Oh? How So?

Went to my mandated WC evaluation today. ๐Ÿ˜’ Similar to what I’ve been through before, but different. He doesn’t read the medical reports of any of the people he will be seeing until after he talks to them. He also goes over all of people’s current medical conditions, even ones not under the “allowed conditions” of the claim. He said it was his job to evaluate all of the meds and how they may interact with each other, good or bad. ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ I’m not sure why WC would want him to do that, and I’ll admit that it kept me trying to figure out which angles he might possibly consider using to “get me” like other doctors have tried before. ๐Ÿคจ

He was an older guy, and was like 90% friendly and fine, with the last 10% feeling like there was “something else” behind it. ๐Ÿค” I just know that it’s in both of our interests to be friendly, cooperative… just “how a person should act” with any other person. So in general, it was honestly fine. He repeated it a few times, and he stuck to it – saying that he wouldn’t ask me to do anything that would hurt. Now, they all say that, but in order to effectively demonstrate the “broken” – the side effect is that it usually requires additional pain.

He had me list all of the meds I’m currently taking, regardless of which doctor prescribed it. But with each one, he did want to know why it was being prescribed to me… which also seems reasonable. When we got to the meds that my shrink is currently prescribing, and what he has prescribed in the past and is possibly considering in the future… I explained that it’s really only the current two that seem beneficial to me, and that I didn’t care to try a bunch of new med combinations while dealing with thyroid / cancer issues, that I’ve experienced bad side effects, etc. ๐Ÿ˜ ย Just continuing the story like I had been…

Somewhere around that point he says, “I think you’re trying to be clever.”ย  ๐Ÿ˜’ย  Umm… excuse me???

My inner voice immediately shouted “And what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean exactly?” because it definitely felt like a random shitty comment that didn’t have any place in the current conversation. ๐Ÿ˜  I was truthfully answering all the shit he was asking, so I don’t know what made him say that. But whatever other question he asked as he said that, I answered it – but in the same breath followed it up with “…and what do you mean, I’m being clever. ๐Ÿ˜ ย Strongly encouraging him to elaborate. (Thank you, brain, for allowing an on-the-fly, split-second, non-“fuck”-containing translation from thought to words.)

He questioned why my shrink would be prescribing this or that script (the same way I questioned it) so I don’t know if he thought I was making excuses or what… but I explained, “People look at doctors as an authority figure. I try to trust my doctors. So when my primary care says I should give counseling a try, I did. When the counselor suggested that I give the ‘pill shrink’ a try, I did. But when he started or wanted to prescribe me things that didn’t seem to fit with any symptoms I was having, I made the choice to not take them. Or if I did try one that I thought could help, I tried to wait out the side effects and wasn’t able to.”

Keep in mind… none of this has anything to do with my workers comp claim. And when someone is happily cooperating and truthfully volunteering their entire current medical history, that’s not when a doctor should reply with something that sounds like a vague negative accusation of something. ๐Ÿ˜• And for what it’s worth, I am clever… heh… but that’s neither here nor there. Thankfully that ended up being the only really out-of-place thing that he said, as he moved on to taking various measurements.

Ended up being there for an hour and a half. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธย Rehashing how the original injury happened for the umpteenth time, talking about the tests, PT, and treatment before and after the surgery… everything that’s already in my file… but whatever, if that’s how he wants to gain the info. And about my knee hurting, my neck / shoulder slowly getting worse, he asked if there was something specific that happened to cause them to hurt more… which is a fair question… so it felt like “No, there’s wasn’t anything that happened to trigger it, but I wish I knew.” wasn’t a helpful answer to him, and definitely not a helpful answer for my case. But that’s how shit works sometimes, and he (and everyone else) knows that… injury / surgery sites will get worse over time, and sometimes knees and backs are fine one day and fucked the next. No inciting incident required.

I didn’t let his “clever” comment change how I answered or did anything, but it did change my mood about the whole thing and made my nausea instantly worse. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Reminded me that this is just part of the game where everyone smiles, does what they’re supposed to, and then goes their own way – likely to never encounter each other again. But like I said, compared to others, he was fine. Unless he ends up writing a shitty report that screws me over – because I truly didn’t get the feeling that he had any problems with my current WC-related treatment. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ (But if that does happen, and I have to see him again, that’s when he mayย actually get to see me “thinking that I’m clever” – because at that point, why not?) ๐Ÿ˜ Guess I’ll know how this visit went a few weeks from now, when I randomly check the mail and find another Industrial Commission Hearing notice. ๐Ÿ™„

It’s just starting to feel like it’s about time for more of that nonsense.

One After Another

Saw my back / knee doctor, and thankfully I was able to replicate all of the various movements that I can’t do without pain. He seemed pleased that he couldn’t hear any grinding, and the way he did a few significantly different things in a row that caused the same kind of pain… I think he has a guess about what’s going on in there, but can’t really be sure until he at least gets a look at some x-rays.

So I hobbled downstairs from that visit, and all the way to the opposite side of the building, only to discover that the lab in the building was having a problem with their x-ray machine and were sending everyone over to the already-crowded one by Target. Almost just drove my ass home, but forced myself over there to wait and just get them done on the same day. The sooner I get ’em done, the sooner we get further into what’s causing this problem. He did warn me though, that x-rays generally won’t show the stuff that a DO really wants to see, and there’s a good chance (if the problem persists) that I’ll have to do some physical therapy before insurance would authorize an MRI, if needed. Yay.

And then my stomach has been in knots all day, knowing that my involuntary workers comp appointment is coming up tomorrow. I just know how these things go, and that usually shortly after this type of doctor appointment, that’s when the medication refusals get worse, followed by industrial commission hearings, etc. You can’t know how it feels to have a disability with daily pain – and knowing that there’s a controlling entity out there that is doing everything they can to reduce the already minimal treatment you’re getting.

