Bedtime Ramble

Not sure what was trying to get me, but those two days of cool and rainy weather that I was looking forward to… I ended up feeling like crapย on those days. ๐Ÿคข I did dump that bag of dirt and grass seed the prior day and did up all my dishes that same night, and it did take a little more “oomph” out of me than I expected – but I think it’s because I was already getting sick,ย and not because of the little bit of work that I did. ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Regardless, it kinda sucked… but at least the rain was taking care of watering the grass seed, ‘cuz I ain’t gonna. ๐Ÿคจ Once it’s out there after its initial watering… you’re on your own, blue grass seed… if you’re counting on me to coddle you with things like water, think again. ๐Ÿ˜

But, as you may or may not be able to tell, I feltย pretty close to back to my normal today. Felt good enough to go have a nice visit with Dad, and when I got back home I found that the lawn guys had come and gone and also didn’t mess with the new dirt and seed. ๐Ÿ˜Œย (Even though they’re probably chuckling that I think the seed will actually grow into grass in the middle of October.) I’m glad I wasn’t here though. I still feel a little weird when someone else is doing the manual labor that I can’t do anymore, while I’m sitting inside like a potato.

But yeah, I’m just glad that I woke up today feeling decent since I had plans today that I didn’t wanna cancel, plans for tomorrow that are somewhat unavoidable, and then doctor appointments on Friday. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ I guess I shouldn’t count on my tomorrow and Friday though until they get here… probably gonna jinx myself. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

This is county fair week too, and right now I’m only half-convinced that I even wanna go. By Saturday I’ll have had “three days of stuff” in a row, and sometimes after that much “stuff” my energy / neck / shoulder aren’t as cooperative as I’d like. ๐Ÿ˜’ So it’s hard to definitely plan on a Saturday fair visit, especially considering that I’d like to avoid the sea of “weekend” humans that would also be turning up.

I actually haven’t checked to see if Jim is coming to town, but if I’m going by myself it would probably be to either take some pictures or to use the 360 video camera to get some footage to upload and share. ๐Ÿค“๐Ÿ“ท Both of those things are just better, in my opinion, when there’s less people around. Even among a fair crowd, walking around with a tiny 360 camera on a fully extended selfie-stick still isn’t veryย inconspicuous. And people staring slack-jawed and confused at the camera doesn’t make for great video.

And while it’s incredibly unlikely, there’s still a tiny corner of my brain that would love to shoot an early evening time-lapse / light trail type video of the entire fairgrounds from Mt Pleasant. ๐Ÿ˜Œ Ugh… I really wanna do that. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Anybody wanna piggy-back me up the hill? But then I wouldn’t get to walk around and see all the critters, play a few games, and eat something good-yet-disgusting that will have even odds of making me sick. ๐Ÿ˜… I think I’ll just see how the rest of the week goes, andย figure it out then.

It reminds me the of the irony of my favorite game there though. For as long as I’ve been going, the game where you try to ring the little canes has always been my favorite. Not for the shitty, weird colored cheap canes though… but for the “upper level” canes, which are actually “real” canes where you hook the curved part to win one. ๐Ÿคจ Nearly every year that I’ve gone, I’ve been able to come home with one of those canes. The irony part… back in the day, the cane would either go into my closet (to be forgotten) or I’d give it to Grandma B, Aunt Carol, or someone else who could actually make use of it. ๐Ÿ™‚ But now that I’m older and more broken, if / when I win a cane, it’s more like “Ahh, good, I can leave this one in the car for emergencies.” or “Kewl, now I can have one under the bed in case I wake up and my sciatic nerve is acting up.” ๐Ÿ˜

And, you know… (I absolutely don’t feel this way, but I can see where some politically correct folks might) the idea of handing out mobility aids, traditionally meant for temporarily or permanently disabled people, might actually offend one or two people in the state if they thought too hard about it. ๐Ÿ˜ It’s like “Throw three darts and break three yellow balloons and you win a skateboard… but if you throw three darts and break three of the tiny red balloons and you win an actual wheelchair!” ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿฆฝ๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ Again, I don’t feel that way… but I’m tempted to google now to see if anyone’s ever complained about this anywhere.

Okay, time for bed… early day tomorrow, and I wanna make sure I stay good with my sleep. I need all the encouragement that I can get, to make sure I’ll get through all of this stuff over the next several days. ๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป

Oh? How So?

Went to my mandated WC evaluation today. ๐Ÿ˜’ Similar to what I’ve been through before, but different. He doesn’t read the medical reports of any of the people he will be seeing until after he talks to them. He also goes over all of people’s current medical conditions, even ones not under the “allowed conditions” of the claim. He said it was his job to evaluate all of the meds and how they may interact with each other, good or bad. ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿปโ€โš•๏ธ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ I’m not sure why WC would want him to do that, and I’ll admit that it kept me trying to figure out which angles he might possibly consider using to “get me” like other doctors have tried before. ๐Ÿคจ

He was an older guy, and was like 90% friendly and fine, with the last 10% feeling like there was “something else” behind it. ๐Ÿค” I just know that it’s in both of our interests to be friendly, cooperative… just “how a person should act” with any other person. So in general, it was honestly fine. He repeated it a few times, and he stuck to it – saying that he wouldn’t ask me to do anything that would hurt. Now, they all say that, but in order to effectively demonstrate the “broken” – the side effect is that it usually requires additional pain.

