Sweet Corn Fest

I feel like I’m gonna be back to “good” tomorrow, but I’m still glad that it’s a three-day weekend so I don’t feel like I have to do anything tomorrow, should I wake up still feeling a little off. I probably should have been more prepared that several hours of walking around the festival could drain me more than I thought it would, considering it was my first big “thing” after starting to feel close to normal thanks to the thyroid meds. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚

I’m fine, it’s just that frustrating sluggishness that I can’t “mind over matter” myself out of just yet. πŸ˜’

That’s probably why when I got home that night I was a little more “meh” about the evening than I’d normally be. I just expected more out of myself… but hey, 3.5 hours isn’t nothing… and it’s actually pretty damn good, considering everything. πŸ™‚ So yeah, the trip was fine, it was good to see Jim and Adam again, and despite not seeing any former classmates or anyone that we knew really, it still felt good to keep up the tradition. There have been more changes over the past couple of years though than in the decade or two prior. πŸ€”πŸ€¨ I probably should have taken pictures of the things that were significantly different, but once I took a handful of shots of the rides, Adam showed up and I kinda just abandoned photo mode.

The weather wasn’t great, so all the pics just have a bleh gray background, and then once the sun went down… I guess I could have tried to do some long exposure pics of the rides, but we were just too busy walkin’ and talkin’ for me to wanna bother. So I guess that’s a good thing. Next year, when I’m hopefully feeling even better, I think I might actually go twice… once for tradition night, and once for just wandering by myself at my own pace, eating whatever, taking pics of whatever, playing whatever games, etc. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜

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Boring Dream Talk

Had several dreams last night that made sure my sleep quality was pretty shit, and while I can’t remember many of the details – I do remember the part that’s often a recurring part of my dreams. 😬 I’m sure I’ve written about it in general before, because I like that over the decades that I’ve been alive – there have been some fictional dream locations, plots, set dressing type items, fictional people, etc that I’ve experienced many times over again in separate dreams. πŸ˜―πŸ€“

Sometimes it’s all in one night, where I’ll wake up from a dream for a bit, fall back to sleep, and the dream will pick up right where it left off… but I’ve also had dreams as a kid, where the location didn’t get used in a dream again until decades later – while still being instantly recognizable to me. 😊 All of that subconscious stuff just fascinates me, especially when I have some friends who say they are never even able to remember their dreams, let alone experience familiarity in them over years and years. It actually makes me feel bad for them, not even realizing what they’re missing.

Last night didn’t have any of the “fun” flavors of familiarity though. I’m not sure if you’d call it a plot point or just a recurring experience, with it not even fitting in with the actual “story” of the dream most of the time, and it’s strange enough that I couldn’t even tell you where the idea originates. πŸ€”πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ There’s no non-weird way to describe it… but I guess you’d basically call it “clogged mouth syndrome” or something.

Most of the time it doesn’t fall into “nightmare” territory, but it’s definitely an uncomfortable feeling, and usually ends up with me waking up from it. 😟 Sometimes my mouth is clogged with some kind of food, but usually it ends up being either bubble gum or paper for some reason. 🀨 Last night was paper. πŸ™„ But it’s always the same thing – mouth is completely crammed full of whatever, so much so that I can’t swallow, can’t push it out with my tongue, can’t talk, etc… I mean, just picture ripping out pages of a notebook and cramming sheets into your mouth until you can’t possibly fit any more in, and there ya go. 😳 Fun, eh?

It’s almost always remedied in the same way. It causes a delay in whatever is going on, because I have to stop and use my fingers to dig all the stuff out of my mouth until I can swallow, shut, breathe, or otherwise have use of my mouth again. It’s a frantic feeling, but not like choking, and not like it’s gonna kill me or anything. All I remember from last night is that it happened while me and someone else were trying to climb up a ladder to get out of some situation, but I had to stop and dig all the soggy, spit covered globs of paper out of my mouth before I started the climb, because I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to breathe by the time I had gotten half-way to the top. πŸ™„πŸ˜„πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

But yeah, that’s about it. Most boring dream recollection story ever, other than the amusing recurring things that I deal with… one that I’d be happy to give up, obviously. The other recurring things though, I feel lucky to have them. πŸ™‚ Absolutely fictional locations or people, that for whatever reason I end up visiting or seeing over and over again across the years. It’s like when you have a regular vacation destination that ends up being a familiar, true part of your life… having imagined locations and people, that have that same feeling of familiarity and real-ness to them, it’s just neat andΒ makes you wonder how and why it happens.

