Take The Hint, Weeds

Waiting for the sun to go down so I can go out and spray some more poison on the misc that’s now growing up where the spirea bushes used to be. Despite the heat from a week ago or so, we’ve also had enough days of decent rain – enough that there’s all kinds of green popping up back there. Some of it, I’m sure, is the grass seed that I spread… but most of it looks to be random shit that’s been growing like, well… weeds.

Mowers avoided the area (with the new seed) last time they came by, but I’m gonna let Jason know that I’ve poisoned everything that’s trying to grow – so next time they’re out here they can go ahead and start hitting that area to keep everything knocked down. 🚜🌿🌾 And I know from the little circle area out front, where Aunt C used to stack all of the branches, clippings, and other yard waste… once all of that stuff was removed, it now gets mowed like any other part of the lawn and doesn’t look that different from the rest.

So even if that back line isn’t perfect with grass yet, and even though all the random misc is gonna try really hard to keep popping up – if I go ahead and turn the mowers loose on that area, even if it effs it up for a while, I’m sure that by the end of the season it will look enough like “part of the lawn, but rough” that both me and the neighbor should be okay with it. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Gonna have to pace myself, of course, since just going out to the garage to get the new jug of juice and bring it in here to prep overheated me. πŸ˜–πŸ˜ Β (I can’t even explain how stupid and frustrating that is. The overheating / energy… not the way the poison is packaged.) It’s all zip-tied and shrinkwrapped and the little hose part has to be assembled, but once that’s done it’s just pump and go. I’m not gonna come here and bitch afterwards, and I know it’s gonna get done, so at least I can check off the “not totally worthless” box today. πŸ˜’

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Comb, Goo, Powder, & Spray

Several days ago I went around the inside and outside of the house, spraying the porches and squirting down “poison barriers” at all the doorways, to kill and/or keep out the spiders, ants, bees, silverfish, etc… and while that seems to have actually worked pretty well, one of the potential pests that I hadn’tΒ thought of managed to make their way into the house somehow. πŸ˜’

I noticed Bubba scratching a little more than usual, but I figured it was just from it being so hot and her fur starting to get kinda long again. But nope… took a closer look yesterday evening when she came and plopped down on me, and somehow she’s managed to get fleas. 😞 Well… fleas are managing to get her. 😿 I didn’t see too many, and with her being mostly white they’re usually easy to spot, so hopefully I caught it somewhat at the beginning. πŸ₯ΊπŸ€žπŸ» And we do go outside for a few minutes at a time now and then, but always with her lazily & happily slung over my shoulder – cuz she’s a priss and doesn’t really care to touch the grass. πŸ™„πŸ™‚

Luckily I still had one dose of that “between the shoulder blades” goo treatment that Genesee suggested, from last year when I had to give her (and the house) the treatment. So I went ahead and completely combed her out, applied the goo while she was distracted with lovins, and then immediately got online to order flea powder for the carpet and flea spray for the other areas and soft furniture. Surprisingly (and I did google it extensively) this type can not only be used on “stuff” but it can be used directly on your critter as well. πŸ˜³πŸ€”

Rather than spraying it on her, which she would of course hate, I’ll probably spray it on one of her favorite brushes – doing the “Don’t worry, nothing going on, nothing to see here…” routine while I squirt and brush, squirt and brush. πŸ™€πŸšΏπŸ§Β And honestly, with the flea goo already applied, once I get the carpet and furniture treated I might not even have to do anything more than get the dead ones and their dirt off of her with the fine-toothed comb that she also already likes. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Poor kitty. πŸ˜• She can be old and grumpy like me. 😾 Last thing she needs is this annoyance. It’ll be handled.

