“Feels Like 109”

I had only been checking the upcoming weather for rain, thinking about my grass… but this evening I got an alert on my phone, advising about the extreme heat warning that will be in effect until Saturday evening for basically all of Ohio. 😳 I’m pretty sure I haven’t mentioned this, but I’ve already had two “spells” where I was outside for a relatively short time (but in the heat) where I got lightheaded and woozy enough that I knew it was time to get my ass back inside. 😬🤢

So it was strange when I saw that alert. Something where (up until recently) normally I’d just grumble to myself and move on, but when I read that the heat index could reach 109 degrees it actually made me anxious enough that I momentarily got butterflies in my stomach. 😕 Heh… I know that sounds stupid, but heat regulation is an issue for me right now, and seeing that number… I mean, holy shit. 😯😥 NBC4’s weather people are already talking about the “cool down” next week… but they’re still talking about low-to-mid 80s. 🙄😒 It feels like this miserable weather is never gonna end.

Thank God that me and most folks I know have AC, but there are folks that I know who only have fans… and it does cause me to have concern for them. Places are giving away fans, the power companies talking about preparing for extra load on the system, various buildings will be operating as “cool centers” for people… 😟 so I suppose all of the “scary” talk, combined with how I feel, is probably making me worry for those other folks more than I maybe need to. 🤷🏻‍♂️😕 But yeah, next couple of days are gonna be rough.

Everybody, please try to keep as cool as you can… stay safe…

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Checking Off Boxes

Typical “workers comp, beginning of the month, get my scripts filled” day today. Three different calls to the pharmacy, issues with my information in the computer, problems with certain ones not being approved… same bullshit as usual, except due to the incorrect information in their system I even had to stop in myself, with receipts and printouts and crap from last month. The folks that work there are great. It’s never the people there that I have a problem with… and after my visit we think everything is now updated, correct, and in process of being authorized – so maybe sometime today I’ll actually be able to pick them up.

I had to be out today anyway, so stopping in to get all this stuff sorted out wasn’t a big deal. I mean, I actually feel kinda bad for them – with how much of a pain in the ass “my case” is for them each month. It makes me wonder if any pharmacies have ever decided that certain customers’ situations were just too much work, too many calls, and too big of a PITA – and just told them to take their business elsewhere. ‘Cuz I can see how they could feel that way about me, if they weren’t such understanding and helpful folks.

But at my other stops, along with having several vials of blood drawn, we’ve started getting a lot more things set in stone. I’ve now got dates (if not exact times, yet) for the next blood draw, the administration of the radiation dose, how long I’ll need to stay away from people (which included rearranging another unrelated doctor appointment), when the full scan at FMC will be, and then the followup with my main thyroid doctor after all of the results are back and interpreted.

It’s surreal… how this is such a “big deal mind fuck” thing for me as I’m going through it, yet I’m just one of many. There are enough people needing this kind of treatment that once a week, every week, it’s radioactive “dosing day” for thyroid patients at FMC. But for whatever reason, even as you’re out in town, seeing other people doing whatever… it’s easy to feel like you’re the only person going through this shit, while actually we probably pass by people each day who are going through the same thing or worse. Working in nuclear medicine, giving the doses… I can see how that job could start feeling pretty heavy after a short while.

Woozy & Wobbly

Got my few hours of sleep, spent another hour just trying to get up and get moving so I could head in town… but then I stepped outside, and I don’t know if it was the heat or lack of sleep or what, but I instantly felt woozy and a little dizzy. 🤢 So despite my aversion to making phone calls, I gritted my teefs and phoned up the doctor’s office rather than driving all the way in there, not feeling the greatest.

Left a message a while ago, letting them know that I needed to get the next scan scheduled, to also reschedule my followup appointment with them after that, and also that I’d need to know when / and for how long I’ll need to stop taking my thyroid meds – and if I’ll need to make the same temporary but drastic changes to my diet like I did last time. 😕

A few hours later… still no call back. 🙂🤷🏻‍♂️ And that actually makes me feel better. I guess it makes me feel like my condition isn’t as “Shit, we need to hurry up… call him back right away.” as I sometimes think it is. 😏 So yeah, just waiting for word either today or Monday, and of course once I get all the details I’ll be sharing most of them here. Hoping that I can make something good of the weekend in the mean time.

