Ready For Tomorrow

Not gonna go out and do any of my running today… and when I say “running” I obviously mean in terms of going around and handling my shit… but between my knee being sorta fucked and today being a holiday, I’ve decided to wait until tomorrow to go out.

My final prescription is ready to be picked up, but like my other one – workers comp didn’t cover it, so I’ll be paying for that out of pocket. (I’m starting to get a little anxious for the damn IC hearing to get rescheduled, so we can get this bullshit sorted out.) But I couldn’t wait and fight them any longer, hoping that they’d eventually give in and pay, since that script ran out today and I’ll actually need it tomorrow.

Also just got a call from Walmart, letting me know that my glasses came in today. This could end up being an interesting process, getting used to this new pair… since not only will it be my first time with bi-focals, but they’re no-line bi-focals and apparently have three distinct correction levels in each lens. I tend to look through the top of my glasses most of the time anyway, so I think that at least the distance vision won’t feel dramatically different. But I see some headaches in my future, literally, as I get used to them.

Gen’s still having a good time in Florida, sending me photos and videos of them on the beach, walking in the water, hanging out with an amazingly chill flock of seagulls, etc. (Much unlike the crazy birds in Atlantic City) Then there’s Jim, who’s still getting fuck-all when it comes to responses to his job applications. All these different places, with rejection e-mails that sound nearly identical… it makes a person wonder if a human even sees the applications, or if an AI just sorts folks into the “nope” pile before firing off an impersonal email.

But since I’ve got the laptop open (to do bills) I’m gonna putz around and see if I can find any job openings around him that he may have missed, or ones that he may not have initially believed he could do. Oh, and while I’ve posted various unlisted videos to YouTube lately for sharing with friends or family, last night I actually made and uploaded a public video. Not sure if it’ll get any views, but it was something easy to do with Google Earth and folks that used to live here when they were kids but have since moved away… it might be something they’d be interested in.

Okay, time to start a movie, get the bills done, and try to take it easy for a bit.

EDIT: Oh, and tonight… try to catch it…
If you time it right, at around 8:20pm you’ll be able to witness 20:20:20 on Jan 20, 2020. πŸ€“πŸ˜

Aging / Adjusting / Accepting

Oy… mah knees. πŸ™„πŸ˜ Might end up hiding my phone today. So far it doesn’t seem like I did anything to bother my neck / shoulder yesterday, but instead it was all of the walking that got me. 😐 Yeah. Walking. πŸ˜’

Even though I started off the day with no complaints, I knew that all of the trips up and down the stairs would probably end up getting me by today. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Now, our parents, our grandparents, the “elder generation” so to speak… they all went from “young and invincible” to getting older and slowly falling apart, but you’d rarely hear any of them complain about it. πŸ€” Well, I haven’t achieved the “no bitching” part yet, but at least I can usually see it coming now… whether it’s my neck, shoulder, knees, whatever.

And I suppose it only really bothers me when I think about it in relation to certain other things. Like, with Gen and Sarah being on vacation right now, the topic of Atlantic City has come up in conversation with her and with Dad… 😌 and back in the day, I could have walked the entire length of the boardwalk a couple times each day if I wanted to. 😏 Now I’d have to show up with a plan. πŸ˜…

I suppose that’s what it comes down to. Yeah, complaining a bit, but mostly just making adjustments so you can still do the majority of the stuff you used to do, or the stuff you want to do now, but not being so stubborn to think that you can do it without caution or without help. 😟 Boardwalk? Take a jitney, tackle a “chunk” each day, and take a jitney back to the hotel. πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘πŸ»πŸšŒ And even if you feel fine, you’ve gotta subconsciously remember that that shit’s still there waiting to say “Hi” if you fuck up.

I also have to keep in mind that I haven’t had any joint replacements, haven’t had any surgeries in those areas, so there’s always a chance that I’ll be able to have something done eventually that will help. πŸ™‚πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ But poor Cassi. I’m sure she’s got aches and pains today from everything that she did yesterday, but unlike me – she’s not gonna be able to take the day off to recover. 😟 Or tomorrow. 😣 Or probably the day after that.

Moving is a daunting task when you aren’t firing on all cylinders. πŸ₯Ί I’m lucky to have ended up living where I do, and I don’t take it for granted, but I have given thought to moving… and the “physical” aspect is what discourages me from it the most. So much stuff to move, with so little ability to do so. 😧 Hopefully Steven wrangled up enough help so that the girls won’t have to do most of the heavy lifting today.

Balance?

I had a pretty good afternoon yesterday, once I got up and got motivated… I’ll make an entry about that later once I’m more awake and my pain has settled. But jeezus, last night was miserable. Didn’t fall asleep until the early morning, then once I did I was woken up by awful nightmares about once every hour. Not “scary” nightmares… more like people / situational nightmares, which are actually worse.

