C’est la vie

Well, I suppose it was bound to happen one of these days, considering the amount of appointments and other obligations that I’ve got… but this morning I completely blew past my scheduled appointment with the psychiatrist. 😬 It was scheduled at 9am, so I knew it was gonna be a struggle, but I really thought I’d be fine. I mean, I haven’t missed any of my other stupid-early appointments… but I didn’t manage to fall asleep until after 4am, so meh… whatever, I guess. πŸ˜’

I shouldn’t look at it this way, but when I’m keeping up with all of the other stuff I need to be keeping up with, waiting a little bit longer to bring in the doctor that provides the happy pills… yeah, I guess I’m just not that worried about that. 😡 And I know, mental health is probably as important as physical health, but hey… I’ve got the counselor now, and I’ve already got that next appointment scheduled, so that’ll have to be good enough for the time being.

The two offices are related though, so I’m not sure if ghosting the pharmaceutical shrink will have any affect when I go to the talky shrink. 😐 I’ll give ’em a call on Monday and make nice and see what they say. I did make it to the dentist though a few hours later, so I can report that maintenance on the lower part of my mouf is now finished and those teefs are about as good as they’re gonna get. πŸ‘©πŸ»β€βš•οΈπŸ‘πŸ» The permanent crowd actually feels really natural, although I’ve been afraid to look too closely in the mirror in case it looks wonky.

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Unrelated to Adulting

Okay, now that I’ve got all that other shit out of my brain for the moment… now I can write about the other stuff from the past week or so. Let me start off by talking about a new toy that I couldn’t resist. 😊 It was only $80 shipped, which isn’t too bad… and considerably less than what the original (with disk drive) would have cost new. It’s called The C64 Mini, and while it’s not an official Commodore product, it’s essentially an entire C64 emulated on a teeny board, in a teeny replica of the original “breadbin” style Commodore 64.Β πŸ˜ƒ And before you ask, no… the keyboard doesn’t actually work… but you can plug a USB keyboard into it and use it as an actual computer – and the company intends to come out with a full-sized, completely working replica soon. 😁

I’ve yet to even power the thing on, because I’m waiting for a spell when I’ll be able to do nothing but mess with the thing… which will include upgrading the firmware to allow me to load any program from a flash drive, and loading it up with all of my favorites from when I was a kid. It does have 64 licensed games built in, but most people are like me and get it so they’ll have the closest thing to an actual C64 – but with HDMI output – for the best looking Commodore 8-bit computer ever. 😊

I suppose everyone has a “thing” from their generation that they loved when they were younger, and therefore want to have again once they’re old. 😏 Classic video games and Commodore computing are definitely my thing, the same way that HAM radio is Dad’s thing… and like me, he’s still got a few toys as well that he plays with to this day.Β πŸ€“ I’m even learning how to take a C64 disk image, open it on a Windows 10 laptop, add or remove C64 programs as I see fit, and then export the new C64 disk image for use on this thing. 😯 That’s how it is with me though… give me something I’m genuinely passionate about, and my brain will start absorbing everything that it needs to know about it.

Okay, gotta keep this entry short-ish. 🀨 Maven is almost completely done with her home-grooming, which means my bathroom and living room carpet areΒ covered with poofed hair for now. 😟 I’m lucky that she’s so cooperative though. In fact, for the most part she loves the process. Bri came for a visit right before Halloween, not only to hang out (she drew the face on the pumpkin and I carved it upΒ πŸŽƒπŸ˜) but to also distract from her mom’s deteriorating health. She’s actually had a couple of good days, so it was nice to see her have a little more energy. However, my friend Greg, his mother passed away this past week. 😒 She was having a rough time, so it’s one of those deals where you’re almost relieved.

Cassi came down to spend the night on one of her days off. Her life is so hectic, between all of the hours that she’s been putting in lately and then having her, her mom, and her (very opinionated) 17 year-old sister all there at her house, making noise at each other. 😏 So coming here, even if half of her time is spent sleeping… it really is like a teeny mental vacation for her.Β πŸ™‚ Plus she helped me out with some chores, including the whole de-flea-ing process with the sprays and the carpet powder, etc. (Plus the most important and helpful thing… getting Maven to swallow that damn Capstar flea killin’ pill.)

