Roll With The Changes

So I tried the Impossible Whopper on my way home from my workers comp doctor appointment today. It’s strange… I don’t know exactly what to say about it. πŸ€” It was different than a normal Whopper, which you’d assume, but not in a way that made it any worse or any better than the traditional kind. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I suppose the only thing that I’d have even noticed, if someone had just brought it to me and let me think it was a regular Whopper, was that it was a little dry / less greasy.

But by the time the cheese, lettuce, mayo, ketchup, etc is added – it’s honestly hard to notice any difference. And if it is legitimately more healthy (or at least less un-healthy)… something which I never bothered to Google… then yeah, I’d probably always order it over the “normal meat” Whopper. I think White Castle has the same kind of “fake meat” in a version of their sliders, so I might have to give those a try sometime as well. I’ve got no problem reducing my meat consumption as long as it tastes basically the same and isn’t detrimental to my health. πŸ„πŸ€ πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

As for my appointment today, again I suppose that I just took for granted that it wouldn’t be much different than any of my other visits with the workers comp doctor. But since it was with his PA (also a “real” doctor, of course) there was a set of “fresh eyes” on all my info. πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€βš•οΈπŸ”Ž He actually did that because the first time I saw him, many months ago, when I was originally going to be moved mostly to his schedule, I wrote a summary letter for the past decade and said I’d appreciate hearing if anything jumped out at him which may not have been something that me and my original doctor had been addressing.

Be careful what you ask for, though… 😏 It’s nothing bad bad, but having new xrays and scans of the area from fairly recently – he took a good long look at them in comparison to the ones from before / recently after my original surgery, as well as whatever few that have been done between then and now. πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€βš•οΈπŸ’» It’s nothing that I’ll have to address any time soon, but as always expected… after over a decade of three of my vertebrae being fused, the one above it is just showing signs of eventually needing attention as well. πŸ˜• Nothing horrible, nothing urgent… and since it’s something that I was already aware of as an eventual and likely possibility, having him remark about it honestly just rattled me because it hasn’t been one of the things on my mindΒ lately… not because it’s an “Oh no, a new surprise thing” thing.

But I like this doctor… I mean, time will tell if I like him as much as Dr Walter… but he talked with me a long time today, despite knowing that I’m still somewhat radioactive, and in detail that let me know he’s aware (or at least assumes) that I’m able to understand more than the average patient. πŸ€“Β I think he’s even older than Dr Walter, so I’m not sure why he’s got a PA position there. It could be he does his “real” doctor-in’ on all the other days when he’s not at this particular office. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ But yeah, it’s fine… and if anything, I still think the “fresh eyes” are good… especially since he might end up having to write some reports that explain how my original work injury / surgery is what has caused this newer potential issue – because you can bet your ass that I’m going to do everything that I can to get it included into my current claim for wheneverΒ I might have to start doing things that involve it. 🀨

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Oops…

Obviously didn’t have the oomph for that “korean name” post that I was planning the other evening. It will still be coming… just whenever it decides to come. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Got the gamma scan the other day, and actually felt a little worse afterwards this time. Everything went as planned, I wasn’t ever scolded for not holding still or anything – but 45 minutes to an hour lying in the machine just isn’t pleasant, especially when half of that was with my arms raised above my head, which is a position that my gimp shoulder obviously isn’t a fan of.

But you know how it goes… scan techs can’t tell you anything, other than knowing that they got the images they needed, and then I didn’t get a “next day” phone call from the thyroid doctor, so I’ll take that as a good sign. That way I have just started taking my meds as normal again, and I can get through this weekend without having to think about any of it too much hopefully.

And knowing how bad I’ve been feeling, and how I’m supposed to be avoiding people due to the radioactivity, Genesee had one of her friends drop off a bunch of food for me.Β πŸ™‚Β She basically got three or four entrees from Olive Garden, plus a big salad, slice of pie, and a bunch of cheese sticks. πŸ– That’s gonna help a lot, because my appetite is already low, as is my energy to get up and make anything to “make” myself eat, so having all that awesome food just ready to go whenever I want a few bites or more – it’ll last me through the weekend easily.

