Yesterday was rough. 😐 I woke up and hit the road shortly after dawn, because I wanted to allow myself plenty of time to compete with rush hour traffic heading towards Columbus. I just wanted to get up there early enough so that I could spend a while with Cassi and Lily before we had to head to the vet’s office. 😞 Once we were there, I couldn’t make myself stay in the room when the time came – but thankfully Cassi was strong enough to stay in there with Lily through all of it. As I sat out in the car waiting for her, I found what I felt was the best way to think about it…
Cassi loves Lily and didn’t want her to go, obviously, but she knew that for Lily’s sake – that’s what needed to happen. And Lily… I like to think that Lily didn’t want to go, but only because she didn’t want her adoptive mommy (and the other kitties in the house) to be sad and miss her. 😢 But Lily herself, I’m sure that if she would have been able to say it, she’d have said that it was time to go. Thinking about it in human terms… as all of us approach our final years, there’s a pretty good chance that we ourselves will go through days, weeks, or maybe even months where we’d probably like to ask God to go ahead take us – due to the discomfort that often comes with that old age. 👴🏻😟
We were sniffling and sobbing all the way back to the apartment, and she was telling me even more little stories about Lily and some of the other cats that I hadn’t heard before… kind of a rolling “wake” of good kitty memories. 🙂😸 Of course I couldn’t help but start thinking about Maven’s age, wondering how I’m going to be able to face it once that day comes for her… but luckily I’ve got both Cassi and Genesee who said they’re willing (and want) to be there. I wish I could have made myself stay in the room for Cassi, but she understood – and actually said that she never expected me to. 🤨 She basically said it in a way to let me know that she stayed in the room not only for Lily, but also so that I didn’t have to.
Might as well bang out a quick blog entry since I can’t sleep. (It’s going on 5am now… yay) Yesterday was productive. Went to Logan again to check on some banking stuff, stopped by my attorney’s office to drop off more paperwork, and then I was finally able to close the account associated with the estate. All debts have been paid, checks for the final disbursement have cleared, and that’s about all she wrote.
All that’s left now is for Steve to gather the final receipts and a couple other things, then he can go ahead and handle the closing hearing for me here in a few weeks. Please please please I hope nothing goes wrong between now and then. 🙏 Heh… y’all have no idea how happy I am that this is finally wrapping up. Well, maybe you do… but yeah, it’s been a long time comin’.
That’s the important stuff from yesterday anyway. I might try to make another entry later today when I wake up… gonna try to start keeping the blog a little more balanced if I can. Serious stuff here, frivolous stuff there. Depressing stuff one day, as-happy-as-I-can-muster stuff the next. That sorta thing. Meh… it always sounds good in theory, but in all honesty my writing takes on a life of its own – and whatever comes out of me comes out of me. 🤷♂️
Okay, we’re approaching 24hrs awake, so I’m crossing my fingers and hitting the sack.
I’m writing this particular entry at 6:00a because yesterday kicked my ass, and I ended up falling asleep around 8:00p last night… which, honestly, I don’t even remember happening. 😏 I guess that serves as proof (?) of how I have a limited battery when it comes to certain types of activities.
Yesterday afternoon was my appointment with the estate attorney, which I hope will be one of the last times that I have to see him. He was nice as usual, and it seemed that his lack of focus on my particular needs was based more on his full plate rather than anything intentional. I’m not excusing it, the way my calls went unanswered, but I’ve made my share of mistakes or slight delays in the process as well, so it just is what it is.
Everything is going to wind down now, finally, and with the exception of a little paperwork and an appearance before the court (for Steve, not me) there’s not much else that I’m likely going to have to do. I only have to wait a few days to make sure the figures that I’ve got are kosher, and then that’ll pretty much be that.