And it doesn’t seem to matter whether I’m awake or asleep, when it comes to stress affecting my neck and shoulder. Hopefully it doesn’t last, but I haven’t woken up with my neck this bad in quite a while. Time for my morning meds and a hot shower and we’ll see where things go from there…

Trying To Be Productive

Cassi and Steven came down for a visit yesterday evening. πŸ™‚ It was kind of a short notice thing, and they ended up staying a couple of hours, so it had my brain wound up to where I wasn’t able to fall asleep until around 2am. 😴 Me and Steven ended up talking about car stuff almost the entire time, so that was nice to pick his brain about this and that… but they’re getting ready to move, and they’ll be busy with all of that for a good bit – so after last night it’ll be a while until things get settled enough for me to drop in for a visit.

I woke up again after only about an hour of sleep, so I tumbled out of bed and I stumbled to the kitchen… to get myself a bottle of water. 😏 Heh… I used the “9 to 5” lyrics for the previous sentence, but “tumbling out of bed” was exactly what ended up happening. πŸ˜…πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I nodded off with the water bottle in my hand, still sitting up, and (likely) a short time later I woke back up as my dumb ass was falling out of bed. Not my most graceful moment, that’s for sure. I’m surprised I was able to fall back to sleep so easily after that. πŸ™„πŸ˜

Despite that, today started off well… if a bit later than originally planned. Went in town and grabbed some burgers for a visit with Dad around lunch time, and then after that I finally… finally… made it to the Walmart vision center and got my new prescription and glasses ordered. πŸ˜ƒπŸ€“πŸ₯³ I’ve only been “planning” to do that for about a year now I think? I tend to be rough on my glasses, so I spent a little more to get titanium frames with double hinges on the temples. πŸ§πŸ‘πŸ» More of a squared off look than my last few pairs, so I’m excited to get them to not only see how I look, but also to actually be able to see with 20/20 vision again.

They did do eye-health tests along with just getting the Rx, since it’s been a few year since they last saw me, but everything apparently looked good. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ However, the combination of the glaucoma test and then the drops to dilate my eyes… 😳 I ended up with a huge headache which still hasn’t gone away. Luckily I only had to run through the store real quick to grab some cat food, litter, pop, and some other grocery essentials – but then I was able to head straight home, pull the curtains, and turn off all the lights. πŸ€•

Since my IC hearing got postponed, that leaves tomorrow free for me to call (or go visit) the pharmacy to get this month’s WC med situation taken care of… 😠 plus I’ve gotta make a call regarding a stray insurance policy that’s taking far too long to process. (Another thing that I’ve been meaning to do for months.) Those calls will be mildly-annoying at best, but it’ll feel good if I’m able to get these things handled. 😎

Okay, headache is starting to flare up again… time to get away from my screens.

Figuring It Out?

I’ve been bitching a lot here in the blog lately, so I figured I’d drop in to make a more positive post about the weekend. I actually ended up getting pretty much what I was hoping for – putting the stress of my WC stuff to the back of my mind for a couple days, and just letting Saturday and Sunday work themselves out however they wanted. I didn’t even put any self-imposed obligations of “chores” or “being productive” on myself, and it actually worked.

I went in town to grab some groceries and some stuff for Dad, so I ended up making my visit with him on Saturday instead of Sunday. We were talking about maybe watching the race together, but after the visit on the day prior – we ended up just watching the race at the same time and texting back and forth about it. And that track… Homestead… I still think that it’s a little too generic to be the final race, and the one that determines the season champion. The racing from Phoenix, the week prior, was actually more exciting and entertaining… but meh, racing throughout the 2019 season felt improved overall, so at least things are moving in the right direction.

Caught up with some friends and family on Sunday, through messages, since I’d been flying under the radar most of the week. Toni sent me a few pics and vids from their Philly trip, where Matt participated in the Rocky Run, and also sent me a clip of Matt and Wendi’s gender reveal party thing. But she just wanted to check in on me to make sure I was okay. She jokingly offered to get a life-sized cardboard cut-out of me, which she could then take around town and take pictures with it every few days and post the pictures to Facebook – so my friends would “see” that I’m okay. (Since I still haven’t been able to make myself get back on there and socializing again… heh)

Also got caught up with Bri and Cassi… both of whom are dealing with various crap, but they also both seem to have a pretty good handle on things – or at least are doing their best to fake it as they deal with their respective crap. Not only did Bri have to take her youngest son to Children’s for some more tests on Friday, but then today she has her final custody hearing. However it all goes, I’m still impressed with how well she’s dealing with it all, despite obviously being nervous (and me being nervous right along with her), she’s just facing things and tackling them as they come. Same thing with Cassi, just with different issues. I could learn something from both of them when it comes to that.