But yeah, just wanted to check in to report that everything went as planned with the scan, and that I get to treat this weekend like a weekend and not worry about any appointments or cooking or anything… so hopefully I can start to recharge my run-down ass.

Oh, and even though I still haven’t gotten on Facebook, I did see a couple posts through the Google News app, reminding me that the Perseid meteor shower happens over the next couple of nights. πŸ“ΉπŸ˜―Β So I’m gonna put all of the practice I’ve been doing (with planes and cars at night) to use – and hopefully will be awake to capture some of the streaks as they cross the sky. Luckily, my view from the front porch is just about the right direction for viewing. Gonna use ridiculously long exposures, to maintain the light trails despite the video playing at time-lapse speeds. πŸ€“Β First thing I’ve felt a little bit excited about in a while, so hopefully my energy and the weather cooperates.

Rambling Elaboration

Yesterday’s entry was admittedly pretty bleak… but not all of yesterday was completely full of suck, so I figured I should come back in here and sprinkle a little bit of that “good” around – even though I know it won’t really do much to balance out the tone of the blog lately or overall. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜•

Knowing that soon I’ll be runnin’ completely without my thyroid meds, there were a few things inside and outside of the house that I wanted to get to… just in case the next several weeks are as “challenging” as I’m expecting them to be. 😟 The inside stuff was whatever… but the outside stuff, that’s the kind of stuff that kicks my ass even when I’m at my relative best these days. It also didn’t help that it was still 87 degrees in the late afternoon, when I finally went outside, since “waiting for the heat to die down” wasn’t really gonna work unless I intended to do my yard work in the dark.

When they took out my line of bushes, they plucked about a 1/3 of them, and the remaining 2/3 were cut off at the base – as close to the ground as possible. I told Jason that I had plenty of poison spray when they were doing it, and he suggested that after they were done I should probably go out and hit all the remaining “nubs” in the ground, to discourage them from trying to make a comeback – and to hopefully make them brittle enough that anything still above ground will eventually just start breaking off. So, that was mini-project number one, and luckily I didn’t need my cane nor did I have any neighbors eyeballing me as I worked.

I still had juice left in the sprayer when I was done, so I started hitting weeds along the fence, under a bunch of the evergreen bushes, all over the empty-but-weedy spot (where a big bush used to be) beside the garage, and then all around the AC unit just to make sure nothing considers growing up around it. I was sweating balls at this point. Actually, I was sweating balls within the first 10 minutes of being outside… but yeah, it was time for a break in the cool air inside.

It felt nice, but when it became obvious that I wasn’t gonna stop sweating, I sucked it up and went back outside. I’ve got a couple different sprays for spiders, wasps, bees, and ants – so I treated all the areas that needed it. 😷 Front porch got most of the spider attention, back porch had the bees, and then I sprayed what amounts to an “ant barrier” at the bottom and lowers sides of all of the doors that go outside or into the garage. (They’re a fan of Maven’s messy eating habits, usually leaving bits of cat food on the floor for them to sniff out and come after.)Β Bugs don’t really count as “critters” I suppose, but I still hate to be an exterminator. πŸ˜• But when they won’t stay outside, or try to take over certain areas when they do, they’ve gotta go.

Don’t you love how I can take “Sprayed some poison on the bush stumps and weeds, then killed some bugs” and turn it into a multi-paragraph blog entry? This time it’s intended… to make it sound as time-consuming and exhausting as it actually was. πŸ˜“ I ended up sweating so much that the mosquito repellent finally quit working, but I had done everything that I wanted – so it was time for a shower, and to stop friggin’ sweating.

Throughout the process, I learned that I have another mutant ability. πŸ™„ I can work outside for a little less than an hour, come inside into the cold air conditioning, take a shower to get all the stink, grass, and stray poison mist off of me… but I can continue sweating for a full two hours after everything was done and I should have been good. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I’m guessing it’s a thyroid thing that I just hadn’t discovered yet, since I’m usually too gimpy to work that much outside. But yeah… cool shower, cold air, and two more hours of sitting here with a towel to keep drying myself off.

