Much Doctoring

It’s only half way through the week but I’ve taken care of the blood draw, the appointment for my off-and-on lower back issues, and then another appointment to go over the lab results and schedule some additional things that need to be checked off of the “Post ’18 Surgery / Keep an Eye on Stuff” list at some point during the next six months. 😯😊 That was a pleasant surprise to hear that last part… that my lab numbers didn’t trigger any sense of urgency from the doctor, and that I can just do those next things at my leisure. πŸ™‚πŸ‘πŸ»

Tomorrow is gonna be a partial day off… probably gonna make a couple more phone calls (yay?) that need to be made, but other than that I’ll probably just potato in the AC here at home. It’s been effing hot so far this week, and looks like it’ll be just as bad (if not worse) as Independence Day approaches. πŸ˜“ Some of us are meeting up on Friday for my friend Jim’s birthday, and that’s gonna be outside, so I’m gonna cross my fingers and hope that we can find a place around here with both a low human count and lots of shade. 😎

Had a nice surprise towards the end of the day. πŸ™‚ Well, nice for me, but slightly less nice for Dad. He wasn’t feeling great so he had someone take him over to the ER to get things checked out, and once they were done I went and picked him up and gave him a lift back home. πŸ’πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸš– He seemed like he was feeling pretty good, relative to the reason for his trip out. I’m glad my car was cleaned out since a couple weeks ago though… heh… ‘cuz not only would I have been embarrassed for him to see it, but he also would have been sitting with his knees pinned to his chest due to all of the trash clutter in my passenger-side footwell. πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜…

My sleep is still pretty screwy, so I’m almost positive that I’m gonna be up half the night tonight – but I’m not even gonna sweat it one way or the other. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Half the time, when I can’t sleep, it’s ‘cuz I’m stressing that I can’t sleep. But with nothing major on the agenda tomorrow, it doesn’t matter when I crap out or wake up. 😴 My nap today was solid though. 😊 I didn’t even hear when the lawn guys came and mowed… only noticing it once I was backing my car out of the driveway later in the day.

Flipped The Switch

I blame Dark (season 3) for everything over the past 48 hours or so… 😏

Woke up stupid early on Saturday morning to start binge watching that, had a couple friends stop by for about an hour, and between those two things – I needed a nap. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚ Unfortunately that nap at 5p lasted until about 9p, so I was up all damn night. Yesterday morning I finally got another short nap around 7a, before finally falling asleep asleep around 5p through 1a this morning. πŸ€”πŸ€¨ So I finally got enough sleep to where I was able to flip the switch a few hours ago to “awake, up, and around” before heading in town for some Tim Horton’s coffee and TimBits. 🀀

I’ve got a couple of appointments today, and a little errand to run for Dad, but all of that should be finished up by the early afternoon… so I think everything will be okay today. Now, I don’t know what that is gonna mean for my sleep tonight, but at least I feel okay right now… around 6a. 😐 It just sucks though, feeling like I blew the entire weekend, bleary-eyed and draggin’ ass for the better part of both days. πŸ§Ÿβ€β™‚οΈ But like I told Genesee, it’s not like “weekday” vs “weekend” really means a heck of a lot these days.

Still a bit nervous about my blood draw, since it goes to the cancer / thyroid doc, and there’s always a bit of anxiety about that stuff. 😬 No reason to think it’ll come back with anything bad though, since I haven’t felt much different than I’ve felt over the past months since my last scan, so… πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Not how I pictured my late 40s being when I was a kid, but I just have to keep pushing forward with this, the WC stuff, etc. πŸ™‚ Meh… maybe the doc will adjust my thyroid meds so I don’t feel like a potato all the time. πŸ›‹οΈπŸ₯” Wish me luck.

Just Rambling

It ain’t over ’til it’s over… that should be the motto of my life when it comes to all of the workers comp garbage. πŸ™„πŸ˜ I think there’s an R&B song from the early 90s with something close to that title. πŸ€” Meh… anyway… it’s been a day full of working on that stuff, reading mail, working on new forms as much as I can – without any of my attorneys being across the table to help me. 😬 But much like everything else that I’ve had to fight for, there’s still some fighting left to be done before the medical portion is gonna be settled.

It’s a bit before midnight now, so I’ve lost most of the emotional energy that was powering me through it all, so I don’t even have the oomph to really rant about any of it tonight. 😐 I mean, things should be fine eventually… it’s just the typical “Surprise, this isn’t gonna go how you thought it was gonna go.” stuff that plagues every person in the system and keeps things progressing at a snail’s pace. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸŒ But my attorney says we should remain optimistic, and he’s good at selling me on that idea… 😏 so, that’s what I shall do.

