Let’s Not Do That Again

I’ve been kinda sidelined today. Heh… that stretching trick that I mentioned yesterday? Yeah, probably not a great idea. I did actually sleep pretty good somehow, but when I woke up it felt like (and has continued to feel like) someone was driving a set of keys into my back right under my left scapula. 😣 Now, it may be a situation where if I continue to do stretches each day, it could become where the “after” result isn’t as tight and painful… but until I can talk to my doctor and let him know about all this, I think I’m just gonna let it be. 😐 No sense in playing around with it, when I can just “accept” the normal pain and tightness that I’m familiar with and have managed to get by with. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜Ÿ (Also, I’m not blaming my doctor… it was my idea to ask and try something new… only way to know…)

The way I look at it, even though this definitely shows that my condition is getting worse, at least it’s in a way that isn’t noticeable unless I really try to do something that changes how that shoulder feels or use it more than I know I should. And speaking of my condition, I haven’t even sorted out everything regarding all the paperwork I’ve already gotten… yet today I got another big envelope full of stuff along with a normal sized one for good measure. πŸ™„πŸ˜‘ Haven’t opened them up yet, ‘cuz I can’t really do anything with it all until I huddle with my attorneys.

It’s frustrating that they have to work from home, ‘cuz it’s not as easy as going to the conference room in the main office and sitting down to look at everything, to make sure we’ve both gotten all the same stuff, and then figuring out what they need to do / what I need to do. πŸ˜³πŸ—ƒοΈπŸ—ƒοΈπŸ—ƒοΈπŸ‘¨πŸ»β€πŸ’ΌπŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ’» I’m not anxious to do much of it by e-mail either, since it’s not secure… so I’ll have to check their site and see if they have a portal for submitting documents if there’s anything that they need to see but haven’t gotten yet. πŸ˜’ But of course when I’ve got the mental and emotional energy to deal with the stuff, something else is effing it up. It’s fine though, I’m gonna make sure that it starts to get addressed tomorrow. Not gonna let this be heavy on my mind over the weekend… 😠

Don’t mind me… just a little grumpy today due to feeling like ass when I woke up, not really getting much better throughout the day, more shitty mail coming that I can’t immediately do anything about, and then not knowing exactly how I will get a pow-wow with the attorneys to get shit taken care of. 😠 I hope the whole system is aware that there’s gonna be some delays in things due to the current COVID situation. ‘Cuz it would sure be like the legal / WC system to find some shitty little loophole to somehow kick me out just because some of the documentation is moving slowly. πŸ˜’

Okay… deep breath… gonna try to make this evening less sucky. Wish me luck.

New Trick

I learned something new at my most recent doctor appointment for my neck, shoulder, nerves, spine, etc… I learned that there’s a way to completely deactivate my left arm. 😳😧 Seriously. It switches to rag-doll mode and isn’t good for a GD thing. πŸ₯Ί My neck was close to frozen and the muscles were all jammed up in my left shoulder and neck, so I asked him to show me some stretches that might be able to break me out of that.

What he showed me definitely worked… it relaxed the constantly-tense muscles and reduced some of the pain, but man… for about 10 minutes it also made me think that I wasn’t gonna have use of my arm again. ☹️ I ended up finding a place to park in the far end of the parking lot so I could lie on the hard ground, brace my scapula, and do some range-of-motion type stretches to get it working again. πŸ˜£πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

What a weird feeling though, to get in the car and mentally place both of my hands on the steering wheel… for only my right arm to actually do it as the left one just hung there. πŸ₯Ί It didn’t feel “asleep” or tingly or anything, it just didn’t respond. Scary shit. So, it’s not a great feeling to know that the painful / annoying tension has to be there (at least in some part) in order for my left arm to be even slightly useful. 😠 Because when you totally relax those bad muscles, there aren’t enough muscles left that are attached to good nerves that make it do what it’s supposed to do. 😟 And yeah, I know this is a weird blog entry, but trust me… when an entire arm suddenly just doesn’t work, it’s pretty jarring.

As I was laying on the ground, moving my arm up, down, and around… I thought for sure that someone would either send a medic out to check on me or, more likely, someone would call the cops on the weirdo lying on the ground, flailing around. πŸ˜πŸ˜―πŸš” So I don’t know how I feel about all this. Learned some specific stretches and motions that help relieve the pain and pulled muscles, but at a pretty big cost. At least the option is there, I guess, and everything is temporary… both good and bad. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

No more news on the other stuff yet, but I’m taking a break… I need to lie down.