It’s fine though… because as much as this all might sound like bitching, it felt good to accomplish so many things when there were so many other things trying to mentally or physically discourage me from doing so. Until I started to not be able to do a lot of things, I didn’t realize how important that it could be to be able to do something with purpose. So even though this stuff is probably most people’s typical weekend, it’s my little thing to grab hold of and feel good about. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

And, obviously, I have to take what I get when it comes to stuff like that these days.

The “Subjectively Positive” One

This is gonna be another really long one… it’s more fun for me this way. 😏 Settle in and enjoy.

Now, this is something that’s almost impossible to explain to someone who doesn’t or hasn’t experienced severe social anxiety. πŸ€” But last Saturday, after spending about a week and a half without even leaving my house, while trying (and failing) to adjust to a new medication, and still tending to my gimpy knee… I had to go to a concert in Columbus. 😐 At the Schottenstein Center, which holds about 18,000 people. 18,000 loud, screaming, drinking, super enthusiastic, having an awesome time, concert-goin’ people. 😏 (God bless ’em… heh) Oh, and we had “Meet and Greet” VIP passes for Debbie Gibson and Tiffany after the show.

The story begins last year, when my friend Jim got us tickets to see Phil Collins at Nationwide Arena. I had seen Genesis before, but never Phil on his own… so it was a bucket list thing. We had a great time, so in the fall of last year when “The Mixtape Tour” tickets came available – I went ahead and got our tickets, sort of as a birthday gift / way to pay back his generosity re: the Phil Collins tickets.

Flash forward to last Saturday… and it took every ounce of oomph that I had to make myself get up, get ready, and go to the venue to meet Jim. πŸ₯Ί My anxiety was so bad that up until the minute I was finally able to make myself get in the car, I wasn’t even sure I was gonna be able to do it. 😬 But I had already cancelled on Jim on a few other things, and I would feel like a giant shit if I bailed on him again, and he ended up just going by himself. So I honestly went more because of Jim, rather than a desire to actually go. Well, no… that isn’t entirely accurate… because I absolutely wanted to go… heh… like I said, it’s hard to explain how anxiety can overrule anything that you think you might want or be able to do. πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Heh… I’m realizing that this isn’t gonna sound like a positive experience, so let me go ahead and interject here to say that I did have a good time while I was there, and was glad that I went. πŸ™‚ It was the getting there and getting home that were the biggest hurdles for my uncooperative brain. And of course there had to be construction all along the freeway on the way there, which is always fun – anxiety or not. And then when I got there, because I left so late, I ended up having to walk… *consulting google maps* … I had to walk “Total distance:Β 2,885.24 ftΒ (879.42 m)from the parking lot to the venue. 😧 But I had my cane, I took my time, and didn’t die too much. 😏 In fact, not only did it help me to unwind from the traffic, but it continued my DIY physical therapy that I’m trying – to avoid the costly, painful, inconvenient, time consuming, real thing.

The thing that probably saved the night for me, once we found our way to our seats, was that we were at the absolute top of the seats. Literally everyone in front of us, with the backs of our chairs being against the wall. 😊 Plus the seat next to me was empty. 😁 I can’t stress enough how much of a difference it makes to be “outside” of the humans rather than surrounded by a sea of them in every direction. So for the duration of the actual show, I was golden. πŸ™‚ Me and Jim, catching up on shit, no assholes around to be a nuisance, a decent view of everything due to the big LED screens, despite being in the very definition of “the nosebleed seats” for the concert… and it was awesome. I was glad that I “made” myself go.

Then the show ended. 😳 At which point we had to navigate through the herd of exiting humans, trying to figure out where we had to be to do the Meet and Greet part of our experience. 😬 Buttloads of people, slight confusion of where to go, the prospect of meeting a couple of celebrity singers… so, again, I found myself *this close* to just walking out one of the nearby doors and just waiting for Jim to go and do that part on his own. But he said the right things I needed to hear, I took a few woosah moments, and once a lot of the people were gone we found our way to what was essentially the basement under all of the seating. 😯

Sorry, I’ll try to tighten this up a bit. 😏 There were different M&G packages, some with just Debbie, some with just Tiffany, some with both – so thankfully, even though they had us all crammed into a relatively small waiting space, we got to do our thing pretty quickly since we had the dual package. Got a hug from Tiffany, they both autographed my lanyard, and while there was a little confusion with the official person taking the photos – it gave me some time to actually talk with Debbie while we had a short wait.