But yesterday… heh… I thought I was gonna be able to go in there and wrap things up in like ten minutes, but of course things are never that simple when lawyers and courts are involved. 🙄 I didn’t think I’d have to bring all of the shit I’ve compiled over the past year and a half, so I had to also run over to the bank, run back home for some stuff, and then back there to drop off the remaining paperwork. A little more work at home, preparing some paperwork and stuff I have to mail out, and *ploop* … I was out. 😳😴
Heh… I was a bit stressed last night when I was making those last couple of posts, but I’m feeling better after getting a decent amount of sleep and then just chilling for the better part of the day today. Unpacked the food and my clothes from the trip, along with a couple folders of paperwork that I took and worked on during the evenings until I fell asleep… so I wasn’t completely worthless today. 😏
So all of those goodies are installed and waiting for me, should I ever find the time to sit and just dick around on the laptop. 🤔 I think I might also look for something that can help me create some sort of stereoscopic shit as well, while I wait for my replacement 360 cam to get here next month. Oh, and I’ve also been playing around with long exposure and higher frame rate time-lapse videos to get some light-streaking effects.
It’s been a pretty bleh weekend so far. Had trouble sleeping during the week, getting 3-5 hours on average each day/night, then on Friday night I slept for 16 hours. 😳 Sounds great in theory, but then I ended up staying awake until almost dawn today… and to top it off, I was gifted with horrible, horrible nightmares. 😞 Not “boogeyman” type dreams, but more of the “family-based” variety. So I woke up a bit after 12p today with the energy of a boiled potato.
But yesterday, even though I had enough sleep where I could have done it, I just couldn’t make myself go to the Sweet Corn Festival to do the traditional “walkin’ around” with Jim and other friends. The cool weather and constant drizzle didn’t help, but I just didn’t have it in me anyway – so maybe the crap weather was a blessing. 😒
I’m probably going to drop even further off the radar today than I usually am, so I can hopefully shake off the crappy residual feeling from my dreams by watching the NASCAR double-header… and by possibly doing some random chores around the house during the commercial breaks. 🤔 It would be nice to start the week a little bit ahead of the game, especially since I never know how my sleep will go anymore.
For the record, there were some good moments over the past several days, and I’ll probably get around to mentioning them at some point… but now is not that time.
I only got about three hours of sleep this afternoon before my brain decided that it was time to wake up and “do something” unspecified. 😒 It’s the weekend though, so for the most part I’ve been able to avoid feeling obligated to be too productive… and instead I’ve just been sitting here with the laptop and the new Roku (free w/DirecTV Now sign-up) hooked to the living room TV, downloading a crapload of channels/apps.
The DirecTV Now service currently doesn’t have a DVR function. So that means that if I want to watch any specific show, I need to have my ass planted in front of the television at the time that the show is actually airing otherwise I’ll miss it. 😳 A novel concept, right? Watching a program when it’s scheduled to be broadcast… heh
But that’s also why I’m doing all of the channel/app acquisition that I’m doing right now… because many of these individual network channels for the Roku are loaded with “on demand” programs or shows that have just recently aired. Not quite as good as a DVR, since only certain networks offer Roku channels that work with the DirecTV Now subscriber information, but it’s an acceptable substitute – at least until they get the whole “cloud DVR” thing figured out and released to the masses.
Now I have to cross my fingers and hope that once I’ve selected and activated all of these channels on the main TV, that the TV in the bedroom will sync with that information and automatically download and install all of the same channels on its own.
I’ve been basically worthless this week. I’m fortunate that nothing really required my attention, but that also made the prospect of being a potato far too easy. Not exactly sure what got me this time, other than the normal combination of things that I sometimes can’t process in a way that isn’t self-destructive.
One friend’s father died just the other day
Another friend’s mom has cancer that’s no longer responding to treatment
Another friend… she was just given a 50/50 chance of making it another year
And then a buddy of mine from school has leukemia and isn’t doing great.
People dying, friends struggling, so many folks I know that are deeply unhappy… and I wasn’t able to avoid absorbing too much of the feelings that go along with the knowledge of all of these things, combined with everything I already carry. A couple friends wanted to do something on the weekend, but despite kinda wanting to get out and do something as well – depression won, and I stayed in.