He had me list all of the meds I’m currently taking, regardless of which doctor prescribed it. But with each one, he did want to know why it was being prescribed to me… which also seems reasonable. When we got to the meds that my shrink is currently prescribing, and what he has prescribed in the past and is possibly considering in the future… I explained that it’s really only the current two that seem beneficial to me, and that I didn’t care to try a bunch of new med combinations while dealing with thyroid / cancer issues, that I’ve experienced bad side effects, etc. ๐Ÿ˜ ย Just continuing the story like I had been…

Somewhere around that point he says, “I think you’re trying to be clever.”ย  ๐Ÿ˜’ย  Umm… excuse me???

My inner voice immediately shouted “And what the fuck is THAT supposed to mean exactly?” because it definitely felt like a random shitty comment that didn’t have any place in the current conversation. ๐Ÿ˜  I was truthfully answering all the shit he was asking, so I don’t know what made him say that. But whatever other question he asked as he said that, I answered it – but in the same breath followed it up with “…and what do you mean, I’m being clever. ๐Ÿ˜ ย Strongly encouraging him to elaborate. (Thank you, brain, for allowing an on-the-fly, split-second, non-“fuck”-containing translation from thought to words.)

He questioned why my shrink would be prescribing this or that script (the same way I questioned it) so I don’t know if he thought I was making excuses or what… but I explained, “People look at doctors as an authority figure. I try to trust my doctors. So when my primary care says I should give counseling a try, I did. When the counselor suggested that I give the ‘pill shrink’ a try, I did. But when he started or wanted to prescribe me things that didn’t seem to fit with any symptoms I was having, I made the choice to not take them. Or if I did try one that I thought could help, I tried to wait out the side effects and wasn’t able to.”

Keep in mind… none of this has anything to do with my workers comp claim. And when someone is happily cooperating and truthfully volunteering their entire current medical history, that’s not when a doctor should reply with something that sounds like a vague negative accusation of something. ๐Ÿ˜• And for what it’s worth, I am clever… heh… but that’s neither here nor there. Thankfully that ended up being the only really out-of-place thing that he said, as he moved on to taking various measurements.

Ended up being there for an hour and a half. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธย Rehashing how the original injury happened for the umpteenth time, talking about the tests, PT, and treatment before and after the surgery… everything that’s already in my file… but whatever, if that’s how he wants to gain the info. And about my knee hurting, my neck / shoulder slowly getting worse, he asked if there was something specific that happened to cause them to hurt more… which is a fair question… so it felt like “No, there’s wasn’t anything that happened to trigger it, but I wish I knew.” wasn’t a helpful answer to him, and definitely not a helpful answer for my case. But that’s how shit works sometimes, and he (and everyone else) knows that… injury / surgery sites will get worse over time, and sometimes knees and backs are fine one day and fucked the next. No inciting incident required.

I didn’t let his “clever” comment change how I answered or did anything, but it did change my mood about the whole thing and made my nausea instantly worse. ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ Reminded me that this is just part of the game where everyone smiles, does what they’re supposed to, and then goes their own way – likely to never encounter each other again. But like I said, compared to others, he was fine. Unless he ends up writing a shitty report that screws me over – because I truly didn’t get the feeling that he had any problems with my current WC-related treatment. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ (But if that does happen, and I have to see him again, that’s when he mayย actually get to see me “thinking that I’m clever” – because at that point, why not?) ๐Ÿ˜ Guess I’ll know how this visit went a few weeks from now, when I randomly check the mail and find another Industrial Commission Hearing notice. ๐Ÿ™„

It’s just starting to feel like it’s about time for more of that nonsense.

Something Like That

This heatwave that we’re currently going through… it’s a pretty good way to explain how I’ve been feeling over the past few days. Just go outside, walk around your property for about 15 minutes, then stand there a while… and that’s basically how I’ve been feeling each day all day. Again, not bitching, just trying to describe it in a way that people can understand.

Thankfully I’m almost half way through the process, so at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that I can look forward to. No matter what results I get, at least I can get back on my thyroid meds after the scan has been completed. It makes me feel bad for folks who have suffered with thyroid issues all of their lives, because the constant nausea, overheating, and dizziness… it’s no joke. Not thrilled that it has been made crystal clear that this will indeed be a medication that I’ll be taking for the rest of my life though.

I’m a cheap-ass, so I usually wouldn’t do this, but last night I turned the thermostat all the way down to 68 when I went to bed. I knew I’d be sleeping at least part way into the day and the house would heat up quickly, but despite it staying that cool in the house – I woke up early and completely drenched in sweat again. (Also… gross.) That’s why I mention how far along I am in the process… because if I didn’t know that there was an end to this, it would be some scary shit.