Weird Dream

Had a weird dream right before waking up this morning, and the details are sticking with me so I may as well throw it up here for y’all if you’re bored enough to read such things. Not gonna bother with emojis or italics or any of that crap… posted “as is.” (Although I should really be putting these things in that old “dream blog” that I started forever ago, and have kinda sorta kept up with over the years…)

The dream started at the end of a long road trip that I had apparently taken with my friend Jim Gilkerson and a few others. I believe we were going to a big stadium to see a baseball game… which makes sense, because I fell asleep to discussions on the news about how MLB is planning on starting their season somehow I’m three different “hub” cities. But anyway…

We were all right outside the stadium, and I realized only at that point that I had forgotten my ticket at home, hundreds of miles away.Β  For some reason though, the guy scanned Jim’s ticket and it allowed us all to get inside, as if his was some sort of master ticket for main entry. However, when we were getting ready to claim our seats, there were groups of armed security guards that were checking for tickets.

It turns out that Jim was the only one who remembered his ticket, so the guards forcefully removed me and the others in our group from the line. We were told that we needed to go down to “processing” and the guards pushed us towards a flight of stairs that led to a darkened, creepy basement with cinder block walls painted beige.

Once I got down to the bottom level I realized that everyone being sent down there was being “derezzed” (aka deresolution, from the Tron movies)Β … and for whatever reason, everyone milling around down there, waiting to be killed, were all strange digital characters as if they were all from some discount, dollar store video games.

They chose to try to kill me by throwing digital spiders all over me, but I was able to flip many of them off of me, although a couple of them were able to spin super strong webbing that they’d circle around my arms and wrists – tightening the loops until it started cutting off my circulation. But luckily, even though they were digital/mechanical, they were no harder to kill than regular spiders… so I ended up squishing the remaining few that were wrapping me in webbing and ended up running outside through a hidden door.

It started making less sense at this point… outside the arena there were huge, ridiculously high bridges that allowed pedestrian traffic to go over the nearby highway. But before I could leave on one of those bridges, a group of women stopped me to ask if I could help them find their dog. They said that they had left him in the trunk during the concert… (it was a concert now instead of a baseball game *shrug*) and they couldn’t hear him scratching anymore, so they assumed he was no longer in there. I, of course, assumed the dog had met a different fate than they were thinking, but then I woke up.

Fun stuff.

SquirtCamper

I waited until into that afternoon before I made this entry, hoping I’d feel better than when I woke up today… but nope, today is definitely a recovery day, and it is sucking so far. πŸ₯Ί Yesterday was good though. A couple hours spent at the RV show, and then went to the casino for the afternoon and evening since Jim and I are rarely in the same place at the same time these days. πŸ™‚ Had a good time… just too much walking, to much activity, too much looking around (believe it or not) – which has all added up to today.

There were very few sub-$20k campers at the RV show, but Jim still managed to find one that he really liked, that would fit his planned needs. You can even order it with highlights in custom colors, including orange… giving hints of Squirtman even in his “retirement” years, once they get here. πŸ˜ƒ It had an “RV Show Special Price” of $11,999, so in several years once he’s ready to buy – there’s a good chance that this thing, used, is gonna be quite affordable. Click here to learn about it.

I’m gonna skip the details of the rest of the day because it’s about what you’d expect, plus my head is still killing me – and sitting here at the laptop isn’t helping. πŸ€•πŸ˜£ I’ve been in hermit mode all day, so I apologize if you’ve been trying to get ahold of me without any luck. It’s gonna be that way for the rest of the night, and probably into tomorrow. Today’s still the weekend, so it’s no big deal, but I’m expecting to handle some important phone calls tomorrow so I wanna seriously take it easy and try to feel better. 😟🀞🏻

Well, I’ve Got The Extra Hour

Body’s tired and feeling a little beat up, but my brain isn’t ready to go to sleep I guess. It’s a little after 2am on Sunday morning… πŸ€” Oh, wait a minute… πŸ˜… no it’s not. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Just looked down at my phone to see the exact time – and hooray for “fall back” tonight, eh? Still being awake at 1am doesn’t feel nearly as bad as still being awake at 2am. 😏 Heh… it’s just that typical thing that happens after vacation. In this case the vacation came to me, but you know what I mean – you get the nice distraction from reality for a while, then when vacation is over and things have to go back to normal, it just takes a little while to adjust. 😟

