evening ended up being bad. Normally you do some sort of physical activity, it’ll work up your muscles a bit, then as the day and night progresses – the pain or stiffness gradually goes away. Not last night. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜  I left PT feeling awful and it continued to get worse all the way until I somehow fell asleep despite it. And even today, as soon as I effing woke up – neck is stiff, head and eyeballs are pounding with a headache still… heh… I really wasn’t anticipating it being this bad, considering the relatively limited movement that I allowed my bad arm and shoulder yesterday. ๐Ÿ˜’ Even being actively aware of and discussing it as I was going through exercises with the physical therapist, I still allowed myself to get this effed up. ๐Ÿคฌ

I got wrapped up in that “authority figure” syndrome thing. ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿซ๐Ÿ‘ฎ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿปโ€โš–๏ธ Where you’re talking to a cop or doctor or teacher or whatever… and because you see them as an authority figure, you’re more likely to just do what they say, or give their words more weight than compared to a “normal” person. ๐Ÿ™„ I wanted to do the exercises that they have determined should help me, and in “trying to do my best” (like always) I really messed myself up. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ But anyway – I’ve already decided that I’m barely going to do any of that shit during the next visit – or at home, where I’m also supposed to continue the exercises.

I’m not gonna give up on trying to get my back to heal properly and train it for a little more endurance, but I’m not gonna be able to do it the way a completely functional human would. ๐Ÿค• Tomorrow is supposed to be my last appointment with them anyway, so it’ll be up to me to make the choices about how I’m gonna keep things moving in the right direction. Heh… I can’t explain how angry this pain makes me… it’s a combination of the actual pain, the resentment regarding the original injury that has made me this fragile, feeling like “taking the initiative” to push myself to heal just results in punishment, spending every other day hurting and recovering… meh… I’m just gonna basically drop the extensive PT and do what I can, because prior to this I was actually healing and feeling pretty good.

It’s just one of those days where as soon as I woke up I was already done with this day. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Gonna try to make this headache go away and hopefully do something that can flip my mood. Apologies to anyone who has messaged me or sent e-mails and haven’t gotten a reply yet. I’m gonna try to get at all that before the afternoon is over. It’s hard to put on “happy, socializing face” when I’m feeling like this…

And I’m gonna find something positive to post about later too. Tired of being miserable.

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Heat Index: 105ยฐ

Only slept about 4 hours, but feeling surprisingly good today. I think it helps having put my doctor appoint behind me, and then since the holiday is this week I’ve decided to not worry about the blood draw until next week… but I did go in town to pick up some meds, and OMGย is it hot out. ๐Ÿ˜ณ Miserable, humid, hot hot hot. I only have the tiniest twinge of maybe wanting to go watch the fireworks tonight, but the heat does a pretty good job of beating that idea out of me. ๐ŸŽ†๐ŸŽ‰ I know it’ll be cooler later, so we’ll see, but for now I’m back at home and trying to continue some progress.

Bills, finishing up the bedroom after building the new bed frame, maybe adding some more stuff to the “sale/auction” boxes in the purple room… I dunno… I just know that I have to take advantage of these energy bursts when I get them, so I’m gonna keep busy until I can’t keep busy any more. ๏ธ๐Ÿคจ I’ll probably save all the computer stuff for this evening when I just wanna sit, so bills and e-mail and all that can wait until then.

Oh, and no emergency dental shit on the 4th, so we’ll see what tomorrow holds.ย ๏ธ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš•๏ธ

Mulligan

Today was one of those unexpected / inexplicable “I feel miserable and I’m not even sure why.” days. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ The weather didn’t help, being gray, rainy, and miserable all friggin’ day. I dunno, it was more than that though, which makes it that much more frustrating that I’m unable to put a finger on it. ๐Ÿ˜’ Meh… it’ll pass, and thankfully these bleh moments usually don’t last longer than a day lately.

I did get a lot of my little projects worked on yesterday and this morning though, so I can feel good about that. ๐Ÿ™‚ But in doing so, I’ve sorta F’d up my living room – with my typical “three-quarter circle of paperwork” surrounding me as I work on the living room floor. ๐Ÿ˜ Heh… I’ve got two different desks at which I could probably sit when I do my “office stuff” – but my brain still insists on sitting on the floor for whatever reason. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Eventually my butt and back will likely have a talk with my brain, and things will probably change, but I bet that won’t happen for a long time.