But man, even today I’m feeling the effects of how the whole thing has changed me. It simply sucks the energy out of me when I have to work on stressful stuff and make phone calls regarding it all. πŸ˜’πŸ˜£ I mean, that’s what started my “phone anxiety” back in the beginning of the process. All calls seemed to be doctors, lawyers, social security, etc… and all of them were stressful. 😠 I hate using the word “trigger” but that’s what a ringing phone became to me, and then the same for picking up and trying to make a call. It’s embarrassing.

But just like back then, today I felt that effect… not in a super bad way, and I wasn’t even feeling overly stressed or upset or anything… but that still didn’t stop it from sucking away my energy and sending me into a couple unplanned naps. 😏😴 Heh… they’re hard to describe. They usually start with, “Ugh, this sucks… I need to take 10 minutes to rest my eyes and brain.” and then I wake up a couple hours later. πŸ˜…πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Granted, my sleep has already been screwed up because of my neck and an awful 24 hour headache, but working on this shit didn’t help. πŸ˜› (And I doubt that I’d be anything like this if I hadn’t gotten hurt and stopped working… but meh, who knows, I could have ended up worse. Que sera, sera. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚ )

But it was kind of nice to do this mid-week rather than waiting until the weekend like I usually do with most of the mail. I mean, there’s no getting around their business hours when it comes to needing to actually get in touch with folks at the office. But yeah… a big chunk of “bleh” was at least handled and pushed off to the side until probably the start of next week. 😊 A little bit of uncertainty is still gonna be creeping around in my thoughts until this is truly settled, but there’s nothin’ new about that.

Still Stalling

It’s late in the evening on Sunday, and I find myself still staring at all of the unopened envelopes from Medicare, CMS, Workers Comp, Social Security… 😳πŸ₯Ί ‘cuz c’mon, there’s no way that all of this stuff could be good news for me. I did get all of my laundry done up, and I’ve just gotta fold the last basket here in a few minutes – so I’ll be doing that while the NASCAR race from today plays, since with all of the weather delays and stuff I’ve just started watching and am on about lap 30. Lots of good racing so far, but two delays for lightning. πŸ€”πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I guess there’s a few people in the stands for this one.

But all this mail… πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ž I just have a feeling that some of it is going to be PITA revolving around workers comp and my insurance not agreeing which meds they’re each willing to pay for, and then I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re ready to put me through my paces again to prove that I’m broken enough to count as officially disabled. πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸ¦½ I’ve been banged up for a long, long time now… and with each month that passes I get a little bit worse, so man do I not feel like jumping through their hoops yet again. 😠 I’m sure it’ll stop at some point, but probably not until my age is more in line with my shitty condition.

I can’t complain too much about this weekend though. πŸ™‚ I had two nights of decent sleep, I got a little bit of my “to do” stuff done, so that was nice, plus I got the entire living room tidied up and vacuumed so I can bring out the new cat tree that Genesee got me for the girls. 😺😁😼 Doctor appointments coming up this week though, and I should probably go ahead and schedule that cancer followup that I was supposed to do sometime around late spring / early summer, since technically we’re there. πŸ˜’ Sure not looking forward to that either. 😟 It’ll be even less fun dealing with that crap if I’ve got a bunch of SS/WC/Med/Ins stuff on my plate as well. Man… I would be so fucked if I somehow got booted from the system. (I have a feeling that my mental defect of having so much anxiety that I’m unable to talk on the phone and often am too stressed to open mail or emails… that could at least add points to my “crazy” meter… heh)

I guess I’ll know more here before the night ends…

I’m Ready

It’s approaching midnight on Friday, and I think that I’m finally ready to face this week. So, these next couple of hours better watch out, because I’m not feeling too bad at the moment. 😏 Heh… but seriously, this week has felt more “challenging” than usual. Although, as I’m sitting here trying to explain why, I can’t even really think of anything specific that should have made it feel that way. πŸ€”πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I dunno… I think all the “get ready, we’re opening” talk / news has just made my brain tired and my sleep shitty, which made every other small or “normal” thing feel that much more laborious. (I still got some chores done and got out of the house once or twice.)

But I’m not gonna sit here and try to remember all of the things from the past week that made it suck, ‘cuz I might end up damaging my calm. But yeah, this week… it definitely took me the entire week to be ready for whatever comes – and for the most part, nothing came. πŸ˜πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ So now that the weekend is here I’m much more prepared for it than I was the current week. πŸ€“ Hopefully that makes sense.

