Hope

These are small accomplishments, but today I was able to hang/fold all the laundry and put it away, do up the current small stack of bills, tidy up the living room pretty well, and put away the stuff from the bags of groceries that have been sitting on my kitchen counters since whenever I last went shopping. (All things that, for various reasons, usually manage to tweak my neck and/or shoulder to some extent when I do them.)

Now, I’m still feelin’ it… but not as bad as I normally would be. I don’t know whether to credit that to the med adjustment that my doctor started yesterday, or if I’m just having a good spell following a really bad one. I just figured that I complain enough here about the bad times that it’s only fair to mention the ones that seem good. But yeah, it’s only one day… and I know by now to not get too excited about it.

(Sometimes I feel like Hawkeye in this scene… when I have an unexpected, mostly pain-free day… ๐Ÿ˜ž)

It would be nice if things could stay like this a while. It’s the right balance. This will sound strange, but it wouldn’t be good to feel zero pain. ๐Ÿค” Like, say that you couldn’t detect heat or cold in your hands… there’s a good chance you’d end up burning yourself while cooking because you wouldn’t know it was happening. Same with my neck. Stuff isn’t “right” in there, and I have a feeling that the upcoming MRI will show that… and the pain, as annoying as it is, makes sure that I don’t do anything to make it worse.

Pretty sure I’m still gonna wake up tomorrow with my neck effed like usual though. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday was rough. ๐Ÿ˜ I woke up and hit the road shortly after dawn, because I wanted to allow myself plenty of time to compete with rush hour traffic heading towards Columbus. I just wanted to get up there early enough so that I could spend a while with Cassi and Lily before we had to head to the vet’s office. ๐Ÿ˜ž Once we were there, I couldn’t make myself stay in the room when the time came – but thankfully Cassi was strong enough to stay in there with Lily through all of it. As I sat out in the car waiting for her, I found what I felt was the best way to think about it…

Cassi loves Lily and didn’t want her to go, obviously, but she knew that for Lily’s sake – that’s what needed to happen. And Lily… I like to think that Lily didn’t want to go, but only because she didn’t want her adoptive mommy (and the other kitties in the house) to be sad and miss her. ๐Ÿ˜ข But Lily herself, I’m sure that if she would have been able to say it, she’d have said that it was time to go.ย  Thinking about it in human terms… as all of us approach our final years, there’s a pretty good chance that we ourselves will go through days, weeks, or maybe even months where we’d probably like to ask God to go ahead take us – due to the discomfort that often comes with that old age. ๐Ÿ‘ด๐Ÿป๐Ÿ˜Ÿ

We were sniffling and sobbing all the way back to the apartment, and she was telling me even more little stories about Lily and some of the other cats that I hadn’t heard before… kind of a rolling “wake” of good kitty memories. ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿ˜ธ Of course I couldn’t help but start thinking about Maven’s age, wondering how I’m going to be able to face it once that day comes for her… but luckily I’ve got both Cassi and Genesee who said they’re willing (and want) to be there. I wish I could have made myself stay in the room for Cassi, but she understood – and actually said that she never expected me to. ๐Ÿคจ She basically said it in a way to let me know that she stayed in the room not only for Lily, but also so that I didn’t have to.