Why Do I Make Plans?

(Alternate / Extended Title:Β  Haven’t You Learned By Now? You Should Know Better…)

Another day, another disappointment. Not forΒ me… well, yeah, actually for me too… but the night before last I was feeling pretty good, planned on having a productive day yesterday, maybe even go grab Bri and take her somewhere so she could get groceries… but nope. πŸ˜’ I just haven’t found the “trick” when it comes to sleeping and my knee in its current state. One night it’ll be fine, next night… fucked. 😠 Last thing I really wanna do is have another round of xrays and scans, fearing that they’ll all “look fine” like with my lower back recently… but yeah, definitely gonna request xrays when I see the doc at the beginning of next week. 😣 Hopefully it’ll be something where a steroid injection will help, because I’m much more inclined to let them do that to my knee than to let them do it in my spine at the base of my neck. 😳

I think I’ve got it through my head now that “feeling better” on one day doesn’t mean it’s actually getting better. It’s not like I’m even pushing myself, but yeah, when I have a slightly better day – I do slightly more stuff… but that’s not working this time. So I’ve been in a shit mood, kinda disappeared from people for a couple of days, haven’t done most of the stuff that I had on my mental “maybe” list, but today – even though it hasn’t been quite as bad – I still haven’t pushed it, and I’m not feeling too bad. πŸ˜’ So that’ll keep my mental mood good enough to finally get through the bills (that I skipped the other night due to an instant headache) and probably check and respond to e-mails and messages. 🀞🏻 I think it being the weekend actually helps too, even though that’s sorta dumb when I don’t really keep a normal M-F human schedule except when appointments dictate.

But yeah, I’m around… and I’ll get around to the stuff that I need to get around to, whenever I end up getting around to it. 😏 It’s funny, when you’re young and healthy… and someone older tells you to enjoy it while you can, and tells you about all the random aches and pains and whatever… when you’re young, your brain just won’t allow that idea to register. (And therefore I don’t think anyone is really prepared for it, or accepts it gracefully.)Β Your brain doesn’t realize that you’ll eventually be the one with all the defective pieces, telling someone younger than you that this is what they’ve got to look forward to. πŸ™„ Heh… see… this is why it’s better that I just avoid people when I’m like this. Not exactly a ray of sunshine right now.

And say what ya’ want… but I still don’t think I’m old enough to feel this consistently beat up. πŸ˜•Β </whining>

Looks Like We Made It

It’s been a challenging few days again. Four hours of sleep a night is all that I’m apparently allowed to get for the time being. It certainly doesn’t contribute to waking up in a decent mood, prepared to do much of anything. Luckily a few of those nights were over the weekend, so it didn’t matter much, but I was hoping to wake up today with a different attitude.

Yeah, no luck with that.

I woke up a couple hours before dawn, was up a while, took a nap, then ended up waking up and immediately forcing myself out of the house (essentially tricking the twitchy part of my brain)Β so I could pick up some pop, groceries, and grab some Burger King. I actually went to Logan… for whatever reason, it felt easier than going into Lancaster. Between stops I took a break in the parking lot over by my aunt’s old house. The wishing well is still there, although it’s close to crumbling, and they’ve put new siding on the place – but otherwise you wouldn’t know the difference. I guess getting rid of 100 old grinding wheels isn’t easy.

Made it through the whole trip… I know, which sounds weird to most people, because, why wouldn’t someone make it through a short trip out. But getting home and not being completely wiped out was a nice change. And this time, rather than thinking “Ahh! I’ve got it beat today.” and trying to do a whole lot more, I just went out front, sat and watched the birds in the big pine tree, and kept my mind free. (Other than remembering that it was this time a year ago that I was out in the front yard playing with Brantley at dusk… until we heard the buzzards creeping louder and lower in the tree… heh)

Hoping it holds and helps me sleep, but I’m not gonna hold my breath.