Your Warranty Has Expired

I wish that I felt more capable of adjusting to whatever illness or injury that might be affecting me at any given time. πŸ˜’ I don’t usually complain directly to anyone about such things, instead saving it for shouting into the void here, so I dunno… maybe everyone else has just as hard of a time adjusting to certain things like I do. But for example, the better part of the last couple of weeks have been really good – and then out of nowhere my knee just decides that it’s going to hurt. Hurt hurt. 😣 And my past couple of days have been mentally, physically, and socially fucked up because of it.

It makes sense that physical pain, along with losing some ability and motion, would also trigger my twitchy… I just hate that I don’t have any more control over it than what I do. 😠 But after a few days of hobbling around, and a few nights of long but often-interrupted sleep due to feeling the pain throughout the night, I wish I could just say “Well, I guess I’ll just take it easy and stay off my feet today.” but instead I let it fuck up my day, being irritated about being so irritated about it.

One problem, almost all of my friends (for a long time now) tend to be younger than me. It keeps my mind young, but my body doesn’t get that memo. So I’m not surrounded by similarly aged people with similar aches and pains. 😏 Another problem, with my work injury happening to me as young as I was, I’ve been dealing with that pain / disability for over a decade now… and it is pain that I feel like I didn’t really earn. πŸ˜•

I’ve joked with my cousin Matt and Dad about how “At least I was never in great shape when I was young…” compared to Matt, who loves / loved playing basketball, and Dad who is a Marine and served during Vietnam. In a way it’s a joke, but you’d also like to think it would be true… if you were never in great shape when you were young, it should be less of a deal when parts start to get defective when you get older. That’s turning out not to be the case. Now it’s more like “Dammit, I didn’t use myself up when I was young, so I shouldn’t be breaking down like this already.” πŸ™„

And I’m not making this entry to complain… it’s actually something I’ve thought about as I’ve faced various things, and it has also made me wonder how I’m gonna handle things when it inevitably gets worse as I get older. πŸ€” Like my Aunt Carol, she was in all kinds of awful shape, but she didn’t bitch about it or let it slow her down – let alone stop her. πŸ™‚ I just hope I can eventually become more like that. Everybody gets old, everybody sooner or later starts feeling worse and worse, and I just don’t want to end up a grouchy old recluse because I’m still struggling to handle the changes that every other human just seems to handle.

One thing I’ve noticed though, even my younger friends don’t give me shit about it – when either my neck and shoulder are extra screwed, or when my back or knee just randomly decides to go to shit for a while. I think it’s that insecurity of (in most ways)Β being on the same page as someone regardless of our ages, and worrying that if I have to hobble around or use a cane for a few days that they’re gonna look at me like “Oh my gosh… I forgot how old he is.” Heh… but so far that’s not been an issue, and if anything it just ends up being something that we joke about rather than it being some eye-opening revelation… heh… as if they don’t know my age until a physical sign appears. πŸ™„πŸ˜„

Meh… it’s just a gimpy knee, it’s not gonna be permanent, I’m gonna be fine, and I’ll surely have plenty of otherΒ “fun” new things like this to deal with in the future. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Gotta figure out how to just start sucking it up.

Buncha Nothin’

While I’m technically ready to start doing all of the adulting that I’ve got planned for the first couple of weeks of the new year, I am glad that today was essentially a “paused” day… where even if I wanted to, nothing significant could really be accomplished. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚ I didn’t go out last night, nor did I have any company over, but I still didn’t fall asleep until around 3am. And of course I woke up too damn early, so my brain is thankful that the only real work that I’ll be doing today will be the stuff that I can address by mail. Which leaves all of the phone calls for tomorrow. 😳 Yay. 😟

Last night wasn’t totally lonely though. Brianna also stayed at home, although she was also babysitting for her sisters, so we ended up keeping each other company via messages up until the ball dropped at midnight and then a while after. β˜ΊπŸŽ‰ I think my adulting may be rubbing off on her, because a lot of what we talked about was both of our growing lists of “Shit We Gotta Do” in the next week or two. 😏 I mean, nobody is really a fan of responsibility, but I think it made her feel good (the same way it does me) to spend some of her evening coming up with a game plan of her own. πŸ“’πŸ–ŠπŸ‘§πŸ»