As we sat in the living room watching the new “Charmed” show, we also each had our notebooks and were fastidiously jotting down the things that we intend to work on in the next few days. It’s strange how just having her here “working” in the same way that I was, how it helps to settle my brain and let me get down to business without getting as easily distracted by Twitter, Facebook, or YouTube. 😡

So there ya go… just so you don’t think my entire existence is grumping and bitching. 😐 There’s always some good sprinkled in there – and even when it isn’t “good” in general, I’m thankful that I have the right kind of friends to help me through those times, and vice versa.Β πŸ™‚Β Okay, carry on…

Abundance Of Caution

We’re down to about a week-and-a-half before my surgery. 😳 And let me tell you, I’ve been dealing with some serious anxiety issues since the beginning of this past week – and I’m finding it hard to shake. πŸ˜₯ I’m right on the edge, always, and the slightest thing will push me over into labored breathing, chest pains, dizziness, etc. 😟 So while it might make me “difficult” in some people’s minds between now and my surgery, I’ve got to do whatever it takes to keep my anxiety levels low, or at least unchanged if I’m still managing to hang on to being okay.

It’s kind of embarrassing, but I honestly need to keep myself in a mental health bubble for the next 10 days. πŸ˜’ I don’t want anything to happen that will risk me not being able to have the surgery when scheduled, and going to the ER for a panic attack with severe chest pains probably wouldn’t help that cause. πŸ˜• Now, I am gonna tell the doctors and surgeon everything that I’ve experienced up to that point, before I go in, because I absolutely want them to know… but yeah, right now is not the time for me to deal with anything that I don’t absolutely need to deal with.

Cassi helped with that over the past couple of days. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ I went and got her on Thursday after she got off work, because she had two days off in a row and wanted to spend them here with me. ☺ We never figured out how to make our “couple” relationship work, but boy are we good at being each other’s “person” in times of need. And it’s because neither of us need much… just the distraction from our respective lives that’s somehow provided by just being in each other’s presence.

As for what we did over those two days… there’s really not much to talk about. We just plop down in the living room, turn on Grey’s Anatomy on Netflix, and just sit with each other and watch, talk, eat mac and cheese… heh… just “normal” stuff that doesn’t add to the anxiety. The only times it got a little rough for both of us was when one of the episodes would be about thyroids or cancer and the results. Probably shouldn’t have watched those particular episodes, but it’s also good to think about everything realistically, all of the potential outcomes – and letting myself cry a little bit and be scared with her… it was much better than doing that same thing by myself. πŸ™‚

So yeah, the last couple of days were really nice, and really needed… and today, well, I’m calling it “a day off” since I don’t intend to do much (if any) communicating with anyone, and instead focus on things that I just personally need to do before it’s time for my surgery. 😊 The doctors and surgeon haven’t give me any reason to worry about the surgery. None. But you know how it is… you still wanna kinda get things in order, just to give yourself that peace of mind. And doing that sorta thing makes me feel better… makes me feel productive, which is something I always aim for.

Mood is good… I’m hangin’ in there.

The Predator In The Predator

Another day, another celebrity scandal. This time it is with the movie “The Predator” and the director, Shane Black. It seems that Shane hired a friend of his for a bit part, one in which he was acting with only Olivia Munn, and that friend is actually a registered sex offender. πŸ˜• The crime was an incident several years ago where he was sending sexually inappropriate things to a minor via email. For this he was charged, convicted, and did time in jail. The worst part is that Black didn’t inform the other actors in the movie, to give them a chance to say whether they would or would not work with someone on the sex offender registry.

So Olivia Munn did what most anyone would do when they found out, including contacting the studio to express her anger about being kept in the dark and pushing for her scene with this man to be removed from the movie before it was released. πŸ‘πŸ» They didn’t respond immediately, likely talking with the editors and figuring out how they could do it without affecting the movie – but what she wanted ended up happeningΒ and the scene was cut. Even if you think that people who have “served their time” deserve another shot at what they want to do for a career, it’s hard to argue that the way the director kept this information from Munn and the others wasn’t wrong.

At that point you’d think the matter would have been considered settled, or at least placed on pause while the actors do promotion for the movie, which is due to be released in the next week or two. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ But despite the studio having her back and altering the movie, it appears that Munn is still mad – because she’s continuing to talk about the incident in multiple interviews. 🀨 Her co-stars have been with her for a few of them, and some of them have put out statements obviously condemning sexual predators and supporting Munn… but those same co-stars are now being attacked by the predictable social justice mob because they’re allegedly not supportive of Olivia Munn. πŸ™„

They’re all men, and of course they’re now being called every name in the book. Think about it. πŸ€” They’re actors hired for a movie, they did their part, they are proud of their work, and they want to do these media events to hype their movie as intended. The director, completely beyond the actors’ control or knowledge, hired a sex offender, so now they’ve all been dropped into the lion’s den when it comes to people waiting for and expecting a reaction or statement.

As other celebrities have learned, and as these actors are learning now – there’s no correct answer you can give when it comes to something like this. 😠 Even if you stand on the table and scream how much you hate sex offenders and can’t believe the director would hire one, there’s still gonna be a huge group of folks who will attack you for not giving reformed criminals a second chance. You bigot.