Ahh, I do know one thing that has improved my mood over the week… getting my two cats to tolerate each other. 😏 Yeah, I’ve officially adopted Maggie – a cat that I was formerly just babysitting – so it’s been a week of anxiously hoping that her and Maven didn’t feel the need to murder each other. πŸ˜ΎπŸ˜…πŸ™πŸ»πŸ˜Ύ Thankfully, possibly because they’re both too old to be bothered with such things, they don’t seem to have any desire to fight or be a pain in each other’s asses. (Although Maven does grump at her every now and then.)

They’re not even close to being buddy buddy, but they at least tolerate each other. In fact, I think they both actually like that there’s one “other critter” around, even if they don’t necessarily want to interact with that other critter. 😏 I have a short video of them simply sitting upright next to each other, no more than a foot apart, but neither one of them wanting to look at or acknowledge the other… 😁 … but both of them seeming to enjoy the moment in some way. (Purposely “ignoring” each other while making sure the other noticed.)

It would be too much to explain here in the blog, how I ended up with Maggie, but basically I was watching her while her previous owner was moving – but with things not going as planned there, the environment wouldn’t have been great for a kitty who’s already anxious and nervous all of the time. 😳😬 On her first day upstairs she went around the house looking for her former roommates, but once she realized they weren’t here – it’s almost like she felt relieved, because she started actually acting like a cat again rather than just hiding all the time and trying to avoid anything and anyone. πŸ₯ΊπŸ˜Š

Maven and I lead a pretty tame life here in the house, and that’s exactly the kind of life that Maggie needs right now… so it just made sense for me to adopt her officially. It all depended on Maven being okay with it though, and since she hasn’t really done anything to indicate that she objects – it looks like this is a done deal. πŸ™‚ See, just typing about the situation has made me smile… so hopefully I’ll hang on to that feeling through the weekend too. (As long as these two buttholes continue to play nice.)

The Positive One

Okay, so here’s the “positive” entry for today… heh…

It’s just a bit before midnight, and I actually did switch gears in the afternoon and made something of the second half of the day. It’s getting predictable though, the way I wake up feeling miserable, wait for the morning meds to kick in while I catch up on a little bit of news, and then I end up “waiting to do anything” until I watch DeWine and Acton’s daily briefing because it’s usually close to the same time that I’m starting to actually get some oomph.

And as it often goes, just because I managed to do some stuff, it doesn’t necessarily mean it was the stuff that I originally had in mind in the morning. But it’s all good… feeling like I was at least a little bit productive today, and I’m actually waiting on a second load of laundry to finish drying so I can get it hung / folded / put away before I go to sleep tonight.

I dunno, the second part of the day turned into a dry run for tomorrow, attitude wise. I’m not gonna do any real shopping, but I am gonna run to a quicky mart somewhere to grab some pop and chips, and then drop Dad’s Diet Dew off for him before I head back home. I suppose I could go through a drive thru, but I actually wanna make myself go in somewhere. It’s dumb, but I could see where the more “open” that stuff gets, the less that I’ll be able to go inside anywhere. And that’s smart, to a point, but it’s not something that I can avoid indefinitely. And I’ve got masks… so, yeah, once the meds kick in tomorrow I’m gonna head out for that.

Did some texting with a few friends in the evening, and every one of us weren’t having a great day… so it was a matter of the blind leading the blind as we all tried to say things to lessen each other’s anxiety. It’s funny, and I actually mentioned this to someone… but knowing that pretty much everyone is messed up by the current situation, and it’s not just me, it kinda makes us all feel better – sharing the crazy, so to speak.

But once the sun went down and the texting slowed, I kept finding myself “forgetting” what’s going on outside. Depending on what videos or shows that I was watching, I could go a whole hour where it wasn’t in my mind and I was just having a normal night at home. That’s a good feeling, but that means for every calm period that I had, I also had that jolt of “remembering” that brought the “ugh” back to my brain repeatedly.

But I’m gonna get the laundry done here in a minute, and hopefully find a movie that I can watch as I lie in bed. Not sleepy yet, but still feeling alright, so I’m gonna try to hang on to that until I zonk out to see if it has any effect on how I wake up tomorrow. Lately it’s been bad, but I’ll stay optimistic for now. Stay safe, y’all. (And I can’t be bothered with emojis tonight, so just picture them where you think I’d normally have em… heh)

Too Late, Too Early

I stayed up until around 2am last night. Mostly just because I couldn’t fall asleep, but also because I wanted to step outside and see how many meteors I could see from the Lyrids meteor shower. πŸ€“ I stood outside for a little over ten minutes, freezing, and saw a grand total of none. πŸ˜… I know that I was looking where I was supposed to, so they were either lighter than expected or I was just blinking at the wrong time. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

No big deal, since if I had seen several of them I probably would have been wishing I had figured out the needed settings for my cameras so that I could have captured them. πŸ˜’ But earlier in the evening I did mess with the phone and camcorder a bit, to see if I could quickly figure out how to get a noise-free, well exposed photo of the stars in the sky, while also being able to capture any shooting stars… and it’s not as easy as you’d think, at least not with an iPhone.