I’ve been avoiding anything with substance for most of the day, so before I go to bed tonight I’ve yet to check my messages, voice mails, and email… but I should be able to get through those pretty quickly since I’ve been managing to somewhat keep up on them lately. ๐Ÿค“ The cat appreciates that I haven’t moved much throughout the day as well… as she can sleep on the suitcase (still) where she can keep an eye on me, while also enabling her to wake up every hour or so to come over and get some pettins before going back to the suitcase and lying down again. ๐Ÿ˜บ

Woozy

I’m glad when the weather is crappy on the days that I feel crappy. Today was one of those days, for both things. ๐Ÿ˜• It’s hotter than shit outside, but there was even a little bit of hail for a couple of minutes earlier. But I don’t know if it was something I ate or what, but yesterday afternoon through today… bleh… ๐Ÿคข Thankfully it never got to the point where I was kneeling at the porcelain throne, and I think that by the time I wake up tomorrow I’ll be alright. ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป Might try to eat some soup later. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Even though I don’t accomplish a lot each day, being sorta laid up for an entire day is making me twitchy. I’ve got all these little things in my mind that I’d like to work on around here, some of which wouldn’t involve much more than sitting here at the laptop, so I’m hoping to maybe at least get some of that stuff done this evening – while being careful not to do anything to provoke the gurgle… heh

Maybe it was all those frozen taquitos the other day. ๐Ÿค”

An Awful Human Being

Over the past many months we’ve all become somewhat numb to the (insert negative adjective) things that come out of Donald Trump’s damaged old brain, but it’s like he has a superpower… the power to blurt out or do something even worseย than the week before, which shocks, saddens, and angers the majority of the people in the USA and world despite the understandable Trump fatigue. ๐Ÿ˜ž

Like a majority of the voters in the last election, I was one of theย 65,844,610 people who knew ahead of time what we were going to get if he got elected. But even with all of the expected (and unexpected) awfulness that has come from him so far (whether through intention, indifference, or ignorance), waking up today and seeing what he’s tweeted… how can anyone not see him as anything but a horrible, irredeemable waste of flesh after today?

Through his own admission, which oddly sounded like boasting, Trump has accurately described the devastation to Puerto Rico from the recent hurricane. He’s talked about the destruction in a way where you can tell he doesn’t even really think it’s worth or able to be repaired or rebuilt, while (for some reason) talking about the billions and billions of dollars of debt the island has. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜ง So, the scale of the tragedy is not in question, even by him.

Any news channel that you turn to, you see the nightmare. No power grid, hospitals unable to help or relying on generators with little fuel, food and water shortages, gas shortage, no AC, etc… you can obviously go on and on. The federal government has a lot of resources and people in place, and they’re doing what they can, but the mayor of San Juan has literally been begging for more help any time she’s been given the chance… because that’s what you do when you don’t want people to die.

But Donald Trump woke up in an apparent rage about it, and decided to attack her on Twitter. Claiming the problem isn’t a lack of resources or logistics to get it to the people, but because of her poor leadership abilities. ๐Ÿ˜ But he didn’t stop with just attacking her. ๐Ÿ˜‘ He praised his part of the response, the federal first responders, but then berated the people of Puerto Rico who are suffering – saying that they weren’t willing to help with the work, and that they wanted everything to be done for them. ๐Ÿ˜ง

He continued to whine the she was “nasty” to him, which he said “the democrats” had told her to do, and then did his normal “fake news” complaints, apparently trying to make people believe that we aren’t seeing all of the things that we are seeing on all of the news programs. This is a sick, sick man. No joke. Sick. He’s tweeting these things from the comfort of his luxury golf club, while the mayor of San Juan has literally been walking through sewage-filled flood waters as they continue to look for stranded people.

The federal response was slow rolling out, he barely had anything to say about the hurricane damage for days after it hit, and once he did start talking about it – it wasn’t in the same “come together” way that he spoke about Texas and Florida. You could feel it… it was more like “Wait, they’re Americans? Fuck. I guess I won’t be able to get out of fixing up this third-world island for all of these poor brown people.”ย  He keeps bringing up their debt, he keeps talking about passports and visas for some reason… like he almost thinks they’re going to become undocumented immigrants or something. ๐Ÿค” Everything about his response has been disgusting.

An island with over 3 million people living on it has been nearly destroyed. People have died… people are still dying… and “our President” attacks them, their leaders, and pretty much everything about who they are. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ Oh, and he wants it both ways. On one hand he wants everyone to think that the roll-out of disaster relief is going perfectly, and what we’re seeing on the news is all fake somehow… but on the other hand he’s admitting that the situation is a giant clusterfuck, by trying to put the blame on the leadership in San Juan and the unwillingness of their people to work or help themselves. I wish I had more eloquent words, but it’s just fucking astounding. ๐Ÿ˜” I didn’t think I could have less respect for that man, but boy was I wrong.