She asked if I had a good time and I told her “Oh, absolutely…” with a smile, but since other people were distracted I was able to lean over to her and kinda quietly say “… but man is my social anxiety kickin’ right about now.” Heh… probably a little weird, but it would have been awkward just standing there silently as we waited for the photographer to get ready. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ But she just smiled back at me and said she actually knows what I mean, and that before each show she usually stays in her dressing room with her piano and just plays some random jazz or classical to help her get rid of herΒ pre-show anxiety. πŸ™‚ And that was a comforting thing to hear… since rather than her thinking I was a weirdo, she could actually relate. Then we got the pic, I got a hug from her as well, and that was that.

Well, that was it for me I mean. 😏 Jim still had to get his picture with them… but keep in mind, Jim wasn’t Jim for the night… he went as Squirtman. πŸ˜³πŸ˜„ The orange body suit, the cape, the Squirtman puppet, flashing LED glasses, the cowboy hat… heh… the whole deal. That was actually another good thing throughout the night – because when you’re next to Squirtman, you’re essentially invisible – which was perfect. πŸ‘πŸ»

He got there an hour before the doors even opened, so he was parked right in the first lot and was able to give me a ride out to my car – since all of the walking and stairs and such did finally take its toll on me. πŸ˜•Β I did have the typical “I need to be home”Β voice repeating in my head as I was driving, but the goody feeling from the concert buzz made the long drive home much more bearable than some drives I’ve made in the past. πŸ™‚

So yeah… yay me. 😊 I did a thing. 😏

If you remember any of these bands or singers and wanna check out some clips, here ya go:

Alrighty, that’s about it. Congrats if you made it through all of my (hopefully) descriptive weirdo rambling. πŸ˜‰

Less Bad, Overall

They came and plucked / cut all of the bushes out the other day. πŸ™‚ I don’t know why it made me feel so awkward, sitting in the house doing nothing while other people were out in my yard taking care of things… but I thought about the x-ray results of my knee, how nothing was apparently wrong, and whether I wanted to do physical therapy – and all of those thoughts resulted in me doing quite a bit of work inside the house over the past couple of days.

I figure that physical therapy would be “Yeah, I know it hurts, but keep moving your knee.” so I decided if I was going to hurt, it would be for something useful… something that allowed me to feel productive instead of sitting around like a turd while other people did work outside that I still feel (even though I physically can’t) like I should be taking care of myself. 😟 They did a great job though, and left the area in a condition where all I’m gonna have to do is spray a little poison on the nubs that didn’t get plucked, and then spread some grass seed (actually, quite a bit) and cross my fingers.

Inside, it was basically just a continuation of what I’ve been off-and-on working towards. The yellow bedroom is never actually used as a bedroom, so I donated the bed from that room to Bri when she got her apartment. Now, that’s my new “auction / sale” staging area. So a lot of what I did was just moving boxes from one bedroom to another, but getting it sorted much better and stacked more efficiently… keeping the more valuable things in their own area, separate from the random household goods or whatever.

It was frustrating, only being able to do a couple boxes at a time before taking another break for my knee… but I just spent a couple of days “keepin’ at it” and even getting several more tubs and boxes packed with stuff and stacked with everything else. πŸ™‚ It’s still frustrating that it took me two days to do something that would normally have taken an afternoon at the most, but I wanted to keep moving – but with breaks so I could tell if I was making my knee worse. 🀨 Which, luckily (and surprisingly) I don’t think it was. It doesn’t feel good now, but it’s actually slightly better than before I started doing all this… so, who knows, maybe my slow-ass self-PT’ing is working. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

I did take today off though, because the next logical step that I would be taking is working in the basement, either packing stuff down there and trying to carry tubs and boxes up the stairs, or bringing individual items up one at a time and packing them upstairs… and I can’t quite trust my knee enough to consider either of those things. πŸ˜’Β I guess I could just take the laptop and go down there with the intention of staying down there and working, letting Netflix play in the background, and just wait until things are better before I try to haul anything upstairs. πŸ€” Meh… could have done that today actually… but after two days of solid “going” it’s probably better that I didn’t confine myself to the basement today.

