Spring Birds

I noticed yesterday evening that my “spring birds” are starting to return to the big pine tree again. I’d say that it’s been five years in a row now that they’ve chosen that tree as the place where they spend their nights. 😊 They haven’t reached their full numbers yet, but I think that I still might try to do a time-lapse of them all landing tonight. Not sure if it’ll be that good, but it will at least serve as a test in case I wanna do another / better one once the tree fills up. It makes a person wonder how and why they chose this tree, and how they know or remember to return to it in the spring. πŸ€”

Had a really hard time falling to sleep last night. It was after 2am, and my anxiety levels were at their lowest point for the day… so I kinda hated to “give that up” by going to sleep. πŸ˜• Days are more anxious than usual, for obvious reasons, so once you’ve reached those early morning hours it just feels nice that you “made it” through the day, everything feels like it has calmed down, and the chance for any unexpected BS popping up feels a whole lot less.

Meh… that’s all I’ve really got at the moment… πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ™‚ So, no rambling… unusual, eh?

Pretty Good Evening

Forced myself out of the house for the second half of the day. Had a bit of normal running (grocery/bank/etc) to do, but for a change I also hit some thrift stores while I was out. πŸ™‚ Helped to calm my nerves as I was out among the humans, as well as keep my thoughts free of any of the “bleh” I’ve been dealing with lately.

Found an OSU shirt for me, along with a couple of big bowls for salads or cereal or whatever, and then saw a white poofy coat with a fur-lined hood and “sparkle” along the seams / pockets – so I grabbed that for Cassi, since I knew she’d have liked it if she was there. 😊 I also found something for Genesee. With her being a Snoopy fan / collector, I went ahead and grabbed this giant Pez dispenser with a Snoopy head. 😳😯 Figured it would make good decoration for a shelf somewhere if nothin’ else. 😁

Stopped by and saw Dad on the way home, and ended up staying there longer than I thought I would. He had the Roku fired up so I was able to introduce him to Daily Dose of Internet and the benefits of the YouTube app. πŸ€“πŸ‘πŸ» I only recently discovered that channel myself, but we ended up watching an hour-long compilation followed by the better part of an hour-and-a-half one that followed. πŸ˜… It was nice though… and like I said to him, there’s all kinds of awful stuff we could have been watching or talking about, but these little videos just kinda “take you away” from everything in the real world while you’re watching. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜Œ

It’s funny… as I was getting up to leave, Dad mentioned something about the WC stuff, and I had actually totally forgotten about it at the time. πŸ™„πŸ˜„ But I did wanna update him on everything that was going on, so I’m glad he reminded me. It’s a lot to take in all at one, but I think I got him up to speed, and he’s on the same page as me when it comes to what seems fair and what doesn’t. 🀨😏 It worked out good though, being able to get all the info across without accidentally having spent the entire visit talking about it.

Not What I Planned

Yup, like I said, last night was fun, but I’ll be paying for it today. Thinking that this would be a lazy Sunday, I made the mistake of pushing a bunch of things from last week off until today. I’ve gotta handle my mail, work on a bunch of stuff regarding my upcoming IC hearing, listen to my voice mails and deal with whatever those require, plus I’ve gotta call the pharmacy to continue trying to get my current prescriptions filled…. and that’s all gonna be a lot harder now with a frozen neck.

Of course because of the physical aspect, but also because it’s particularly stressful to be coordinating my fight against workers comp and struggling to get my meds filled while I’m experiencing the exact thing that they’re fighting me over. It’s emotional stress that makes the physical stress worse, which makes the emotional stress worse, ad infinitum… the ouroboros of my disability. 😞

When that cycle starts it’s hard to escape. That’s why I worry so much about things like my planned concert trip later this year. Yesterday, my only concern with meeting up with my friends was that I might be too tired to do it, but then my shoulder shows up too, goes nuts, and now today is screwed. If I make just the smallest misstep, things can go downhill so quickly.

So I’m gonna wait a little longer for the morning meds to kick in, then I’ll start slowly tackling this stuff. But ugh… cringing about what else the mail might contain, cringing about what the voice mails might say, cringing about yet another hearing that will determine the quality of my life for the indefinite future… it would just be nice if I felt like I had some control of where my life is heading.