So, since Munn decided that she was going to continue talking about the controversy at whatever press appearances she had for the movie, the rest of the cast decided that they would not be joining her. Probably because they didn’t see the point in attending movie hype interviews where they couldn’t hype their movie. Also, like I said, Munn’s original problem/complaint had been solved, so it isn’t as if she is actively fighting for something that requires her co-stars’ support. And that’s what they’re being attacked for… for not supporting Munn as she rehashes her original complaint. πŸ˜’ She has every right to complain about whatever she wants, but why should the rest of the cast feel obligated to follow her around and nod their heads in agreement, when they had as much to do with hiring the guy as Olivia Munn did? (ie: none)

Most of the negative things that I’ve read regarding Munn aren’t talking about how she wanted (and got) the scene cut where she unknowingly acted opposite a sexual predator. People generally understand that. What people don’t understand is why she’s handling this in a way that seems designed to torpedo the success of this movie. She’s still upset at the director, even going so far as to not accept his public apology, and is now trying to damage him and the studio financially. 😐 Hear me out…

Munn’s original complaint was legit. Her request for the scene to be removed was reasonable, and the director and studio obliged and did just that. Now, during the press events, she could have done the traditional interviews, focusing on the film, with the other actors there as well, also focusing on the movie… but that’s not what she’s doing. She has chosen to go on at length about that controversy, which is her right – but if her co-stars don’t want to take on that burden as well, you can’t blame them. Especially when she’s doing everything in a way that tarnishes the movie, surrounds it in drama, and likely reduces its potential for success. Those co-stars worked just as hard as she did, so you could understand them being upset at how she’s doing this.

And the thing is, I’m all for her making her point. If she wants to make people aware that Hollywood still has icky directors and icky producers that hire icky people, then she has a perfect example here and she should run with it… but not days before the movie that they all worked so hard on opens. πŸ˜’ The director and studio fixed the immediate problem, so there is nothing further she needs to “fight for” regarding this particular movie – so she should get out there and do the traditional promotional press that actors and actresses are expected to do. No harm would have come from waiting. It wouldn’t be the first time that someone had to bite their tongue and support a movie that they weren’t particularly proud of, but she has chosen to make it “a thing” right now, when it will hurt everyone the most.

So that’s what I think people are complaining about. That she’s taking an issue that was resolved, and now she’s amplifying it in interviews and on social media in a way that’s harmful to the movie, the director, the other actors, etc. She could have still promoted the movie, or even not done interviews if that’s what she’d prefer, and just waited for the movie to get through its first few weeks where the most of its money will be made. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ The facts wouldn’t change, the issue would still be there, and she would still have plenty of media outlets that would be happy to hear her out, just as social media would do. In fact, that would earn her more respect – having stood up for herself during the shoot, gotten the studio to make changes, went out and gritted her teeth and supported the movie and her co-stars, and then she could have blasted out the “behind the scenes / yeah, but you didn’t know…” for everyone to see, hear, or read – and likely agree with.

I’m not sure why Olivia Munn, making statements on the issue, requires all of her co-stars to be there with her or somehow “support her” more than they already have. What more does she need “support” with? She’s a strong woman and she’s doing fine alerting everyone to what happened on her own. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Her co-stars just didn’t feel like getting wrapped up in drama, so the SJW mob has written them off as monsters, just as bad as the RSO, just as bad as the director, just as bad as the studio. πŸ˜’ And the ones that are reaffirming their support for her… they’re still being attacked as being too late, too disingenuous, too lacking, etc. The same way that Munn won’t accept Black’s apology, the SJW mob will not accept anything supportive that her co-stars say. They want her co-stars to offer those sentiments, but only so they can attack them for it. 😠

A whole slew of people who want to be mad about something, like spiders waiting for a vibration in their web – and then when they get it they won’t let go. πŸ˜” It feels too good to them. Every single co-star of hers could come forward with a genuine, heartfelt show of support – even if they’ve already shown support before it got as big as it is now – and the mob would still swarm on them, wrap them up in their webs, and suck the life out of them for as long as possible. 😏 Miserable people who only feel good by making other people miserable, whether they truly deserve it or not. 😟 And, sadly, they believe their outbursts, attacks, and twitter rants actually do something to improve the thing that they’re upset about. “I’M FURIOUS. I’M MAKING A DIFFERENCE. I’M A GOOD PERSON.”Β πŸ™‡πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ


Wow… heh… this was way longer than I expected it to be. πŸ˜… I never really know until the words start pouring out of my brain and through my fingers, how long some of these impassioned rants will be. It really helps with my anxiety right now, as well as keeping my brain focused on “other stuff” and distracted from the stuff around here… 😳 so just know that when I pop off with some seemingly random posts like this now and then, there’s probably more than the obvious reason behind it. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜

Just Keep Swimming

I’d say I’m at about 80% with my walking right now. 😐 I’ve still got a couple more appointments with Dr Taulbee, then what I’m hoping is my final visit at his office with a physical therapist to complete my evaluation and give me some “homework” to keep things moving in the right direction. Blood panels came back okay, so whatever caused the swelling around my spine is apparently gone. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I dunno… I’ve got so much medical shit going on right now, my brain is kinda refusing to care about or retain the details as long as things are “normal” as they say. πŸ˜’

I had to postpone my monthly WC doctor appointment so I could get in at the new dentist yesterday, where I’m getting ready to start catching up on everything that I’ve neglected for many years now. 😬 I’ve had a filling here and there, and one toof pulled, but we’re actually setting up a plan to take care of everything that needs attention now, before it gets too late. 😳 It’s going to be three different big-ish appointments, where they are gonna focus on one quarter of my mouf at a time. The only toof that’s gonna have to go (at least as it stands right now) is my left lower wisdom, which has chipped and needed to come out anyway. They think everything else should be okay with a bit of fiddlin’ and updating.

I’ve literally had some sort of appointment or testing done every other day for the past three weeks, and it’s basically gonna be the same for at least another two. 😯 It’s my own fault… one, for not keeping up on things I should have kept up on over the years, and two, because I decided to jump back in and start getting everything back up to date all at once. 🀨 When I started scheduling things, having my back suddenly go fucked wasn’t part of the equation, but I suppose if it was gonna happen it might as well be when I’m in “Alright, let’s do this.” mode with the rest of it. Thank gawd that I’ve got both the time and finances to be able to do this though… I know a lot of people aren’t as fortunate in both of those areas.

The only thing I’m kinda nervous about is my upcoming appointment with the ENT, since my PCP referred me to him so that he can order a biopsy on my thyroid. πŸ˜₯ The ultrasound confirmed that it’s a “complex” mass (aka the bad kind) and that it has grown since it was first spotted during an MRI of my spinal fusion site. 😟 So, that’s not great news, but I’m doing my best to put it all out of my mind. Whether it’s my regular doctor, my WC doctor, the chiropractor, the dentist, or this guy… until I get whatever “news” it is that they have to give me, my brain has put up a firewall. Like Nope. Not interested in bouncing this around until we actually know something.” or whatever… 😏

And hey, if they say I’m dying at least I won’t have to blow all that money at the dentist, amiright? πŸ˜„

Hard To Accept

With a lot of stuff going on in my life, I kinda extracted myself from social media and real life friends for the better part of three months now… but after seeing Dez, it convinced me to get back on and start talking to my friends again. I’m just not anxious to figure out how to explain my absence, since it’s a combination of health problems, mental problems… you know… stuff that people always assume other people won’t really understand.

One of the first people that I checked in on was one of my friends who was just starting to go to his doctor for possible cancer related symptoms the last time we spoke. I talked to him today and he confirmed that it’s indeed cancer, and that it’s so bad they’re not trying to cure it. 😒 So he’s terminal, and the chemo is just to give him as much time as possible. He says it could be a couple of years, or it could be a couple of months. 😳 One of those deals where the doctors can’t be much more certain than that. 😞 It’s hard to know what to say to someone when you hear that kind of news.

I also checked in on my buddy Rick, from school, and it looks like his fight against hairy cell leukemia is still going strong. I haven’t spoken to him, but I see he’s posted pics from chemo treatments as well as something regarding bone marrow… so it’s good to see that he’s still got the required fight in him. πŸ‹πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ’ͺ🏻 There’s one more friend that I need to check in on like that, but she’s currently enjoying vacation time with her awesome boyfriend… and the last thing I wanna do is poop on the good mood by asking about her cancer status. 😬

Oh, the video above… it’s just one of my typical Hyperlapse videos, but shot out the side window instead of the windshield. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I don’t know what it is about the movement of the clouds that feels so peaceful. It makes me feel so small, and the beauty of the world feel so big. ☺ I’m hoping that I can get past all of the stuff that’s keeping me down right now, so I can get out and do some video or photos or something somewhere… watching the clouds churn makes me wanna be out among them.

Churning

I’m getting closer with my daytime settings. I’m getting a good smoothness out of the video, but there are still hints of jitter when it comes to the change between frames where the sun is out and when it isn’t, not to mention what appears to be actual physical movement in the camera or lens or something. Not exactly sure what’s going on with that. I like the look of this afternoon’s clouds though…

EDIT: Created a YouTube stabilized version that looks a little better, replaced the original below.