I wish that I didn’t have to take Cassi back home earlier last night, but she did end up staying later than we originally planned. It was a rough, dark, rainy, stressful drive up to Columbus in that horrible weather – with 80% of the traffic still breaking the speed limit, and the other 20% either scared, creeping slowly, or completely stopped along side of the highway as they waited for the rain to stop. β˜πŸŒ§πŸ˜―πŸ˜£πŸ˜§πŸ™ˆβ›ˆπŸŒ§ While she was here though, we started watching a new Korean rom/com/dram called Strong Girl Bong-soon. It’s strange how easily I take to Korean songs and shows now that I’ve been doing it for a bit. πŸ˜πŸ‡°πŸ‡·

But yeah… this is kind of a rambling post since it’s been a leisurely kind of day for the most part. All of my upcoming doctor appointments are still heavy in my mind though… I’m just trying to not let them bother me today. 😟 I will say this though. I haven’t been feeling great for the past couple of weeks. 😐 Not awful, but not how I normally feel either. So while I’m not gonna try to predict anything when it comes to my upcoming tests, I think I’m subconsciously getting myself ready for some potentially bad news. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

It doesn’t help that I’ve been having a lot of anxiety filled dreams lately as well. 😳 Not exactly nightmares, but dreams that definitely had a negative feel. And twice now I’ve had dreams where I died. πŸ˜• One was strange… I had already passed away, but I was still around to console people and to help with all of the arrangements needed in that sort of circumstance. 😬 But the bad dreams, the specific “not feeling well” things… right now I am choosing to attribute it all to the Wellbutrin that one of my docs put me on. πŸ€’

I haven’t felt this mentally and physically shitty in a long while. πŸ˜” And it’s so much so that I’m going to stop taking that new med until my next appointment with that doctor, so I can let him know the side effects that I’ve been experiencing. Over the years I’ve probably tried half-a-dozen different meds to help with depression or anxiety, and never have I made it past a month or two before the side effects outweighed the potential benefits – and I’m pretty sure this one will be the same way. 🀨 I’ve also got something more immediate for anxiety, but I haven’t noticed any bad side effects from that one, so perhaps I’ll be able to keep one-out-of-two in my rotation this time.

Alrighty then… time for some football. πŸ™‚πŸˆ Ready to push the scary thoughts to the back again for now.

Research

I ended up getting almost 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night, likely thanks to my normal evening meds and a couple Tylenol PMs taken at just the right moment. Sadly, I still woke up tired, at least physically… but my motivation game was strong. I guess this was the right day for that combination though, since it’s the weekend and there really wasn’t much that I could do “out and about” to continue my meager progress from last week.

I’ve looked up a bunch of different doctors and “family practice” offices in Lancaster and nearby cities, so I’ll be able to make some calls and maybe even stop by some of these places on Monday. πŸ™‚ I’ve also researched some urgent care places and narrowed it down to two that may be able to help with the tests that I need. 🀨 That’s my backup plan, should the “find a new doctor that doesn’t have a two month waiting list” thing fail. πŸ˜’ And then on top of that I’ve gotten names and info from our local hospital’s site, so I’m prepared to goΒ there to talk to someone about my predicament if need be.

My main concern (after just getting the “serious stuff” started) is doing this in a way that won’t screw me over when it comes to my insurance and the bills. 😳 I assume it’s always like this, since it’s been this way with any insurance that I’ve ever had, but basically you have to jump through all of the required hoops. πŸ™„ Like, you can’t just go to a heart specialist and ask for an EKG without having been referred to that heart specialist by your “normal” doctor. πŸ€” I mean, I guess you can… but your insurance won’t pay for it without the referral.