It’s silly, but because I don’t generally do a heck of a lot with my time… I mean, when it comes to going out and doing things… so when Gen was here, even if I wasn’t necessarily part of all of the plans for the day, I still felt like I was “doing something” with my day. πŸ™‚Β It’s just been a while since I’ve had to coordinate a few of my days with anyone else, whether that coordinating involved me doing something or involved me avoiding it instead. πŸ˜… Granted, my lack of “doing stuff” is usually because I’m either hurting or wanting to avoid hurting… but with the right company, I don’t mind it quite as much for a couple of days. But yeah, Sunday… Monday… πŸ€” they’ll probably be a couple of “nothing” days so I can regenerate from the visit and get my thoughts back on track when it comes to the stuff I want or need to do. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

On Friday she woke up early to do something with friends in Logan, but then once she got back here we went out and picked up Bri and Bryson to go in town for a bit. Stopped off at Walmart, and as we were all checking out (and this happens more than you’d think) the cashier lady mistook me for Bryson’s dad. 😁 I was standing behind the cart, entertaining him so he wouldn’t fuss until we left, but when I moved to the front of the line to pay for my stuff – he started crying… and cashier lady said “Aww, see he wants his daddy.” 😏 I just played along, joking that she was right and that Bryson wasn’t a mama’s boy. It actually caught me off guard this time though, ‘cuz I wasn’t shaved, and I’m pretty sure I was lookin’ my actual age… 😊 but it’s still amusing.

That evening Gen made plans to meet with Toni, Matt, and Anna for dinner, but I just didn’t have the oomph for it… and that was before I found out Wendi and her Matt were there as well. 😯 I kinda felt bad for dipping out, but I just didn’t have that couple hours of “social” in me that late. (I did appreciate her bringing a cheeseburger and fries home for me right before midnight though.)Β Despite needing to get up stupid early the next day, she wasn’t sleepy yet due to all the socializing so we squeezed in another episode of Doctor Who before she hit the sack. πŸ€“πŸ“ΊπŸ‘±πŸ»β€β™€οΈ That made four episodes since she got here – which should be enough to either hook her, or to know that it’s not her kinda thing. 😏 I always try to convert people.

Saturday morning… she was up and out shortly after the crack of dawn, on her way to some horseback riding near Moonville with a friend, and not only did I not wake up when she left – but I didn’t even fully wake up until noon. 😐 There’s a chatty cat that comes to visit (outside) and tries to play on my emotions as it’s getting colder around here, so I agreed with her suggestion of making a little “kitty house” out of a big ol’Β Rubbermaid tub from the basement – so that was my mini-project for the afternoon. Time was starting to get tight though, so rather than fussing with the mailboxes or the bags of gravel, we decided to go out and visit Dad for a bit before it started to get dark. πŸ™‚ OutsideKitty had vanished by then though, but that’s good… gives me a little more time to finish up the tub and find some suitable soft stuff to use as the base for when I put it out on the back porch for him. πŸ˜ΊπŸ™„

Dad seemed like he felt better today. Like half the people I know though, he’s been fighting a shitty cough and “bleh” feeling, but it’s either starting to get better or our visit was just a nice distraction from thinking about it. 😁 Unfortunately we couldn’t stay there too long, ‘cuz I had to get Genesee up to Columbus (to Chad and Shannon’s place) and try to get back home before it was dark dark. 😳 Sounds like an “old person thing” but I just prefer to not drive at night with these “backup pair of a backup pair” glasses that I’m currently stuck with. πŸ˜• I can cheat during the daytime with my Rx shades that are one prescription “more current” at least.

But yeah, as quickly as she arrived, she’s now up there and will be heading home in a few hours. 😟 (So glad that Chad can help with getting her to the airport at 4am today. Oy.) She was busy nearly the entire time she was in town, not including the house downtime for watching Doctor Who, looking at old pics/vids, etc… but I definitely envy the way she was able to tackle her self-imposed schedule. 😊 I suppose it’s easier when it’s stuff that a person actually wants to do… but she can wake up and be out the door, ready to go, in minutes – while I need an hour just to wake up enough to decide that I’m about ready to wake up. πŸ˜‹Β (Actually, it’s more about letting the morning meds kick in, so I can at least partially function like a human being…) But it was nice to see that even with the limited time here, she still managed to do most of the stuff that she planned.