Pass The Baton / Kick The Can

I didn’t do my bills last night, but I’m doing them now. 😒 They’re enough of a pain in the ass that I think I deserve an intermission, so I figured I’d jump over here and drop a few paragraphs. I knocked out the easy ones… gas, electric, internet, etc… but all of the fun medical related ones are starting to come in, and I want to pay closer attention as they nickel and dime me. 🤨 Mostly just to make sure that they don’t nickel and dime me over the same test, scan, procedure, or person twice.

My appointment today? Well, I guess it was okay. 🤷🏻‍♂️ He said that the pathology reports on the tissue removed during my surgery was exactly what the pre-surgery biopsy had suggested, and that it’s the most common and most treatable type of thyroid cancer. 😐 Bleh… I don’t like using that word, so don’t expect to see it get used much here. 😷 So, it was a good follow-up, with the labs at least not coming back with something scarier than already thought. And I really pushed him for his true opinion. I told him not to bullshit me, and asked him if he had any “gasp” moments during the surgery.

Like I told him, before I was able to get workers comp to pay for my C5-C7 fusion surgery, I had to get an MRI done – with several doctors and medical assistant folks looking at the results, which showed some pretty severe damage. 🧐 And each one that did look at it… it gave them a “gasp” moment. 😧

Where even a trained medical professional was like Wow. 😳 or Damn. 😯 or Holy shit. 😱

I explained how that helped me in that previous situation, as it got everything approved and moving much more quickly… but that a “gasp” moment now isn’t something that I was hoping for, but that I still wanted him to tell me if it happened to him while he was digging around inside my neck. 😐 His reply seemed genuine (as usual) when he said that nothing was any more concerning to him once he was in there than when he was anticipating how it would look and how it would go. 👍🏻

He explained that there was inflammation, but no more than he was expecting. He said that nothing gave him any kind of pause, that the surgery went as well as he could have hoped for, and that I don’t need to worry so much at this point. (Easier said than done, pal… 😏) I’m getting more blood drawn tomorrow, and he’s referring me to an endocrinologist in the same building that will hopefully help get my screwed up levels straightened out, as well as likely doing (or scheduling) this marker/radiation pill deal  – which will hopefully be a one time thing followed by close monitoring. 🤞🏻

I figure I’ll save the questions about if/when I’ll have to see an oncologist, although I’m guessing that’s gonna be the doctor that would be doing the marker/radiation pill deal that I just mentioned, now that I think about it. 🤔 It’s a little frustrating to be handed off from specialist to specialist, but better to have a whole bunch of different eyes on the situation than just one d00d who might not know what he’s doing, right?

So today’s follow-up… I’ll take it as a positive outcome. 🙂 Didn’t really learn anything new, but learning that the labs confirmed what the initial tests suggested, and nothing worse… that’s sure better than the alternative. Also, having the whole “Don’t BS me, doc.” conversation, with the way he replied… it did actually make me feel a little more comfortable with the whole thing in my head. And so it goes…

But It’ll Be Fun

Feeling pretty miserable today. 😞 Christina’s cancer fund-raiser is this evening, but I just can’t make myself go. They’re doing it as a “bar crawl” since she used to be a bartender, and therefore has a ton of friends/acquaintances that would be likely to come out in that fashion… but me, with my twitchy social anxiety and introversion, it’s just not my scene anymore.

I feel bad, because I’d really like to be able to go and show my support, but there’s not really anything that I can do about it. I sent a message to Chelsea a bit ago, explaining why I wouldn’t be there, and I think she’ll understand for the most part. The shirts they had made for the event… it marks the third “cancer support” t-shirt that I’ve bought this summer in regards to a friend who’s fighting that battle, and that’s three shirts too many. (And that’s only my cancer-fightin’ friends who are doing that sort of fund raising.)

But like I told her, I’m not doing very good at accepting “bad” these days, and when there’s an option of being reminded of that “bad” vs. hopefully just being able to avoid the thought of that “bad” altogether and acting like it’s not real… heh… well, I think you know which option my brain chooses for me. I mean, I know they’re gonna have fun and that it will be hopeful, goofy, optimistic, etc… but right now everything just feels too heavy and I can’t be there. (And yet here I am, still feeling “bleh” about it since my brain won’t let me go. 😒 It can be frustrating being me sometimes.)