It’s funny, I’ve got it down where I can get a decent exposure of the night sky, but I know from trying to also capture a few passing planes in the frame – that the way I was exposing the image requires the stars to “stay put” for about 30 seconds, and any moving source of light just wouldn’t be captured. πŸ€”πŸ˜ Meh… I’m fairly confident with my regular star exposures, so if the sky is clear tonight I might plug up the phone to power and leave it out back to possibly get a decent time-lapse. On a full charge, using just the internal battery, I was only able to get one hundred 30 second exposures, forming this bitty 10 sec time-lapse… πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚

(As usual, best viewed in HD, full screen… and this time, in a dark, dark room. I’m gettin’ there…)

So it was after 2a before I went to sleep, and then I woke up around 7a because my brain knew I had a doctor appointment at 9:30a – so it was sleeping lightly, waiting for any excuse to make sure that I’d wake up and not sleep through it. πŸ™„πŸ˜ Obviously I’ve had early doctor appointments before, but this one was different, so I’m certainly not complaining that I had to wake up early for it today.

This was my first experience with “telemedicine” as I guess it’s called. πŸ˜ƒ Staci called a little early, at 9a, to see if I was awake and able to go ahead and start… and she then sent a link via text, I clicked on it, it opened a page that started the AV connection as fast as a regular Facetime call would start, and from that point on it was like a regular doctor appointment. πŸ€“πŸ‘¨πŸ»β€βš•οΈ

She did her normal “pre-doc” stuff of all the typical information that they gather before the doctor actually comes in, she then put me on hold for about 30 seconds, and then my doctor clicked back in and we wrapped up my appointment in less than ten minutes. 😊 Still covered everything that we would have covered in person, and in fact – because I didn’t have to experience the anxiety of the in-person visit, I probably felt better than at a “normal” appointment. That also meant that I didn’t ramble on about any minor “this or that” which often happens when I’m actually there and able to bitch. πŸ˜…

So yeah, I could definitely get spoiled by something like that. πŸ€— I realize though that a doctor does have to be able to physically interact with a damaged person at least every couple of appointments (to confirm the level of their damage) but it would be nice if I could do two of these, then a regular appointment, two more of these, then a regular, etc. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜• Unfortunately they probably aren’t able to bill insurance at the same rate when they do “virtual” vs “real” appointments, so once they feel that the COVID risk isn’t as high anymore, everyone will be going back to the regular routine. πŸ˜’

Heh… this is probably my longest, most coherent pre-10a entry I’ve ever written. πŸ˜‹

Ugh, Why? (I’m bitching. Skip it.)

I got probably a grand total of about three hours sleep last night. 😠 They weren’t even nightmares that kept waking me up this time, but instead… I dunno, they were more just “annoyance” dreams. πŸ˜’

First one, I was asleep in my bedroom (which, of course, was what I was actually doing, making it feel even more real) and for some reason my Aunt Sharon was staying in the house with me. She said she needed to use the restroom, but she didn’t want to use the main one, and instead wanted to use the one in my room. I was able to convince her to use the one in the purple bedroom instead, but as she walked through there she tripped on the bed and fell over still and silent. 😳πŸ₯Ί The kind of dream that almost makes you wanna call and check on someone, if it wasn’t four o’clock in the damn morning… heh

The next four dreams were all short and rapid fire, and all of them were set with me being asleep in my bedroom again. First one woke me up because someone was knocking at my door. 😐 Next one was because someone was ringing the doorbell. (Which I don’t even have hooked up anymore.) The following one had people shouting my name outside of my bedroom windows. 😠 And then the last one started after I had already been woken up, but only to discover that my cat had somehow retrieved a 2-liter of Coke out of the fridge and spilled it all over the hardwood floor in my bedroom – and I walked through it with my socked feets. 😫 Yeah… just friggin’ annoying. (Gen said that she had a similar experience, so both our days started off sucky.)

Speaking of the cat… a few days ago Dad sent me over a bag of specialty kitty food, since Maven isn’t the spring chicken that she once was and he figured it was worth a shot. πŸ™‚πŸ˜Ί So sometime this weekend I’m gonna take a look at her little food and water area there in the kitchen and figure out if I wanna make any changes, or if I wanna try to give her this new food in a “special” way / place. (Versus just putting it there where her normal food usually is, which might confuse her and put her off to it.) But that’ll probably be a “tomorrow” thing, ‘cuz I’m still grumping pretty hard, internally, from all those stupid-ass dreams and the resulting lack of sleep. Meh… whatta ya’ gonna do though?