I’ve basically stayed offline, I’ve been ignoring most of my messages… but to have the oomph to do what I’ve been doing, I needed to unplug and just do my stuff in my own little bubble here. 😞 That’s a sucky thing, I’ll admit, but at least I get to feel good about finally getting a good amount of something done around here, after over a month of my knee making sure that that wasn’t likely to happen.

Good? I Guess? Maybe?

Got the fastest call-back from a doctor today about those knee x-rays. I was thinking I wouldn’t hear anything ’til the start of next week, but nope… scans are back, and there’s nothing abnormal that can be seen in the x-rays. πŸ˜πŸ˜’ Of course that doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong… I mean, it could mean that, but it could also mean that it’s going to take an MRI to actually see the problem. But as I was warned, they said that they can set me up with some physical therapy appointments.

I told her that I felt like I have been on a slight upward path, and that I was gonna see how things go through the weekend – then if it doesn’t seem like it’s getting significantly better I’ll probably call (or stop) in on Monday and get that scheduled. Not looking forward to that idea, but it’s better than continuing to hobble around and possibly make whatever-the-problem-is worse. πŸ˜• And then, of course, if a full round of PT doesn’t work, then we can ask for that MRI. Cripes… fecking MRIs… πŸ™„

In unrelated news… I have a tractor in my back yard. 😳 Lawn d00d sent a couple of his guys over late this afternoon to drop it off and size up how they’re gonna go about things tomorrow. I’m assuming tomorrow… unless it keeps raining, which is what chased them away today. The line of bushes have grown a surprising amount since we originally made plans, so I don’t know if he’ll end up plucking them with the claw on the front of this tractor or if they’ll just have to go down the line with a chainsaw, getting them one by one. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Either way works for me, so hopefully they don’t stress on it too much if I’m not awake or not here. πŸ™‚

So Glad That I Prepared

What a morning. Felt like crap yesterday, went to bed early, got up early, drove my ass all the way up to Sawmill Rd, and about five minutes away from arriving at the doctor’s office – someone from my attorney’s office calls me to tell me that he just got an email from the doctor, and that my appointment had to be postponed. πŸ˜• I didn’t recognize the caller, and just wanted to confirm that nobody was trying to pull any BS on me, so since I was basically right there – I just continued on to the office and spoke with the receptionist, who confirmed it for me. Nice lady, super apologetic… but still… what a bunch of crap. 😠

I forget how it was worded in the letter that I got, but in no unclear terms it said that if I missed that appointment, my case would essentially be dropped and they’d no longer cover anything regarding my injury / disability. πŸ˜’ Granted, I was up there early, but I’m still pretty sure that if I called them a half hour before I was supposed to be there and said that I couldn’t make it – that “call off” or rescheduling wouldn’t fly. Not sure why there was a sudden change of plans, but I suppose I’ll just wait until the next phone call or letter to find out when I have to make that trip again.

So yeah, that two hours in the car was awesome for my knee. That’s unfortunately one of the bad positions for it, that “in between” bend that you’ve got in the car for the brake and gas. Cruise helped a little, but people don’t know how to drive, so even that I could only use for a couple of miles at a time while I gave my leg a rest.

Got home and decided to check in on FB real quick… and my buddy that lost his mom last month… it seems that his dad passed away last night. 😞 Some people might say, “Boy, maybe you shouldn’t use FB if so much stuff is sucking for people.” but to that I would say that if I didn’t get on Facebook to make the rarer-than-usual post or scroll through and “like” or respond to folks on there – I honestly wouldn’t have any communication with hardly anyone. πŸ™ And not everything is bad for everyone… and passive communications seems to be the only thing working for me right now, so… πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Looking at the silver lining for my morning though… yeah, my knee is kinda screwed again, but at least I didn’t have to go through the “don’t do anything that will hurt yourself” tests, which inevitably cause me to hurt myself in order to demonstrate my defect and disability. πŸ™„ Maybe the reschedule date will be in a little over a month, when I’ll be glowing with radiation again. 😏