In fact, I think that’s what helped my weekend (and even today, so far) feel pretty decent. Living a little more “in the moment” than usual. Reminding myself that constantly worrying about things that might not happen for several weeks… there’s just no point to it. You get things settled in your mind and in your plans as best as you can, and then you put it out of your thoughts until it’s time to actually deal with whatever it is. I mean, that’s not a new theory to me, but it’s something I’ve always struggled with. But watching and listening as others deal with some serious shit, and seeing how they do it without letting it crush them, it could be in my best interest to emulate how they do it.

And for good reasons and bad reasons, I found that “cats” ended up being a frequent topic of the weekend… and while talking to Genesee, I had her remind me about the whole story of Maven’s birth. I won’t go through it all, but basically Maven was lucky to have even survived – which made me remark how lucky she (Maven) was. And Genesee replied thatΒ she and IΒ were the lucky ones, considering the influence that Maven has had on both of our lives… and I definitely can’t disagree with that. But it was neat hearing the whole story again, with her lazy butt sleeping next to me by the space heater, and realizing how much she overcame in her first few days and weeks.

So, yeah… I guess it’s sort of crappy that just an “okay” weekend like that feels like such a positive improvement, but it really was a decent couple of days – and I needed it. And like I said, I’m gonna try to follow the lead of the folks that I know who are dealing with just as much as me, if not more, to try and keep the stressful stuff from weighing me down so much. Disability and pain are a couple of challenging adversaries when it comes to that… so not only do I need to embrace the good days when they come, but I also need to do more to nudge the “less good” days in the right direction whenever possible.

(Sorry, I can’t be arsed to go back through and add all the normal emojis today… just gonna hop off here and see where the rest of the day takes me since I’m not feeling too gimped up at the moment.)

Unexpected Success?

I did a pretty good job of clearing my mind of workers comp stuff this weekend, and it resulted in some strange dreams both nights. Friday night’s dream had a cast of most of my friends and family that are going through some shit right now. But in the dream, everything was great. πŸ™‚ Everyone was dressed up in nice clothes, had their hair and makeup done up, and part of it was taking place in some sort of classy, multi-level club that was full of similarly “dressed up” guests. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ It was if we were all there to celebrate something, because everyone was happy and laughing and just having a normal good night out with friends.

In that same dream, I actually left the folks who were enjoying the evening in the club and went out to my car so I could deliver a couple of my other relatives to a cabin where many of us used to go decades ago. πŸ€” I’m not sure why, but one of my aunts was excited to get up to the cabin (which was apparently a two hour drive from where we were)Β because she knew that her first husband would be there – and she didn’t want him to have to wait there, awkwardly, by himself. πŸ˜„ Why her first hubby? No idea… but we were then immediately at the cabin, somehow having skipped the drive, and everyone hopped out of the car, went inside, and started happily unpacking as if we were going to be staying for several days. 😊

Next night’s dream, Dad and I were walking along the sidewalk by the canal in the town where I grew up. It was current day, but we were both significantly younger … and I’m not sure why we were walking in town, but I stopped as we were slowly going past the house that we lived in when I was in high school. 😯 Dad actually bumped into me since he wasn’t expecting me to stop, but I had noticed (as I was looking through the front doors) that they had added several different flights of stairs in the living room – probably attached to the recently built rear addition, which is actually bigger than the original house. (Also true in reality.)

I then noticed that there was makeshift scaffolding around the entire house, made of wood that was basically the size and shape of railroad beams… and I was able to climb up some of these angled beams to get to the windows of the front upper bedroom, which now had a swinging wooden door in place of one of the windows. πŸ˜ƒ I knocked on the door, and the people inside let me in…

It turns out that they were all living in this upper addition to the house, but without the homeowners below knowing about it… so nobody was talking, nobody was making any noise, and they motioned that I could come in – even though nobody spoke to me. 😬🀫 Everyone was wearing Hogwarts type robe / uniform things, like from the Harry Potter movies, and they all seemed to be moving about the house with purpose. 🧐 I stood and watched for a while, being careful to stay out of everyone’s way, and that was about it.

I know “other people’s dreams” are essentially of negative interest to everyone else in the world πŸ™„πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ so I don’t expect anyone to really care what I dreamed about, and I’m only posting about them because it was amazing how not about “my stuff” they all were. Plus, it was nice that everyone who is going through some shit in real life… it’s nice that in my dream,Β all of them were having a great time, feeling good, looking good, and not worrying about much of anything. 😊 Tough dreams to wake up from though… when you become awake enough for reality to come back to your brain, but it was still a nice change of pace.

