A Tale of Two Mother’s Days

It’s been a rough week, with today being a lot harder than I expected. Talk about different groups of people having vastly different experiences on a holiday. 😟 I haven’t been on Facebook much anyway, but today, the contrast of the posts from the people who were spending the day with their moms, to the posts of those of us who no longer can… ugh… I should have known better than to even open the app.

But by the end of the evening, I had kinda changed my mind about that. Just as everyone wants to share their happy events from today, I realized that there are a whole lot of people who need to share their memories… to not let their moms be forgotten among all of the ongoing activities of the day, just because their moms don’t happen to be around any longer. 😪 And I ended up being one of those people. How could I not post something about Mom? And how could I not be there to click off an emotion or offer some words to friends of mine who are feeling the same way about the day as I was?

So I posted one of the recently scanned slides of Mom from when she was young, playing with “baby me” on a swing in the park. 😊 And I can’t even remember how I worded it, but basically I just tried to show that I wanted to recognize everyone else who has lost their mom (especially since last Mother’s Day) and saying something about how I know that everyone thinks that their mom was the best, and that everyone was absolutely right about that. 😏🤷🏻‍♂️ I dunno… trying to be a little lighthearted I guess, but honestly – what can you say? So many happy memories, but such a sucky feeling…

And I thought I was feeling basically useless over the past few days? Today, the only thing I was able to do was pick up Brianna as planned, so we could go to the nursery and get some flowers to plant in Mom and Christina’s memory. 😕 I’m glad that Genesee got me that little tin planter box for Easter and suggested the flower idea… but man was it hard to get up and actually do that today. Normally Bri and I function as a distraction from each others “bleh” but there was no avoiding it today. But she picked the same type of flowers that Brantley got her for Mother’s Day last year, we got them planted in the tin, and they’re now decorating the doorstep to her new apartment. 🙂 So many positive things have happened for her in the past few months, stuff that she desperately wishes her mom was still around to see… meh… I don’t think I need to explain further. You either know how it feels, or you’re gonna eventually.

MomFlowers

But I came back home and turned into a physical, mental, and social potato… and I think Bri took a page out of my playbook and just called it a night in the early evening, trying to just go to sleep and make the day go away. 😔 I feel shitty because I haven’t e-mailed Dad in about a week now, and I thought today might be the day… but then, yeah… 😣 I’ve just gotta focus on all the good things about Mom that I can remember tonight as I try to fall asleep, and hope that tomorrow I can wake up and somehow turn this shitty state of mind around and start functioning like a semi-normal person again. 😐 Being twitchy like this in itself isn’t what really bothers me… what bothers me is when it affects the people I care about and the people that care about me. And it’s definitely doing that right now.

*repeating to myself until I get it*“Mom wouldn’t want me sitting here feeling shitty that she’s gone.”

(What is it with me, and not being able to process the type of shit that millions of people process every day? 😔)

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Gray & Bleh Again? Okay…

Yesterday didn’t go quite as planned. I did end up going out to help get Bri settled in for her first official night at her new apartment, but it was miserable, gray, and rainy all afternoon, my knee was still acting up, so when I got home I just took my night meds and went to bed early. Was hoping it would be nicer when I woke up today, but nope… shitty and gray, although my knee is slightly better again – probably in part to sleeping with a brace on it last night.

I’m trying my “just because the morning sucks, it doesn’t mean the whole day has to” trick, but that’s harder to do as you’re hobbling around the house, not really able to do anything. Maybe that’s my cue to just not do anything, eh? But yeah, gonna try to get my head back into a better place and get back on my typical schedule for bills, email, maybe making a couple calls that I’ve been putting off re: glasses / shrink… meh… wish me luck. Not trying to ignore anyone, I’m just so low on social oomph for some reason.

Yesterday wasn’t a complete waste though… it was still nice absorbing some positive juju from Bri, since she’s still super excited about having her own place now and getting things all set up the way she wants. Hell, I’ve never lived by myself until a handful of years ago here in this house… before that it was always a roommate, girlfriend, or wife… and with Bri coming from a family with three other siblings, now with several of their own kids between them, it’s gotta be quite a feeling to have a nice, quiet place where every decision she makes is for her and her kids only. Hopefully she doesn’t end up feeling too isolated out there.

Too Lengthy For People To Care

This is the post I made to Facebook yesterday. I guess it’s worth sharing here…


  • I dare you to read all of this 😏

  • Most of us were raised to not be assholes. To not be racists, not be sexist, conduct ourselves in the way that we’d like to be treated, etc. And for a good long time that worked, and people in general conducted themselves in a pretty respectable way.

  • But I don’t think people acted like that because they *wanted* to, or because that’s how they were programmed… I think a lot of folks acted that way because they assumed there would be a down side or backlash if they acted like selfish buttholes.

  • And that’s why we now have a *whole* lot more crappy people than we did even a decade ago, because the more that people have seen high profile people acting like nutsacks and not paying any price whatsoever – a lot of folks decided that “decent, kind human being” wasn’t for them.

  • It just fed on itself at that point… because the more you see shitty people getting away with shitty things, the more that other people will decide to follow that shitty path – since it’s working so well for the others. More shitty people breeds more shitty people, sometimes literally heh

  • It just seems that more and more, people are going to do what benefits them, with less consideration of others. If someone doesn’t agree with you, don’t bother discussing it with them… just put them down, make fun of them, get your friends in on it too.

  • Have you always wished that fewer darkies would move into the neighborhood? Go ahead and let your other racist friends know too, because there’s strength in numbers, right? Get enough people that agree with you and you won’t even need to hide it anymore.

