It’s amazing that over a decade in, and this workers comp stuff is still affecting my daily life so much. I mean, of course the disability has and always will affect my days, but all of the other stuff around it… the appointments, the communications with my attorneys, the problems getting medications approved, the inaccurate reports from “opposing” doctors, the supportive reports from my doctors, the Industrial Commission hearings, etc… lately, it again feels like an inescapable cloud that’s surrounding me.
This week has just been one of those weeks. Starting with my WC doctor appointment, discussing my condition while also discussing his progress on the report, then more mail during the week from my attorneys, this time about one of my other doctors writing a report, and then more mail from my main insurance regarding meds that are supposed to be covered by workers comp, but that I’ve had to fill through them – due to the WC insurer currently disputing my need for them and therefore not covering them.
So all this week, no matter how I might have been feeling physically, it’s been a heavy week when it comes to dealing with a lot of this stuff, or at least having it forced to be in my thoughts. I’m anxious for the next hearing to get scheduled, just so everything’s not hanging over me like this. It makes it difficult to relax, difficult to focus on other things, difficult to just try and have some nice, normal days when each day brings another reminder (above my disability and pain) that I’ve still got this seemingly endless fight in front of me.
So the weekends are nicer lately, because at least I know I won’t have to deal with any calls regarding any of this stuff, but even the couple of days of the weekend don’t feel like much of a break when I’ve still got the cringe of wondering what the next week is gonna bring. I don’t know if the other side’s tactic of using false, personal attacks against me is part of the overall plan – because that’s what gets to me the most. If I lost every hearing based on truthful evidence that just didn’t meet IC guidelines, that would be one thing… but year after year of wild claims and personal attacks… I don’t think there’s anyone out there that wouldn’t feel compelled to fight back with everything they’ve got, and there’s no way that doesn’t take a toll (mentally and physically) on someone eventually.
Obviously there are spans of time where it’s not quite as bad… not quite as “present” in daily life… but right now is not one of those times. I’m glad it’s sunny out, even though I don’t think I’ll be out doing anything today. It lets me sit here, feeling a little better while I ramble and let some of the frustration out. I won’t hold my breath right now, but I’m hoping that I might get a break next week – since everything dealt with this week shouldn’t need any immediate followup. If I don’t have something reminding me of it each day, at least I’d have a better chance of stealing a “normal” week while all the nonsense goes on in the background.
Okay, guess it’s time to do something productive while the sun’s still up… gonna see what I can do about making at least the next couple of days feel a little less stressful.