You Snooze, You Lose

Well, that was a shit show. 🀨 They said they would put out the little machine to “take a number” at noon, for walk-in appointments that would start at 1pm, but yeah… that’s an idea that I’m sure looks better on paper than it does in practice. 😠 In reality, it might as well have been a scene from a general admission concert, as everyone gathers and waits for the gates to open up.

I showed up at about 11:45am yesterday and was gonna wait in my car until noon, when everyone would be able to pick a number… but the whole damn waiting area was already full of people, with even more riffraff waddling in as I parked my car and watched. πŸ™„ My mistake, of course, was assuming that the humans would conduct themselves with composure and courtesy. Hell, I dunno, maybe all of those people were deathly ill and in desperate need of attention… but cripes, did I mention it was a shit show?

Everyone looked pissed off. 😐 And the people… my gosh… it was like the perfect sampling of stereotypical “Lancaster people.” πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ My favorite was the obese lady, wearing black yoga pants, suede boots with fur on the top, a too-tight black t-shirt with holes in it, yanking her toddler along with her as she was shouting at him about something. 😟 I couldn’t have internally cringed any harder. Second place went to the young guy with dirty sagging jeans, sideways flat-bill cap, standing outside smoking and yelling into his phone.

Needless to say, I didn’t go in and take a number. 😏 The office… I’m sure there isn’t much they can do, since it’s obviously a crowd of assholes who could give two shits about whatever the rules of order are – but there’s gotta be a better way to do it. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ First thing would be not letting people inside before noon, so that they were literally pressed up against the glass of the doors. Shit… have people form a line outside, then when the number machine is set out they can grab one and go in. Heh… and when they did start giving out numbers yesterday, I can just imagine the arguments among everyone inside, who all probably said that they were there first. 🀬

Okay… I could go on… but yeah, that ended my plans early yesterday, and I’ve taken today off so that I don’t burn out from all the people-ing I’ve done over the past several days, and so I can get back at it tomorrow – with more research over the weekend if I can’t make any progress.

EDIT: I suppose all those assholes were once in my shoes, watching the BS go down…

“Wake Up, Case 1485729-4”

Fell asleep around dawn and then was awoken by a phone call from one of my attorneys a few hours later. πŸ˜’ We’ve got quite a bit of outstanding issues right now, and after the long weekend I could almost feel this call coming… so much so that I didn’t turn my ringer off, since I did need to talk to him.

This entry might as well be titled “What Else Is Wrong?” since, in part, it’s essentially going to be a sequel to my most recent post. As you may or may not know, I try to keep my online presence as free as possible from a) bitching about my pain/disability, and b) talking about specifics of my workers comp case. Partially out of pride, partially because nobody really wants to hear about it anyway.

I’m not sure I even remember what I used to be like before all of this dominated my life. I know it’s not pleasant now, to put it extremely mildly, and I know it’s a constant pain in the ass… so even though it’s hard to remember, I do miss the time when my life was my own and I wasn’t being led by the nose through by doctor visits, IC hearings, physical disability, medication requirements, mental stress, pharmacy policies, insurance companies, and now actual an actual court case. 😞

I’m just frustrated because we’re less than two months away from the court stuff starting and so far the settlement stuff is going nowhere. πŸ˜• Their side will submit their brief to the court, my side will have a few weeks to reply, and then it starts getting serious. The court will likely want to depose any doctors that have seen or treated me, on both sides, which means I’d have to hope that I could essentially “rent” my doctor for half a day to give testimony – which would be ridiculously expensive. 😣 (Not to mention ridiculously annoying since he’s already submitted report, after report, after report, in writing.)

So my attorney is going to find out how much they’ve paid each year, on average, for my treatment and medication – and then tomorrow or the next day, when I go to the pharmacy to pick up this month’s meds, I’m going to have them print out what the “out of pocket” cost would be for each medication if I was paying for them with no insurance at all. πŸ€“ With those figures we’ll again try to come up with what we believe is a fair settlement, and then they’ll have to decide if the continuing costs of fighting me are worth it – rather than just settling this and making me go away.

I’m just worried that we won’t be able to get this done before the date of the first hearing. I’m sure it’ll be (us) “Here’s our offer.” followed by (them) “Well, that’s nice, but this is what we’re willing to pay.” followed by (us) “C’mon, get out of here… we need at least (this much)” and then (them) “We’re gonna have to think on this.” with (us) “Well we’re gonna have to think on this too.” Heh… so I don’t know what the odds are of avoiding this court case at this point, but I’d think they are slim.