  • Getting tired of your wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend? Good news… you don’t actually have to split up with them. Keep them around for the few good things they can do for you, and just get yourself someone on the side for all the other stuff. Chances are, even if your significant other finds out, they’ll stay with you anyway. So why deprive yourself of other strange?

  • Oh, and if something doesn’t go your way, make sure you absolve yourself of any responsibility … because playing the victim is how we do things now. Nothing is actually your fault, and fuck anyone who even suggests it. This includes babies. Did your girl go and get herself pregnant? Well that shit sure wasn’t *your* idea, so why should *you* be expected to do anything to help out?

  • Another thing… if you ever actually *are* wrong about something, for God’s sake NEVER admit it! Admitting you’re wrong or have made a mistake… WEAKNESS. You don’t want to be a pussy, do you? And of course if you never admit you’re wrong about anything, ever, then you’ll never need to apologize for anything. Apologize to someone and they’ll have that to hold over your head forever.

  • Someone wants to merge in front of you on the highway? Fuck that guy. He should have planned ahead better. Someone taking too long with their order at McDonalds? Roll your eyes, bitch about it under your breath, and by all means make sure you take it out on the cashier once you finally get to order. And if you use the restroom first and accidentally piss on the seat… just leave it – someone “lesser than you” gets paid to clean up shit like that anyway.

  • At school or work, especially if you’re insecure about yourself, make sure you team up with as many other insecure people as you can – because then you can be an entire *gang* of insecure assholes who can lash out at anyone even weaker than you. Nothing makes a person feel *better* than making another person feel *worse*. And yes, I know you were probably raised to not do any of these things … but trust me, nobody cares anymore, so why waste your time trying to be “good?”

  • Agree? No?

Mulligan

Today was one of those unexpected / inexplicable “I feel miserable and I’m not even sure why.” days. 😟 The weather didn’t help, being gray, rainy, and miserable all friggin’ day. I dunno, it was more than that though, which makes it that much more frustrating that I’m unable to put a finger on it. 😒 Meh… it’ll pass, and thankfully these bleh moments usually don’t last longer than a day lately.

I did get a lot of my little projects worked on yesterday and this morning though, so I can feel good about that. 🙂 But in doing so, I’ve sorta F’d up my living room – with my typical “three-quarter circle of paperwork” surrounding me as I work on the living room floor. 😏 Heh… I’ve got two different desks at which I could probably sit when I do my “office stuff” – but my brain still insists on sitting on the floor for whatever reason. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Eventually my butt and back will likely have a talk with my brain, and things will probably change, but I bet that won’t happen for a long time.

I’ve been avoiding anything with substance for most of the day, so before I go to bed tonight I’ve yet to check my messages, voice mails, and email… but I should be able to get through those pretty quickly since I’ve been managing to somewhat keep up on them lately. 🤓 The cat appreciates that I haven’t moved much throughout the day as well… as she can sleep on the suitcase (still) where she can keep an eye on me, while also enabling her to wake up every hour or so to come over and get some pettins before going back to the suitcase and lying down again. 😺

I Think They Wait For Me To Come Out

I was trying to avoid it, but I had to go in town today to hit the bank, the post office, and then the pharmacy… where I was able to pick up only one of my two meds. 😒 I’ve still got a few days before I’ll have to start worrying, so whatever, it should be alright. 🤷🏻‍♂️ But today… despite it being absolutely gorgeous outside… boy were the assholes out in force.

❌➖ Idiot children riding their bikes on Old Logan Rd, and purposely swerving into traffic to make cars have to hit their breaks or swerve themselves.

❌➖ Rubbernecking dipshits downtown, watching medics treat someone who had apparently passed out along the sidewalk, while pulling into and clogging the intersection when the traffic lights changed, due to everyone forgetting how to drive. 🙄

❌➖ At the pharmacy there was a mother standing in the same line as me, and she was letting her little boy run wild. 😠 Of course he eventually knocked over an entire display of reading glasses – then cried and screamed as she just stood there, telling him to pick them all up as he kept telling her “no.”

❌➖ As I was shopping there, an extra-large woman was blocking the aisle with her cart and her body, yet she let out an audible sigh when I said “Excuse me” as I waited to move my own cart past her. She could have just moved out of the way on her own, but I’m convinced that she wanted me to say something so she could then be mad about it. 😏

❌➖ A couple aisles later I encountered the same lady, continuing to use her fatness to block the entire aisle again, but she looked up and saw me coming – and she scowled as she got out of the way on her own before I reached her again.

❌➖ At the intersection of Ewing and Sugar Grove Rd there was a woman who had the “yield” sign didn’t but didn’t yield, but when she realized that she had made a mistake she just stopped in the middle of the damn road. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♂️ Right in everyone’s way, forcing people to swing extremely wide just to get around her until she finally moved again.

❌➖ Then on the way home, despite traveling 60 MPH myself, some jackass decided to zip around me so he could then ride the ass of another car farther in front of me, when he found himself stuck in a no-passing zone. 🏎💨 It didn’t bother me, but it was a dick move towards the car in front of me.

The lady who waited on me at the pharmacy was great, the guy that served me through the window at Rax was nice, and the cute girl at the drive-thru was friendly as well. I happened to be listening to Metallica when I pulled in, as was she there in the building, so she smiled and pointed out that she knows how to pick good music too. 😏

So, even though I listed all of those assholes and their asshole things, the trip in town was actually fine. I didn’t have to be anywhere urgently, none of what was happening was really affecting me, nor did I care to let it… but if it had been any other day, when I’d normally start off gritting my teefs before I even got in my car, then it may have been a different story. 🙂