Going to bed early…

Wait, There’s More

The reason for the lack of sleep last night was because Genesee was coming to town for a funeral as well, and I knew I had to get sleep so I’d be able to be awake to puppy-sit for her the next day. ๐Ÿ˜ณ Which of course meant that the more that I tried to make myself go to sleep, the more it would just keep me awake. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much I want to do something, how hard I try… sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Luckily most people understand, rather than assuming that I don’t give a shit or wasn’t trying. But anyway…

It turns out it didn’t matter. Genesee was actually supposed to arrive yesterday, but her car broke down along the way and she had to get towed and stay at a motel overnight until someone could look at her car. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ When I went to sleep this morning it was late enough that they were actually working on it already, but when I woke up a few hours later she had sent a text saying that she was going back – not wanting to risk getting stranded nearly ten hours from home.

So, she got to have the same experience as me… totally wanting and trying to be there for her friend, to attend her brother’s funeral service – but with fate having other plans, causing it not to happen, which also made her feel like shit. But Tracie, just like Jim, understood that sometimes things don’t go how we’d like, despite it of course being a disappointment. I mean, I’m disappointed too… because if there’s ever been a time when I could use a pop-in visit from her, it would be now. ๐Ÿ˜”

Because Of Course

It’s been quite the rough patch, this past week or so here. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ I have to admit though, it’s times like these when I realize how fortunate I really am, that I’m not required to show up and human at a job anymore. But then again, it’s one of those things that I’ll never know… maybe if I hadn’t gotten hurt, maybe if I had continued working straight through from then until now, maybe I’d never have turned into whatever it is that I am now.

My best friend, his mom finally passed away from cancer. ๐Ÿ˜ข My anxiety and depression was already popping the day before her service, because I knew I had to be there. I mean, I wanted to be there, but that’s also what best friends are supposed to do. But wouldn’t you know it, that same night I had another effing kidney stone attack. ๐Ÿ˜ฃ So, anxiety, crippling kidney pain… I couldn’t even move, let alone go to a funeral service.

I felt horrible, and apologized several times. Thankfully he understands anxiety, so with that and a kidney stone on top of it, he totally understood and made sure I knew that I didn’t have to feel bad. He even drove by and dropped off a Funco Pop Elton John figure that he had gotten me at some point prior. ๐Ÿ™‚ I couldn’t even move to come to the door, but he knew that, and just left it on the porch for me anyway. It’s so nice when someone just “gets it” and doesn’t make you feel even worse.

It’s hard to describe to someone exactly how horrible a kidney stone feels… but I dealt with this one for a little bit over 24 hours this time. ๐Ÿคฎ I played the odds and hoped that I could just suffer my way through it like usual, and things would eventually work themselves out. Some of the longest hours I’ve ever experienced though… and I was this close to giving up and calling a squad, but that would mean crawling to the front door or having them break in to come and get me – neither of which were viable options, so I just played the hand as it was dealt. ๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

That was a few days ago, but I still haven’t gotten my sleep back on track. During, I was sleeping maybe a couple hours at a time at the most, and then last night I ended up staying awake until 9am, sleeping about three hours, and I’ve been up since then – and it’s nearly 11pm now. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Everything about right now sucks… I’m so fucking tired.

Adulting

Spent most of the day yesterday dealing with “responsibility” stuff, since the “work” portion of my week got squeezed down to two days… well, one day, if you take into consideration the day that I had to potato due to recovering from the trip. ๐Ÿ˜ So yeah, Friday was all about estate stuff, workers comp stuff, calls to those two different attorneys, as well as another quite unproductive call to the IRS. ๐Ÿ˜’

It seems the stuff regarding my workers comp claim is coming to a head, where I’ll either be going to common pleas court in Franklin county soon or I’ll be thinking harder about accepting a settlement. Those aren’t the only two options, but those are the ones that could provide some finality one way or the other. It’s amazing though, considering that I haven’t even been a squeaky wheel (other than not giving up on my case), that my former employer is actually taking The Industrial Commission of Ohio to court over my case – claiming that many of the rulings that they’ve made in my favor have actually been done incorrectly and against the IC’s and BWC’s own rules.

And then with my aunt’s estate, the only thing that’s holding us up right now is the IRS… waiting on her 2015/2016 tax returns to be processed. Well, 2016 actually went through without a hitch, but for some reason they flagged 2015 and are requiring an obscene amount of information before they will verify that I’m the person that is supposed to be handling this. ๐Ÿ˜  I can tell them anything they want to know about those two years’ returns, but no… they want individual bits of information off of individual earnings forms that were used to calculate her 2014 return. Oy…

I may have had that information at one point, but well over a year after this process started, those papers are long gone. I mean, if I saved every record and form that my aunt had saved I’d lose a room of my house. So yeah, my bad for tossing stuff like that which I never thought I’d need again, but damn… even when I told the lady that I could answer nearly any other question that they’d wanna ask me about anything since her death – she couldn’t/wouldn’t budge, since her job says they require “A, B, and C” to verify my identity, so I have to provide “A, B, and C.” ๐Ÿ˜’ So yeah, it’s a bit of a stalemate right now, but I’ve got an idea that I put to my estate lawyer in a message left on his phone.

So, another call to the IRS, another couple of calls to the estate lawyer, another call and conversation about court cases and settlement possibilities with one of my workers comp attorneys… for someone who experiences phone calls akin to the feeling that one gets while licking a 9v battery… yeah, it was a shit day. ๐Ÿ˜ And I didn’t even get to call the oral surgeon to discuss my two remaining wisdom teeth that need to be removed. Yeah, I’m whining a bit… heh… whatever.