I’ve been drinking a lot more water, so the muscle spasms and dehydration hopefully won’t become an issue. It’s pretty shitty though, that the insurance industry has decided that this is an acceptable thing for patients to go through while preparing for their second radiation dosage. The alternative way, staying on your meds and just getting two injections before the scan… that costs several thousand dollars, so I guess you can’t blame them for trying to find somewhere to cut costs in what has likely been a very expensive surgery.

Again though, knowing that this is a temporary thing for me, it really makes me feel for those folks who don’t have insurance at all, and even for the people that do but have a chronic condition that still isn’t covered by their plan for whatever reason. As with most things like this, it’s something that we don’t think much about until it starts to affect us personally. So, yeah… still feeling super awful… and I feel like it’s continuing to slowly get worse, but I’ll be good as long I just keep reminding myself…

“It’s only temporary. It’s the lack of meds, not anything more scary. You’ll have more answers soon. Just (n) more days and this will all be over. Consider yourself blessed that you’ve made it this far. Plenty of other people have it worse than you, and it’s not temporary for them. Yeah, it sucks… but don’t be a pussy. It’s only temporary.” etc…

I’m trying to stay positive. I need to stay positive.

“Feels Like 109”

I had only been checking the upcoming weather for rain, thinking about my grass… but this evening I got an alert on my phone, advising about the extreme heat warning that will be in effect until Saturday evening for basically all of Ohio. ๐Ÿ˜ณ I’m pretty sure I haven’t mentioned this, but I’ve already had two “spells” where I was outside for a relatively short time (but in the heat) where I got lightheaded and woozy enough that I knew it was time to get my ass back inside. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿคข

So it was strange when I saw that alert. Something whereย (up until recently)ย normally I’d just grumble to myself and move on, but when I read that the heat index could reach 109 degrees it actually made me anxious enough that I momentarily got butterflies in my stomach. ๐Ÿ˜• Heh… I know that sounds stupid, but heat regulation is an issue for me right now, and seeing that number… I mean, holy shit. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ๐Ÿ˜ฅย NBC4’s weather people are already talking about the “cool down” next week… but they’re still talking about low-to-mid 80s. ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜’ It feels like this miserable weather is never gonna end.

Thank God that me and most folks I know have AC, but there areย folks that I know who only have fans… and it does cause me to have concern for them. Places are giving away fans, the power companies talking about preparing for extra load on the system, various buildings will be operating as “cool centers” for people… ๐Ÿ˜Ÿ so I suppose all of the “scary” talk, combined with how I feel, is probably making me worry for those other folks more than I maybe need to. ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ๐Ÿ˜• But yeah, next couple of days are gonna be rough.

Everybody, please try to keep as cool as you can… stay safe…

Woozy & Wobbly

Got my few hours of sleep, spent another hour just trying to get up and get moving so I could head in town… but then I stepped outside, and I don’t know if it was the heat or lack of sleep or what, but I instantly felt woozy and a little dizzy. ๐Ÿคข So despite my aversion to making phone calls, I gritted my teefs and phoned up the doctor’s office rather than driving all the way in there, not feeling the greatest.

Left a message a while ago, letting them know that I needed to get the next scan scheduled, to also reschedule my followup appointment with them after that, and also that I’d need to know when / and for how long I’ll need to stop taking my thyroid meds – and if I’ll need to make the same temporary but drastic changes to my diet like I did last time. ๐Ÿ˜•

A few hours later… still no call back. ๐Ÿ™‚๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ And that actually makes me feelย better. I guess it makes me feel like my condition isn’t as “Shit, we need to hurry up… call him back right away.” as I sometimes think it is. ๐Ÿ˜ So yeah, just waiting for word either today or Monday, and of course once I get all the details I’ll be sharing most of them here. Hoping that I can make something good of the weekend in the mean time.

Brrr… Bleh

Not feeling great today. My neck is fine, just feeling kinda woozy and bleh… for now I’m gonna blame the Whopper and fries that I had late last night. ๐Ÿคข I don’t have the furnace on yet, so I woke up to a chilly house – and then when I went in the living room and turned on the space heater, it made some sputtering and popping noises before the fans began to deliver cold air. ๐Ÿ˜’ I can’t complain though, because I got this thing cheap at the HFH Re-Store years ago, and I’ve gotten more than my money’s worth out of her.

I hopped on Amazon and found an oscillating ceramic heater for a decent price, so I should have that in a couple of days. I dunno, I’m one of those weird folks that would rather have a cold house and then heat only the area that I’m occupying, so even though it’s a new expense – it still helps me keep overall heating costs down, or at least that’s the story I’m going with. (Always needing to justify anything I buy for myself.)

Still debating how I’m going to spend the bulk of my day. I’d like to get a little bit more stuff done that I’ve been working on, but that’s gonna be based on how I end up feeling now. I was considering doing some work outside… I mean, my yard guys take care of the weed whacking and mowing, but there’s all kinds of other stuff that needs trimmed or tended to. That’s definitely going to wait now. I’m sure the neighbors are at the point though where they glance over and grimace ๐Ÿ˜‘ so I do wanna get on that soon.