Well, I’ve Got The Extra Hour

Body’s tired and feeling a little beat up, but my brain isn’t ready to go to sleep I guess. It’s a little after 2am on Sunday morning… πŸ€” Oh, wait a minute… πŸ˜… no it’s not. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Just looked down at my phone to see the exact time – and hooray for “fall back” tonight, eh? Still being awake at 1am doesn’t feel nearly as bad as still being awake at 2am. 😏 Heh… it’s just that typical thing that happens after vacation. In this case the vacation came to me, but you know what I mean – you get the nice distraction from reality for a while, then when vacation is over and things have to go back to normal, it just takes a little while to adjust. 😟

It’s silly, but because I don’t generally do a heck of a lot with my time… I mean, when it comes to going out and doing things… so when Gen was here, even if I wasn’t necessarily part of all of the plans for the day, I still felt like I was “doing something” with my day. πŸ™‚Β It’s just been a while since I’ve had to coordinate a few of my days with anyone else, whether that coordinating involved me doing something or involved me avoiding it instead. πŸ˜… Granted, my lack of “doing stuff” is usually because I’m either hurting or wanting to avoid hurting… but with the right company, I don’t mind it quite as much for a couple of days. But yeah, Sunday… Monday… πŸ€” they’ll probably be a couple of “nothing” days so I can regenerate from the visit and get my thoughts back on track when it comes to the stuff I want or need to do. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

On Friday she woke up early to do something with friends in Logan, but then once she got back here we went out and picked up Bri and Bryson to go in town for a bit. Stopped off at Walmart, and as we were all checking out (and this happens more than you’d think) the cashier lady mistook me for Bryson’s dad. 😁 I was standing behind the cart, entertaining him so he wouldn’t fuss until we left, but when I moved to the front of the line to pay for my stuff – he started crying… and cashier lady said “Aww, see he wants his daddy.” 😏 I just played along, joking that she was right and that Bryson wasn’t a mama’s boy. It actually caught me off guard this time though, ‘cuz I wasn’t shaved, and I’m pretty sure I was lookin’ my actual age… 😊 but it’s still amusing.

That evening Gen made plans to meet with Toni, Matt, and Anna for dinner, but I just didn’t have the oomph for it… and that was before I found out Wendi and her Matt were there as well. 😯 I kinda felt bad for dipping out, but I just didn’t have that couple hours of “social” in me that late. (I did appreciate her bringing a cheeseburger and fries home for me right before midnight though.)Β Despite needing to get up stupid early the next day, she wasn’t sleepy yet due to all the socializing so we squeezed in another episode of Doctor Who before she hit the sack. πŸ€“πŸ“ΊπŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™€οΈ That made four episodes since she got here – which should be enough to either hook her, or to know that it’s not her kinda thing. 😏 I always try to convert people.

Saturday morning… she was up and out shortly after the crack of dawn, on her way to some horseback riding near Moonville with a friend, and not only did I not wake up when she left – but I didn’t even fully wake up until noon. 😐 There’s a chatty cat that comes to visit (outside) and tries to play on my emotions as it’s getting colder around here, so I agreed with her suggestion of making a little “kitty house” out of a big ol’Β Rubbermaid tub from the basement – so that was my mini-project for the afternoon. Time was starting to get tight though, so rather than fussing with the mailboxes or the bags of gravel, we decided to go out and visit Dad for a bit before it started to get dark. πŸ™‚ OutsideKitty had vanished by then though, but that’s good… gives me a little more time to finish up the tub and find some suitable soft stuff to use as the base for when I put it out on the back porch for him. πŸ˜ΊπŸ™„

Dad seemed like he felt better today. Like half the people I know though, he’s been fighting a shitty cough and “bleh” feeling, but it’s either starting to get better or our visit was just a nice distraction from thinking about it. 😁 Unfortunately we couldn’t stay there too long, ‘cuz I had to get Genesee up to Columbus (to Chad and Shannon’s place) and try to get back home before it was dark dark. 😳 Sounds like an “old person thing” but I just prefer to not drive at night with these “backup pair of a backup pair” glasses that I’m currently stuck with. πŸ˜• I can cheat during the daytime with my Rx shades that are one prescription “more current” at least.

But yeah, as quickly as she arrived, she’s now up there and will be heading home in a few hours. 😟 (So glad that Chad can help with getting her to the airport at 4am today. Oy.) She was busy nearly the entire time she was in town, not including the house downtime for watching Doctor Who, looking at old pics/vids, etc… but I definitely envy the way she was able to tackle her self-imposed schedule. 😊 I suppose it’s easier when it’s stuff that a person actually wants to do… but she can wake up and be out the door, ready to go, in minutes – while I need an hour just to wake up enough to decide that I’m about ready to wake up. πŸ˜‹Β (Actually, it’s more about letting the morning meds kick in, so I can at least partially function like a human being…) But it was nice to see that even with the limited time here, she still managed to do most of the stuff that she planned.