I’d Like To Unsubscribe

Normally I’m appreciative of the fact that I dream almost every time I fall asleep, and that usually they are quite elaborate… sometimes taking place in the same setting, or “starring” the same people, as dreams I had since I was a kid. Every now and then I even am aware enough that I’m dreaming, that it gives me a slight influence over what happens during them. 🀨😯

Lately though, my brain seems determined to run through a laundry list of ways that I should die. 😟 It doesn’t get to the point where it actually happens, so I don’t know if that “means anything” when it comes to dream analysis, but the lead up to being startled awake is still pretty craptacular.

  • I was in an abandoned city, everything looked damaged by earthquakes, fire, random destruction… and I found a hotel that looked somewhat like the old Continental Motel we used to stay at in Atlantic City. A few stories tall, inner courtyard, all of the windows busted out and curtains blowing in the wind, everything covered with a layer of dust. I think I was just looking for a place to camp, but someone snuck up on me and fired two long chains with knives on the ends at me, both of which hit and went through both of my forearms. Once that happened, I was essentially attached to the chains, and the unseen person began dragging me along the walkway through the broken glass, down the stairs, and eventually over the guardrail and onto the ground below.
  • I was exploring the old house we used to live in out in the country, looking for Mom and Dad, late at night… opening the rear door and walking into the foyer, the doors slammed shut and all of the lights went out. I shouted to see if either of them could hear me, but no sound was coming from my mouth as the house began shaking and all the air was sucked out of it. I was thrown into the ceiling where I was stuck in place by some unseen force, unable to make it back to the door where I’d be able to breathe.
  • I was in another abandoned city, late evening, similar scene of destruction as if some sort of battle had gone through the area. I was moving along the outer side of a long brick building, trying to gather up my friends so we could get out of there. I found my friend Jim, but two patrol guards showed up and caught our other two unnamed friends and shot them. We began running away from the building and the guards, into a large field full of weeds, and the guards were firing on us the whole time. Jim got shot first, and was unable to walk, so I had to drag him along as bullets were whizzing by my head and striking the ground all around me. Eventually, even though we were probably 50 yards away, a bullet hit me in the lower back and I dropped to the ground, also unable to walk or get away.

Meh… there are more, but I know that dreams are only really interesting to the person that had them, since there’s no way to effectively convey the look and feeling of everything. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ˜ž I wish I was a better artist, because I’d love to sketch out a storyboard for any of these dreams that feel a little too real. Hell, I might try sometime… I actually had a thick dream journal once where I sometimes did sketches. πŸ€”

But it’s no wonder my sleep schedule is a nightmare, pun intended, since there’s no way to get a good amount of solid sleep when shit like that is filling my unconscious thoughts. 😣 So I’ve just been resorting to sleeping whenever my body decides it needs it. A couple hours at night, a couple hours early in the day, a couple hours in the evening… not as if I can really keep it steady like that though, obviously. πŸ˜’

It doesn’t bother me that much anymore, other than causing my interactions with people to take a hit due to my availability being so random, not to mention I have days like today where I’m just too exhausted to even look at my phone. 😡 But now it’s midnight, I did get a little more sleep, so now I’ve got enough energy to probably keep me up all night, for better or worse. πŸ™„ I guess I’ll finish up the laundry and see what other chores I can knock out… make myself useful while I can. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈπŸ‘πŸ»

Ugh, Why? (I’m bitching. Skip it.)

I got probably a grand total of about three hours sleep last night. 😠 They weren’t even nightmares that kept waking me up this time, but instead… I dunno, they were more just “annoyance” dreams. πŸ˜’

First one, I was asleep in my bedroom (which, of course, was what I was actually doing, making it feel even more real) and for some reason my Aunt Sharon was staying in the house with me. She said she needed to use the restroom, but she didn’t want to use the main one, and instead wanted to use the one in my room. I was able to convince her to use the one in the purple bedroom instead, but as she walked through there she tripped on the bed and fell over still and silent. 😳πŸ₯Ί The kind of dream that almost makes you wanna call and check on someone, if it wasn’t four o’clock in the damn morning… heh

The next four dreams were all short and rapid fire, and all of them were set with me being asleep in my bedroom again. First one woke me up because someone was knocking at my door. 😐 Next one was because someone was ringing the doorbell. (Which I don’t even have hooked up anymore.) The following one had people shouting my name outside of my bedroom windows. 😠 And then the last one started after I had already been woken up, but only to discover that my cat had somehow retrieved a 2-liter of Coke out of the fridge and spilled it all over the hardwood floor in my bedroom – and I walked through it with my socked feets. 😫 Yeah… just friggin’ annoying. (Gen said that she had a similar experience, so both our days started off sucky.)

Speaking of the cat… a few days ago Dad sent me over a bag of specialty kitty food, since Maven isn’t the spring chicken that she once was and he figured it was worth a shot. πŸ™‚πŸ˜Ί So sometime this weekend I’m gonna take a look at her little food and water area there in the kitchen and figure out if I wanna make any changes, or if I wanna try to give her this new food in a “special” way / place. (Versus just putting it there where her normal food usually is, which might confuse her and put her off to it.) But that’ll probably be a “tomorrow” thing, ‘cuz I’m still grumping pretty hard, internally, from all those stupid-ass dreams and the resulting lack of sleep. Meh… whatta ya’ gonna do though?

Blank Slate

With the way my past few days had gone, and then getting suckered in by that early evening nap yesterday, I sure didn’t expect to get a decent night of sleep last night anyway and then wake up feeling as good as I do. Keep in mind, it’s always “relatively speaking” when I talk about how I feel… but yup, not too tired, aches and pains aren’t too bad, and whatever ick I’ve been slowly fighting off seems like it may finally be gone.

It’s even fairly warm outside, so I’m gonna go ahead and open up the house to blow some stink out, and maybe do a little of this and that around the house as I watch the race. (Even though, honestly, I probably won’t even really be watching it. I’ve lost so much buzz for NASCAR over the past couple of years.)Β The only mandatory thing for the day is getting the mail opened and bills caught up, but I have a feeling that this will be the first day in a while where I’ll be able to be a little more productive than that without it taking some sort of toll on me. πŸ™‚ It feels silly to be kinda excited about that, but that speaks to how crappy I feel most days.

And when I was at Walgreens to pick up Dad’s prints the other day, I also went ahead and grabbed what will be a purpose-specific little notebook so I can continue to get my shit together. Sure, I could do it on my phone, but I’ve just been wanting a notebook where (all in one place) I can start listing out all my doctors, addresses, phone numbers, meds prescribed by each one, etc… and in another part I’ll do the same with my lawn guy, potential other handyman/repair/service/etc type people or companies. Just wanting to inject a little more order into my sometimes aimless life. Even if doing all that is almost just for a placebo effect, it’s gonna make my brain happier if I do this and then have all of that information right there at hand whenever I need it. πŸ€·πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

Meh… guess I should stop rambling and get to enjoyin’ the day, eh? 😏 It could be a one-off…Β  heh