So yeah, off and on throughout the day was all of that, and then in the evening I remembered that I needed to make a couple phone calls.Β The first was just returning a call from one of my attorneys regarding their recent court actions on my behalf, and the second was to leave a message for the company that I’ve chosen to trim my hedges and spirea bushes, to let them know that I’m on board.

Tomorrow should be a lazy day. 😏 I can’t think of anything that I’ve forgotten, at least not right now, so hopefully I’ll be able to sleep in for a bit before I go to visit with Mom and Dad in the afternoon. If I don’t get too late of a start, I might even try to hit a couple of thrift stores before returning to Maven, the homestead, and a rapidly-approaching Monday morning.

You Snooze, You Lose

Well, that was a shit show. 🀨 They said they would put out the little machine to “take a number” at noon, for walk-in appointments that would start at 1pm, but yeah… that’s an idea that I’m sure looks better on paper than it does in practice. 😠 In reality, it might as well have been a scene from a general admission concert, as everyone gathers and waits for the gates to open up.

I showed up at about 11:45am yesterday and was gonna wait in my car until noon, when everyone would be able to pick a number… but the whole damn waiting area was already full of people, with even more riffraff waddling in as I parked my car and watched. πŸ™„ My mistake, of course, was assuming that the humans would conduct themselves with composure and courtesy. Hell, I dunno, maybe all of those people were deathly ill and in desperate need of attention… but cripes, did I mention it was a shit show?

Everyone looked pissed off. 😐 And the people… my gosh… it was like the perfect sampling of stereotypical “Lancaster people.” πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ My favorite was the obese lady, wearing black yoga pants, suede boots with fur on the top, a too-tight black t-shirt with holes in it, yanking her toddler along with her as she was shouting at him about something. 😟 I couldn’t have internally cringed any harder. Second place went to the young guy with dirty sagging jeans, sideways flat-bill cap, standing outside smoking and yelling into his phone.

Needless to say, I didn’t go in and take a number. 😏 The office… I’m sure there isn’t much they can do, since it’s obviously a crowd of assholes who could give two shits about whatever the rules of order are – but there’s gotta be a better way to do it. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ First thing would be not letting people inside before noon, so that they were literally pressed up against the glass of the doors. Shit… have people form a line outside, then when the number machine is set out they can grab one and go in. Heh… and when they did start giving out numbers yesterday, I can just imagine the arguments among everyone inside, who all probably said that they were there first. 🀬

Okay… I could go on… but yeah, that ended my plans early yesterday, and I’ve taken today off so that I don’t burn out from all the people-ing I’ve done over the past several days, and so I can get back at it tomorrow – with more research over the weekend if I can’t make any progress.

EDIT: I suppose all those assholes were once in my shoes, watching the BS go down…

Disheartening

I had to go in town for a few things, and of course I had to encounter people that represent the worst and “bleh” of our town. Driving down one road I saw an overweight woman with far-too-revealing clothes walking with a stroller… and two other toddlers following shortly behind her. Apparently they weren’t keeping up though, as she was screaming and throwing her hands around as she addressed them.

Then at the thrift store there was another young mother with two children, and she was obviously on some type of drugs because she couldn’t stop talking and describing everything she picked up, getting more and more excited and animated with each crappy thrift store toy that she would see and examine. The boy was old enough that when he made eye contact with me as I walked past, he had this embarrassed look on his face… you could tell that he knew his mom was tripping on something and that it was something she shouldn’t let the public see.

Outside one of the stores I had to stop at, there was nearly a fender bender as an older woman was backing out of a parking spot without looking, and nearly hit a car that was pulling in. The thing is, the car that was pulling in… she could have slowed down or stopped. But instead, she chose to drive right up to the point where she almost got hit, and then lay on her horn and make all sorts of gestures at the old woman. It’s like she wanted the conflict, she wanted to be angry.

There were of course other folks that I drove by… ones that I could make judgments about based on the way they looked, but I’m not even going to go there. People can look rough and not necessarily be bad or assholes or anything… but Christ, this town sure ain’t what it used to be.