It’s probably partially my fault for not dealing with stuff as it showed up, but again I made the mistake of thinking that because I felt okay on those particular days that I’d feel okay today when I planned to deal with everything. Meh… I have very little control over how this will all turn out, so I might as well just power through it as best as I can and then give it up to God. And yeah… this counts as a negative post.

Above and Beyond

Lemme take back a couple of the things I said in my most recent entry. 😏 I figured that Cassi (et al) would be completely wrapped up in everything surrounding their move, and that I probably wouldn’t hear from them or see them until it was all over, since she knows I can’t really help with anything heavier than a couple of pounds, plus I didn’t wanna absorb any stress if “stress” was the vibe of the day. πŸ˜πŸ€” Well…

I ended up going up there today to provide some help after all. πŸ™„πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ Not much stress, and nothing strenuous… but Steven had to work during most of the day today, and with no car at the house – that left Cassi feeling (correctly) like it would be a precious day wasted if they weren’t able to continue moving stuff over to the new place. πŸ˜• And considering the deadline, I definitely agreed.

Since I honestly had nothing planned (well, other than lying around the house, enjoying a total day off 😏) and since I can relate to the feeling of wanting to “get shit done” but having something outside of your control stopping you, I couldn’t really say no when she asked. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Yeah, it ended up totally sucking the air out of my day off, but that would be a lame reason to not help a friend in need. πŸ™„ (Moving sucks. Especially the older we all get, the more stuff we all accumulate… yeah, it just sucks.)

I don’t know if the Soul would have been better equipped, size-wise, for the trips back and forth that we made, but we still ended up getting quite a bit of stuff over to the new place. πŸ™‚ Lots of little bitty things and boxes, since that was the easiest stuff… then once Steven got home he was gonna recruit some relatives to continue the work with the bigger stuff tonight and tomorrow. πŸ˜ŽπŸ‘πŸ» But yeah, still better to have moved the shit that we did, rather than having that time completely wasted.

And while I’m glad to have gotten back home, kicked off my shoes, and gave the kitty some attention since she was excited to see me… 😌 in the back of my head I’m thinking about all of the work that they’re still gonna have to do tonight and tomorrow. 😟 I don’t blame them for wanting out of that shitty neighborhood, but I also don’t envy them for all the aches and pains they’re gonna have once the job is done. 😳

Giveth Taketh

Found out late last night that one of my friends has become unexpectedly unemployed. He was actually working at one place, but had been tentatively hired at another place, so he put in his two weeks notice… only for the job to fall through due to unforeseen circumstances. 😟 He’s already been putting in applications at other places, including companies where he used to work, but in different locations… so hopefully this will just be a small blip – and that his wife’s check will get them by until he gets things back on track.

And apparently it happened on the same day that I posted about my other friend’s boyfriend getting hired on as an assistant manager with a buttload of hours. So maybe I didn’t “knock on wood” correctly. It’s like snapping with the Infinity Gauntlet, or howΒ The Monkey PawΒ works… where things can work out, but maybe not exactly as you expected. I was concentrating on not jinxing them, but didn’t consider that a different friend could be having exactly the opposite experience. πŸ˜• I mean, I know I didn’t jinx him, but the irony of talking about it when I posted about it isn’t lost on me.

And I know I had some funky dreams last night, because I actually woke up because of them a couple different times… but I can’t remember the details. πŸ˜’ Woke up still thinking about his situation though, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the dreams had something to do with all that. I’ve gotta implement a “winding down” period before I go to bed each night, where I avoid caffeine, avoiding worrying about the next day’s stuff, and where I avoid allowing myself to absorb crappy news right before I sack out.

A Taste Of What’s To Come

We got our first hint of winter today. Well, at least where I was. It may not have been the same here at home, but up on the north side of Columbus it was a couple hours of rain, sleet, and snow.Β Nothing was sticking, but it was sure making the driving unpleasant. πŸ˜• But Cassi recently cracked a toof 😣 and this particular dentist was the only one that could get her in anytime soon. Having experienced that myself, I couldn’t let her miss that appointment and just “deal with it” until whenever the next chance would have been.

