After Much Thought / Research

Before I get on to today’s topic, figured I’d follow up the last post with another dream that I had last night. Not gonna bore you with the entire contents, but the method of near-death last night was bubble gum. ๐Ÿคจ Not sure why I was chewing gum in the first place, but I had put too many pieces in my mouth when I began to chew… and then on top of that, it began expanding in my mouth and down into my throat like spray-foam insulation. ๐Ÿ˜ณ The kind that comes out of the can as a gooey spray but expands and hardens into a solid mass. I was barely able to dig it out of my mouth with my index finger, allowing myself to get a breath again.

But over the holiday weekend I was browsing the area gun shops online, and I found one place in Newark that said they had a carbon / black SCCY CPX-2 in stock, in store – so I crossed my fingers, placed the order, and waited for the call to let me know I could pick it up. Now, with affordable / popular caliber guns and ammo being sold out almost everywhere right now, I wasn’t gonna hold my breath that the sale would go through until I had it in my hands – but they called Tuesday afternoon to let me know I could grab it whenever. ๐Ÿ˜Š

And yeah, I do already have a .380 acp with one box of ammo, but not only is that caliber even harder to find right now, but it’s always been more expensive. So when I came across a deal on 9mm rounds, I went ahead and grabbed them with the intention of getting rid of the 380 and buying a new 9mm… whether in pistol form or the interesting Hi-Point TS995 carbine. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ It just so happened the handgun was the first to become available in the area, and the d00d at the shop even said it was the only one they had gotten in that particular shipment. ๐Ÿ˜‹ Guess I checked at just the right time.

Folks are saying that gun owners should have multiples, in varying calibers, so you have a better chance of finding at least some rounds that will fit one of your guns… but for my purposes, as long as I have enough to get in some decent practice with this new one, and then enough left over to where it feels like it’s “enough” for any bad news that might show up at my house, that’s good enough for me. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ And since the CPX-2 is compact, double action only, internal hammer, with a long, heavy trigger pull – should I ever decide to get my concealed permit, this one is much more suited for it than the other one I’ve got.

I wasn’t even sure I was gonna do anything when I woke up yesterday, but then I decided that I had enough energy to go visit some friends in Columbus. ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป But after a short time there I got the call, leading to me driving back home, then up to Newark to grab the gun and some extras, followed by taking “the scenic route” back home. I figured I may as well check out the familiar sights (from back when we lived in that area) since I had to be out anyway. I’m not gonna get into my twitchiness again right now, but for me… going from “home alone” day after day, to dealing with traffic, humans, extra aches and pains from all the driving and moving around – I was pretty whupped by time I got home and settled in. ๐Ÿ˜ My brain was still happy and kinda wired though (from the events of the day) which contributed to my 4a sack-out time. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ž

Another of my friends stopped by in the early evening, having some time to kill before she had to pick up her kid from band practice, so I met her in the driveway to chit chat and show her my new goodies. ๐Ÿ˜ Her hubby has a couple of long guns, but they are both interested in getting a pistol… so in the same day that I got my new one, I also got a solid backup as to where my old one might be going soon. ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

I know that guns can tend to make some people nervous, but obviously none of us are looking for trouble just because we own them. (Although we certainly want to be prepared if trouble comes looking for us.) And with my left shoulder being screwy due to my injury / surgery from years ago, it’s not even like target shooting would be fun. If anything, having a physical handicap is even more reason that a person might want to have a gun as extra protection. ๐Ÿ˜ณ But I need to put in some practice time and make sure I’m confident with how everything will go, not only with the gun – but with the way my shoulder will react to firing it. But with it being pretty much even money once I get rid of my old one, I’m happy with how things went yesterday. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’ve Got Too Much *clap clap* Time On My Hay-unds

I’ll do this and that on any given day, but overall, my life feels like it has been on pause for a long time now. ๐Ÿ˜” Three big things are much of the reason behind it. Getting diagnosed with thyroid cancer two years back and then surgery to have that removed, my workers comp situation that’s been going on for well over a decade, and then waiting while my lawyers try to hammer out an agreement for the medical portion of my WC claim. ๐Ÿ˜ So, technically, it’s guess it’s just two “big” things that have me on pause. ๐Ÿค”

I mean, like everyone else, I’ve got a billion other little bitty tiny things that will pop up and add to the stress or anxiety whenever they feel like it, but it’s those things mentioned above that feel like they’ve put the brakes on “who I was” the most. ๐Ÿ˜• This entry isn’t about getting into the finer details of how or why… even though it’s relatively obvious, at least on the face value things, how it would make life different for anybody if they had to deal with them as well.

I’ve got a “checkup” ultrasound scan that I’m supposed to schedule sometime around the end of spring / beginning of summer, and I’m not super excited for that. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ My yearly check up last fall, which included a second dose of radiation and a gamma scan, went fine… in so far that there wasn’t anything to be immediately worried about. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ But of course with something like this it’ll take a few return trips before anyone’s gonna be so bold as to declare me cancer free… and it’s hard not to be anxious about your future with that just floating out there. (It is a good sign that I’m only getting an ultrasound vs the whole other shpeal.)

And then the workers comp stuff, which (considering the above) should feel smaller than it does… but it’s another thing that’s been hanging over my head for what feels like forever, and as some of you may know – it has a way of being a thorn in my side almost every month, so it’s something that once it’s “solved” that month – I immediately start thinking about next month and what dumb shit I’ll have to deal with then. It’s just another “always there” thing. ๐Ÿ˜  It’s a shame what a pain in the ass it all is, considering how great my doctor is. And it’s been the same d00d for all this time… ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m lucky, there.

Even though I probably won’t, I could say that I’m gonna start tomorrow… trying to change whatever it is that needs to be changed in order for me to feel like I’m restarting things. ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Granted, not the best time, given the stay-at-home stuff goin’ on… but still, I’m gonna at least give it a little more of a shot. Tomorrow, the next day, the day after that… while allowing myself to have days where it’s just not working, but without letting those days totally sink the idea of getting myself headed in the right direction. ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™‚

I gotta get out of this trap, where just because I know that some big shit is gonna go down soon regarding my WC settlement talks, it ends up causing me to waste most of my days as I sit there just waiting and wondering when “the next thing” is gonna happen. ๐Ÿ˜’ I miss so much of each day because my brain is looking too far ahead, fearing the worst. I suppose that applies to both of the examples that I mentioned in the first paragraph.

It’s not that I’m feeling sorry for myself or anything like that. I look around, I watch the news, I read the articles, and I know that I’m extremely lucky compared to a whole bunch of people. That’s all the more reason that I need to figure out how to stop being so affected by my stuff in the way that I am. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ˜” Meh… so yeah, this has been bouncing around in my head all day… figured I better put it in print so someone can remind me about this post and rightfully wag their finger at me if it seems I’m not doing what I said. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

Vร‚N SCOTT: Die Young

After having my thyroid removed because of cancer, having the follow-up radiation and scans… and nobody willing to give me an “all clear” after all of it – just more check-ups and scans in the near future, it gets my brain in a weird place sometimes. In times like that, this song really speaks to me…

I’m still optimistic and hopeful when it comes to my recovery, but it’s always there in the back of my head… not getting the “all clear” really sucks. But I think they’ll be able to catch it if it returns, since most of the affected tissue is already gone. So I’m not predicting an early expiration date, but sometimes I wonder…