My tire pressure light came on during the drive up there, so rather than waiting in the parking lot until she got done, I went to the closest gas station to air up my tires. Then to the next closest one… and the next closest one after that… 😠 I had to go to four different places before I found one with a working air machine. To be honest, it’s probably time to get some new shoes for my car anyway – since two of my tires have predictable, slow leaks, and the tread is getting worn enough where I at least think that I feel a difference when I’m driving on wet or otherwise slick roads. πŸ€¨πŸ€”

It was a couple weeks ago, right after it had rained, but I was taking a circular type exit ramp (at a normal speed) and I could feel her pushing just a little bit as I was taking the turn. It may have just been that another vehicle had put down some fluid that my car was reacting to, but at 60k miles… it’s probably better to be safe than sorry. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Especially since “snow or not” I’m still gonna have regular doctor appointments and workers comp crap that I won’t be able to avoid all through this winter, and I don’t wanna have to make each of those trips with my butt in a constant state of pucker. πŸ˜―πŸ˜…

But yeah, considering that all of this was unplanned, it wasn’t that bad of a day. They’re gonna need to do a root canal and crown on her damaged toof, but at least they were able to provide a temporary fix so she’s not miserable until then. 😟 But I’m gonna take my evening meds and try to sack out early tonight, ‘cuz I can still feel today’s drive in my shoulder – and I really don’t wanna wake up tomorrow morning feeling the same way.

Unexpectedly Chill Day

My earlier post from today was actually written last night and just scheduled to post this morning… because I was sleeping in, comfortably in my big ol’ recliner. 😊 I’ve had it for quite a while now, so it is starting to lose some of its poof, but it’s still almost perfect for sleeping in. Gawd… what an “old person” thing to say and admit to, but hey, if it works it works, right? 😏

And for better or worse, after that decent night of sleep and then waking up and getting moving around… I had one of those rare days where I didn’t feel compelled to do a damn thing. I often mentally paint myself into a corner, planning this or that, then being frustrated if I can’t or don’t get to it – but today was just a nice nothin’ type of day. (It’s amazing what a difference “not waking up in pain” can mean for any given day.)

I’m sure I’ll grab my phone this evening and catch up on messages and such, but for the most part I’ve just been trying to absorb some non-twitchy type news, and looking up various other random shit on the laptop. πŸ€“πŸ’» Local news, weather stuff, SpaceX stuff, concerts over the next few months, looking up apartments out of curiosity, getting caught in the YouTube rabbit hole of course… just random fluff like that.

Every now and then I check all the mapping sites to see if there have been any updates, and I noticed that Google Earth’s imagery of Millersport sure makes it look like they filled in their public pool with dirt – with a large building or house being built right next to it. 😧 Might have to see if I can get a closer look in person. It’s sad though… I mean, I didn’t go there a lot as a kid, but I remember that it was one of the few things that could bring out what seemed like half of the town on those hot hot days. And that’s saying something, considering the two beaches that Buckeye Lake still had at that time. (Not only is “Sandy Beach” not a beach anymore, but they un-island’d the island that was right off the shore there. Weird.)

I hope the weather for this weekend is close to how it was today. Yeah, it’s not like I spent much time out in it… but it’s nice to open the doors again to let the breeze blow some stink out of the house, without sweating balls a half hour later. For today, I’ve been quite fine just watching the pretty sky and clouds blow past, either from out of my living room window or via one of the many security cameras that let me peek at various angles around the house.Β  β˜οΈΒ Β πŸŒžΒ Β πŸ“ΉπŸ§

The day did have some purpose though. Back’s definitely feeling better than yesterday, didn’t wanna accidentally blow all my energy trying to do something today that can wait until next week, plus I’ve got an early doctor appointment tomorrow that I had forgotten about… so today just felt like the right day to take it a little more easy than usual. πŸ™‚ Oops, there I go again… worrying about justifying it to myself or whatever. πŸ™„πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ Heh… change takes time… and that’s okay.